Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm during these difficult financial times.

1) TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

3) LUNCH BREAK:
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

4) SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

5) SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

6) INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.

Best Regards,
HRD

Am sending my resignation letter now

gr8 job galfrnd

great comment boyfriend

sholabanke:

Am sending my resignation letter now

u took that right outa my butt hole.
i resign, infact i sack my self.

good.

iNfact i dont need to write and post my resignation letter again
i can be wasting my time wit that
atleast u wont be seen me again in this office

hmmm

tytylayor (ololumi),
i know you can always represent even though i travel to planet jupiter. You are a wonderful gift from God indeed. I love you for everything.

so tell us ur experience from jupiter nnow

if i tell you ma xperience, then i don't think you'll ever be wise. Xperince it yourself and talk from xperience.

cus u ve been there
and hav not been there

go there yourself.

tell me how to get there?

ask captain, he knows almost effrything

okay i go ask am

shola-bank.

its a bank that you can transfer money
and i promised you that it is more safer than Swiss bank

and i also learnt that your mouth is an ATM machine. clemxy told me that and captain confirmed it.

av also confirmed it, i withdrew 10,000 naira from it dis morning, its very fast

sylve11:

ask captain, he knows almost effrything

sylve11:

and i also learnt that your mouth is an ATM machine. clemxy told me that and captain confirmed it.

now i know y Micheal Jackson was SPEECHLESS

absolutely brilliant

reli. .

tytylayor:

av also confirmed it, i withdrew 10,000 naira from it this morning, its very fast

and how much ahv u deposited inside?

i think $1:00. . but she borrowed mi 0.99cents

and u borrowed the from me

Sylve and Tyty's company. Rogues in the making

so u've termed urselves- COMPANY EXECUTIVES CHEATING EMPLOYEES- that's right

we aint, just trying to do things the way they ought to be.

not

hi

lo