thorpido:
Too much holiday merriment you must have had.

of course

SAMBARRY:
of course

No wonder.smh

OP I won't blame U for ur husband's action, afterall cos I hate when a man cheats and they blame his wife.
He made a promise to stop even b4 marriage in front of the two families.
What happens to sacrifice in marriage?
Sit him down and talk to him again.

thorpido:
No wonder.smh

keep wondering

My immediate elder broda was one hell of a womaniser to d extent I was afraid for d girl he'll marry. Surprisingly he got married 2yrs ago and stopped, just last year his wife told me of a particular girl he chats wth calling her sweet names. When I ask my brother he simply laughed and said she's his ex and always complaining abt her BF to him and he calls her sweet names just to make her feel good, nothing btw them. I told him he's making his wife uncomfortable that he shd stop giving her a shoulder to cry on, his shoulder his meant for his wife. He reminded me too he loves his wifey and will neva cheat.
Since then when d lady chats and she isn't getting d attention she wanted she stopped.

But true true that my brother's wife is a GOOD woman. Kai

OP, we can say all we want here to U but d greater work lies with ur husband.

I don`t see much harm in it. Some men need time to get over their ex or ex`s. You have to handle it properly.
But the most stupid thing you did was to give him the go- ahead.
Now all you need to do is signal a stop sign since it is obvious he still listens to you.

kemiola89:

What do you suggest she do? Don't you think worrying and snooping around his phone will only cause her more harm than good?
The problem started the day she agrees to marry him even when there were glaring evidence that he was still in love with his ex. Things like these are bound to happen when a marriage is not built on TRUST, so she knew what she was in for.
Not like I'm all in support of the man's action, there are better ways of dealing with issues like this ~like your above suggestion~ without hurting herself in the process.

So taking proactive steps is "worrying and snooping around"? No one as advocated that.

And forget about her making an initial mistake. It is past. We all make mistakes and she has made hers. It's not even a mistake because she never knew what was in stock for her in the future. Most people do have exes that were good and it just didn't happen or lead to marriage because of one thing or the other. They don't go on living in the past and fantasising about what never happened. You ever heard the phrase " the one that got away?"


It's normal for her to believe her partner would man up and move on from the hurt of the event and she even had his assurance prior to the wedding. That's trust. Her marriage was built on trust.

He is the problem here and sitting down won't solve her problem. It would only hurt her more. She has to just face it.

@op,i ve been reading comments here and i must say that you must have been adviced accordingly.
However,you must know something about some men, there is that one lady you will have unconditional love for,who in most cases wont be ur wife. She may be ur first love,ur perfect ex,an uncompensated lover or a childhood friend. They are always in ur heart no matter what.
I have such feeling,and its like part of me.

Now my advice,if am ur husband(*laughs*)i will want my wifey to get closer to me in this time,when i see that she is closer than before,i will open up to her abt that ex,be telling her everything on daily basis,we can joke abt it atimes,i will also want my wife to learn why i had that soft spot for that ex,so she can flow with me.
With time the love that she showers on me and the mood we share about the matter will sway my heart to regard my ex as an ex,thats only worth joking abt over lunch. And in that way,u will use ur love to overshadow that affection that ur husby has,tho it wont completely vanish,but ur husby wont backstab u cos u are in the pics.
But on a serious note,ur husby's facebook account is not married,or else he wouldnt be behaving that way. There is a way married people handle social media these days.

Montaque:
@op,i ve been reading comments here and i must say that you must have been adviced accordingly.
However,you must know something about some men, there is that one lady you will have unconditional love for,who in most cases wont be ur wife. She may be ur first love,ur perfect ex,an uncompensated lover or a childhood friend. They are always in ur heart no matter what.
I have such feeling,and its like part of me.

Now my advice,if am ur husband(*laughs*)i will want my wifey to get closer to me in this time,when i see that she is closer than before,i will open up to her abt that ex,be telling her everything on daily basis,we can joke abt it atimes,i will also want my wife to learn why i had that soft spot for that ex,so she can flow with me.
With time the love that she showers on me and the mood we share about the matter will sway my heart to regard my ex as an ex,thats only worth joking abt over lunch. And in that way,u will use ur love to overshadow that affection that ur husby has,tho it wont completely vanish,but ur husby wont backstab u cos u are in the pics.
But on a serious note,ur husby's facebook account is not married,or else he wouldnt be behaving that way. There is a way married people handle social media these days.

LoL, this all sounds nice until you realize that people don't change because of another person, they do because they want to. A lovey dovey wife might make it easier but if you never put in the effort those inappropriate feelings will remain no matter how loving the wife is. This is why some men can still cheat on beautiful loving wives.

LordReed:


LoL, this all sounds nice until you realize that people don't change because of another person, they do because they want to. A lovey dovey wife might make it easier but if you never put in the effort those inappropriate feelings will remain no matter how loving the wife is. This is why some men can still cheat on beautiful loving wives.

You're so right.It's the man's efforts that matter most here and his desire to change.

LordReed:


LoL, this all sounds nice until you realize that people don't change because of another person, they do because they want to. A lovey dovey wife might make it easier but if you never put in the effort those inappropriate feelings will remain no matter how loving the wife is. This is why some men can still cheat on beautiful loving wives.

yeah dats right for some men depending on what they want. My advice was hinged on the premise that "if her husband is like me,my kind of person". I think i am within the normal perimeter of a man,their are abnormals/extremes though.

Montaque:
@op,i ve been reading comments here and i must say that you must have been adviced accordingly.
However,you must know something about some men, there is that one lady you will have unconditional love for,who in most cases wont be ur wife. She may be ur first love,ur perfect ex,an uncompensated lover or a childhood friend. They are always in ur heart no matter what.
I have such feeling,and its like part of me.

Now my advice,if am ur husband(*laughs*)i will want my wifey to get closer to me in this time,when i see that she is closer than before,i will open up to her abt that ex,be telling her everything on daily basis,we can joke abt it atimes,i will also want my wife to learn why i had that soft spot for that ex,so she can flow with me.
With time the love that she showers on me and the mood we share about the matter will sway my heart to regard my ex as an ex,thats only worth joking abt over lunch. And in that way,u will use ur love to overshadow that affection that ur husby has,tho it wont completely vanish,but ur husby wont backstab u cos u are in the pics.
But on a serious note,ur husby's facebook account is not married,or else he wouldnt be behaving that way. There is a way married people handle social media these days.

Will you do this for your wife to get over her eX?

byvan:




Will you do this for your wife to get over her eX?

feminism speaks here. Anyway,we must get over it somehow,in her own way or my way. Mind u,there is no formula,it depends on the person involved nd the kind of attachment they habour.

Montaque:
feminism speaks here. Anyway,we must get over it somehow,in her own way or my way. Mind u,there is no formula,it depends on the person involved nd the kind of attachment they habour.

No na, feminism is not in this matter. I thought the exact same thing when I read what you said. I would be very disappointed if my husband put me through such ridicule in the name of helping him get over his ex. Why expose your spouse to that type of mockery. Your spouse should not be in the business of winning you over, that was pre-marriage na. The truth is, if you can not get over your "one true love", biko do not burden an innocent party with such baggage. You will cause your partner to become insecure (does he/she love me like he/she loves her/him?, can I measure up?)...this opens doors to all sorts. It is not easy to wear the cloak of husband/wife! In assuming that position, you are forsaking all others. It is not easy but such is the way of the married folk!

I feel for the OP, it is a very difficult place to find yourself. OP, talk to your husband one more time. He is being very disrespectful to your union. If this lady can not find anyone else to get advice or soothing words from, that is her own problem and not his. He should concentrate on his family. If he is bored, he can try and engage himself in a money making business venture. I apologize if I sound harsh.

Montaque:
feminism speaks here. Anyway,we must get over it somehow,in her own way or my way. Mind u,there is no formula,it depends on the person involved nd the kind of attachment they habour.

Here we go again

Feel free to embarrass your wife.
When she asks same of you as she does for you, it becomes feminism.

Classic nonsense

Montaque:
@op,i ve been reading comments here and i must say that you must have been adviced accordingly.
However,you must know something about some men, there is that one lady you will have unconditional love for,who in most cases wont be ur wife. She may be ur first love,ur perfect ex,an uncompensated lover or a childhood friend. They are always in ur heart no matter what.
I have such feeling,and its like part of me.

Now my advice,if am ur husband(*laughs*)i will want my wifey to get closer to me in this time,when i see that she is closer than before,i will open up to her abt that ex,be telling her everything on daily basis,we can joke abt it atimes,i will also want my wife to learn why i had that soft spot for that ex,so she can flow with me.
With time the love that she showers on me and the mood we share about the matter will sway my heart to regard my ex as an ex,thats only worth joking abt over lunch. And in that way,u will use ur love to overshadow that affection that ur husby has,tho it wont completely vanish,but ur husby wont backstab u cos u are in the pics.
But on a serious note,ur husby's facebook account is not married,or else he wouldnt be behaving that way. There is a way married people handle social media these days.

I hope you will be all ears when your wife talks daily about her ex she still has a soft spot for too

Mondisweets:
I hope you will be all ears when your wife talks daily about her ex she still has a soft spot for too

I will rather feel insecured if she is secretive abt it.

cococandy:


Here we go again

Feel free to embarrass your wife.
When she asks same of you as she does for you, it becomes feminism.

Classic nonsense

I rather said ur question smacks of feminism,then I provided ur answer,just read my comment again.
What I meant by feminism in ur post is that women thinks that its a must that a formula that works for men can also works for women,which may or may not be so.
We both may have different ideas of handling that issue,and we will adopt the most effective...and I just suggested the one that will work for me(or the Op's husby if he is my kind of person)

jumbotron:


No na, feminism is not in this matter. I thought the exact same thing when I read what you said. I would be very disappointed if my husband put me through such ridicule in the name of helping him get over his ex. Why expose your spouse to that type of mockery. Your spouse should not be in the business of winning you over, that was pre-marriage na. The truth is, if you can not get over your "one true love", biko do not burden an innocent party with such baggage. You will cause your partner to become insecure (does he/she love me like he/she loves her/him?, can I measure up?)...this opens doors to all sorts. It is not easy to wear the cloak of husband/wife! In assuming that position, you are forsaking all others. It is not easy but such is the way of the married folk!

I feel for the OP, it is a very difficult place to find yourself. OP, talk to your husband one more time. He is being very disrespectful to your union. If this lady can not find anyone else to get advice or soothing words from, that is her own problem and not his. He should concentrate on his family. If he is bored, he can try and engage himself in a money making business venture. I apologize if I sound harsh.

good,some people may not go with my formula,but it can work for me,if my wife can apply it. Marriage is sweeter when their is sincere communication...that's all I advocated for.

Montaque:
feminism speaks here. Anyway,we must get over it somehow,in her own way or my way. Mind u,there is no formula,it depends on the person involved nd the kind of attachment they habour.

What has feminism got to do with it? Will you apply this great strategy of yours if wify decides to fool herself with an ex, thats my question.

byvan:




What has feminism got to do with it? Will you apply this great strategy of yours if wify decides to fool herself with an ex, thats my question.

nne,I ve answered this question already. You all have one tune,not surprised.

Montaque:
nne,I ve answered this question already. You all have one tune,not surprised.

Seems you are one of those obsessed with that word. Don't hide behind accusations to be unjust and dodge being called out, do as you would be done by. You couldn't and didn't answer my question.

byvan:




Seems you are one of those obsessed with that word. Don't hide behind accusations to be unjust and dodge being called out, do as you would be done by. You couldn't and didn't answer my question.

please read my reply to cococandy's mention up there,it answers ur question.
And chill.

Montaque:
please read my reply to cococandy's mention up there,it answers ur question.
And chill.

Ok

Montaque:
good,some people may not go with my formula,but it can work for me,if my wife can apply it. Marriage is sweeter when their is sincere communication...that's all I advocated for.

Carry on bro! "Marriage is SWEETEST when there is sincere communication"...absolutely agree with you on this one. Happy New Year to you Montaque.