Will you lend your friend money? – share your experience please

Not long ago, a friend of mine whom I’ve known for over 9 years wanted some money to pay for a new flat, I agreed to lend her the money and she promised to pay back in two months; now that it’s time for her to pay back she wouldn’t answer my phone call, the other day I went to her flat even though I knew she was in, she refuses to let me in.

I am less bothered about what she owe me; I value a relationship that has grown over nine years, however each time I called her she thinks I am after the money she owed me; maybe I shouldn’t have lend her the money in the first place – If I hadn’t I would have been letting her down in her time of need.

Have you had similar experience in the past, is it really a good thing to lend your friend money? Why do people borrow money and refuse to pay back even though it is evident they can afford to pay back but choose not to.

Share your experience and thought on this topic please

Most people don't keep their promise and I think the best thing is to give out an amount you can forget if not paid back except on certain cases.

Nowadays, I involve a third party so as to make the borrower pay back one way or the other if it’s quite much. Sometimes I tell them the money am giving out is not mine and it has to be paid back at this particular time because of certain reasons and he or she should think very well before taking it from me.

This should go to anyone whether close or not because have been insulted before on my own money.

My Aunt once told me, any friendship you value, don't bring up money matter. because money matter always leads to problems. She strongly believes it to the extent that she does not lend money to any of her Friends rather she dashes you what she can afford.

A simple solution to this problem is to call her and tell her to forget about the money. Is there anything preventing you from taking this step today and save your friendship?

she doesn't answer her phone when I ring her ... she wouldn't return my call even though I left a message for her to forget about the money; she wouldn't even let me into her flat when I arrived unannounced.

I agree with you Seun, money seem to cause alot of problems in relationship with friends & family. The best thing to do is give them the amount if you can, or part with it and just forget collecting it back, because when it's pay-back time it might be break-up time. I haven't got any experience but my mum has a lot of times.

She lent one of my uncles in England a lot of money when he needed it most, and he promised to pay back by June 2005 and now it's September, he doesnt send her mails or even call anymore. But when he needed this money so bad everyone turned their backs on him except her. He calls the house at least once a week to know what we are up to, but not anymore. I just told her to forget the money, despite it being a huge sum, that her relationship with him is greater.

Hmm ... Propre, it's hard to give a good answer without understanding the nature of the relationship between you and your friend, marital status, etc. You know, sometimes women can be funny when dealing with men. You never know what she's thinking, she may even think you're trying to buy her with the money or something. The lady in question probably needs to be ignored for a few weeks.

Here's what I'd do in a similar situation. I'll send her a message, "forget about the money, I don't want it anymore. Even if you return it, I won't take it. Even if you don't want to see me anymore, you should at least call me to say 'thank you'". And then forget about her for a few weeks or months or however long it takes for her to come to her senses. If the friendship is worth anything, she will eventually come around.

And if she doesn't, please forget her - getting rid of her would be worth every penny you've spent on her!

Sawry hun. I guess some people are just never to be trusted. Call her, leave a voicemail on her phone telling her: you've forgotten all about the money and you would love to meet her. Don't call her back or do nothing whatsoever.

This person is not your friend!Forget her and get on with your life.lesson learnt?Never lend any one money,no matter how desperate they may be!Rather,give what you can afford and dont expect to get it back. Good luck

Propre says he's not actually asking for our advice, but just asking for our view on the idea of lending to friends. So the thread has to be locked, lest we annoy him with our eager but unsolicited advice.