flakesy01:
wat kinda patience can one hve if a woman marries a spouse dat is mistreating her and is not helpin her to attain d peity dat she desires? As a muslim we ar guided by manual(al quran) leave ur life by the teaching, the ans to ur question is in it.

flakesy01:
?
i do all dat. buh still no remarkable change. me nd my hubby hvnt spoken normally in almost two weeks nd we keep hurting each oda if not in silence, it cud b in words or in actions. i wont say i really like dat buh i seem to gain som kinda satisfaction frm all of it. dat cant b normal. i knw my marriage is headin for d rocks but i dnt fink i really kia anymore.

Sissie:


It depends in some situation a woman should be patient, in others she need to leave the marriage. Especially if any kind of abuse is happening.

You can try talking to him, or talk to someone who he respects to talk and counsel him.

May Allah make it easy.

Wizeboy:
Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has made patience like a horse that never gets tired, an army that can never be defeated and a strong fortress that can never be breached. Patience and victory are twin brothers, for victory comes with patience, relief comes with distress and ease comes with hardship. Patience is of more help to the one who has it than men, as it helps without any need for equipment or numbers and its relationship to victory is like that of the head to the body. 

In the Qur’aan, Allaah has guaranteed those who are patient that He will give them reward without measure.  

He tells them that He is with them by guiding and supporting them and granting them a clear victory. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):                                                                    

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 6:46] 

Allaah has made leadership in terms of religion conditional upon patience and certain faith, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):   

“And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.)”

[al-Sajdah 32:34] 

Allaah tells us that patience is better for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Nahl 16:126] 

Allaah tells us if we are patient and pious, the plot of the enemy cannot do any harm, even if he is powerful, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allaah surrounds all that they do”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:120]  

Allaah tells us that the patience and piety of his Prophet Yoosuf brought him to a position of power and strength, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost”

[Yoosuf 12:90] 

Allaah has connected success to patience and piety, and the believers understand that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the places from where the enemy can attack you, and fear Allaah, so that you may be successful”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:200] 

Allaah tells us that He loves those who are patient, and that is the greatest encouragement. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And Allaah loves As-Saabiroon (the patient)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:146] 

Allaah has given glad tidings of three things to those who are patient, each of which is better than that for which the people of this world envy one another. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but give glad tidings to As‑ Saabiroon (the patient).

156. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’

157. They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones”

[al-Baqarah 2:155-157] 

Allaah exhorts His slaves to seek help with patience and prayer when facing calamities that may befall a person. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khaashi‘oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]”
[al-Baqarah 2:54] 

Allaah states that the victory of attaining Paradise and being saved from Hell will be won only by those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:111]  

Allaah tells us that the desire to earn His reward and to turn away from this world and its adornments is attained only by those who are patient and are believers. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But those who had been given (religious) knowledge said: “Woe to you! The reward of Allaah (in the Hereafter) is better for those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and this none shall attain except those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient in following the truth)”

[al-Qasas 28:80] 

Allaah tells us that repelling evil with that which is better makes the evildoer become like a close friend. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend”

[Fussilat 41:34] 

But this is something that “none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world” [Fussilat 41:35]. 

Allaah tells us, and reinforces it with an oath, (interpretation of the meaning): 

“By Al‑‘Asr (the time).

2. Verily, man is in loss,

3. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth [i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al‑Ma‘roof) which Allaah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al‑Munkar) which Allaah has forbidden], and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allaah’s Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad)”

[al-‘Asr 103] 

Allaah will divide His creation into two categories: those who are on the right hand and those who are on the left hand (cf. al-Waaqi’ah 56:8ff); those who are on the right hand are those who recommend one another to patience and mercy. 

Allaah has chosen the people of patience and gratitude to benefit from His signs and be distinguished by this great good fortune. He says in four places in His Book (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Truly, therein are Ayaat (evidences, proofs and signs) for every patient, thankful (person)”

[Ibraahem 14:5; Luqmaan 31:31; Saba 24:19; al-Shoora 42:33]  

Allaah has made forgiveness and reward conditional upon doing righteous deeds and being patient, and that is easy for the one for whom He makes it easy. Allaah says:  

“Except those who show patience and do righteous good deeds: those, theirs will be forgiveness and a great reward (Paradise)”

[Hood 11:11] 

Allaah tells us that patience and forgiveness are among the things recommended by Allaah and those who pay heed to this will never lose, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah”

[al-Shoora 42:34] 

Allaah commanded His Messenger to wait patiently for His Decision, and told him that his patience is not but from Him, and by virtue of patience all calamities become easy, as He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“So wait patiently (O Muhammad) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes”

[al-Toor 52:48] 

And He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And endure you patiently (O Muhammad), your patience is not but from Allaah. And grieve not over them (polytheists and pagans), and be not distressed because of what they plot.

128. Truly, Allaah is with those who fear Him (keep their duty unto Him), and those who are Muhsinoon (good‑doers)”

[al-Nahl 16:127] 

Patience is the foundation of the believer’s faith which has no other foundation. The one who has no patience has no faith, and if he has any, then it is only a little faith and it is very weak, and such a person worships Allaah as it were upon the edge (i.e. in doubt): if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter (cf. al-Hajj 22:11). All he gets from them is a losing deal. 

The best life is attained by the blessed through patience, and they rise to the highest degrees through their gratitude. So they fly on the wings of patience and gratitude to gardens of delight (i.e., Paradise). That is the bounty of Allaah that He bestows upon whomsoever He will, and Allaah is the Owner of Great Bounty.  End quote from ‘Uddat al-Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim, p. 3-5. 

With regard to the ahaadeeth which speak of the virtue of patience, they include the following: 

Al-Bukhaari (1496) and Muslim (1053) narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “…whoever is patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given anything better and more generous than patience.” And Muslim (918) narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (S) say: “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and says what Allaah has enjoined – ‘Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ – but Allaah will compensate him with something better.”  

And Muslim (2999) narrated that Suhayb (may Allaah be pleased with him)said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” 

For more ahaadeeth about the virtue of patience and exhortation to be patient, please see al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb by al-Mundhiri (4/274-302). 

‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Allaah has not bestowed any blessing upon His slaves then taken it away and replaced it with patience, but what He has compensated them with is better than what He has taken away.  

And Allaah knows best.

Wizeboy:
Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has made patience like a horse that never gets tired, an army that can never be defeated and a strong fortress that can never be breached. Patience and victory are twin brothers, for victory comes with patience, relief comes with distress and ease comes with hardship. Patience is of more help to the one who has it than men, as it helps without any need for equipment or numbers and its relationship to victory is like that of the head to the body. 

In the Qur’aan, Allaah has guaranteed those who are patient that He will give them reward without measure.  

He tells them that He is with them by guiding and supporting them and granting them a clear victory. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):                                                                    

“Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Anfaal 6:46] 

Allaah has made leadership in terms of religion conditional upon patience and certain faith, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):   

“And We made from among them (Children of Israel), leaders, giving guidance under Our Command, when they were patient and used to believe with certainty in Our Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.)”

[al-Sajdah 32:34] 

Allaah tells us that patience is better for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for As‑Saabiroon (the patient)”

[al-Nahl 16:126] 

Allaah tells us if we are patient and pious, the plot of the enemy cannot do any harm, even if he is powerful, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allaah surrounds all that they do”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:120]  

Allaah tells us that the patience and piety of his Prophet Yoosuf brought him to a position of power and strength, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost”

[Yoosuf 12:90] 

Allaah has connected success to patience and piety, and the believers understand that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the places from where the enemy can attack you, and fear Allaah, so that you may be successful”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:200] 

Allaah tells us that He loves those who are patient, and that is the greatest encouragement. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And Allaah loves As-Saabiroon (the patient)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:146] 

Allaah has given glad tidings of three things to those who are patient, each of which is better than that for which the people of this world envy one another. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but give glad tidings to As‑ Saabiroon (the patient).

156. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’

157. They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones”

[al-Baqarah 2:155-157] 

Allaah exhorts His slaves to seek help with patience and prayer when facing calamities that may befall a person. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khaashi‘oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]”
[al-Baqarah 2:54] 

Allaah states that the victory of attaining Paradise and being saved from Hell will be won only by those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:111]  

Allaah tells us that the desire to earn His reward and to turn away from this world and its adornments is attained only by those who are patient and are believers. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But those who had been given (religious) knowledge said: “Woe to you! The reward of Allaah (in the Hereafter) is better for those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and this none shall attain except those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient in following the truth)”

[al-Qasas 28:80] 

Allaah tells us that repelling evil with that which is better makes the evildoer become like a close friend. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend”

[Fussilat 41:34] 

But this is something that “none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world” [Fussilat 41:35]. 

Allaah tells us, and reinforces it with an oath, (interpretation of the meaning): 

“By Al‑‘Asr (the time).

2. Verily, man is in loss,

3. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth [i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al‑Ma‘roof) which Allaah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al‑Munkar) which Allaah has forbidden], and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allaah’s Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad)”

[al-‘Asr 103] 

Allaah will divide His creation into two categories: those who are on the right hand and those who are on the left hand (cf. al-Waaqi’ah 56:8ff); those who are on the right hand are those who recommend one another to patience and mercy. 

Allaah has chosen the people of patience and gratitude to benefit from His signs and be distinguished by this great good fortune. He says in four places in His Book (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Truly, therein are Ayaat (evidences, proofs and signs) for every patient, thankful (person)”

[Ibraahem 14:5; Luqmaan 31:31; Saba 24:19; al-Shoora 42:33]  

Allaah has made forgiveness and reward conditional upon doing righteous deeds and being patient, and that is easy for the one for whom He makes it easy. Allaah says:  

“Except those who show patience and do righteous good deeds: those, theirs will be forgiveness and a great reward (Paradise)”

[Hood 11:11] 

Allaah tells us that patience and forgiveness are among the things recommended by Allaah and those who pay heed to this will never lose, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah”

[al-Shoora 42:34] 

Allaah commanded His Messenger to wait patiently for His Decision, and told him that his patience is not but from Him, and by virtue of patience all calamities become easy, as He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“So wait patiently (O Muhammad) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes”

[al-Toor 52:48] 

And He said (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And endure you patiently (O Muhammad), your patience is not but from Allaah. And grieve not over them (polytheists and pagans), and be not distressed because of what they plot.

128. Truly, Allaah is with those who fear Him (keep their duty unto Him), and those who are Muhsinoon (good‑doers)”

[al-Nahl 16:127] 

Patience is the foundation of the believer’s faith which has no other foundation. The one who has no patience has no faith, and if he has any, then it is only a little faith and it is very weak, and such a person worships Allaah as it were upon the edge (i.e. in doubt): if good befalls him, he is content therewith; but if a trial befalls him he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts to disbelief after embracing Islam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter (cf. al-Hajj 22:11). All he gets from them is a losing deal. 

The best life is attained by the blessed through patience, and they rise to the highest degrees through their gratitude. So they fly on the wings of patience and gratitude to gardens of delight (i.e., Paradise). That is the bounty of Allaah that He bestows upon whomsoever He will, and Allaah is the Owner of Great Bounty.  End quote from ‘Uddat al-Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim, p. 3-5. 

With regard to the ahaadeeth which speak of the virtue of patience, they include the following: 

Al-Bukhaari (1496) and Muslim (1053) narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “…whoever is patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given anything better and more generous than patience.” And Muslim (918) narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (S) say: “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and says what Allaah has enjoined – ‘Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ – but Allaah will compensate him with something better.”  

And Muslim (2999) narrated that Suhayb (may Allaah be pleased with him)said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” 

For more ahaadeeth about the virtue of patience and exhortation to be patient, please see al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb by al-Mundhiri (4/274-302). 

‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Allaah has not bestowed any blessing upon His slaves then taken it away and replaced it with patience, but what He has compensated them with is better than what He has taken away.  

And Allaah knows best.

flakesy01:
?
i do all dat. buh still no remarkable change. me nd my hubby hvnt spoken normally in almost two weeks nd we keep hurting each oda if not in silence, it cud b in words or in actions. i wont say i really like dat buh i seem to gain som kinda satisfaction frm all of it. dat cant b normal. i knw my marriage is headin for d rocks but i dnt fink i really kia anymore.