5minsmadness:
.

crackhaus:

Lmao...
You actually had to go bring my comment in response?

Lol, a lot of these folks on here can't read...
Or did you in any part of your OP state that the act of cheating is a mistake?

Na oga Mynd44 use him own hand type mistake enter this thread oo, and trust every subsequent poster to roll with it... mob mentality!

pickabeau1:
Mynd44.. old school warrior
Once bitten always shy

raumdeuter:
Would a sinner always be a sinner?

If Yes then whats the point of seeking forgiveness and whats the point of God forgiving us.

Maybe God should have killed everyone who commits one sin without giving him another chance

Mynd44:

No mind these people. They say you can cheat by mistake

pickabeau1:



I feel your righteous anger and vengeance on this issue

But as a literary maestro you surely know that not all that happens is black or white

The act of fornication is rarely unpremeditated however there are more nuances than just a simple a cheat is always a cheat or a sinner a sinner forever

Surely you know that....

Mynd44:

I accept that things happen and people do things but to call it a mistake is just an excuse.

In my opinion (my diary) I cant accept a cheat.

Once a cheater always a cheater doesn’t mean the cheater is going to run out and have an affair tomorrow just because they were forgiven, though they very well may. What it does mean is these people have been exposed for having a horrible set of character defects which allow them to murder love, find easy answers, repel decency, and ignore their responsibilities. When someone cheats we change our perception of them forever.

If they take so little care in their daily lives to be committed, to be honest. If they embrace deceit with abandon, then they are likely to apply this mentality to other things they do as well. How many cheaters, once discovered, hang onto jobs long term, build long term relationships easily, create a dynamic life centered on ethics and commitment? These are horribly broken people, and it’s shocking to spouses, friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances, because these broken people were so effective at self deception and deceiving others that people bought off on what they perceived, and not the reality. Once that deficiency is revealed, people start to wake up to the true nature of the person and realize the massive amounts of self deception have impacted everything in their lives, including their spirituality, their work ethic, even their politics. Suddenly, non-judgmental, relativistic, and soft sell religions are the answer. Why?? Because the cheater doesn’t want what they’ve earned…like judgment? The awakening of their faults to the world? Or the scorn of people who now realize they propped up a fake? Why do you think so many people move after an affair?? To escape the now pervasive and overwhelming perception that everyone has of them, now that their secret is in the open.

Once a cheater always a cheater means the world’s perception of you has changed and will not change just because you want it to. You steal and do time, you’ve paid the price, right? But it’s not going to stop someone from making you the first suspect when their wallet disappears. Once a cheater, always a cheater means you can spend the rest of your life being a good and faithful person, and no one will ever fully believe you are capable of it…and guess what? You asked for that judgment! No one likes or trusts a cheater, once they know. Not even their spouse. Which is why it might be fun to sell the “marriage can be better than ever” crap, but decades later, spouses won’t ever truly trust their cheater partner again.

The other convenient truth left out in all these articles, which I’ve seen first hand in many of the couples I’ve talked to, is the infidelity, not the mutual love and admiration, trust, belief, or even partnership, becomes the centerpiece to the marriage. Is that anecdotal? Sure, and I’d like to see a long range study on that as well. 4 couples I’ve spoken to in the last 14 months, where I knew about the infidelity, and all of them tell me the same thing, their marriage, what’s left of it, is built on the infidelity. Not love. The betrayed take literally years to overcome the pain, and if they stick with their spouse the infidelity is the defining moment of their marriage forever. I’m a huge proponent of divorce after infidelity. It appears almost impossible for betrayed spouses to ever truly get past what has happened. If it’s not resentment they carry forever against their wayward spouse, then it’s lack of trust, belief, love, in some cases, the betrayed go to the same well, and have revenge affairs, inflicting more damage to the relationship. The cheaters rarely commit to the hard work not for weeks and months, but for years, to not only fix their marriage but honestly work through their own disturbed behavior issues. The damage becomes even more glaring when the level of lying, the lack of engagement post affair (due to fog), and refusal to do uncomfortable things to fix the relationship further hinder the progress couples can make. The obstacles are almost too many to count. The wayward thinks the affair ending is the end of the hurt and doesn’t freely give the details the betrayed so deeply need. The betrayed look for lies in everything and usually find it.

When it becomes clear to both parties that cheating is a form of severe emotional abuse by the wayward spouse, the anger, regret, hurt, and so forth almost invariably eat away at any real progress both parties make. Cruelty from the wayward is in every act, every word, every breath. They become monsters in the eyes of the betrayed. Better to spend that time as a betrayed spouse healing, getting better, and finding someone who has values and ethics, and let the wayward spouse do what they so desperately want to do, which is wallow in their own filth. So one a cheat, always a cheat? Yes. That’s what they want, and that’s what they become.

EnlightenedSoul:
Mynd44, I like your reasoning.

Here's an opinion piece I found OL that might help shed light on the phrase "once a cheat, always a cheat". You'll notice that the meaning behind the phrase itself goes beyond the relationship, and touches a bit on social perception.

pickabeau1:


In that case there is no need for redemption or confession since you also do not believe in the psychopap
NO second chances in ANYTHING for you

Kudos

EnlightenedSoul:


If I ever hurt or offend him in either word or action to the point that he can't forgive me, what can I do other than accept the consequence of my action(s)?

byvan:
It annoys me when I hear this phrase " mistakenly cheated", genitals are not banana peels ,people don't trip on it and mistakenly fall on another's. I don't know if cheaters ever change but they are better off left in their lane , it is safer that way.

Mynd44:

Fkforyou:
It depends on the individual..... but most people who cheat are weak willed and are easily swayed by emotion,they can make the most terrible decision only to regret it the next moment,its like its part of their DNA....so yes they can change,but only for the main time until another opportunity presents itself. The best thing to do is to forgive them but cut them lose.
The most important attributes of cheat is that they are very selfish,narcissistic and possessive and won't like to be cheated on.
But on the far end of the spectrum are individuals who are very principled,they are also very rare,them cheating may be as a result of circumstances, like blackmail, poverty... e.t.c. so for them its a one time thing..

SirShymex:
However, what you failed to acknowledge is the fact that the society sees it as a norm, in the male context. So, you can't use weakness as a premise, when it's viewed as the norm/strength albeit ridiculous morally.

FrancisTony:

I would rather prefer that you use "family".
The bolded is so annoying- what concerns society with an unfaithful man?

*Grabs my popcorn*

SirShymex:


Lol, you probably live in Nibiru with the green men - not planet earth.

Shout me when the space-craft drops you on this planet lool.

FrancisTony:

Sorry! Only Village and uncivilised men think that way.

It will never be my business if any man or women cheat. I beg to differ on that society aspect.

SirShymex:


Lol, the irony of a primeval illiterate village turd, stuck in some desolate part of the planet, talking about folks being uncivilised.

What won't I read on this forum.

Better leave ya village and get with the real world.

EnlightenedSoul:


Change is hardly constant.

I think you need understanding. I never agreed with that comparison, but then again that wasn't what I addressed now was it? It appears you forgot to include yourself in your prayer.

Dheartless:

o well prayer for intercession didn't work
it seems god also thinks once an enlightenfool always an enlightenfool

i will just stick to the advice " silence is the best answer to fool"

i meant no insult

pickabeau1:



Interesting my reference was not about cheating
Your OL article infers once a thief always a thief
Henct my point

No redemption where u are concerned

5minsmadness:

Anybody can make a mistake, not all people are saints.
A person can cheat willingly on his/her partner and realise later on it was a mistake i.e be sorry for what he/she has done.

LordReed:


One cannot cheat by mistake. Realising that your cheating is bad is not the same as making a mistake. Except the person was used against their will, anyone who cheats had a hand in it and was fully conscious of their actions.

EnlightenedSoul:


Neither was mine. If you re-read my comment, you'll realize that I was speaking in general terms. There's absolutely no point in carrying out such a deception - I know my way to the exit.

What I meant to convey is that I deserve all the judgement placed on me regarding my actions towards the wronged individual based on their own perception, and values. And everyone has their palate. There's no 'redemption' in cheating for me, that's not to say you won't get your 'redemption' elsewhere.

And yes, if you steal from me, I will know you for the thief that you are. Even if you somehow get help with the problem, my image of you has been marred in that respect, and as a result, I will not leave my nice things around you. That's just good sense on my part.