A little humour
Marriage Software
This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div);
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help! I recently
upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 and found that the new program
began unexpected Child Processing and also
took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself
into all other programs and launches during
systems initialization and then it monitors all
other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and
"Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the
system whenever selected. Attempting to
operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and
"Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst
attempting to run any of my favorite
applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend
7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this
program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from
a basic misunderstanding of the functions of
the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY
AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually,
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed
by its Creator to run everything on your
current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0
and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as
Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is
impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the
program files from the System once it is
installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even
more problems. (See manual under Alimony/
Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you
keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties
as best as you can. When any faults or
problems occur, whatever you think has
caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program
and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for
it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\
FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and
eventually hope that the operating system will
return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance
programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying
additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and
"Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or
"TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or
even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if
Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install
"Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One
Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is
not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and
the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,
Systems Analyst.


Do have a lovely weekend......