3 Parrots
A man wanted to buy a parrot for his son as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was 2500naira.
"2500naira.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, 5000naira, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert on Dot Net Programmer
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "10,000naira."
Curious as to how a bird can cost 10,000naira, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything and I really don’t know about his expertise.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

CHINESE PHONE CALL

Caller : Hello, can I speak to ANNIE WAN? (anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to ANNIE WAN!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to ANNIE WAN! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's
this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister ANNIE WAN that our brother, NOE WAN (no one) was involved in an accident. NOE WAN got injured and now NOE WAN is being sent to the hospital. Right now, AVERY WAN (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee (sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name

STINGY MAN


A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Temple every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up Alcohol."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

The Man looked up again and said,


"Never Mind. I found one."

WOMAN
A man was sick and tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the
bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M . he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel You have learned your lesson and I will
be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about
who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think
we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this:
when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around,
then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"

shey d ribs don crack?

2 don crack out of 9

i go make sure say i crack the remaining 7. no worry

More from me.

Smart son.
An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply,
“For HEAVEN‘S SAKE Dad, don‘t dig up that garden, that‘s where I buried the Money!“

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son‘s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It‘s the best I could do from here.“**

The SETTING : Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty

Pageant Q & A Portion.

the FINALISTS :

* Miss America

* Miss Spain

* Miss Britain

* Miss Philippines

* Miss Nigeria

* Miss Iran

* Miss India

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.

QUESTION : Why do you say that?

MS. AMERICA : Because it stands every-time it sees a woman,

(Applause!, Applause!)


QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.

QUESTION : Why do you say that?

MS. SPAIN : Because it charges every-time it sees an opening.

(Applause!, Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors.

QUESTION : Why do you say that?

MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance.

(Applause!, Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.

QUESTION : And why do you say that?

MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door,

(Applause!, Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.

QUESTION : Why do you say that?

MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night,

(Applause!, Applause!)

QUESTION: Ms Nigeria, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. NIGERIA: Well, I can say it is like oliver twist

QUESTION: Why do you say that?

MS. NIGERIA: Becuase it asks for more even after three rounds,

(Applause!, Applause!)

QUESTION: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?

MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh, well, of course, hihihihi, I can say that male organs in our country are like chismis,

QUESTION : Chismis

MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry, chismis means GOSSIP in our language.

QUESTION : Hmm, Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?

MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy, nervous!!! Hihihihihi! Because, I mean, because it passes from mouth to mouth.

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

xpect more 4rm me

@Ms Philipiness
from mouth to mouth not from
under to under

MOUTH TO MOUTH!!!

The P. A to the president was giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday,
3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks,

''How many is a Brazillion?'

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says,
"My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
A sound not like anything he's ever heard before.
The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind.
He doesn't sleep that night.
He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
"We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply,
"We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is
is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply,
"You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
"I have travelled the earth and have found what you have asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, gold and diamond.
Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind the door!
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is utterly amazed to find the source of that haunting and seductive sound,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a monk.

kakakakakakaka















ok, I havent read yet

you must be a monk, or your monkey must be a monk

yes now it is true, I know the sound because i am a monk

My ribs are not craked

So much for wasting my time***Time is MONEY!!

because i did not tell you or your monkey what we monks know?

chidipupay:

because i did not tell you or your monkey what we monks know?

Still not laughing!!

please laugh now now, you know something i like it when you frown

;d ;d ;d ;d bros you have really made my morning

pls, tell me what was behind the door then i'll go become a monk. cross my heart plsssssssssss

i love that story or is a joke?

nice jokes not bad

Was that a joke**^hisses