25 insane rules to driving in Lagos or Nigeria
generally:
1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping
you that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police,
traffic warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade,
VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)
3. If you get caught by any chance, do not
allow them to enter your car, if they happen
to get in do not drive from that spot (veer
off traffic & settle promptly), and if they
don’t agree, pretend that you are calling
your uncle who is in the army (believe me it
always works), never follow them to any sort
of office except you are ready to pay ten
times more than what was demanded.
4. Never give police or VIO your original
particulars (whether expired or up to date).
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal.
Never yield to the temptation to teach them
otherwise.
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide,
avoid them like a plaque.
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they
have no brakes.
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have
the right of way, all of them have been
driving in Lagos for 25 years.
9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless
he flings himself under the wheels of your
car.
10. The first parking space you see will be
the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Survival of the fittest you may say!
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos,
potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put
in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and
shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in
one of the potholes last week).
12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in
Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all
times. The okada riders are the experts in
this area.
13. Never get in the way of a car that needs
extensive bodywork, except you want to
spend your whole Saturday at the panel
beater’s place.


Morning rush hours

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to
Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction
first).
15. There is no such thing as a short-cut
during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody
might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at
least three people. Lagosians always claim to
know every inch of the city – even areas
they’ve never been to.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into
service lanes. Service lanes are not for
breaking down the traffic, but for speeding,
especially during rush hour.
18. Never use directional signals, since they
only confound and distract other Lagos
drivers, who are not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand
signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such
courtesies, will think you are making
obscene gestures to them. This could be
very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double
pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed)
used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to
you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s
headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop
under any circumstance. Take him extremely
seriously especially if he backs it up with a
continuous blast from his “horn”.
21. At any given time, do not stand on the
zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to
you, or else you will have to explain to the
on coming traffic whether you look like a
zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted
only to make you feel guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver
is to get there first by whatever means
necessary.
24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus
stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is
in their constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat
tyre!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous
maneouvre.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake
you.
‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s
considered good etiquette.
‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the
‘horning’ is about.
‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music
in your car.
Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate
through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

you can add yours

NIce 1.

lmao lmfao cheiiii las gidi. eko oni baje ohhh

acenazt:
lmao lmfao cheiiii las gidi. eko oni baje ohhh

o ba je ti

Lol....Don't also forget to learn Yoruba language.
LEarn the Curses n insults
Memorise the following
Oloriburuku ni e!
Aye e o ma baje
Weere, Kuro mbe joh, Olodo...
At least these ones wud help u survive on Lagos road while I learn more ..
Lagos sha, it is in Lagos that someone wud bash ur cash and still curse u on top.....

Meanwhile, Kudos to all the ladies that drive in Lagos especially those ladies who ply Mile 2- Apapa, Cele-Ikotun and other tough routes.You are strong mehn!.....Sometimes I ride with my coleague fro Apapa n I see the way she contends with those trailers n tankers n containers and I'm like "If na me I go jejely park the car trek go house".......Still doubting weda id eva drive in Lagos

adebayo201:


you can add yours

This is really cool n FP worthy..Y not mention the MODS to move it

Lol

lolz
where is cityNG make he come see facts behind horns in 9ja,
nice one

Had a very good laugh!
Thanks

adebayo201:

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos,
potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put
in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and
shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in
one of the potholes last week).

Bloomyloo:
Lol....Don't also forget to learn Yoruba language.
LEarn the Curses n insults
Memorise the following
Oloriburuku ni e!
Aye e o ma baje
Weere, Kuro mbe joh, Olodo...
At least these ones wud help u survive on Lagos road while I learn more ..
Lagos sha, it is in Lagos that someone wud bash ur cash and still curse u on top.....

Meanwhile, Kudos to all the ladies that drive in Lagos especially those ladies who ply Mile 2- Apapa, Cele-Ikotun and other tough routes.You are strong mehn!.....Sometimes I ride with my coleague fro Apapa n I see the way she contends with those trailers n tankers n containers and I'm like "If na me I go jejely park the car trek go house".......Still doubting weda id eva drive in Lagos

Nice!

In fact, na for me to memorise these rules make I dey use am for dat craze place called asaba
I'll be the king of the road

Mehn, driving in Lagos is one hell of an assignment.

LWKMD
This is Lagos, no space for amateur drivers.

Bloomyloo:

This is really cool n FP worthy..Y not mention the MODS to move it

Mods, make una help me move this thread to front page now...

Lol, great post! Really cracked me up.

Front page request seconded.
Recommended for front page too!

Mods- Lomomike, Marpol

I just love no.21. Epic

This got me laughing real hard.

Driving in Lagos is really like a grand Prix.....

Everybody is in a hurry!!!!

Maybe that's why people die quickly in Lagos....

eko akete!!!Eko ile ogbon

adebayo201:
25 insane rules to driving in Lagos or Nigeria
generally:
1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping
you that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police,
traffic warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade,
VIO, LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)
3. If you get caught by any chance, do not
allow them to enter your car, if they happen
to get in do not drive from that spot (veer
off traffic & settle promptly), and if they
don’t agree, pretend that you are calling
your uncle who is in the army (believe me it
always works), never follow them to any sort
of office except you are ready to pay ten
times more than what was demanded.
4. Never give police or VIO your original
particulars (whether expired or up to date).
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal.
Never yield to the temptation to teach them
otherwise.
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide,
avoid them like a plaque.
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they
have no brakes.
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have
the right of way, all of them have been
driving in Lagos for 25 years.
9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless
he flings himself under the wheels of your
car.
10. The first parking space you see will be
the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Survival of the fittest you may say!
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos,
potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put
in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and
shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in
one of the potholes last week).
12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in
Lagos. Expect traffic from any direction at all
times. The okada riders are the experts in
this area.
13. Never get in the way of a car that needs
extensive bodywork, except you want to
spend your whole Saturday at the panel
beater’s place.


Morning rush hours

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to
Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction
first).
15. There is no such thing as a short-cut
during rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody
might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at
least three people. Lagosians always claim to
know every inch of the city – even areas
they’ve never been to.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into
service lanes. Service lanes are not for
breaking down the traffic, but for speeding,
especially during rush hour.
18. Never use directional signals, since they
only confound and distract other Lagos
drivers, who are not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand
signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such
courtesies, will think you are making
obscene gestures to them. This could be
very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double
pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed)
used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to
you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s
headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop
under any circumstance. Take him extremely
seriously especially if he backs it up with a
continuous blast from his “horn”.
21. At any given time, do not stand on the
zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to
you, or else you will have to explain to the
on coming traffic whether you look like a
zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted
only to make you feel guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver
is to get there first by whatever means
necessary.
24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus
stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is
in their constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat
tyre!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous
maneouvre.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake
you.
‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s
considered good etiquette.
‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the
‘horning’ is about.
‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music
in your car.
Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate
through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

Lmao!

So on point!

I guess I've become unknowingly used to some of these your 'rules'. But very funny though.

Use the HORN when bored , angry or hungry ...horn to Terry G beatz