Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love.
Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
credits: http://www.faithit.com/

Wow..... Beta food for thought

Lovely

Nice. it sound more like Jehovah's witness message.

Nice one.

mods fp.
farano
pasqal09
Ishilove

Never thought about it that way before.

Makes so much sense!

Marriage is overrated..

noted..in summary, don't go into marriage by expecting what to gain,but what you can give.

not everybody wants to marry.

Some people don't realize that when they get married, they will form a joint identity with their partner. There would no longer be an "I" but a "we". Anyone who isn't aware of this, or is, yet refuses to accept it has no business being married. The end goal is always your partner and children's happiness. This is similar to how utilitarianism works. You will have to make sacrifices that will lessen your own happiness and when children are in the picture, it is a must. For some, this is a tough pill to swallow.

Beautiful beautiful post

A husband is supposed to look out for his wife while the wife look out for her husband

When one looks out for himself/herself and still expect the other to look out for them, there is a terrible strain on the marriage.

That's why I detest all these mainstream advices

It is for me. . . .BUT NOT TO A BLACK MAN!!!!

Too late now. . . .na manage I go manage till I quench na. . . how for do?
Thank my H-AGNOSTIC GAAAAAD FOR SEPARATE BEDROOMS, HOUSES AND VACATIONS.

@pxjosh.

Beautiful piece

Wow! Nice piece Op.

Ope is definitely the right girl for me

Marriage is for everybody,depends on the person you marry

lilmax:
Marriage is for everybody,depends on the person you marry

bros talk true, you no read the post before you comment

Nice one.Gat ur message

Good piece

Me likey

lilmax:
Marriage is for everybody,depends on the person you marry

Not everybody wants to get married.

Dis is rily deep and tot-provoking. Hmm! When I think abt wot dis poster just sed it kinda reduces ma fears of getting married.

Wow! Nice one doe!