I am addressing this letter to every past ( & prospective HR) I have encountered in the cause of my job hunt because I want my next interview to be my last in a long time.

Dear Sir
I'm guessing you have my résumé since I have literally applied for every vacancy listed online.
You may send your invitation email tomorrow, next week, next month or next year but just as you listed the requirements for your ideal candidate, permit me to state my own prerequisites so there won't be any conflict of interest when we eventually meet.

1. I will not wear my Christmas clothes for the interview.
As a lady, I am expected to appear in a D&G suit with a 4 inch heel shoe to represent the image of your company. I'm sorry to announce that's not going to happen. How do I gallantly represent the image of somewhere I am not guaranteed?
Oga Interviewer, have you ever felt the pain that comes with leaving the interview room with one's best clothes after the HR says "I'm sorry, you failed the GMAT so you will not be moving on to the next stage." Or stares from passersby, wondering why you are roaming with your CV dressed in a corporate attire during work hours.
That does not mean I wouldn't look decent. I like to keep my dressing simple in the event I find myself local pub where I can drink & pretend I was successful in your recruitment.

2. My double ear piercings does not make me the wrong person for the job.

I know tattoos are wrong on all count but piercings on the ear? The last time I checked, the position was not a choir mistress for an Apostolic Church. I have been putting on inconspicuous studded earrings since I began job hunting. How else do I show I'm professional enough? Do I have to cut off my ears? Dear HR of ABC company, how would a tiny ring affect my ability to use microsoft? Just say I remind you of your ex-girlfriend!

3. Four-person slot is not graduate trainee position

Okay, this is the first time your company needs as much as 4 candidates to fill up a position. I understand you are doing unemployed graduates a favour but why did you have call it graduate trainee recruitment, subsequently deceiving thousands of job seekers online with the aim of achieving free publicity for your company?
How do you intend to pick the best four from the 15,000 applications you received. I'm guessing you stopped reading CV's after the first 100. This is the reason we never met cos my awesome résumé was the 12751th.

4. Be very specific with you ideal candidate before I show up

She must be on low cut, must not be more than 27, must have had at least 4 years cognate experience; 1 in a managerial position, must have ACII but ICAN is preferable, must be multilingual, must be a graduate of a private university; foreign university is preferable, must have flat tummy, must be living at most 30 metres from the company, must be able to work without pay for the first three months ( na so! Is it because some churches are currently running a 100 days dry fast program), must be able to market GNLD products?
State what you want in the vacancy.
I hate unrealistic surprises after I have wasted my transport money.

5. I won't give you my photograph.
If I don't stand a 70 percent chance of getting the job, I see no reason why I should come with all my certificates if it will eventually end up in your company's trash can.
Sir, photocopies are expensive. Taking passports are a chore, do you even know how difficult it is to smile these days with all the brouhaha happening in Nigeria? I'm guessing no. After all, you have lots of money and a job to keep you busy.

6. Open interviews? Keep your marketing offer!
Many people shy away from marketing jobs because of the poor pay. I am one of them. (Except you want me to use my blog to promote your product/service) After roaming the street like a mad man to find customers, one is offered only 0.1 percent commission. Like what the hell? If it were that easy to get marketers, why did your company use euphemisms like vacancy for the post of a 'brand activator', 'key tele agents', DSA! Chief marketing technician? Yimu
If marketing is part of the job requirement, let me know prior to that! I was offered a job as an accountant in a pension company in Benin and the next thing the HR said was, "You know, this is a new company so you also have to bring in clients or your salary will be slashed by more then 50%." I told him don't even know anyone or my way round Benin! He said "Don't you have rich aunties and uncles?" I said "no. If I had super rich relatives, would I be needing the job?"
Next thing I heard was "We will get back to you."
I'm still waiting...

7. Salary is a very sensitive issue
Please when its time to discuss my salary expectations, don't bring your colleagues to distract me. Its no time for jokes. I'm a sucker for compliments. For this singular reason, my mom stopped sending me market errands cos when she gives me N5000 for soup items. I hand the entire sum to the first trader that tells me 'Omalicha...Sweety mi...African Queen, come and buy my yams."
Dad also stopped sending me to make cash deposits cos when the beggar seated outside the bank says, "Fine girl, Angel, please gimme money. God go bless you for this life." I hand over the money to him.
Last year, an HR asked how much I wanted and before I could say N120000 is okay. lol, his colleague chipped in "Mr Aderemi this particular candidate looks so humble. . . Her smile is really infectious."
I heard that and stupidly said "You guys can pay me anything like. I will manage."
The HR said, "We will give you N20000 per month."
Yimu! Do you know how much it cost to maintain this smile?

8. ABC Company is not the place for salary earners.

I can see that's your company core values. I understand you need my salary to keep up with your biannual vacation to Seychelles. No problem.
I am going to work for you without pay. After all, I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.
But what other incentives are you offering? Am I going to learn on the job? No. Would it advance my career development? Maybe. Would I have to cross third mainland bridge to work everyday? Yes. Do you have a company bus? No.
Is your firm an advertising and communications firm, you know that's my dream career path? No.
So why do you want to 'eat' my salary? No answer.

Gentlemen, let him who has ears, hear!
From a pained job seeker.

Yours sincerely
Naijasinglegirl.com

You this girl again? Your case na one in town.
Anyways, keep it up.

lol nice work naijasinglegirl! i luv all ur stories

EroticAngelina:
lol nice work naijasinglegirl! i luv all ur stories

Thank you. You can read more at http://www.naijasinglegirl.com

Really nice! Lol @ 'If I had super rich relatives, would I be needing a job?'

Lord help all those looking for a job, by experience I know it is not a pleasant situation. If you are still unemployed, make sure you write out all your experience in a diary it will someday encourage someone else when you eventually become established.

kelvine:
Lord help all those looking for a job, by experience I know it is not a pleasant situation. If you are still unemployed, make sure you write out all your experience in a diary it will someday encourage someone else when you eventually become established.

I have a diary, blog, journal, exercise book, twitter @Naijasinglegirl etc

Another great job!
Keep doing ur thing

#silent follower

diabolical

Nicee

12751st.




#OkBye

Now this got me grinning like a hyena .. Cute piece

true talk my dear sister ooo true talk.

This girl just doesn't understand the job market.

The job market is like the relationship market.

Employers/Objects of desire must wade through the myriad of applicants/suitors to get the one that is just perfect for the position of employee/lover.

There is so much choice out there and Employers/Object of desire know that they don't have to settle for less...potential employees/lovers know this too. That's why they obtain certifications/swaggy objects to improve their chances in the job/love game and make the attraction mutual between all parties involved.

Judging by her silly demands, it seems like the OP is the only one who doesn't understand this simple principle..

That's why she's still jobless...and single

In here to read comments

job seeker are liable to face that

Gbam....

My dear,
Everyone has a bitter story to tell. I hate when I keep editing my C.vs for various positions in a business centre and coming along side with a passport photograph for an interview. Like seriously, I came to be interviewed not admired.


And again, when I finally make it to the centre with my expensive suits, shoes, weavons to mention but a few. I don't expect them to ask me any questions that are not in line with what I came for. For example, who is the governor of gombe state? ( why not tell me there's no more vacancy?)

ok

Well said

But for the double piercings there are some positions you will never get if you come across as.... A doubled pierced ear chick . It has Noting to do with your present personality.

Mo bi nu

Time to laf!

Going to look for a job and you flaunt your double piercing by putting more than one earring... You never ready...

Please next

hmmmm

Just because there's high rate of unemployment

Epic!

Ewuewu

Naijasinglegirl:

Thank you. You can read more at http://www.naijasinglegirl.com

Bookmarked!!!