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I Am Confused On Who To Be With! - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: I Am Confused On Who To Be With! by ihedinobi2: 2:16pm On Feb 21, 2015
The fact is that it is difficult to read people's minds. One reason for that is that they change quite easily.

However, we can guess with a reasonable degree of accuracy what a person is thinking or what they are really planning to do by drawing comparisons with other examples.

Men typically chase women they want. Even when they don't make the first move, they take practically any excuse they can get to do so. And when a man is already in a relationship with a woman and wants to marry her, he will make the offer or take any opportunity offered to make the offer.

If you give a man the opportunity to make the offer and he doesn't take it, he doesn't yet want to marry you. Typically speaking, that is. If you choose stick around it can only be because you hope that he comes around to wanting to. Not because he wants to.

So I'd say that if you're willing to risk having your heart broken, you should stick around. I think it's a bad idea for a woman. But you decide.

About the other guy, let me say upfront that I like him. He sounds like a man. He is doing what he wants to do and is going after the woman he wants. Honestly, if he was my brother, friend or son, I would only let a diamond come near him. He doesn't need someone who isn't ready to work with him. The guy is not just freestyling life, he's going somewhere definite.

I should also tell you. Men who don't care that the woman they want is older than them typically are men who don't consider their women competition. Typically, I said.

I'm not making any decisions for you. Please go and pray and read Malachi 2:15. I don't really know these guys. I'm seeing them through your eyes. So look carefully and make sure you know what adventure you're willing to sign up for. It's for life.

God give you all the wisdom you need.

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Re: I Am Confused On Who To Be With! by ihedinobi2: 2:36pm On Feb 21, 2015
I should add too. Marriage is a big decision. Be sure you're ready to make it. However, a lot of people who tell you not to rush might not balance it out with make sure not to waste good opportunities. If you intend to get married at all, it can only be too early if you don't have any idea what marriage is about. Otherwise, you're wasting your time and life trying not to rush.

Secondly, it has been suggested that the second guy is merely infatuated with you. Perhaps he is, perhaps he is not. I'd ask, how long has he been pestering you? Do you have friends in the church? Have you been visible and active in the church? Or has he? There are ways that a person can discover who you are before they ever have a two-way relationship with you.

You've also been told to give him a chance and keep your options open. That sounds reasonable for a woman. But let me assure you, if that young man is anything like me or most other driven young men out there, that would be very annoying and can occasion a break-up.

As unromantic as it may seem, men who tell you from the outset that they want to go to the altar table everything. For them, it's not an open-ended affair. So they'll typically give you all the information you need to make a decision about them. Once you do, it's just a matter of time to get to the altar. He's not gambling and checking you out, he already has. Getting you to go out with him means to him that both of you are off the market.

So think about it. If you want time to learn him and be sure that he's what you want, tell him so. And you really can't make it indefinite, especially considering the timeline he has given you - he wants to get married this year, right? So don't waste his time. Let him know in time for him to move on and reorganize himself.

I think that's it. I wish you all wisdom in your decision.
Re: I Am Confused On Who To Be With! by cococandy(f): 5:01pm On Feb 21, 2015
jaybee3:
Dude A
1) There is nothing wrong with him being unsure about taking that big step with you but there is everything wrong in him continuing the relationship when there is an element of doubt on his own part
2) There is a very high possibility that he already has an alternative hence the reason why some sort of doubt has suddenly manifested in him
3) The fact that he is certain about wanting to marry this year but yet unsure on commitment suggests he may never commit to you. When exactly does he now plan to engage you and probably court you?


Dude B
1) He is just an admirer who fancies you but doesn't really know you
2) He is almost certainly clouded by his infatuation cos how else does one think about marrying someone they barely know


The key question here is why are you in a haste to get married?
Re: I Am Confused On Who To Be With! by Cally14(f): 7:54pm On Feb 22, 2015
bhissie:
I hav been dating guy A for som months now,we were aand still friends and it turrneed into a relationship. he has 90...% of what I want in a husband ,I asked him on Sunday how serious he is about me, he replied that he takes me serious but I shouldn't taakee him serious. that if itss God's will for him to marry me hee will, but if not he won't and he has also been praying and making plans to marry this year,and if we dont end up together he prays for both of us to have the a successful home.he discusses everything with me including his marriage plans and told me he doesn't know yet who he will marry.,but it must be this year.

guy B is my church member and has been asking me for a relationship that will lead to marriage. he said from the first day he saw me he had inner peace but found it difficult to approach me until he did last week,I am his senior with 2 years and is still in his 300level,but he has a business he runs and other things he does . Although he doesn't mind the age difference. he wants to get married this year and told me of his plans also,and if I make up my mind we can start a relationship and start planning towards it.

I am confused and dont know what to do. ,I have prayed but still confused, I need advice from matured people. Thanks.

Marriage is not something you rush into. Your constant communication with God will yield a fruitful response from him. God is never too late.
But the most important thing is; Let God make a Man out of him, before you try to make a Husband out of him.
You really don't need to be confused, focus/ trust God to give you the best.

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