She Said I Do Not Love Her - Romance - Nairaland
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| She Said I Do Not Love Her by stanech: 4:10am On Dec 21, 2008 |
My girl always give me these complains that I do not love her simply because I do not confront her anytime i see her with a guyl. I have tried to tell her it is all about love but she still mentains her position. Just last night this issue came up when I went to see at her place but saw her leavinig the compound with a guy holding her by the waist. I just told her I will be waiting inside and when she came back we started talking about other issues and she brought up the matter and asked why I did not ask whom the guy was or confront the guy I was so surprised and this is not the first time she is doing it. I am confused.  I do not trust her enough but will it not be embarrasing to ask her? Will she not think i am Jelous? Is it that I do not really love her? |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by Musty450(m): 11:09am On Dec 21, 2008 |
Dude, in case you havent noticed, you should have at least shown your displeasure. i know how it is to be "so considerate" that you dont even object to things that you should object to. have you asked yourself if you really "love" her? coz if you do, then you wouldnt be so lax about something like that! If you dont want to lose this girl (if you havent already done that) then you d better start getting jealous and confrontational! Sorry Ladies, you cause these situations, otherwise i wouldnt be advising a guy to get jealous! |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by topup: 2:32pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Musty450: Sorry, I won't accept this! In this particular scenario, it seems the girl friend is feeling unloved and she is going to this desperate means to try and force some sort of reaction from her man. I had a boyfriend like that, I asked him how he felt with me dancing with other guys and he barely blinked, he just mentioned 'Just don't do anything you'd come home crying to me about.' Now I was at first happy that there were no strict oppressive rules or threats in our relationship, but then after a while, I felt like really showing him that 'Look busta, I am WANTED by many guys and I chose YOU!, and you are just not showing how much you care at the moment.' Yes, the guy in question in the OP should be careful, because it seems other guys are showing his girlfriend more attention, and the boyfriend might be too laid back. I am not saying girls should trick their guys into fighting for them or to be defensive, because soon enough, they'll be on Nairaland saying their boyfriends are paranoid and controlling, BUT there is a point where if you're too laid back, it seems you don't value the person. I even teased my boyfriend a few times, I wanted him to reassure me that he cared, but he never once responded, I'm not sure if he was going for the 'I'm not the jealous type' attitude, one thing I must say is that, this of course is different to the behaviour he showed when we first got together, acting like I was a girl not to be let go, a girl to be sought after, valued and protected. . Obviously when you pose the question. . 'What if another guy tried to kiss me?' and he yawns and tells you; 'As long as you don't do anything that you'll come crying home for me to forgive you for. I'm okay.' Shock shock horror! So basically, unless I sleep with a guy, he won't get jealous. What kind of feeling does that give any girl? |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by stanech: 3:30pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Thanks Guys It is getting even worse. Just this morning her girlfriend called me to explain that what I am doing is not the right thing. Although I made her to understand and she saw reasons. My words to her girlfriend "at least she has confessed to love me and I love her. So I should not be afraid of guys coming arround cos she is beautiful, guys must always come after her and if I develop this jealous attitude at this early stage of our relationship it may lead to something else. Maybe more than what she bargained for." I will sit her down and explain things to her so that she see where I am coming from. But the question is Or am I not really in love with her.? Should I just fight with one of those guys for her to be convinced I love her? Is jealousy one of the characteristics of love? |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by topup: 3:46pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
Jealousy is not a characteristic of love, it is for infatuation, and you sound pretty young, not immature, but young, youthful. I believe your girlfriend can't yet handle the fact that you are confident in your relationship. Jealousy is flattering, if a girl was trying to get your attention and she got a little jealous (not pyscho) - just a little jealous, it would be flattering wouldn't it? It shows that she is kind of scared of losing you, and that she values you, it makes the other person aware that you know that you have a wonderful woman or man with you, and that you don't want anything to happen to that, that you are very sensitive to situations and want to do anything to protect the relationship shared between you. I believe what you plan on telling her girlfriend is correct, I don't believe your girlfriend should have made it into an issue, I think it is now forcing it, forcing you to get jealous and you don't seem like a jealous kind naturally. I personally would have lovedi t if my boyfriend felt a little fearful of losing you, it means the person tries harder to keep you, I was trying so hard already in the relationship to keep him happy and to care for him, all I wanted was the same consideration, be it in the form of jealousy or in the form of sweet messages or emails just to confirm that I am current or present in his thoughts. Girls like to feel valued and the feeling that you are not worth fighting for is one that is very daunting to most. I mean even though I say my ex never got jealous, he had often told me how attractive I was, how beautiful I looked, and once wanted to go and show some kids who played a water prank on me a lesson or two, so I got the feeling of being cherished in other forms. Maybe this is just a cry from your girlfriend that she is feeling undervalued. I don't want to jeopardise your relationship, but it is a sign of immaturity if she really wants you to fight for her, and jeopardise getting hurt, just so she can feel sought after. Convince her that you value her in other ways. All the best! |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by stanech: 4:21pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
@topup I must thank you. I may be young but I old enough to know what is good for me I love her and value her. I comment on her beauty so many times either on phone, or when we are together. I give her everything she needs or asks for and even things she do not ask for. Is that not enough? Thanks for the tip I will not start a jealous attitude because of her at least i now know it is not a general girl problem. I have said i will not fight to keep any girl I will continue to mentain that. |
| Re: She Said I Do Not Love Her by topup: 5:13pm On Dec 21, 2008 |
And I commend you. I really do not want to advise anyone to break off their relationship, so what I will do is just to ask you to stay true to yourself. If you feel what you are doing is enough and that you love her, then that's all that matters, all the other ways you mentioned that you use to show her that you love her are sufficient I believe. Nonetheless keep us tuned, I hope she understands that you do sincerely care, you're just not like the other hotheaded guys she may be used to. P.s. sometimes it can be listening to other guys (not trying to make you paranoid), but I tend to make myself paranoid when I listen to people when they say things like 'Wow, you don't have a problem with me coming over?' 'I would never let my girlfriend be alone with another guy.' etc. . it can put ideas in her head and works little doubts in her mind. |
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