"Funmi did the driver touch your pum-pum?"

Funmi looking confused than ever as she stares at her mum not knowing the right answer to that weird question, if to take the audacious step and tell her that the driver did not only touch her 'pum-pum' but that he placed her on the bed of the dingy room of their boys quarters and banged her till her squeaking made him stop for the fear of raising an alarm, that's a perfect picture of what transpires in virtually every girl child in the suburbs.

Our parents believe that talking about sex is demeaning and inhumane to sit us down and say all that sex entails, the mildly bold ones who summon the courage to talk about it never call penis or vagina for what they are, sweat would trickle down their face with no eye contact as they give it funny nicknames, in totality failing to drive home the simple message of "becareful of how you experiment with your body, if not for the minor 'wahala' of getting pregnant but for the numerous sexual transmitted infections prowling the city and looking for whom to devour."

Girls are told from the moment they start gathering peanut sized boobs that once a guy touches you, you get pregnant which is in all its totality a lie that has been passed on from generation to generation like a myth, we instill this fear in the subconscious mind of the girl as she grows and tends to make her detach from the male folks thereby creating an imbalance in the psychological growth of that child as she is bundled into a same sex secondary school for the mere fact of her not coming in contact with a guy that could possibly get her pregnant and this to me is the greatest mistake of all times.

"Funmi you know your a beautiful girl, I want to be your school mother, I will protect you from other seniors and you won't be punished by any" caressing her thighs on top of a bunk by an SS3 female student as she stares at her helpless and confused once again on what should be her answer, she knows deep down that if she says know, the senior would make her life a living hell on earth and that's when she is ushered into the red light district of lesbianism, untold and secret explicit show of affection under the blanket, this same situation is faced with Emeka whose father is a Catechist, a reputable man with high moral standard, scared that his son would bring shame to him bundles him into a seminary school, even if he doesn't become a reverend father at least let him not get any of these girls roaming the street pregnant and bring shame to his name, here is another time bomb ticking the moment he gains admission into the seminary.

Before I continue I want to state that I hold nothing against the Catholic Church of which am a member, this is the worst of it all as the seminary is known to have trained renowned gay men and criminals, they get their ass ravaged by the senior students as they engage in drugs and all other vices.

As much as we snap our fingers, swearing and cursing, we all have either tried it once in our bubbling teenage years or know someone who is either a lesbian or gay, this one thing that has come to stay in Africa and in Nigeria in particular, not that I have anything against them for we all have the right to our own sexual preferences, no matter how the government are making a fool of themselves imposing ban on it, I can authoritatively call a few respected members of the house of assembly that were once caught during their secondary school days and punished for that act, some even engage in it up till date as they wave Naira notes in front of these poverty stricken boys and then take them to their hotel rooms and Bleep the hell out of them, this is also obtainable with the top female government officials who have been nicknamed 'Pinky' or 'Bunny' a code name for an elderly female lesbian who has money, as they pay flight tickets for this girls to Abuja or Lagos to have wild sex.

We all learnt about sex from either our peers who give us false information or from the television, the bold ones amongst us like me who went out to the streets to buy these pornographic novels displaying pictures of naked women as they bare it all to wet the appetite of my youthful zeal, this is how we were groomed about sex, then we graduated to watching blue films in our Parlor at odd hours when no one was at home, it enticed our mind as we dreamed and imagined the day we were going to taste the forbidden fruit, our parents not knowing that we had already enrolled into the school of 'Sexology' try their possible best to guide the word 'Sex' out of our mind.

Walking into the chemist shop at a young age as I stared at the shabby looking woman cladded in a white lab coat:
"Madam give me errmmmm..."
Looking up and scared to say the word as I was sure she would look at me with disdain, then I muttered the word not fixing my gaze on her for the fear of the unknown:
"Give me condom!"

Yes I said those words and what followed suit is something I can never forget even in centuries to come. Her eyes popped out as she was shocked that I said those words, she yelled:
"Chineke!! Dis pikin you don spoil like dis finish? Wetin you wan use condom do?"
She stretched her hand and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and rained charades of thunderous slap on me, I felt my world crashing before me, she ended the assault saying:
"A think your mama dey pass here every evening anytime she dey come back from work, I must tell am so that she go begin lock you for house, be like say your prick don dey scratch you"

She ended up not selling the condom to me as she drove me out of her shop with a broom and then quietly I went back home waiting on my mum to come complete the unfinished can of assault that I opened, though she never told my mum for she was sure she had passed the message across that I was perceived to be too young to start trying sex, but was it the right thing a health worker should do? Was she not to encourage me that I was taking the right step rather she choose the crude way of driving her point home?

Abeg summary.... #yawn