Domestic Violence in marriage is a sensitive issue. We are raised to believe marriage is for better for worse and no matter what happens a couple should work towards making the marriage last forever.

However, what happens when one spouse cant seem control their temper and minor disagreements escalate to physical, mental and emotional violence? Do we encourage the spouse to hold on till death takes one of them or do we encourage them to get help possibly be away from each other?

This morning, I was a little ill and so could not go out of the house. I attempted to rest a little when I woke up due to violent screams from the house 2 doors away. I was scared because the woman was screaming on top of her voice, I ran to ask my house maid what was going on and she said its from the new neighbours and its a regular occurance. I dressed up and headed down thinking it was the woman getting beating. I got there and met estate security officers pleading with the woman to let the man go.

The man sat quietly and obviously ashamed of what was going on while he bleed from his head and the woman holding his shirt very tightly. The kids were afraid and crying, I asked my maid to take them to my place and give them some snacks.

I joined the estate security in begging the woman to let him go, when that failed I threatened her and actually took my phone to call and report that was when she let him go.

I collected the mans car key and asked that he take a change of clothes and the kids lunch boxes so when he changes he can drop them in school and also proceed to work.

We took the items and left the house while madam kept screaming at the top of her voice.
The kids ran and hugged their dad immediately we walked in, and he kept petting them assuring them it will be okay.

I must confess this is one part of domestic violence i never witnessed, its normally the woman I get to drag out of the house with the kids not the man.

I showed him to the guesy room so he could reshower and change, he thanked me and kept apologising and attempting to explain that his wife was not a bad woman that she just looses her temper from time to time but he is sure by the time he gets back he wi meet her sober and calm.

I asked if they had tried counseling he said yes and that it was normally and small issue, and he had been advised by their church elders to be more patient with her as she always promises to change. He said they had to leave their former house due to related violence issues and she is actually getting better. These kind of responses are normally the response you get from a battered woman I was shocked to see a man giving same response, he had been adviced to see this madness as normal which required him being patient and not her getting help.

The fight of the day was started because she found a lunch reciept in his pocket and it was from a hotel. His explanation that it was a working lunch didn't appease madam as she started the quarrel in the night and when he prepared for work in the morning she denied him exit claiming he was going out again to mess around. His attempt to free himself earned him a vase on his head.

I am still in shock, he changed, dressed up and took the kids to school almost 3 hours late, I adviced that he go somewhere for a few days but he laughed it off and said its a minor issue which they will settle.

Violence and it's effects are the same on both genders, how do we keep telling this man that this madness is normal? Is it the day she will hit him with a pestle that family and church will wake up? What about the frightened children? Should they also believe that this is normal?

aisha2:

The fight of the day was started because she found a lunch reciept in his pocket and it was from a hotel. His explanation that it was a working lunch didn't appease madam as she started the quarrel in the night and when he prepared for work in the morning she denied him exit claiming he was going out again to mess around. His attempt to free himself earned him a vase on his head.

The man is a robot.... Except there are things she gains from this woman, I don't see any reason why he should still keep this woman in his house..

He's dying slowly giving the amount of physical and to a large extent emotional abuse he's going through. .

God help us..

We've talked about this a million times!
Violence is a no-no!
Irrespective of gender

To answer your question, I will say zero tolerance for domestic abuse hence i will advise seperation.....Expect in cases where the victim is actually the cause of the abuse.. for eg a woman who gets constantly abused by her husband because of her inability to control her tongue or learn to keep shut has a high probability of still getting abused if she leaves and enters another marriage, so I will advise such person to stay and work on her attitude, then marriage. ..If you can point fingers at your husband while talking, hold his shirts/shorts, etc, then leave him as a result of physical abuse resulting from your uncouth attitude, I don't think your nxt marriage will survive if you still retain such attitude.

There's no justification for domestic abuse but realistically sometimes something triggers it..

PS: This is only an eg, I'm not saying it's only women that talk alot.....

He should stay in his marriage, today its just a vase, tomorrow it will be a acid. Afterall, she is getting better. Nonsense!
Male or female , nobody should have to go through domestic violence

@marvellousGod, I disagree with you. No matter the kind of untamed tongue you have, that should not lead to violence. If you can't put up with your partner's behaviour please leave, rather than turning into a beast

These is just so sad,she should be arrested.

Fuccked up man.....smh


May the spirit of calmness take over me the day any woman called 'wife' or 'girl friend' should lift her hands and hit me no matter the level of provocation........Because I will fight her like I'm fighting a fellow man.


She would wake in the hospital with a divorce lawyer waiting by her bedside.

zeb04:
These is just so sad,she should be arrested.

Yimu...are you saying this from your heart?

Some people won't say anything now but if it were to be the other way round ,ehe! you go see dem finish.

cococandy, you dey see how women dey abuse us for here?

What I find funny is that she's the one beating him and she's the one yelling too.

Well he doesn't know a vase to the head has killed people before and maybe he just got lucky that time.

If he values his life and wants to be there for his kids who obviously love him, he knows what to do.

Truckpusher:
Some people won't say anything now but if it were to be the other way round ,ehe! you go see dem finish.

cococandy, you dey see how women dey abuse us for here?

why are you calling my name?

Lol........
Aisha2........long time, God bless your good gestures.

For Goodness sake, this man is an adult, if he prefers to continue living with the mad woman, he's old enough to be responsible for his actions.
If he prefers to let his kids continually live in constant fear because of his bad tempered wife, he is as well responsible for his actions.
If he prefers to be killed by his wife to show how patient, tolerant and "matured" he is to his crazy wife, abeg, it's his choice.
What happens to temporary separation to teach her lesson, but mba, they must obey their church pastor, its good and fine, i just feel for the kids whom both of them are jointly killing their trust and self esteem.
Well, as for me, i cant experience marital violence twice, God forbid, once is deadly enough, but again God forbid that "once" sef. If not for ones self, at least for the kids" sake.

cococandy:
why are you calling my name?

Nothing.
Do they call peoples name for some kind of reasons all the time?

Why are you cranky these days ,you dun catch belle?

MarvellousGod:
The man is a robot.... Except there are things she gains from this woman, I don't see any reason why he should still keep this woman in his house..

He's dying slowly giving the amount of physical and to a large extent emotional abuse he's going through. .

God help us..

I would not call him a robot, I would say its trying to obey others at your own detriment everyone says manage you start to think everyone else cant be wrong

greatgod2012:
Lol........
Aisha2........long time, God bless your good gestures.

For Goodness sake, this man is an adult, if he prefers to continue living with the mad woman, he's old enough to be responsible for his actions.
If he prefers to let his kids continually live in constant fear because of his bad tempered wife, he is as well responsible for his actions.
If he prefers to be killed by his wife to show how patient, tolerant and "matured" he is to his crazy wife, abeg, it's his choice.
What happens to temporary separation to teach her lesson, but mba, they must obey their church pastor, its good and fine, i just feel for the kids whom both of them are jointly killing their trust and self esteem.
Well, as for me, i cant experience marital violence twice, God forbid, once is deadly enough, but again God forbid that "once" sef. If not for ones self, at least for the kids" sake.

Happy new year sister

Truckpusher:
Nothing.
Do they call peoples name for some kind of reasons all the time?

Why are you cranky these days ,you dun catch belle?

ehn why my name of all names? You no see my name call for another fine thread Na this one Wey the woman dey beat her husband.

Anyway I'm not cranky and not pregnant.

Just find a way to contribute to the topic before you derail the thread

aisha2:


Happy new year sister

Thanks and i wish you the same my dear sister.

Nna mehn. Na man dem dey knack vase for head? Chai!!

Next time, she might go for a knife.

Divorce straight

I don't even care about the man in this story. He is an adult, supposedly the head of the house and should ordinarily be able to handle himself. If he is ready to allow her kill him all in the name of being gentle, that is his business. The man must have seen signs of her violent nature while they were dating but overlooked it out of love. This kind of nature does not develop overnight. He must have had ample warning but lovey dovey blinded him. Even now he is still making excuses for her.

It is just the children I am really concerned about. These things really affect the psyche of young children. Often times it affects them at school and their ability to maintain relationships with people. Children who witness constant violence while growing up tend to get into violent relationships or be violent themselves later in life. Their mentality is already conditioned to seeing physical abuse as a normal thing. I hope the man gets out of d marriage for their sake because women like that rarely change. Out of anger she might kill him in his sleep one day.

rebella:
@marvellousGod, I disagree with you. No matter the kind of untamed tongue you have, that should not lead to violence. If you can't put up with your partner's behaviour please leave, rather than turning into a beast

An untamed tongue is sometimes worse than physical abuse. Though I do not support physical abuses, a woman can run you mad with her uncontrolled tongue. I have witnessed dis a thousand times from a known couple and I know the psychological effect it brings including low-self esteem

This thread on spousal abuse is so mellow.....

Scary story.

He should just endure. Divorce is not an option. Marriage is for better or worse .

No be so dem talk am?

I largely blame religion for so much atrocities.
And also no working laws.


A society should be built on working laws that would protect its citizens and not some wicked laws written 1million yrs ago.

Laws are meant to be updated to suit the needs of the people.

If him like, make him no take off. Keep waiting for madam to change . It Will never come

StPete:


An untamed tongue is sometimes worse than physical abuse. Though I do not support physical abuses, a woman can run you mad with her uncontrolled tongue. I have witnessed dis a thousand times from a known couple and I know the psychological effect it brings including low-self esteem

I agree with you on this, this is why I said if you can't take it leave.

First of all, let me holla at my homey Dinachi.

Okokobioko!!!

Chillisauce:
He should just endure. Divorce is not an option. Marriage is for better or worse .

No be so dem talk am?

I largely blame religion for so much atrocities.
And also no working laws.


A society should be built on working laws that would protect its citizens and not some wicked laws written 1million yrs ago.

Laws are meant to be updated to suit the needs of the people.

If him like, make him no take off. Keep waiting for madam to change . It Will never come

Exactly! it's the church and pastors that will preside over his burial that are asking him to stay.

No parent should tolerate abuse because of the kids, we grow up traumatised! If. she's verbally/physically abusive please separate for a while. if after you're back together she still is looney, serve her the papers.

This is hilarious. A woman beating a man? Chai
The man is a weakling. He should learn martial arts,bulk up in the gym and defend himself against an internal boko haram.

Timbuktou:
First of all, let me holla at my homey Dinachi

Timbuktou:
First of all, let me holla at my homey Dinachi.

Abeg leave Dinachi alone oh, you want him to trace my IP location and come and fight the mans wife abi lmao

This is sad!

The poor kid`s they are always the victims.