Wizeboy:
Praise be to Allaah.
The woman does not have the right to refuse her husband, rather she must respond to his request every time he calls her, so long as that will not harm her or keep her from doing an obligatory duty.
Al-Bukhaari (3237) and Muslim (1436) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.”
If she refuses with no excuse, she is disobeying and is being defiant (nushooz), and he is no longer obliged to spend on her and clothe her.
The husband should admonish her and remind her of the punishment of Allaah, and forsake her in her bed. He also has the right to hit her, in a manner that does not cause injury. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked what a husband should do if his wife refuses him when he asks for intimacy.
He replied:
It is not permissible for her to rebel against him or to withhold herself from him, rather if she refuses him and persists in doing so, he may hit her in a manner that does not cause injury, and she is not entitled to spending or a share of his time [in the case of plural marriage].” Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/279.
And he was asked about a man who has a wife who is rebellious and refuses intimacy – does she forfeit the right to maintenance and clothing, and what should she do?
He replied:
She forfeits her right to maintenance and clothing if she does not let him be intimate with her. He has the right to hit her if she persists in being defiant. It is not permissible for her to refuse intimacy if he asks for that, rather she is disobeying Allaah and His Messenger (by refusing). In al-Saheeh it says: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her until morning comes.”
From Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/278. The hadeeth was narrated by Muslim, 1736.
So the wife should be admonished first, and warned against defiance (nushooz) and of the anger of Allaah and the curse of the angels. If she does not respond, then the husband should forsake her in her bed, and if she does not respond to that, then he may hit her in a manner that does not cause injury. If none of these steps are effective, then he may stop spending on her maintenance and clothing, and he has the right to divorce her or to allow her to separate from him by khula’ in return for some financial settlement, such as giving up the mahr.
Similarly a slave woman does not have the right to refuse her master’s requests unless she has a valid excuse. If she does that she is being disobedient and he has the right to discipline her in whatever manner he thinks is appropriate and is allowed in sharee’ah.
And Allaah knows best.
http://islamqa.info/en/33597
It should be stated first that Islam is keen to build a strong society. Since family is the cornerstone of society, Islam pays it much attention so as to preserve its stability and well-being. In doing so, Islam defines the main objectives of family life and clearly defines the role of each partner.
The relations between the spouses should be based on tranquility, love and mercy. Allah says, "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Ar-Rum: 21)
Tranquility, love and mercy are very important concepts in Islam. These three summarize the ideals of Islamic marriage. It is the duty of the husband and wife to see that they are a source of comfort and tranquility for each other. They should do everything physically, emotionally and spiritually to make each other feel happy and comfortable.
In his response to the question you posed, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, gave the following answer:
As far as the teachings of the Qur’an and the Sunnah are concerned, just as the husband has rights over his wife, the wife has rights over her husband. Allah says in the Qur’an: “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness…” (Al-Baqarah: 228)
As Imam Al-Ghazli has analyzed this issue, this includes women’s rights to sexual satisfaction. Therefore, just as a wife will be accountable for her refusal to the demand of her husband, the husband will be also accountable for his deliberate act or negligence in this matter.
In conclusion, let us remind each other that of the Prophet’s statement that “your spouse has right over you.” This involves both partners. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said: “Man would be committing a huge sin if he were to neglect those who are dependant on him.”
All of these reminders would be sufficient for the husband who is conscious of Allah to do his best to please his wife just as she should be doing whatever she can within the permissible limits to please her husband.
Having said this, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that there might be some medical or psychological reasons for your husband’s unusual behavior towards you, so it is advised to seek professional help in this matter. People often become disinterested in sex because of depression for other reasons, so both of you should seek professional help in this matter.
Allah Almighty knows best.
http://www.onislam.net/english/ask-the-scholar/family/intimate-relations/175475-a-husband-refusing-intimacy-with-his-wife.html jazakallahu khairan |
