Top 10 Bedroom Mood Killers

It would be nice if we were all constantly brimming
with unrequited passion like Edward and Bella ...
aren’t they having the longest pre-shag OF ALL
TIME? But we’re not. Which makes keeping the
mood once you’ve caught it all the more important.
1. Bad breath.
While funky arm pits can be a turn on and sweat a
useful lubricant, bad breath is never cool. Keep
breath mints in your bedside drawer at all times,
along with the condoms. Also follow the basic rule: if
you’re not sure, your breath is probably a bit dodge.
Oh, and minty lube might work in a pinch.
2. Washing machine kissing.
I have never found someone who actually likes a
tongue tonsil scrubbing. You? Exactly. Keep your
tongue where you can still feel it. And start slow. You
can’t go wrong with a slow, tension-building snoglet.
3. Stampeding south
One of my favourite lines ever is from The Meaning
of Life is when the Cleese school master character is
teaching sexual education, with the help of his wife.
“No need to go stampeding for the clitoris, boy, give
the girl a KISS!”
My thoughts exactly.
3. Terrible music
This is obviously quite subjective, so I asked my
Twitterstream to give a few examples. They suggest
avoiding, inter alia:
- The Macarena
- ‘He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother’
- ‘Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?’
- ‘I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie World...’
- ‘Pump up the Jam’
- ‘Like a Virgin’
- De La Rey
You get the picture.
4. Farting
Actually, on second thought, that might actually be
quite a sweet ice-breaker, if you’re both nice and it
doesn’t smell too bad.
5. The phone
Tell me you don’t answer the phone during sex. A
friend once told me a guy texted while she was going
down on him, but I hope that was just a horribly bad
dream.
7. The TV, the laptop, the iPad...
Again, all totally unacceptable. Unless of course, you
are porn folk. Then hey, go right ahead.
6. Children knocking on the door
Or, much much worse, children STANDING IN THE
DOORWAY.
7. Inappropriate gestures
So obvious, yet such a regular passion killer, possibly
because filters are rarely at optimum setting while
turned on. Rule of thumb? Don’t compare anything
to your thumb. Or shrug. Or – and I can’t stress this
enough – ROLL YOUR EYES.
8. Cats
It’s creepy to have sex with a cat in the room, dude.
It just is.
9. Snorting
Many, many animal like noises are sexy in the
bedroom. Snorting is not one of them.
10. Snoring
Like snorting, snoring is never good. Drop Ur experience

its too early to read through all of it

letme sleep

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