This is similar to another thread by someone else but not quite
There was a woman whose husband treated very poorly.
She married him right after high school,one of those arrangee type marriages.She was quite younger and very pretty.It actually looked like he didn't deserve her,physically speaking.
He was physically abusive to her and very controlling,the whole household lived in fear of him and she hid it for years but eventually spoke up He wouldn't let her further her education and always suspected she was cheating on him,meanwhile he cheated on her,he was actually a chronic womanizer.Her own parents,devout Christians advised her to stay and work it out so she stayed for years and it never got better.

After several interventions from well wishers to correct the situation ,the man would promise to make amends but quickly fall back to his old ways and the beatings and emotional abuse continued.The wife and children lived in fear of him.
Sadly he fell sick,very sick with several strokes and could no longer work and needed care
It was at this point that she picked up and left the marriage
As soon as she left,she got into school, got her degree,got a good house,fell in love and remarried all within a short time and her children say they are much happier now than with their father.
A lot of people condemn her for leaving him,based on the background I gave,do you condemn her action?
Would you do the same?
Should she have forgiven and stayed on to take care of him for better and for worse in her thirties ?

She did well. Bravo!

delishpot:
She did well. Bravo!

I thought I was sounding mean when I said I didn't blame her one bit
Someone actually couldn't believe I said it

The man deserved all he got.. besyds Nature has neva bn too unrewarding.., It usually does in due course..

In his thin thoughts he'd assumed the lady for a lifetime slave, or possibly a tool through which he could flex his muscles when they crave attention.


I'm also pretty sure that the dude feels he's immortal, and prolly invincible each time he unleashes a blow at the seeming helpless lady, who for her parents sake, had endure greata pain and deprivation.

I doubt if the man mean well for her..., and from the story, he doesnt even appreciate her in the first place, so Its a tit for tat.., and the lady should be absolutely justified of her deeds, except for religious reasons where she'd most likely be blamed for re-marrying while the husband was still alive.

babyosisi:


I though I was sounding mean when I said I didn't blame her one bit
Someone actually couldn't believe I said it

What so ever a man sows...... same must he reap. Its law of nature. No one gets away with evil.
She did well and I hope she enjoys the rest of her life.

Hmm...

Lemme think wella.. Brb will modify later.

Space booking... To be Modified later

She did the right thing!! Karma z a bitchhhh!
The manwhoree should go and call all those his concubines to come take care of him.
I would have even left the man a long time ago sef if I was her. No man lays his hands on me and goes free

its only in Africa that this shiiiit happens. mtcheww

She did the right thing, let him get one of his numerous girlfriends to take care of him! People take their spouses for granted with the belief that they can mess up and still have open arms waiting for them! It hurts me when l see people easily justifying infidelity because such individuals can not stand the thought of being cheated on.

The family is everything, all those 'side attractions' are pain coated in bliss. Who has ever lived an adulterous lifestyle and feel proud of it in his/her old age?

It reminds me of a story a friend told me about his elder sister and her husband. They have been married for 8 years now and with 3 kids but the husband was still 'wandering' and in one of his adventures he was thoroughly beaten up by some guys amongst who was the aggrieved boyfriend of the lady he was having an affair with. Throughout the 2 weeks he was admitted in the hospital, the wife never called nor visited him in the hospital till he was discharged. He came home to an empty house as the wife and the kids temporarily relocated to a relative's place. Husband and his family con begin pilgrimage to their in-laws for appeasement, it just don't worth it!

Why didn't she leave before the illness?
Will it be wrong if people see her as the cause of his illness?

EroticAngelina:
She did the right thing!! Karma z a bitchhhh!
The manwhoree should go and call all those his concubines to come take care of him.
I would have even left the man a long time ago sef if I was her. No man lays his hands on me and goes free

its only in Africa that this shiiiit happens. mtcheww

Unto say u be James Bond abi Angelina Jolie?

Mintayo:
Why didn't she leave before the illness?
Will it be wrong if people see her as the cause of his illness?

Why should they see her as the cause of his illness, l believe a promiscuous lifestyle is risky enough both physically and spiritually.

Pavore9:
Why should they see her as the cause of his illness, l believe a promiscuous lifestyle is risky enough both physically and spiritually.

Yes it is, but I need answer to that question, Why didn't she leave before then?
Did she anticipate or praying that something bad should happen to him?

Mintayo:
Why didn't she leave before the illness?
Will it be wrong if people see her as the cause of his illness?

She caused his strokes?
Because she didn't allow him beat her enough or what

...@op i would probably be long gone out of his life before he falks sick sef ..

..so i wont even be aware of his illness ..

Mintayo:

Yes it is, but I need answer to that question, Why didn't she leave before then?
Did she anticipate or praying that something bad should happen to him?

Could be because she was hoping things will get better especially with her parents advising her not to leave so she stayed and hoped he would change so she can have peace in the home
She stayed and prayed and hoped
His illness meant she was now to become his caregiver and perhaps she couldn't see herself taking care of a man that treated her badly

Ngokafor:




...@op i would probably be long gone out of his life before he falks sick sef ..

..so i wont even be aware of his illness ..

It's not as easy as you think especially with young children involved and not a very good income

babyosisi:



She caused his strokes?
Because she didn't allow him beat her enough or what

Oh dear

I guess

K for Karma...

@ mintayo,it could also be that she feared he may hurt her if she left and his illness cancelled that fear
You know how some possessive spouses go totally postal when the abused spouse leaves
In this case,she may have thought 'Which hand and legs will he use to find her when he is paralyzed'
Isn't that a valid reason to leave when she did?
The abuser is now helpless so she saw it as an opportunity to gather herself and kids and run

I won't stay, I don't have time for selfish people.

parismarc:
I won't stay, I don't have time for selfish people.

If I were in her position I might even see it as answered prayers
God forgive me

When I heard the wife left him after he fell ill,I felt sorry for him but when I heard how he treated her,I didn't blame her for leaving even though I still feel sorry for him

babyosisi:


Could be because she was hoping things will get better especially with her parents advising her not to leave so she stayed and hoped he would change so she can have peace in the home
She stayed and prayed and hoped
His illness meant she was now to become his caregiver and perhaps she couldn't see herself taking care of a man that treated her badly

Yea but she could stay with him through the abuse until he didn't have anything to offer again. Hmm

Well it does look like she's the bad guy even though she's not.
Anyone can rightly ask why she didn't leave sooner and they would be partly right to assume she stayed because of what she gained from the marriage despite the maltreatment and now that he can't give whatever it was that made her stay, she left him.

That's why I laugh at some guys who think their wives are so understanding of their misbehaviors and as such can be classified in their own words as proper wife material and good keepers of the home.

Any lady who endures abuse,infidelity or any persistent maltreatment from a guy is only there for what she's getting from the marriage not because she's the 'good african wife material' type BS that some people try to teach girls to be.

The guy must really be a * to think he can sow oranges and reap bananas.

Mintayo:

Yes it is, but I need answer to that question, Why didn't she leave before then?
Did she anticipate or praying that something bad should happen to him?

The timing is not the crux, she need not pray nor anticipate anything because the man was already heading towards that! Why should a man's wife and children be scared of him? Have you thought of his present state as a repercussion of how he has treated his wife and children? Karma is REAL!

Yea that applies too.
She wasn't afraid of him any longer.
Makes sense:

babyosisi:
@ mintayo,it could also be that she feared he may hurt her if she left and his illness cancelled that fear
You know how some possessive spouses go totally postal when the abused spouse leaves
In this case,she may have thought 'Which hand and legs will he use to find her when he is paralyzed'
Isn't that a valid reason to leave when she did?
The abuser is now helpless so she saw it as an opportunity to gather herself and kids and run

babyosisi:


It's not as easy as you think especially with young children involved and not a very good income

..Perhaps,and thats why women being financially independent cannot be over-emphazised.

cococandy:

Yea but she could stay with him through the abuse until he didn't have anything to offer again. Hmm

Well it does look like she's the bad guy even though she's not.
Anyone can rightly ask why she didn't leave sooner and they would be partly right to assume she stayed because of what she gained from the marriage despite the maltreatment and now that he can't give whatever it was that made her stay, she left him.

That's why I laugh at some guys who think their wives are so understanding of their misbehaviors and as such can be classified in their own words as proper wife material and good keepers of the home.

Any lady who endures abuse,infidelity or any persistent maltreatment from a guy is only there for what she's getting from the marriage not because she's the 'good african wife material' type BS that some people try to teach girls to be.

The guy must really be a * to think he can sow oranges and reap bananas.

...so so true...

cococandy:

Yea but she could stay with him through the abuse until he didn't have anything to offer again. Hmm

Well it does look like she's the bad guy even though she's not.
Anyone can rightly ask why she didn't leave sooner and they would be partly right to assume she stayed because of what she gained from the marriage despite the maltreatment and now that he can't give whatever it was that made her stay, she left him.

That's why I laugh at some guys who think their wives are so understanding of their misbehaviors and as such can be classified in their own words as proper wife material and good keepers of the home.

Any lady who endures abuse,infidelity or any persistent maltreatment from a guy is only there for what she's getting from the marriage not because she's the 'good african wife material' type BS that some people try to teach girls to be.

The guy must really be a * to think he can sow oranges and reap bananas.

Leaving is scary
If you run into any woman planning to divorce her husband,believe me it's not a decision anyone takes lightly
The thought of leaving a man and venturing out alone with young children and all the stigma is not easy
It is even tougher for people who married early without much experience straight from their father's house into the husband's
The man is almost like a dad especially if he is older( by ten years plus)
Leaving him to venture out to the unknown is not a light decision

Picture being that scared to leave and then now saddled with a sick incapacitated spouse on the bed to add to that mix
I totally understand why she would leave when she did

Ngokafor:




..Perhaps,and thats why women being financially independent cannot be over-emphazised.

Maybe a true measure of the health of one's marriage is when a woman can answer the question

" if this man goes totally broke right now with minimal chances at getting up or gets very sick and will be that way for years and maybe for life,will I stick around"?

We all have sincere answers in out hearts to that question
That may be a determinant of love

I know for a fact that if I felt I was being treated unfairly by a man,my answer to that question is likely to be No, I won't stick around
Unless I get an express message from God

l just remembered my late uncle, though it may seem mean but his wife. children and relatives have peace of mind now he has passed on! He was a serial prodigal husband and father! Even when his wife and children who he abandoned for many years after he received his Railway gratuity to live with another woman, forgave him and had him visit them in Houston, TX, the US he did not know how they got there but Uncle continued his prodigal lifestyle which made his children send him back to Nigeria and he blamed his wife for instigating his children against him. That man was a character!

Pavore9:
l just remembered my late uncle, though it may seem mean but his wife. children and relatives have peace of mind now he has passed on! He was a serial prodigal husband and father!

This is not a rare story
There are women who go for omugwo and don't want to go back home to their husband's
People say women with mean spouses occupy themselves with children and work to ease the pain of a bad marriage and when the kids are grown and gone,she feels it the most because all the meanness the man gave her and the kids now belongs to her alone
Omugwo becomes her saving grace for a season

If he dies,they will mourn him of course but also heave a sigh of relief That peace has come at last

babyosisi:


If I were in her position I might even see it as answered prayers
God forgive me

When I heard the wife left him after he fell ill,I felt sorry for him but when I heard how he treated her,I didn't blame her for leaving even though I still feel sorry for him

And it's people like them that become so pitiful, well, he is reaping the mess he created.

His cup of tea.....mtcheeew.