kweenkong:
Yes you are right to feel aggrieved , but i am still at a loss as to why your mother in law reacted that way. you need toanswer some questions.
1) why do you think your husband disagreed with taking the kids to your own parents?
2) Are you sure there is not a deeper rooted issue?

If i were you, i would forgive her but never forget , and when i take stock of my well wishers she will not be included. Would treat like a long distance relative. No unnecessary fraternizing. i greet her ,serve her what i have to offer and disappear into the inner reccess of my room. And honestly you were wrong trying to force your husbands hand by siezing his wallet. That was a direct challenge on is authority. Did you eventually write the exam as scheduled?

obiak4:
IMO FIRST TRY TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND OVER TO YOURSELF AND APOLOGIES TO HER SIKENA

thorpido:
I can only say that there are deeper issues between you and your husband and the parents-in-law.What issue does your hubby have with your mum?Was your husband aware of this exam ahead of time and did he support you?
I think there is a communication issue between you and your husband that got escalated.

Next time avoid things that could result in violence.Don't seize his belongings.

nickibarb:



Yes, he was aware of the exam and I reminded him like 4 different times. he knows i'm passionate about my career and I'm very good at it. we weren't talking to each other for a day prior to this event cos I was upset with him for not coming home the night before and not calling to give me a heads up. but we didn't have an argument, we just gave each other the silent treatment and I left his food on the dining table. I guess that's the communication issue.

Enoquin:
Do you guys have a maid? I am asking because I don't understand your husband saying you could come after he had gone out to pick them up especially as he later seized your keys

Is your husband in support of your professional course?

How was the tone of your text, when narrating to your mother-in-law?
I ask because except it resulted into a fight where you had to narrate, I don't see why you couldn't have sent a 'Mama good evening, I have been trying to reach you. I wanted to know if you were around/in town' as opposed to 'mama, your son doesn't want me to carry the children to my parents'
PLEASE, I am not implying you wrote it that way; but you claimed to have sent a text narrating the whole thing so I am sure your frustration spilled through.

I am also trying to reconcile how things quickly escalated to key seizure and your fall on the table.

Your MIL is not also picking your parents call means something is afoot but while trying to worry about what could possibly be wrong and keeping your distance, I think you should worry more about your home.
Worry about why your husband's reaction was that way even after you had reassured him and why he isn't bothered about the frosty relations between you and his mother

nickibarb:


Yes, we have a maid. that's why he felt I will come back in his absence to take the kids.

So, if you really wanted to take the children without his permission, you would have; what then was the intention for the key seizure? Also, why did you insist on having the key since there's a maid that would let you in once you get back? I ask because you wrote that as a politician he kept late hours and you didn't want to come back stressed with no access to the house

my tone in letting my MIL know was more like the first scenario you put out, i wish i could screen grab it for you to see. i was totally calm cos like I said, I really respect her and i'm pretty easygoing.

Good to know, no need to screengrab

It wasn't really key seizure per say, we have a place in the house where we keep all our keys, door, car keys and all. he simply went there and took them away. the wallet and fall on the table were the ones i didn't see coming, it just happened so fast.

I guess you were angry and hot words were exchanged, that's why this part happened pretty fast

my MIL didn't take my parent's calls because she had told them that as a church marriage counsellor, she is of the opinion that couples should keep things between themselves so if they wanted her to interfere in a marriage, she wasn't willing to talk to them.

Even though your MIL has a right to her stance, she was wrong not to out of courtesy pick your parents call especially as she was speaking with your husband and especially since violence occured

I'm sure my husband would rather have me have a good relationship with his mother cos he's really close to her but surprisingly, he hasn't brought it up since that day, and I haven't either

And my worry is still with your hubby. How he reacted after the incidence and his reaction now. If he hasn't brought up the cold relations between you and his mother, bring it up yourself

nickibarb:


we have a maid, but the plan was to take the kids to my parent's house and give the maid the day off. and i expressly made him aware of this. that's another reason not giving me a key didn't make any sense to me. like why would you keep 2 keys while i travel without any? he ended up caring for the kids himself, with the help of his male cousins and his PA that came around. There is no way i'm letting a maid spend the night in my house in my absence. i trust my husband but these girls aint loyal lol

Lumpyy:
Wow....all this is rilly deep.how much force did hubby use dt ur head got smashed?please dnt leave the issue of sleeping out too just cos of the kiss and gifts,u have to address them in a loving way+wat if something tragic had happend?how did he react after seing u wounded?i like that u didnt let all dt happned deter u frm travelling for the test,though i dnt see what u will appologose to MIL for as shes d one in d wrong but if thats what is needed for peace,pls do it!

Enoquin:


His PA is male? Lol.

bukatyne:
@OP:

What about your exams?

VintageCocktail:
Women sabi worry. Guy wants to take care of his kids you blew the lid....chaii.
Why not tell him simply that those girls ain't loyal so that he will understand Give your MIL time and don't judge her hastily and harshly.

nickibarb:


i aced it. i'm so glad. if i had failed, that would have been like the last straw mehn. cos i havn't failed any exam in my life. passing it kind of pacified everything in my heart.

nickibarb:


did you see that one of the kids was a 3 month old? for someone who has barely changed a diaper since she was born, the motherly instinct in me was like hell no!! how can i leave her with you. (i didn't say it like that oh, just saying what was going through my head)

Jahblessme:
I wonder why you are focusing on your mil?
Your husband is the one who pushed you and you sustained a head injury.

Your husband is the one who locked you out of the house.

Your husband is the one acting like your parents can't care for your children.

You both have issues which are deeper than you are letting on and I feel the focus on mil is a way to deflect.Take care to discuss with hubby that getting physical is something you will not accept! You too be careful what you do.

Your husband and his mother have huge plans for your kids,with you in the picture or not.You are not even allowed to make decisions on the care of your own children.Locking out of house And you are busy focusing on MIL

You'd best start sorting this out before the river will swallow you.
You are the woman of the house,better solidify your position there.You can ignore or patch up with MIL later,your choice.Of course you will be forced to say sorry for something you aren't guilty of,forced to say sorry for her disrespecting your parents too.That's the naija method...total humiliation.

What did your parents do that they are not allowed to care for their own grandkidsThey will be cut off very soon unless you stand up for them and refuse to allow this nonsense.Abi they are not as rich as your hubby and therefore underlings??

Good luck,you will need it!!

nickibarb:


Thanks, I love your no nonsense approach, you've given me a lot to think about. my husband and his family are packing when it comes to the money aspect. I guess that's why there is a tendency to try to trample on the rights of people who are not so fortunate. (my parents are not paupers though, but compared to my inlaws, there's a big diff). I was really upset at my husband but I guess it was easier to forgive him cos of the bond we have between each other. (we were like so in love when we got married). I guess it's easier to forgive him cos I can point out at least one thing i did wrong (the wallet thing). but for my MIL, I can't seem to fathom out why she treated me that way. It's almost as if she was willing to let me miss my exam (an exam i have been preparing for, for like ages), let my husband maim me, all for the sake of keeping up her marriage counsellor principles of non-interference. i guess that's why its harder to forgive her