Sleepless Ordeals of Nigerians


The stress levels in Nigeria can reach alarming levels. In no other nation on earth, could you experience the joys and frustrations of living at the same time. You could be stuck in gridlocked traffic, look out of your car window and see an act that would make you smile or cry this morning – like complete strangers helping a driver to jump-start a faulty car.  

We deal with so much in a typical day – traffic scrambles, work, business hustles, power outages etc etc. Insomnia, while it is a word that most may have heard about, is not something that you would ascribe to the typical Nigerian.

Here, it is presumed that once you have a roof over your head and can afford a decent Mouka or Vitafoam ‘mattrass’, then you should be able to catch 40 winks. If you  buy and lay a bed,  then you should lie on it and shut your eyes.  Only ‘winches’ and ‘armed robbers’ stay awake at night. Okay, noodles/mai-shy (fried egg) sellers do too, especially in the Rumuokoro ,Obalenda and Ojuelegba areas. In Naija, we also used to have ‘night-soil men’ who packed faeces from homes for a fee in a huge bucket, but ‘soak-away’ (septic tank) people have replaced them in most urban areas. Those night-soil men used to operate in the dead of the night because their job was really gross. Heaven help you, if you laughed or snickered at them, as they carried their load in a huge pan on their head. They would usually send a few your way.

However, I find myself up nowadays, just like last night sleepless and anxious, starring at the roof tiles and the swoosh of my Binatone ceiling fan. There are many things that would keep someone awake on a hot Nigerian night,yes..hot,forget harmattan,e no reach my side. There are many; please share yours:

Baygon ,Swan, Kill it and Shelltox defying mosquitoes singing in my ear and biting lumps out of me – I can’t go to sleep.

Noisy inconsiderate neighbors having a typical Portharcourt  party on the street, with Timaya's music blasting from huge speakers – I can’t go to sleep.

‘Man Shall Not Live By Bread’ Ministries holding a ‘By Fire, By Thunder’ revival vigil next door – I can’t go to sleep.

Armed robbers sent my street residents a notice to keep our valuables and cash ready as they are coming to make their rounds this week – I can’t go to sleep.

Armed robbers make good on their promise, and are now operating and collecting the rent and other monies in our Landlord’s ground floor apartment right now – I can’t go to sleep.

The sound of the exchange of gunfire in the distance, between SARS agents and robbers is just like a scene from Rambo 2 – I nor fit sleep o.

Our transformer blew up and has not be functional for 2 months now, so I am in pitch darkness, and starting to make out gruesome figures in the dark – how I go fit sleep?

The loud clank and stutter of my neighbour’s ‘Pure Water’ plant as he produces sachets for sale day and night in a room in his flat, in defiance of NAFDAC – I can’t go to sleep.

Free Glo midnight calls from cheapskate dates who would never spend a penny – I can’t go to sleep.

Writhing from side to side, thinking of elaborate schemes to come up with the cash to pay 2 years rent even though my salary is only paid  monthly – I can’t go to sleep.

Staying awake to check my window every now and again because the mai-guard sleeps on duty instead of doing his job – I can’t go to sleep.
 
The roar and fumes of my neighbour’s ‘I better pass my neighbour’ generator from just outside my window despite the fact we agreed that he should install a silencer – I can’t go to sleep.

The groans and moans coming from Mr. Okafor’s window as he loads his wife again for the umpteenth time this night, even though the number of children they have are almost a complete football team – I can’t go to sleep.

The putrid smell of fried fish mixed with the bad ooze of stagnant gutter coming from the opposite “Face Me, I Face You’ building – I can’t go to sleep.

Airtel sending uncountable ‘balance reminder’ or ‘marketing information’ SMS messages,even giving me Calss at all hours of the day – I can’t go to sleep.

I did the 0-1-0 diet plan today because I was too broke to afford foodstuffs – I can’t go to sleep.

They have laid off most of the workers in my department, except the Boss’s girlfriend and people from his village; I may be next – I can’t go to sleep.

Infact,Nigerians we Dey Try!

#FromaSoberNigerian#

•CHOCOBERRY•

Reading your post literally transported me into your world, and i honestly got stressed out. Never knew PH was this stressful.

Op

I attended a Christmas carol earlier this week still funny tho. The guy who played Joseph screamed "JESUS!" when he heard Mary was pregnant

insurgence, stealing - corruption, thief's, knock out, tribal war, truck horn and loud speaker from dat motel at d back of my house.

The thought of Buhari losing again, and for the 4th time, might be giving APC sleepless nights.

Reading this alone sef - I no fit sleep

Hmm op

*Wakes up from sleep*

You haven't had sex in weeks... Your girlfriend comes over to your house in tending to sleep over... U guys have a quarrel... She goes into the bathroom, comes out stark naked and smelling like roses, puts on a pair of jeans trousers with belt to match and turtleneck sweater, swears to kill herself if you as much as try to touch her, and goes to sleep facing the wall.



Sleep will disown you... You will be sweating right under ac...Your attention will become so painful that you become afraid that your 'staff of office' will break into pieces....

When she feels you turning around and twisting, she knows that you are 'suffering', but she will only look at your face, pat your rigid 'staff' on the head, wiggle her waist a bit, and ask innocently ' honey, why aren't you asleep, it's 5.am already'...




I can't wish such horror for even my worst enemy

I'll this tomorrow.

Xtracool And Bbm Chatting Looking For Fp On NL and browsing..FP tho GMB2015

Konji

Repeat after me

Konji

Lols,i don't have any of that in my side,but I still can't sleep. I dunno why

This long post the op has insomnia

Is the I better pass my neighbor generator on the list.
That things tormented me at some point in my life.

Blogging

talk about sleep.

Dear OP,a week in your world is a sure way to the world beyond......



no diss intended tho'

thats ph for u..

How person like me wan sleep when free punna dey

summery pls.

When ur rent due and your landlord says i go show you peper in the morning
They no born u well make u sleep

Na midnight nepa dey bring light









I no fit sleep

.

i Try

hmm

Naija my fatherland. In spite of all these, we still love and celebrate this country. If you can survive all these, you will survive anywhere. These "hardships" are the reason naija boys can work three jobs a day in the US, sleep for 3 hours, attend night school and still graduate in the top 20 of their class. It's the reason we're beating everyone right, left and center in school.

To buttress this point, a friend went to Aberdeen and was studying with fellow Nigerians late at night when their prof walked into the library. Upon seeing them, he said "let me guess, nigerian students, yes?" And the guys answered in the affirmative. Then he went ahead to tell them that they should relax, party and rest instead of burning the midnight oil. When he left, my guy and his friends just turned to each other, started laughing and said "this one no know as e dey go. If na community contribution or money from pepper and salt dem take send you come hia, you no go talk say make we party".

And my friend and his guys? They finished in the top 15 out of a class of over 70 people right behind some of those crazy asians -and these boys had no background in finance like most of the asians did, imagine what would have happened if they did- and had some companies headhunt them on graduation day. The whiteys wey dey party? Most of them no even enter top 30. Go figure.

There's no better "training ground" than my country. Naija I hail thee. God Bless Nigeria and PH.

Jonathan

the text itself is a stress on its own....was not able to finish it bcus an stressed out....after living in naija....u can adapt in any part of d world....life is a struggle....naija no dey help matters at all sef