Okay let me pull a few strings of errmmm invitation.

Larrysun (my own mentor), Redmosquito, Royver, Therock5555, D9ty7, Whitemosquito, Chistar01, Princesa, Divepen, SammyHoe, TiffanyJ, Stuff46, SexySapphire, Fatalveli, Kinwayne, Aydesmond, Haydot95, Nuges11, Mariemummy, Iebanehita,
Neduzze, Oluwafunmilayo95
Ayo99, Mightyfortress,
Foxyflow, Oyestephen.

VanTee20:
Kizzykeziah! You started this story three weeks ago and never bothered to inform me of it. Why? . You are making me look like the unworthy mentor that I am.

Anyways, nothing spoil. I have bookmarked this page already, will come back to read after church.

I noticed something as I was scrolling down though; your punctuation. You should really work on it amidst other things that Repo pointed out to you.

As for the lack of comments, well I have been there. I know exactly how it feels to post an update and get virtually no feedback. However, you shouldn't let that weigh you down. Focus on bettering your craft, on sharpening your writing skills and everything else will fall in place. Mark my words, a time will come when you will have far more comments than you will know what to do with.
My humble advice, for now, is write on!

Sorry,dear mentor for not inviting you since o.Biane but notin still spoil.

This is my first writing ever and makes me an amateur compared to professional like you so I'm still trying to improve myself with criticisms from you guys.

And thanks for the invites too......a lot

.

VanTee20:
Okay let me pull a few strings of errmmm invitation.

Larrysun (my own mentor), Redmosquito, Royver, Therock5555, D9ty7, Whitemosquito, Chistar01, Princesa, Divepen, SammyHoe, TiffanyJ, Stuff46, SexySapphire, Fatalveli, Kinwayne, Aydesmond, Haydot95, Nuges11, Mariemummy, Iebanehita,
Neduzze, Oluwafunmilayo95
Ayo99, Mightyfortress,
Foxyflow, Oyestephen.

Thanks for the invite. Will be back to comment after reading.

kizzykeziah:


Sorry,dear mentor for not inviting you since o.Biane but notin still spoil.

This is my first writing ever and makes me an amateur compared to professional like you so I'm still trying to improve myself with criticisms from you guys.

And thanks for the invites too......a lot

No problem. Biane? Is that french, igbo or korean? .

Professional kini? We are all learning jor, even though some people may have more to learn than others.

Actually, you are not doing badly for a debutant. Infact, the story has been great so far with impressive plottings, interesting characters and convincing dialogue. The only ish I have with the story is the punctuation bit and perhaps the fact that some of the updates looked rushed thereby taking some gloss off the story. Do not be in too much of a hurry to post your updates. Take your time to read and re-read what you are about to post. It helps in making you spot your random mistakes.

All in all, you are doing a great job and I am so proud of you. Write on, nothing do you.

SexySapphire:

Thanks for the invite. Will be back to comment after reading.

You are welcome ma'am.

Actually,biane is Korean.Means I'm sorry.

Thanks for your corrections,I hopefully won't let my mentor down


Sexysapphire,you're most welcome here.

Ermh...

Lemme use this opportunity to acknowledge the presence of my oga vantee, and also for him to mention me in such a nice story like this.

That aside, my dear you are not doing bad in the work, its just superb for an amateur.

About the comment, when you were tagging i notive you invite only the writers association of lit section not the readers. Anyways, it going to be a good thing if you try to know the readers and also acknowledge them. Me i don enter

last bullet, skimpledawg onemansquad come and read

stuff46:
Ermh...

Lemme use this opportunity to acknowledge the presence of my oga vantee, and also for him to mention me in such a nice story like this.

That aside, my dear you are not doing bad in the work, its just superb for an amateur.

About the comment, when you were tagging i notive you invite only the writers association of lit section not the readers. Anyways, it going to be a good thing if you try to know the readers and also acknowledge them. Me i don enter

last bullet, skimpledawg onemansquad come and read

Thank you for joining in.


Alright as for all you dear literature readers you're all invited here to support my writing.

Ermm....the list of readers is quite endless.I sort of don't know where to begin sharing the invites.

But everyone is welcome

VanTee20:
Okay let me pull a few strings of errmmm invitation.

Larrysun (my own mentor), Redmosquito, Royver, Therock5555, D9ty7, Whitemosquito, Chistar01, Princesa, Divepen, SammyHoe, TiffanyJ, Stuff46, SexySapphire, Fatalveli, Kinwayne, Aydesmond, Haydot95, Nuges11, Mariemummy, Iebanehita,
Neduzze, Oluwafunmilayo95
Ayo99, Mightyfortress,
Foxyflow, Oyestephen.

That I am a wonderful writer like Vantee20's mentor is a great honour. As a matter of fact, there are times when I wish I could write as superbly as he does.

Vantee20 has mentioned some great people here; and they'll definitely give their constructive criticisms. Kezzykeziah should consider herself lucky.

*And, she, another brilliant writer, joins the league!*

God bless everybody.

LarrySun:
That I am a wonderful writer like Vantee20's mentor is a great honour. As a matter of fact, there are times when I wish I could write as superbly as he does.
Vantee20 has mentioned some great people here; and they'll definitely give their constructive criticisms. Kezzykeziah should consider herself lucky.
*And, she, another brilliant writer, joins the league!*
God bless everybody.

Thank you so much for being here and I do feel lucky getting your comment.

God bless everybody

Kizzykeziah, I've been reading for the past 40mins and I can say I've had a nice read. The plot of the story is very good and strong, and the characters are interesting people. You're doing absolutely well for a first time writer. The few errors I found have been brought to your notice by subsequent readers. I'm looking forward to more updates from you girl. Well done.

SexySapphire:
Kizzykeziah, I've been reading for the past 40mins and I can say I've had a nice read. The plot of the story is very good and strong, and the characters are interesting people. You're doing absolutely well for a first time writer. The few errors I found have been brought to your notice by subsequent readers. I'm looking forward to more updates from you girl. Well done.

Thanks a lot.I'd try to post the next update with more care.

I forgot to hand you all a bowl of popcorn each

VanTee20:
Okay let me pull a few strings of errmmm invitation

present sire

A very nice storyline you've got here dear. Love the plot and characters put in place, makes the story look real... Keep it up...

Thanx for the mention Vantee20, didn't know am this popular

.

kinwayne:
A very nice storyline you've got here dear. Love the plot and characters put in place, makes the story look real... Keep it up...
Thanx for the mention Vantee20, didn't know am this popular

haydot95:
present sire

Thanks a lot,sires.

1. 'I think somenone is at the door',Dammy observed. . . (line 1)

The comma you placed after the second quotation should actually be before it and then there should be a space between the second quotation mark and the next word. Thus, your line 1 should look like this;

"I think someone is at the door," Dammy observed. . .

2. 'Why does sound like bribery,'?Peter asked. . .

Just like your comma in number one, your question mark should be between the two quotation marks. Another important thing is that there is no need to use comma when characters are asking question.

"Why does this sound like bribery?" Peter asked. . . is more like it for number 2.

Nice update by the way, more pleease.

Adding to Vantee's corrections, the OP should endeavour to utilise the 'space' button after every punctuation mark (e.g., comma and full stop).

Nice story.

VanTee20:

1. 'I think somenone is at the door',Dammy observed. . . (line 1)

The comma you placed after the second quotation should actually be before it and then there should be a space between the second quotation mark and the next word. Thus, your line 1 should look like this;

"I think someone is at the door," Dammy observed. . .

2. 'Why does sound like bribery,'?Peter asked. . .

Just like your comma in number one, your question mark should be between the two quotation marks. Another important thing is that there is no need to use comma when characters are asking question.

"Why does this sound like bribery?" Peter asked. . . is more like it for number 2.

Nice update by the way, more pleease.

Thanks vantee,I was just going to ask you to help modifying.Seems you're a mind reader now .

I wasn't exactly aware commas should come before quotation marks.So thank you so much again.

LarrySun:
Adding to Vantee's corrections, the OP should endeavour to utilise the 'space' button after every punctuation mark (e.g., comma and full stop).

Nice story.

Thanks sir.I'd take note.

VanTee20:
Okay let me pull a few strings of errmmm invitation.D9ty7,

I am more than honoured to be mentioned by Vantee the great.
I am replying late, all thanks to a compulsory holiday I was given by the autocratic moderators of this forum.
I will try and read this piece and if I am able to criticise, I will.
Kizzykeziah, prepare a table for two.

D9ty7:


I will try and read this piece and if I am able to criticise, I will.
Kizzykeziah, prepare a table for two.

Alright sir,table prepared.VIP actually

kizzykeziah:



Thanks vantee,I was just going to ask you to help modifying.Seems you're a mind reader now .

I wasn't exactly aware commas should come before quotation marks.So thank you so much again.

You are welcome .

.

nice

stuff46:
nice

Thanks. Seems you have been released back to your account

kizzykeziah:


Thanks. Seems you have been released back to your account

i just keep hissing at them, they their best.

stuff46:


i just keep hissing at them, they their best.

Don't get caught again and thanks for following.



Gorgybee, you are invited here too

Oh my Chingu,thanks a lot for the invite dear

gorgybee:
Oh my Chingu,thanks a lot for the invite dear

You are welcome dearie

.