Hi!
After my two-part article on why women have sex,
I received several messages from readers who
were interested in knowing quite the opposite, why
women don’t want to have sex.One guy said if it
was true that women have sex for all the reasons
mentioned, then, they have enough reasons to
have sex almost every day. Another wanted to
know why once married, most women lose interest
in sex and all they do is find excuses for their lack
of interest. He went on to postulate that if women
gave enough sex to their husbands, then they
would be less tempted to cheat on them. I told
him I did not totally agree with that position. How
does one determine the quantity of sex that a
partner needs to be satisfied? Having sex with a
partner every time it is demanded does not mean
that the sex is satisfactory or that it will hold him
down. Even the most beautiful vaginas have been
cheated on and it is hardly all of the time that sex
is the reason for cheating. besides, lack of interest
in sex is not limited to the female partner alone.
Like it or not, men also do lose interest in sex with
their partners and are partly responsible for their
women’s lack of interest in sex sometimes too. I
thought we could run through some of the reasons
women often do not want sex; from the commonly
given reasons to less talked about emotional and
psychological inhibitors.
*Always, communication tops my list in all
relationships. If the communication is good, the
two way channels are open and fluid, there is trust
and honesty on both sides, the first hurdle has
already been conquered. Lack of adequate and
meaningful communication is a key problem in
relationships and it affects both partners. Often
times, couples can’t honestly discuss their sexual
preferences. A number of men force theirs on their
women, while the women find it difficult to turn
them down or insist on how they want the sex
performed. Another common error on the part of
women is that they assume that their man must
figure out how to provide good sex that they will
enjoy without them having to spell things out. We
forget that guys are human and lack the powers to
read minds.
*Medical and psychological issues may often result
in loss of sexual desires. In a study carried out by
Dr. Edward Laumann of the Medical Centre,
University of Chicago which are published in the
New England Journal of Medicine, 47 percent of
women suffer sexual dysfunction compared to 31
percent of men. Also, 43 percent women reported
low libido, 34 percent were unable to reach orgasm
and 39 percent had vagina dryness problems.
Some of the reasons listed for these include
medical conditions such as diabetes, thyroid
disease, anaemia, hormonal disorder, pregnancy
and childbirth, menopause, hysterectomy, Vaginal
disorder such as Vaginismus or Biathlon’s cysts,
lack of sensation due to decrease muscle tone in
the vagina, aging, obesity, or medical problems
that affect the sex hormones, (estrogen and
testosterone) among others. Emotional, physical or
psychological issues such as low self esteem, bad
body image, stressful lifestyle, depression, anxiety
and sexual abuse.
Female sexual dysfunction according to Cindy
Meston, a Psychology Professor from the
University of Texas, is characterised by a lack of
desire, libido and orgasm and it affects about one-
third of women at some point in their lives. Still
wondering why some women often don’t want sex?



The psychological composition of the two sexes
are quite different. Women are more emotionally
involved in sex while it is more physical for men.
While men think about the places to have sex,
women think more about the reasons to have sex.
Sometimes, if a woman is not convinced of the
need to have sex, she is likely to turn a guy down.
God or bad, some women think of sex as a reward
versus punishment process. If the guy has been
good to them, then he deserves a treat, otherwise,
he can stew for a while to get his priorities right.
*This next one might seem over flogged but it is
true nonetheless. The daily routine of life may
sometimes be so overwhelming that sex is
removed off the front burner of important issues of
life.
After all, who has ever paid for goods and services
with sex all the time? Even a prostitute has to part
with money at some point if she wants to get
things done. Pressure from work, taking care of
the children and the house, financial issues and
juggling to make ends meet, family and in-law
pressure all can take its toll on anyone, this time
guys inclusive. God forbid if there are special
challenges involved, eg, a special need child, loss
of job or a medical challenge. Pressure and stress
from these situation often override the need for
sex, which is often seen as a pleasure ride by
women rather than a need.
*Sexual incompatibility is another problem. This
could mean that one partner desires or need to
have sex more often than the other, or one does
not have need for it at all. yes, there are people
who are asexual and have no interest in sexual
activities. It is obvious that sexually incompatible
partners will have problems in their relationship.
Sometimes, a loss of affection might be a reason.
A sexual relationship must be full of intimacy.
There must be regular touching, hugging, kissing,
endearments, gifts, (they don’t have to be
expensive) dates, (even after marriage). Often
times, couple simply settle into a routine after
getting married. For some men, the reason could
be that once the courtship period is over, it is time
to settle into real life situation of home and family
building, the monkey business is over. so, they no
longer create time and attention to do all those
things they did to woo their spouses in the first
place. Women also have been known to become
complacent with their men, believing that with the
ring now on their finger, the man is theirs and
have nowhere to go. The premarital sex and over
flowing show of affection and love was to hook him
to them or negotiate a ring on their fingers.
Though sex might not actually be the most
important part of marriage, it is the oil that
lubricates the wheel that moves a relationship and
so, its importance cannot be undermined.
Sex may not become a problem until one of the
partners begin to complain about it.
Do have a lovely day!

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Why sex talk

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Why sex talk

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