ndyemi:
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]well I guess part of the reason is that when some of them were in their twenties they probably looked down on some guys for one reason or the oda, maybe he was still hustling or religion, or probably ethnicity as some ladies allow their parents decide for them. now the guys have arrived and doing well, de tend not to go for older ladies anymore, rather they search for ladies between 24 and 28yrs.. hence they remain single

ndyemi:
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]well I guess part of the reason is that when some of them were in their twenties they probably looked down on some guys for one reason or the oda, maybe he was still hustling or religion, or probably ethnicity as some ladies allow their parents decide for them. now the guys have arrived and doing well, de tend not to go for older ladies anymore, rather they search for ladies between 24 and 28yrs.. hence they remain single

bluestone2015:
I agree with the person who stated that everyone is not meant to be married.

bluestone2015:
It is societal pressures that make us believe that we must marry.

bluestone2015:
A lot of people have succumbed to this pressure and today they wish they never married. If you discuss with married men and women, you will discover that a good number of them wish that they never got married.

bluestone2015:
Some marriages are hell on earth. If you are a lady above 30 and unmarried, pray, do your part and leave the rest to God.

bluestone2015:
If God wills that you eventually do not marry, it could be for your own good.

bluestone2015:
For example, would you prefer to marry and die in child birth than stay unmarried.

bluestone2015:
Many have died that way.

bluestone2015:
Would you prefer to marry and be killed by a wicked husband or remain unmarried?

bluestone2015:
Many have also died that way. Would you prefer to be married and abused? Many are facing such. Would you prefer to marry an occult man who will eventually use you for sacrifice or stay unmarried? Many have gone that way.

bluestone2015:
God knows the end from the beginning. Put your trust in Him always. You never can tell what He is preventing by this delay

bluestone2015:
And for being a single mom, It is better to be a single mom than to abort a pregnancy if you find yourself pregnant as a spinster. I believe that God will reward you for saving that soul.

bluestone2015:
It is indeed good to be married, but it is better to remain unmarried than go through hell in marriage. God knows best.

cokacoola:
curse your dot undastoad bratain english grammar landguage?

Tallesty1:
why?
Not true, the first mission given to man was to increase and multiply. Bible did warn that a group that will forbid marriage will one day appearNot because marriage was bad but because they married for the wrong reasonIf you are thirty and single, pray, check yourself and adjust. God is not dual tongued, he cannot send one to go, increase and multiply and then turn around and will it that she stay single.What if her mother had stayed single for thesame reason, would she be born?A man choked while swallowing eba and died that way, shall we stop eating eba then?Do you think God will give her a wicked husband if she is close to him? Oga, many people(soldiers) have been killed while fighting boko-harm, shall we scrap the army because people die there? Road accidents killed people daily yet we still ride cars and motorcycles.
Enough of this consolation comment bro.
God will reward her for saving a soul and then punish her again for fornication, you sef
Everything God created is good, marriage inclusive, men have altered his plan for mankind and that's why we suffer.

EggovinMma:


God forbid! You won't marry at 36! You will marry before 31
The economy is really bad. Best you get a wife who is also working and most Importantly, a goal getter. A wise woman won't make you feel the harshness.Wish u luck.

dabossman:
Er, why so many women over 30? It's because girls were also born in the years preceding 1985.

Mtschewww. Someone should correct this topic abeg.

Yareey:

Hmm how to explain this.. There is a click when you can talk for hours without feeling bored or irritated. When you have similar likes and dislikes and the butterflies never go away

frisby:


I see.
And you can bet long-term (30yrs n above of marital) happiness on this singular initial click? Interesting.

And these eternal-living butterflies you speak of. I'm sure u're the expert, but I find that highly improbable. I mean, do these butterflies hang around for more than 3-12months?

I only ask because I've never met anyone who has given me butterflies for more than a couple of months, 2-3.
And the duration of fluid gist for me depends on my mood at the time of discussion.
So how does one determine future happiness based on these initial signs?

Well I could be wrong. maybe I should open a thread asking the married ones how long their butterflies hung around and how accurately that initial "click" predicted long term compatibility.

I generally do not trust emotions/feelings. But I hope to find someone soon who'll make me a believer.

cokacoola: op, so becurse you are 38 and stay simgle you want go force a guy intwo umprapred marriage

Jay5000:
As much as most people dont like to admit it due to political and religious correctness, the truth is that monogamy is unsustainable. Even if every eligible bachelor marries, there will still be loads of girls left without husbands. XX-XY crossings, infant mortality ratios, wars, frats etc... all give a clear picture of the "why". Husband scarcity was also recorded even in the old testament days (isaiah 4:1) when polygamy was acceptable. it's just a few decades since we dumped polygamy and it's looking this bad already. Imagine what the situation will look like 30years from now when everyone will have at least a sister or a relative who cant get a husband? Maybe then we will stop the denials and restrategize. I really feel sorry for the ladies in this situation.

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dovelike:

If you can't state your opinion clearly without being insultive, you're not fit to have a tongue. Did I call your name here or mention your mother's name? My friend don't be childish and stu-pid

Doveheart:
As a matter of fact, the percentage of ladies waiting for already made husband is far more than those who are ready to be bread winners. I have quite sizable numbers of them in my finger tips. Some of them wil ask where do you work? and stylishly they will ask wether you have a car?
It is quite understandable that nobody wants to marry a ''nobody'' man, but it is the nobody of today that becomes the somebody of tomorrow. Many ladies are oblivious of the fact that men or better still, husbands cherishes more the lady that they dated when they were nobody and later involved together with them the process of what has made them somebody today. For MOST them it is not ''WITHOUT PAIN THERE IS NO GAIN'' but it is GAIN GAIN GAIN GAIN all the way.

ronald4lif:
And you don't see the men who are over 30, 40 still single too abi. There are more women than men in the world, so expect more unmarried ladies too. And another factor is that most men aren't prepared to get married until they have a stable source of income, when that is not the case we remain single.

Some of these girls in their thirties must have turned down many potential suitors when they were in their twenties. Their heads were swelling then, so you can't fault the men for their own undoing, or do you?

Yareey:

What restrictions? Are you telling me that you have never seen a muslim girl outside? Don't they use the same street as you?

Yareey:

The butterfly comment was more or less a joke. He needs to be able to move feelings in me, I won't stay interested if he doesn't. That's just me.

There is no wrong or right way to look for a partner. We all have to do what ever feels right to us. For me I'm not impressed by necessarily but basic things like being trust worthy, somebody you can build on, reasonable ect. There are a lot of good man so how do you pick from them? Some fancy a man with a lot of money, power, good looks. I fancy a man who can be my best friend, one who enjoys the things I enjoy.

Gamesmart:


I hardly know of any Somali girl that is allowed to date, be seen hanging with her boyfriend, invite the boyfriend home or even to explore dating outside the Somali or Muslim community.

Those are restrictions.

Lets not forget, considering your dressing mode, many men would be reluctant to approach you on the streets because they would think you will feel offended or it would be inappropriate by your religious standards.

The hijab is mostly a repellent of most men. It limits your pool and restricts your ability to engage and mix outside.

Even the few Muslim men that might approach you, can't date you freely.

So how can it be easy to find a man to click with?

frisby:


Good Point.
You're quite right. We all have these things we look for in a mate.
There re also a lot of good ladies out there, but then compatibility becomes another factor to consider.

I learned something from you. So thank you.

Yareey:

I couldn't agree more with bold part.

Yareey:

You sound like you have met quite a few Somalis. I don’t know what the status is in Africa but ladies in the West do date, hang out and some even take their boyfriends home to introduce him to the family. So you are wrong about that. However you are right about dating outside the Somali/Muslim community. It’s frowned upon and they will talk about a girl/guy who dates or marries outside. Children out of those relationships are not considered "real Somalis" especially if it’s from a girl because the Somali clan lines goes thru the father. However nobody will attack you or harm you in any way. You free to do whatever you want, you just have to be willing to take the backlash. I know a lot of Somalis who are dating or married with non Somalis, sometimes even non Muslims.

Yareey:

Funny that you say this. I wear a hijab almost 3 years now and I’m wondering why I waited so long with this step. Hijab works as a filter in dating, haven’t been harassed or gotten unwanted attention in years!! Men who can’t accept my religion or just want a girl to fool around with don’t even try. It made that whole dating thing easier because I know they are serious if they gathered the courage to talk to me. Finding a compatible partner is hard for everyone but the focus strategy is working out for me.

Yareey:

Few muslim men? Come on now!! There are more than enough of them and they sure as hell can date me freely

Gamesmart:


Yes, I know Somalis are not the attacking or harming type because they object to a relationship. They are not like Arabs, Bangladeshi or Pakistani. No honour killing.

The just verbalise their objection and some would cut off the Somali girl. Even a Somali guy would get a bit of backlash, but more so the girl. And such emotional punishment is enough threat/punishment to discourage the girls.

I don't even think many can dare take a boyfriend home unless they are engaged.



This restricts you pool positively and negatively.

Even some good Muslim boys who accept your religion would refrain from approaching you because that, in most interpretations, is un-Islamic.

And most of the ones that do, would do it in an Islamic-adherent-way as possible. This means little informal contacts and you would struggle to know you partner well enough to click. You will only click on a religious and religion-complaint level.

You are more likely to get a good Muslim, not a man you click with.



There are a lot of Muslim men, but only a few would approach a Muslim woman in hijab in public.

Again restricting your pool.

Yareey:

Yeah honour killings is not in our culture and even the emotional backlash will stop ones the couple get kids. My grandfathers sister married a Italian man in 1960 in Mogadishu of all places. They both survived it and their daughter grew up with my mom and her sister.

They take the boy/girl home before they get engaged. Most time they will just meet with the mother and not father. Personally I have never taken a boy home, I just don't want to deal with explaining why it didn't work out with X, Y, Z

Some will not ask your number on the streets, but they chat with you and add you on facebook. Or they will get your number from other folks. Either way it's a price worth paying!! At least I don't have to deal with rude guys. You speak as if you are a isolated hijabi lady

Again I don't know what the situation is in Africa but I see Somali couples walking hand in hand on daily basis.

Gamesmart:


Lol.

I am a Nigerian bloke.

Yes, I know they stop ones kids come into the picture.

Another thing I know is that the Somali society in the West have a high divorce rate. I think that is the downside of lack of freedom to explore freely.

It is harder to know the person you are going to marry and building your social skills is impeded as you don't mix with people and different variety of people enough.

So there are pros and cons.