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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Islam for Muslims / Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story (9090 Views)
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Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by dastranger(m): 9:43am On May 08, 2015 |
“Second wife! The words reverberated through my brain. Why? Am I not good enough? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back! Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. “Where is their father?” I asked, “Can’t he take care of his own kids? Why do you a strange man have to carry another man’s burden? Surely there are other ways that you can help her out financially without having to MARRY her! I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not fathom him holding her close and whispering loving words in her ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage. After all I have been to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying another woman as if I am not good enough? Not pretty enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH! NO! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will not stand for it! It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it did….My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. I don’t know what happened to the women and children. My guess is that they moved on to another town. He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t know that our time was running out. His last words to me were that he had a headache and is going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up. I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second. I mourned him for a long, long time. Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the car then the shop, then the house. We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of others. But I had no skill. When my husband was alive we lived comfortably. I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a skill. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young anymore. I missed him every day with every beat of my heart. How could one’s condition change so drastically? One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife. It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances. He came to my brother’s house to see me. There was an immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy. I started praying Istikhara that night. I so desperately wanted it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around. I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. I prayed that she will accept me. He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to meet me. I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing him. She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: “This is very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters” her words broke my heart. All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love. You never know a person’s situation until you are in it. Judge by what is right according to Qu’ran and you will see how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will sent double fold of blessings your way.” Culled from : http://muslimvillage.com/2014/12/09/60243/second-wife-a-sisters-story/ 18 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Bowaley17(m): 4:18pm On May 08, 2015 |
Allahu Akbar. So touching. 4 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Bowaley17(m): 4:18pm On May 08, 2015 |
Allahu Akbar. It really touch my heart. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by AgentXxx(m): 9:03am On May 09, 2015 |
barakallahu fihi...wonderful post 3 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 2:23am On May 11, 2015 |
@Justfollowit You should read this |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by mzzkismet: 8:55am On May 11, 2015 |
Touching and wonderful story
@op thanks for sharing dis
may Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) ease our steps on dis path of Deen 2 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by slye(m): 12:02pm On May 11, 2015 |
mzzkismet: Amiin, in shaa Allah |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by MrOlai: 8:16am On May 12, 2015 |
Very touching story! This is a great lesson to our married sisters who are hell against the injunction of Allah(SWT) on polygyny! Single women outside there especially young widows deserve our care and respect. Some of them get abused by virtue of their singlehood! Some men sleep with them just for fun in exchange for money! @OP. Jazakumullah khaeran for sharing the story. 5 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 10:05pm On May 13, 2015 |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 10:20pm On May 13, 2015 |
Justfollowit: ![]() |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by nene1: 4:14am On May 17, 2015 |
dastranger: Oh please, this is another tactic to brainwash women into sharing their husbands. This encourages women to seek men to support them instead of getting skills to empower themselves. So the woman now accepted polygamy because it favors her. Of course it is easier being the 2nd wife. It's fine when you are the new love benefiting from what the 1st wife and her husband built. Now, it great that a brother wants to marry a single mother and help her raise her kids, but hopefully he can AFFORD it. Taking on a woman with 3-4 kids is a big burden and it should not financially hurt the well being of your first wife and kids. Polygamy sounds good in theory, but it real life I don't know if I could be so generous to share my man. I would definitely resent the money he would be spending on taking care of her and kids that are not his. Hopefully the biological father is not a deadbeat. Also, I know he should love the second wife's kids, but that would also make me jealous because I know that it would be their mother's love that he is reflecting on them. I understand why polygamy exists, but it would just be too painful to share my man. I really hope my future husband does not choose to do it. I don't think I could stay. I would hate to build a life with a man and have some other woman come and enjoy our marital monies along with her children who are not even his. if my husband decided to do that, I would not help him at all financially (like sharing bills). That will only help him to spend more on her. He better be take very good care of me and my kids if he is going to take on such a burden of another woman. I would be so jealous, because he must love her so much to take on her burden. That would drive me crazy. 5 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 4:35am On May 17, 2015 |
^ calm down miss. How good polygamy is depends on your husband and yourself, too. As always, its not mandatory 5 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by carryus(m): 3:17am On May 21, 2015 |
Allahu Akbar, am already bless by ready the story. |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 11:20am On May 21, 2015 |
WHAT ARE THE LOGICAL REASONS WHY
ISLAM PERMITS MARRYING MORE THAN ONE
WIFE? Its a fact that in almost any country of the world, women are even in the ratio of 4:1 or more. Visit any hospital in check their birth records. You will never find on each day male birth even equal to female childbirth. That's how Allah planned it so it's up to us to do the right sensible thing than following those who oppose the laws of Allah. Aside more female birth rate, Men die in wars, accidents, some destroyed their lives through alcoholism, some don't even know whether they are males or females, many are not ready to get married. My Beloved brothers and sisters in Islam, we should not play with the wisdom of Allah, it's part of His Blessings and mercy that number of women are greater than the number of females, what of if women are very few, to say that there are three or four men to every woman, Subhan'Allah. The world will not be at peace, a lot of killings between males will increase... If we ask how many even men are ready to have the second wife, third wife? fourth wife? My Dear Sisters In Deen..., if your husband wanted to have another woman don't fight him, how do you want other sisters to be? They should live for ever without marriage? or they should live alone without having their own family? If it happens that your female child happen to live where all men have wife would you allowed her to be second wife? or she should live alone forever and become lesbian? Majority of marriage problems are not those between who have more than one wife, majority according to marriage councils is between those with one wife. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala) grant us all more understanding of the Deen. Aameen. 2 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 11:20am On May 21, 2015 |
WHAT ARE THE LOGICAL REASONS WHY
ISLAM PERMITS MARRYING MORE THAN ONE
WIFE? Its a fact that in almost any country of the world, women are even in the ratio of 4:1 or more. Visit any hospital in check their birth records. You will never find on each day male birth even equal to female childbirth. That's how Allah planned it so it's up to us to do the right sensible thing than following those who oppose the laws of Allah. Aside more female birth rate, Men die in wars, accidents, some destroyed their lives through alcoholism, some don't even know whether they are males or females, many are not ready to get married. My Beloved brothers and sisters in Islam, we should not play with the wisdom of Allah, it's part of His Blessings and mercy that number of women are greater than the number of females, what of if women are very few, to say that there are three or four men to every woman, Subhan'Allah. The world will not be at peace, a lot of killings between males will increase... If we ask how many even men are ready to have the second wife, third wife? fourth wife? My Dear Sisters In Deen..., if your husband wanted to have another woman don't fight him, how do you want other sisters to be? They should live for ever without marriage? or they should live alone without having their own family? If it happens that your female child happen to live where all men have wife would you allowed her to be second wife? or she should live alone forever and become lesbian? Majority of marriage problems are not those between who have more than one wife, majority according to marriage councils is between those with one wife. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala) grant us all more understanding of the Deen. Aameen. |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by obinrinrere: 3:08pm On May 21, 2015 |
Asalamualaykum @nene you need to take things easy.I used to think polygamy is the last thing I will want to hear from my husband but as it is now,I don't mind sharing him, especially with a widow. As for me,Allah is sufficient for me. 4 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by kemiola89(f): 6:44pm On May 21, 2015 |
obinrinrere:You have a heart of gold ma'am. Women like you are rare. May Allah bless your marriage 6 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by mashnino(m): 7:23pm On May 21, 2015 |
I am very much touched by the story But these set of women we have these days are very stubborn ooo But Allah knows best that he didnt make it mandatory And Allah also put a rule that should be obeyed before any man can take on polygamy.... Alhamdulillah 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by obinrinrere: 8:06pm On May 21, 2015 |
@sis kemi, Aameen wa antum |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 12:27pm On May 22, 2015 |
hmmm.P-O-L-Y-G-A-M-Y!!!!!!!!.I salute all first wives.For anyone saying they will allow and even support their husbands,until it happens,i don't believe you(#yimu for una).As for brother talking as if d thing na yam,most of us understand that quranic verse too,so leave us out of one of your favourite quranic quotes(tongue out). 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by nene1: 4:33pm On Jun 04, 2015 |
obinrinrere: Salams sister. Let your husband get a second wife then come back and tell us about your wonderful experience. 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 4:38pm On Jun 04, 2015 |
nene1:You are 3 much 4 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 4:55am On Jun 05, 2015 |
See what jealousy turns this woman https://www.nairaland.com/2358775/graphic-image-woman-bites-off. What if her husband marries 2nd wife?. Geez! |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by MrOlai: 9:11pm On Jun 07, 2015 |
dastranger: cc: mukina2, Sissie Pls, move this to the FP. 2 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by MrOlai: 7:32am On Jun 12, 2015 |
dastranger: Mods, pls move this to FP. 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Empiree: 3:34pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 9:17pm On Jun 28, 2015 |
Empiree:You shouldn't have mentioned me ![]() The woman is a liability. We need less of her likes in our society. We do not want housewives who fail to consider the ‘ifs'. Mind you, I have nothing against being a housewife and I may even consider it but If I did I won't be a stupid, gullible and foolish one. Why should another woman be responsible for the daftness of another. What stopped her from learning a skill, going to school or ensuring that her husband provided her security before deciding to become a housewife. What if her husband had divorced her? What would she have live on? Is she so daft to realise that life is not a fairy tale? Shouldnt she have realized the reality of life when her husband told her that he was considering another wife? If anyone, she should blame herself, blame her guardians who failed to instill the good of independence in her. She should for once in her life take advantage of the fact that she is a HUMAN. However this is does not mean that I am against widows remarring as second wives. What I am against are the likes of her putting their whole existence at at the mercies of men. It would be unlikely for her to seek a man if she were self-suficient because her main focus would have been nurturing her kids. And even if she were to need a man, it would be for no other reasons than for se.x and as a ‘figure-head' ![]() ![]() ![]() Shouldn't it be easy for her to find single men who share the notion that they are God gift to women. Men like you, who would rather marry a woman as charity ![]() I would like to congratulate you for giving me a reason to start a movement. My aims would be to make my fellow females understand the amazing power they possess, to value self-sufficiency above any other values ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Nobody: 7:07am On Jul 06, 2015 |
@Empiree, I am waiting ![]() |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by good4all: 5:04pm On Jul 08, 2015 |
This deserves to be seen on FB sissie do your work 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by good4all: 5:04pm On Jul 08, 2015 |
This deserves to be seen on FB sissie and Co. do your work 1 Like |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by Jaydee009: 10:38pm On Jul 13, 2015 |
Pls, we need to educate our female children as well as we do our male children. If you notice the writer of the above story said "she had no skill" and therefore had to depend on a man for her problems to be solved. What if she was a tailor or trader or a teacher etc, her sufferings would have been reduced pending when Allah provides a husband for her... Any nation, group, faith etc that relegates it's women will remain backwards... Cos when you educate a man, you educate an individual, but when you educate a woman, you educate a nation. |
Re: Marrying A Second Wife: A Muslimah's Short Story by PassingShot(m): 11:30am On Jul 14, 2015 |
Very informative and educative. So touching! |
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