“I came seriously close to
getting married four times, and
each time I backed off in fear
or for one reason or another.
Each occasion was different,
but in hindsight when I look at
the people involved, it wasn’t
a bad thing what I did. I think
it may have been more
complex had the marriage
taken place” – Ratan Tata
“You know it’s never fifty-fifty
in a marriage. It is always
seventy-thirty or sixty-forty.
Someone falls in love first.
Someone puts someone else up
on a pedestal. Someone works
very hard to keep things
rolling smoothly. Someone else
sails along for the ride” – Jodi
Picoult
“Men marry women with the
hope they will never change.
Women marry men with the
hope they will
change.Invariably, they are
both disappointed” – Albert
Einstein


The friends had arrived. The
cake was neatly placed on the
small table in the middle of
the living room. Whoever made
this cake should be shot at the
back of the head, Tunde
thought. Very horrible! There
were cans of malt and other
beverages too. Bose was
getting ready to dish out the
meal of rice and stew. It was a
simple get-together organized
by Tunde, his boyfriend to
celebrate her birthday.
It was now a cliché – for the
past three years, this ritual has
been performed. This time
around, she hoped it would be
crowned by the surprise she
had always wished for; that
ring she had longed for. She
hoped Tunde had a surprise up
his sleeves. She had discussed
with her friends earlier that
day about the issue bothering
her. “Don’t worry. Maybe he is
gonna propose today”, Nkechi
said. Jibola, the gossip girl
followed suit, “Of course na,
hmmm, he has no option but
to propose. Bose has tried for
him o. Staying by his side all
these years no be beans, yet
there is no ring to show his
commitment to her. If he
doesn’t propose today, buy
your own ring and propose to
him”.
The party started and
everyone was happy. The MC
proposed a toast. He wished
Bose many happy years ahead
and prayed that her
relationship with Tunde would
grow stronger. Tunde was
laughing heartily, and touched
the left breast-pocket of his
shirt. Bose felt she saw
something like the shape of a
ring inside the pocket. Yes, she
said to herself. Today, he
would propose.
After the toast, it was time
for Tunde to sing a special
birthday song for Bose. She
was giggling like a happy baby
as her bobo held her left hand
and proceeded to sing John
Legend’s All of Me. Bose shed
a tear as she looked into
Tunde’s eyes.
The room was hot so almost
everyone was sweating. Tunde
was sweating too so he put his
hand into his left breast-
pocket. Bose’s heart was
beating fast. Yes, please
propose now, she thought. But
alas, Tunde brought out a
white hankie and cleaned his
sweaty face. She cursed
bitterly. The gods must be
crazy indeed.
A lot of women find
themselves in this familiar
situation. She don tire to dey
attend other people’s wedding.
The biological clock is ticking
fast. At every occasion, she
grabs the bouquet of flowers
when the bride throws it up
into the air. She has become
brides’ maid emeritus. If the
habit of attending weddings
was a course, she would have
gotten an A-plus. She can’t
even count the number of
weddings she has attended in
the past. She goes to Mandilas
almost every week to purchase
clothes for her friends’ baby
showers. But ironically, the
right man never shows up. She
always meets the wrong
people. It is either an
immature fresh graduate who
is only after kpanshing and
lanshing , who doesn’t think
about settling down in the near
future. Or a pot-bellied
married rich man who wants
to take her for a second wife.
Or even a third one!
Why is my case different,
she thinks? Pastors have
prophesied endlessly on my
behalf. More than 50% of my
monthly salaries go towards
sowing seeds of faith and
special prayer sessions. I buy
chickens and turkeys for the
pastor on Sundays. I have
grown lean from fasting
endlessly such that people now
call me bonga fish . Visions
are seen on my behalf at every
revival service in church. The
mummy of the church knows
my case specifically because I
am always the first to show up
for meetings involving
spinsters. God, why me?
This is the same situation
Bose has found herself in. But
this time around, she has to
take the bull by the horns; she
would confront Tunde with the
question that has got her
wondering where her life was
headed to. So at night, when
all the friends had left, and
they were the only ones left in
the house, she requested for a
sit-down. The discussion lasted
for some hours. She cursed,
she shouted, she wept, she
reminded him of his promises,
she reminisced on the special
moments they shared
together...bla bla bla. Tunde
kept staring at her. After she
was done, he just gave her a
simple explanation: “Babe, you
gotta understand. I am not yet
ready to settle down. I don’t
even have a decent job. You
are unemployed. You and I are
managing to survive in this one
room apartment. This is not
the life I asked for. This is not
the life I want to have for the
two of us, and our future
babies. We can’t start a family
in this condition. Just trust me.
Everything good will come and
we would get married”.
For where, story for the
gods! She packed her stuffs the
next morning and left him for
good.
My people, this is not a
Nigerian film o. This happens
in our society on a daily basis.
Most ladies have become
victims of clinical depression.
But where are all the godly,
handsome and tall men
hidden? I feel this is really
complicated. In all honesty,
financial stability (to a great
extent) is an important
determinant in a man deciding
to settle down. Correct me if I
am wrong but it doesn’t make
any sense taking a leap of faith
and marrying a lady when you
can barely cater for the two of
you, not to talk of the kids
when they arrive. Because in
most cases when this happens
and shit eventually hits the
fan, it is the same lady that
was pushing you towards
marriage that would be the
first to remind you how your
mates are providing for their
families.
On another note, I feel most
ladies are gluttons when it
comes to the type of man they
want to settle down with. The
lists they present to God
during prayer sessions are
really baffling. I don’t think
the type of men they want
have been created yet. It is
therefore important to look
beyond the fleeting qualities of
life and focus on the man that
would complement you and
make you a better person. The
man could just be the young
hustler that just opened a
barber’s shop at the end of the
street, or the young graduate
that recently opened a car-
wash joint in the
neighborhood. He mustn’t be a
‘made-guy’. What matters most
is whether the guy has a
bright future ahead of him and
loves you unconditionally.
So dear single and searching
lady, when you find such a
man, don’t hesitate to walk
into that fabulous jewelry store
on your way back from work
and purchase an engagement
ring. Because if he doesn’t
propose to you, then you
should. Capisce!

published on: www.feelgoodinconline.com/blogs/