DieeDiee:
A few weeks back I was watching a show and the guests were men from an organisation called Sonke Gender Justice and guys these are MEN. They were against this whole submission thing. One of the men said something that really touched me. He was like as a man he would put more weight on the declaration of love coming from an independent woman who can stand up for herself than a submissive woman because when an independent woman says "I love you" it is more powerful because she really thought about it, weighed it up and made a conscious decision. He can trust she is not with him out of desperation or need but because she WANTS to be with him. Also an independent woman forces him to be the best man he can be by challenging him and not allowing him to have dominion.

This doesn't mean she doesn't respect him but that she loves him and wants him to be the best version of himself.

I love these.

Most ladies are really desperate about marriage and would do anything to impress men.

Mondisweets:
Women dont have a problem with being submissive to a man who respects and honours them. Thats how a healthy relationship normally works

No hun, that is how an abusive relationship starts. Ladies let us not forget abuse can be financial, psychological, sexual etc. As long as one person has power over you there is no health in the r/ship

Mondisweets:
hey tom

Hello sweets

There is a difference between a being dummy and being submissive . Same as there is difference between an "earned respect ( merit ) " and "given respect ( cajoled )" . A man with higher IQ would not expect you to be a dummy to him before he can acknowledge your strength of character . Being submissive means accepting an offered opinion that is better than yours without protest ; While being dummy is when you know that an opinion offered to you is not better than yours yet you accept it whole heartily without protest . As far as I am concerned respect is earned not given . And a leader is different from a ruler .

VickyyB:


I'm interested in getting your point. Work place and family thing is entirely two different thing and shouldn't be compared.

Are you insinuating a man being controlled by Okonjo Iweala is submissive man or rather, doing his work?.

Double post.

DieeDiee:


No hun, that is how an abusive relationship starts. Ladies let us not abuse can be financial, psychological, sexual etc. As long as one person has power over you there is no health in the r/ship

if u honour and respect someone you will not abuse them, so what on earth are u talking about?

KingTom:
Hello sweets

how are u?

Empero1:


Being submissive is when offered opinion is better than yours ;

As far as I am concerned respect is earned not given . A leader is different from a ruler .

First part: no that's not submission it's called heeding wise counsel

Second part: agree fully

VickyyB:


I'm interested in getting your point. Work place and family thing is entirely two different thing and shouldn't be compared.

Are you insinuating a man being controlled by Okonjo Iweala is submissive man or rather, doing his work?.

I really do not get what you are driving at

I also marvel at how have chosen to understand my post Especially the insinuations you perceive I have made.

Please rephrase your questions in simpler terms.

While you do that, in reference to your point that family and work shouldn't be compared, I totally disagree. I mean, if you as a woman can show respect and honor and can yield to the will of your male superior in the office even when you detest him, why can't you do same for a man you claim to love?

I mean, if you misinterprete submission for control and claim you are miss independent and will not be controlled by any man, then you have double standards if you let a man at the office "control" you. Your so called free will shouldn't have boundaries.

Evina:


I really do not get what you are driving at

I also marvel at how have chosen to understand my post Especially the insinuations you perceive I have made.

Please rephrase your questions in simpler terms.

While you do that, in reference to your point that family and work shouldn't be compared, I totally disagree. I mean, if you as a woman can show respect and honor and can yield to the will of your male superior in the office even when you detest him, why can't you do same for a man you claim to love?

I'm submissive to my boss.
He's submissive to his own boss.

Why can't we both reciprocate it. I can't be the slave one, you know?

Evina:
I mean, if you misinterprete submission for control and claim you are miss independent and will not be controlled by any man, then you have double standards if you let a man at the office "control" you. Your so called free will shouldn't have boundaries.

I can't see any double standard but what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Ngozi Okonjo Iweala and some powerful women, control men at work.
Does that mean those men should be a submissive husband

VickyyB:

You are probably doing it for something.

i'm not saying you shouldn't be respectful.
Heck! I won't be controlled anyhow.

i am submissive cos i love him,notin else...i dnt kno why u guys are so daft dat submissive is nt controlling

VickyyB:


I'm submissive to my boss.
He's submissive to his own boss.

Why can't we both reciprocate it. I can't be the slave one, you know?

If you can submit to your boss, why can't you submit to your man?

If you claim submission is not for you, then don't submit to anyone.

What you have unwittingly told me about yourself is that there are men that you can submit to and if that "kind" of man is in a relationship with you, you would submit.

VickyyB:


I can't see any double standard but what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Ngozi Okonjo Iweala and some powerful women, control men at work.
Does that mean those men should be a submissive husband

Control? Do you mean to say lead? As in have men as subordinates?

Besides, you should get your facts right. Don't go about saying things you aren't sure of about people you don't know.

DieeDiee:


First off, I appreciate your concern for me and you taking time to read my post and advise me - thank you sincerely. BUT you made jaw drop!!! You made points that deserve a whole new thread!!!

1) Humble and submissive. SUBMISSIVE?!?!? Wow, what a HEAVY word!!! Why should I be submissive? He's not my master he is just my partner. I have no problem allowing a man LEAD but he cannot LORD/MASTER over me. I am not a submissive kind of woman and I was never taught to be submissive. Women in my culture are not expected to be submissive or to prostrate to a man so sorry that is a foreign concept to me. Men are meant to be leaders of the home not lords or masters.

2) I don't understand why I keep being blamed. All the r/ship burden has been put on me and it seems you guys expect the woman to put in 350% effort and the man only 25% Yet, I'm supposed to allow this man to lord over me?

A) I've said over and over again in order to end the fights I used to just apologise but I now realize that was a mistake because it weakened my position and he never got the chance to see his errors and basically the burden of the r/ship fell on me. I have no problem admitting I'm wrong but I will never again apologise just to calm a man down.
B) If I am offended I will not hide it. What good is it to hide it? Aren't r/ships supposed to be about honesty? Hiding my offense is like ignoring a deep wound. The negative emotions will fester and resentment and hate will build up and a toxic r/ship will grow. I'm sorry but my emotional well-being is much more important to me than being in a r/ship. I'd much rather release my feelings and say my piece than allow poison to infect my soul. What good is there to be in a r/ship and be MISERABLE when I can be much more happier single?

3) Yes, I will give you the first part of your statement. It is not advisable for two people to boil at the same time and this does not only relate to a romantic r/ship. But the rest of your statement again, it seems you expect the woman to shoulder all the burden. I must work hard to please him and make sure he calms down? What about me? Why doesn't he try to keep me happy and calm? I matter too, don't I?

why you sef marry person wen you go de fight with.na by force?

my own view .....i just pick some point which u ar try to prove and some which ar absolutely nut ......
what u ar typing here is nut an example of what u ar
i must say ....u ar just exaggerating shit here

have u ever heard d sound of an ak...

Mondisweets:
if u honour and respect someone you will not abuse them, so what on earth are u talking about?

Copy and paste from dictionary:
sub- mis- sive
[suh b-mis-iv]
1.
2.
adjective
inclined or ready to submit;
unresistingly or humbly obedient:
"submissive servants."

Obedience implies one party has power the other doesn't. This distorted power relationship makes it easy for abuse to take place. Abuse never starts out physical, it always starts out soft. For example he'll tell you not to be friends with Ola because she's no good, you can't wear that dress it is too short, you can't go there because there will be men and he gets jealous because "he loves you"...

mikolo80:
why you sef marry person wen you go de fight with.na by force?

I'm sorry I don't understand pidgin

voodoo85:


Is he shaggging your neighbour as well?

Dont know wat you are talking about

Evina:


Control? Do you mean to say lead? As in have men as subordinates?

Besides, you should get your facts right. Don't go about saying things you aren't sure of about people you don't know.

Lol. You're diverting. If you say those men are acting as subordinate, that means i'm also acting as subordinate to my boss.

Are you saying Okonjo Iweala doesn't have men in her organisation. What of liberian female president that has men in her cabinet?

Ok..I know a woman who's bank manager and she has many male and female as a worker. What you say?

.

DieeDiee:


Why do you need her to submit to you? Why is her CHOOSING to be with you instead of the million other men out there not enough show of her love? Why are you not satisfied with her sharing her life, her sorrows and joys, your sorrows and joys not enough? Why do you feel she shows her love only when she bends to your will?

You see Miss DD, one of the reasons why I didn't quote you directly was because I didn't want to overly drag this issue with you, seeing that your mind is already set and fixated with so many thickened layers of disgust for the concept of submission, going through your other posts also gives me a sneak peek into your general train of thoughts and ideal bordering on a romantic relationship... So I can't even dare to attempt in making you see things from my own vantage point because you're already neck deep into "submission is shit".

You know how it is with the ostrich - the head in the sand-nobody can see me thing?.. . That's how I think you are-so I can't start convincing you about the bliss side of submission and why it's actually a key requisite for any woman who wants a successful relationship,... and even if I attempted to go through the painstakingly rigorous process of making you see that submission is a good thing, my positions would still be futile particularly because being that I'm a man, you may see them as jaundiced or biased opinions.

That said, I still respect your stand on submission and how it seems so gross to you, it would normally seem gross to any well articulated, educated and independent woman, especially when they've not really been able to throughly crystallize the concept of submission and knowing exactly what it means.

So let me not drag this any longer than I would want it... Sometimes I wish Nairaland had a voice chat feature, it would have been easier to fence thoughts and arguments better over voice than texts....But there's one thing I think you and your ilk should know being submissive is different from being subservient .

If it wouldn't be too big a deal for you...You may want to get the book "Love and Respect" by Ace Author - Emerson Eggerichs...It would give you a healthier, more embracing skew towards the concept of submission

Cheers.

Midehi:

i am submissive cos i love him,notin else...i dnt kno why u guys are so daft dat submissive is nt controlling

Does he tell you what to wear? Where you can go? When you can go? How much money to spend? If not what is it you are submissive about?

DieeDiee:


I'm sorry I don't understand pidgin

marriage not a competition.there is no power no weakness. you are either on the same page or you forced yourselves on each other

DieeDiee:


Copy and paste from dictionary:
sub- mis- sive
[suh b-mis-iv]
1.
2.
adjective
inclined or ready to submit;
unresistingly or humbly obedient:
"submissive servants."

Obedience implies one party has power the other doesn't. This distorted power relationship makes it easy for abuse to take place. Abuse never starts out physical, it always starts out soft. For example he'll tell you not to be friends with Ola because she's no good, you can't wear that dress it is too short, you can't go there because there will be men and he gets jealous because "he loves you"...

A sensible husband knows everything comes with limits, being submissive doesnt mean saying yes to every insensible thing.

I am a christian and I believe in God and his book (bible) so there's no way I will argue with a pagan.
All I knw is dat, as a man I owe my woman LOVE while my woman owe me SUBMISSION according to my bible. and if I can't have mine I must make sure you don't get yours. That means the relationship is going to be like dat of cat and dog.

1one:


You see Miss DD, one of the reasons why I didn't quote you directly was because I didn't want to overly drag this issue with you, seeing that your mind is already set and fixated with so many thickened layers of disgust for the concept of submission, going through your other posts also gives me a sneak peek into your general train of thoughts and ideal bordering on a romantic relationship... So I can't even dare to attempt in making you see things from my own vantage point because you're already neck deep into "submission is shit".

You know how it is with the ostrich - the head in the sand-nobody can see me thing?.. . That's how I think you are-so I can't start convincing you about the bliss side of submission and why it's actually a key requisite for any woman who wants a successful relationship,... and even if I attempted to go through the painstakingly rigorous process of making you see that submission is a good thing, my positions would still be futile particularly because being that I'm a man, you may see them as jaundiced or biased opinions.

That said, I still respect your stand on submission and how it seems so gross to you, it would normally seem gross to any well articulated, educated and independent woman, especially when they've not really been able to throughly crystallize the concept of submission and knowing exactly what it means.

So let me not drag this any longer than I would want it... Sometimes I wish Nairaland had a voice chat feature, it would have been easier to fence thoughts and arguments better over voice than texts....But there's one thing I think you and your ilk should know being submissive is different from being subservient .

If it wouldn't be too big a deal for you...You may want to get the book "Love and Respect" by Ace Author - Emerson Eggerichs...It would give you a healthier, more embracing skew towards the concept of submission

Cheers.

My dear sir I do believe you just committed the fallacy termed straw man, that is attempting to strengthen a weak point by making me seem biased and slipping in subtle insults. Really? Comparing me to an ostrich is the best you can do? I gave you an opportunity to back yourself up and you failed.

Some advice: before reading Ace Whatever how about first purchasing a dictionary and looking up submissive, then you might actually learn that to be submissive IS to be subservient.

ekenedegreat:
I am a christian and I believe in God and his book (bible) so there's no way I will argue with a pagan.
All I knw is dat, as a man I owe my woman LOVE while my woman owe me SUBMISSION according to my bible. and if I can't have mine I must make sure you don't get yours. That means the relationship is going to be like dat of cat and dog.

What's this one saying

Even Paganism encourages submission.

mikolo80:
marriage not a competition.there is no power no weakness. you are either on the same page or you forced yourselves on each other

Don't recall ever saying marriage is a competition

DieeDiee:


Don't recall ever saying marriage is a competition

yes you did

DieeDiee:


My dear sir I do believe you just committed the fallacy termed straw man, that is attempting to strengthen a weak point by making me seem biased and but slipping in subtle insults. Really comparing me to an ostrich is the best you can do? I gave you an opportunity to back yourself up and you failed.

Some advice before reading Ace Whatever how about first purchasing a dictionary and looking up submissive, then you might actually learn that to be submissive IS to be subservient.

Ok

VickyyB:


Lol. You're diverting. If you say those men are acting as subordinate, that means i'm also acting as subordinate to my boss.

Are you saying Okonjo Iweala doesn't have men in her organisation. What of liberian female president that has men in her cabinet?

Ok..I know a woman who's bank manager and she has many male and female as a worker. What you say?

Acting as subordinates? How can they act as subordinates when in reality they are? You don't know the meaning of subordinates.

A subordinate is someone who holds a junior rank or position in a corporate environment.

And your subsequent paragraphs

Honestly girl, I am finding it really cumbersome understanding your views. I don't understand how you arrive at conclusions I never insinuated. I really don't know what basis your argument is framed upon