ple can sum1 help me, am a guy of 22 yrs in d university, i hv a big problem in wooin a girl, i find it so hard to talk to one, n if i cum across a girl i like my body start shaking, my liver d fail me walahi, thou pple tell me am good lukin, bt is to start d conversation n what to say + ma shakin body

I had problems talking to girls when I was about your age and small wonder why;

I grew up in DeeperLife, where back then wearing Jeans as a guy was considered a sin and we doomed to roast yam in the Hel of Fires (they believed we were possessed by the spirits of cowboys that used to wear the jeans back in the wild west of the 19th century), in church boys and girls sat on separate benches and communication was almost forbidden. I attended an all boys secondary school, so growing up with 4 other brothers like me, and living all our lives indoors created in me a timidity that would intimidate even the shyest of people.

When I gained admission into UniLag I determined in my heart to make friends and break out of my shyness. But it wasn't easy.
I can remember the first guy I approached to borrow his note, I was literally stammering! Not that I stammer naturally but I was so out of sync and shy that the words refused to even come out of the audible hole in my face naturally. A good guy as he was he instinctively knew what I wanted and gave me his note book before my thoughts leaving my brain could be forged into words. Talking to girls was a no go area as talking to guys was difficult already. I spoke to my elder bro who counseled me and gave me some tips which I shall share with you later on.

For me I had to initially build up confidence talking with people. And I had to build it gradually.
I began first of all with greetings. A simple "hello" and "good morning" was practiced with myself and my mirror in my room placed on my top bunk. I executed this, greeting everyone I came across in my pre-degree class. It was difficult at first, but I put all my weight into it until it became a regular thing for me.

Pleasantries were next - its amazing how often a good game of conversation can begin from a simple "how are you today?" or "how was your night?" and from there I approached people one on one and after greeting them began simple, short conversations with them all in a bid to befriend them and build my confidence.

Then I worked on body contact - I enforced shaking people as I greeted them. It flowed naturally with guys (guys have no problem whatsoever in this world my friend), but with the ladies I had to wage numerous battles with my shy self to overcome the urge to run away whenever I wanted to shake a lady and greet her. It was a new experience for me with them (I remember my first hug a girl gave me abandoned me gasping for breath and almost fainting; how her and her friends held their sides and laughed and I struggled and begged for breath)

So in a few weeks I could greet guys and girls, shake them and talk to them but I never looked them in the eye when I was doing this. On telling my brother my progress he told me that looking someone in the eye is mandatory and it shows them and yourself your own confidence. My brother it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done; looking a lady in the eye and talking to her, back then it was harder and deadlier than charging at a raging, angry elephant with nothing to attack but your clenched fists. It must have taken the space of two lifetimes but I was able to begin it and enforce the "look into your eyes" discipline with everyone I came across.

Conversation is a game which like chess if you play a lot you will definitely get better. I don't believe that like Ludo it is based on luck or chance. You need to have confidence in yourself to be able to engage anyone you desire in this game. If you don't believe in yourself you won't be able to make good conversation at all.

I worked on myself, I built up my confidence relentlessly, until I was able to talk to people for hours. 6 months later guys would come to me asking what my secret was as I could talk to 5 ladies at the same time and make them laugh so loud they'd disrupt the class and capture everyone's attention. Guys envied me back to the extent one or two became my close buddies so they too could get to talk to some of my female friends.

A year after this I was so popular I couldn't walk from Faculty of Science to Makama Hall without stopping to talk to at least 20 people and saying hi to another 20 along the way. I had to wear a cap whenever I visited a female hostel so my numerous friends would not recognize me and I would have easy entry and exit from their hostels.

The key to overcoming your shyness is your determination; it has to be die-hard!

So here's the thing;

1. You need to work first on your self esteem. We are all a product of something we experienced in our childhood. There's a reason why you are shy with girls. You have to find out why and deal with it relentlessly or else deep down inside you will always be that way. (I was so shy back then I'd enter a bus from orile to okoko and would be too shy to say "mile 2 owa" and I'd be waiting for someone else to say it, one day that was how I found myself at okoko. I entered a bus going back and nobody alighted at mile 2 and that was how I found myself back at orile.)

2. To build your confidence you need to first be able to flow with guys. If you can do that already then you are there!

The only difference with girls is you have to always make the conversation about them, that way they keep talking and that way they loosen up to you eventually. Tell a woman about herself and she will listen to you for hours!!! Forget about wooing a girl for now, build up ur confidence to be able to walk up to any girl and just talk to her and converse. Be yourself, be natural, complement her sincerely (women know when a guy is sincere in his actions and they always know when a guy is tripping for them, I don't know how they do it), and no matter what you do, don't brag about yourself and your manliness; it will piss them off! Women love it when it is all about them so as long as you talk to her and make herself the subject topic (talking about yourself and about things but always defaulting back to her and her welfare), your conversation will go a long way.

3. You have to be funny and humorous. Girls love that more than anything.

You see women worry a lot; every woman you see on the street is always attempting to solve a puzzle in their mind, and if they can't they resort to worrying. It is pathetic sometimes as to what they are thinking - "why hasn't anyone said my hair is fine today?", "why hasn't he called me back?", "why is that girl looking at my tummy like that? Is it really that big?", "why hasn't any guy toasted me today? Am I ugly?", "why hasn't anyone liked my selfie I just posed on facebook? Is my hair bad?"...because of these mundane, mediocre thoughts a guy that can make them laugh and provide an excellent distraction from their self-induced problems is a must have around for them.

I can't begin to lecture you on how to be funny, that's another post for another eternity but I can advise you to look into yourself and present scenarios that will make them laugh. I often use my own life's experiences and it works.

4. Cook your personality, get drunk from the fountains of wisdom so you can belch and vomit words pregnant with enlightenment. Have a vision, a dream and work towards it. Women will love to date a funny interesting guy but they will be ready to spend their lives on a guy that they perceive is mature and has a vision. Women can smell a man going places (I don't know how they do it) and the matured ones will be ready to invest and develop their man from the seed form that he is into a colossal of repute and success.

So, in summary, work on your self confidence, build your esteem, invest in your mind, sleep with wisdom and father understanding and enlightenment, be fun to be around with, be funny, be interesting and in no time not only would you be able to talk to any girl and woo her, but they will want to woo you sooooo badly they would come to nairaland to ask for tips.



Meanwhile, your liver failing you is normal if you are attracted to a lady but don't worry; with enough confidence you will pass its next exam.

SELAH!

Hmmmmmmm!U should kw u ar lacking self confidence n u ar scared of rejection.
My advice to u is dat u should try to make frnds wit dose female frnds in ur department,get to kw dem n dont hesitate to share ur thought abt some courses u ar both offering.With d method,ur self confident wil b back n u wil realize u ar gud to go wen it comes to wooing.

Hhhhhhhhh

Say no to self-service

007 can't even talk to a girl

Bt I can make you a true 007...but again, I no wan spoil person pikin

nice007:
ple can sum1 help me, am a guy of 22 yrs in d university, i hv a big problem in wooin a girl, i find it so hard to talk to one, n if i cum across a girl i like my body start shaking, my liver d fail me walahi, thou pple tell me am good lukin, bt is to start d conversation n what to say + ma shakin body

Try and have more female friends, spend more time with them, it ll improve your self confidence.

Also, wooing a girl is a process. Don't rush her, always start from the foundation which is Trust and move to the bedrock of friendship

So u never nap at 22? Ewo ooo

my brother d bitter advice is strive hard to have a very beautiful future with good money and your confidence level in approaching ladies will rise boom,as most of our ladies and guys have respect for successful people
do you find it difficult to make friends with your fellow guy am sure NO..
u fear rejection or them not giving you d necessary attention you desire even after talking to them

you see why you just have to avoid unnecessary wahala for now except the decent down to earth type.

You don't have to inherit the whole world b4 you can talk to a lady confidently

Your problem is you overhype ladies and regard them as a different being which is the cause of your fear and panic.. More so, It might just be fear of bashing, rejection or your self esteem is on the low side

OP, you just have to start giving it a trial.. A white man says, Another name for success is persistence

Very good advice. Nice one @llouis

major466:
Very good advice. Nice one @llouis

Sorry my posts are always long, I shall attempt an attempted attempt at compressing the digital expression of my innermost convictions.

Thanks.

llouis:


Sorry my posts are always long, I shall attempt an attempted attempt at compressing the digital expression of my innermost convictions.

Thanks.

I don't consider post reverberating wisdom and sincerity as a long post.

MizMyColi come and see your brother here. Epistle of life!
https://www.nairaland.com/1975234/lack-confidence-wooin-girl#27602033

Well said llouis
+
Am sure mizmycoli has something to say

llouis:

I had problems talking to girls when I was about your age and small wonder why;

I grew up in DeeperLife, where back then wearing Jeans as a guy was considered a sin and we doomed to roast yam in the Hel of Fires (they believed we were possessed by the spirits of cowboys that used to wear the jeans back in the wild west of the 19th century), in church boys and girls sat on separate benches and communication was almost forbidden. I attended an all boys secondary school, so growing up with 4 other brothers like me, and living all our lives indoors created in me a timidity that would intimidate even the shyest of people.

When I gained admission into UniLag I determined in my heart to make friends and break out of my shyness. But it wasn't easy.
I can remember the first guy I approached to borrow his note, I was literally stammering! Not that I stammer naturally but I was so out of sync and shy that the words refused to even come out of the audible hole in my face naturally. A good guy as he was he instinctively knew what I wanted and gave me his note book before my thoughts leaving my brain could be forged into words. Talking to girls was a no go area as talking to guys was difficult already. I spoke to my elder bro who counseled me and gave me some tips which I shall share with you later on.

For me I had to initially build up confidence talking with people. And I had to build it gradually.
I began first of all with greetings. A simple "hello" and "good morning" was practiced with myself and my mirror in my room placed on my top bunk. I executed this, greeting everyone I came across in my pre-degree class. It was difficult at first, but I put all my weight into it until it became a regular thing for me.

Pleasantries were next - its amazing how often a good game of conversation can begin from a simple "how are you today?" or "how was your night?" and from there I approached people one on one and after greeting them began simple, short conversations with them all in a bid to befriend them and build my confidence.

Then I worked on body contact - I enforced shaking people as I greeted them. It flowed naturally with guys (guys have no problem whatsoever in this world my friend), but with the ladies I had to wage numerous battles with my shy self to overcome the urge to run away whenever I wanted to shake a lady and greet her. It was a new experience for me with them (I remember my first hug a girl gave me abandoned me gasping for breath and almost fainting; how her and her friends held their sides and laughed and I struggled and begged for breath)

So in a few weeks I could greet guys and girls, shake them and talk to them but I never looked them in the eye when I was doing this. On telling my brother my progress he told me that looking someone in the eye is mandatory and it shows them and yourself your own confidence. My brother it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done; looking a lady in the eye and talking to her, back then it was harder and deadlier than charging at a raging, angry elephant with nothing to attack but your clenched fists. It must have taken the space of two lifetimes but I was able to begin it and enforce the "look into your eyes" discipline with everyone I came across.

Conversation is a game which like chess if you play a lot you will definitely get better. I don't believe that like Ludo it is based on luck or chance. You need to have confidence in yourself to be able to engage anyone you desire in this game. If you don't believe in yourself you won't be able to make good conversation at all.

I worked on myself, I built up my confidence relentlessly, until I was able to talk to people for hours. 6 months later guys would come to me asking what my secret was as I could talk to 5 ladies at the same time and make them laugh so loud they'd disrupt the class and capture everyone's attention. Guys envied me back to the extent one or two became my close buddies so they too could get to talk to some of my female friends.

A year after this I was so popular I couldn't walk from Faculty of Science to Makama Hall without stopping to talk to at least 20 people and saying hi to another 20 along the way. I had to wear a cap whenever I visited a female hostel so my numerous friends would not recognize me and I would have easy entry and exit from their hostels.

The key to overcoming your shyness is your determination; it has to be die-hard!

So here's the thing;

1. You need to work first on your self esteem. We are all a product of something we experienced in our childhood. There's a reason why you are shy with girls. You have to find out why and deal with it relentlessly or else deep down inside you will always be that way. (I was so shy back then I'd enter a bus from orile to okoko and would be too shy to say "mile 2 owa" and I'd be waiting for someone else to say it, one day that was how I found myself at okoko. I entered a bus going back and nobody alighted at mile 2 and that was how I found myself back at orile.)

2. To build your confidence you need to first be able to flow with guys. If you can do that already then you are there!

The only difference with girls is you have to always make the conversation about them, that way they keep talking and that way they loosen up to you eventually. Tell a woman about herself and she will listen to you for hours!!! Forget about wooing a girl for now, build up ur confidence to be able to walk up to any girl and just talk to her and converse. Be yourself, be natural, complement her sincerely (women know when a guy is sincere in his actions and they always know when a guy is tripping for them, I don't know how they do it), and no matter what you do, don't brag about yourself and your manliness; it will piss them off! Women love it when it is all about them so as long as you talk to her and make herself the subject topic (talking about yourself and about things but always defaulting back to her and her welfare), your conversation will go a long way.

3. You have to be funny and humorous. Girls love that more than anything.

You see women worry a lot; every woman you see on the street is always attempting to solve a puzzle in their mind, and if they can't they resort to worrying. It is pathetic sometimes as to what they are thinking - "why hasn't anyone said my hair is fine today?", "why hasn't he called me back?", "why is that girl looking at my tummy like that? Is it really that big?", "why hasn't any guy toasted me today? Am I ugly?", "why hasn't anyone liked my selfie I just posed on facebook? Is my hair bad?"...because of these mundane, mediocre thoughts a guy that can make them laugh and provide an excellent distraction from their self-induced problems is a must have around for them.

I can't begin to lecture you on how to be funny, that's another post for another eternity but I can advise you to look into yourself and present scenarios that will make them laugh. I often use my own life's experiences and it works.

4. Cook your personality, get drunk from the fountains of wisdom so you can belch and vomit words pregnant with enlightenment. Have a vision, a dream and work towards it. Women will love to date a funny interesting guy but they will be ready to spend their lives on a guy that they perceive is mature and has a vision. Women can smell a man going places (I don't know how they do it) and the matured ones will be ready to invest and develop their man from the seed form that he is into a colossal of repute and success.

So, in summary, work on your self confidence, build your esteem, invest in your mind, sleep with wisdom and father understanding and enlightenment, be fun to be around with, be funny, be interesting and in no time not only would you be able to talk to any girl and woo her, but they will want to woo you sooooo badly they would come to nairaland to ask for tips.



Meanwhile, your liver failing you is normal if you are attracted to a lady but don't worry; with enough confidence you will pass its next exam.

SELAH!

Hmm.. Well said.. I can see that the wisdom and knowledge of daddy kumuyi has rubbed off on you.. To bad their principle made you timid... You are on Bro.. Thanks for sharing...