One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

my tommy
what a lawyer!!!!!!

seen it before but funy though

that was amazin u slay me wit this one

hahahaha nice one

good joke hahaha.

Murder Trial

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."

"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but the suspect, your client didn't!"

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say I love you,
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.

There will always be another day
to say our I love you's,
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do's?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget,

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get
to hold your loved one tight,

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear,

Take time to say "I'm sorry, please forgive me,"
"thank you" or "it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

"All Men Are Created Equal"
, but not little boys and little girls.


You throw a little girl a ball, and it will
probably hit her in the nose.

You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it.
Then it will hit him in the nose.




You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best,
and she'll look just as pretty when you finally
make it to church an hour later.

You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll
somehow find every mud puddle from your home
to the church, even if you're driving there.




Boys' rooms are usually messy.

Girls' rooms are usually messy,
except it's a good smelling mess.




A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in
wonderment at what nature has made.

A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.




When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they
like to dress them up and play house with them.

When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls,
they like to tear off their appendages.




Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly.

If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short,
girls would rather lock themselves in their
room for two weeks than be seen in public.




Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost
instinctively start painting their face.

Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost
instinctively start painting the walls.




If a girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed.

If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it
with a dozen fake belches.




Boys grow their fingernails long because
they're too lazy to cut them.

Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look
nice -but because they can dig them into a boys arm.




Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age.

At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.




By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses.

By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad
kisses unless he bribes them with candy.




Most baby girls talk before boys do.

Before boys talk, they learn how
to make machine-gun noises.




Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie.

Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've
watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
movie three times in a row.




Little girls turn into women.

Little boys turn into bigger boYS

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet, rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the women's bathroom, "
====================Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.

All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.

He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
==========================
Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
'''SAM MILLA

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response.

The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it

Not You're Normal Family


A mother heard a hum coming from her daughter's bedroom. She opened the door to find her daughter lying naked on her bed, enjoying a vibrator.

"What are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents. This is as close as I can get to a husband!"

A few days later the father heard a hum coming from the basement. He went downstairs and found his daughter lying naked on the sofa, again enjoying her friend, the vibrator.

"What are you doing?"

She replied, "Dad, I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents. This is as close as I can get to a husband!"

A few days later the mother again heard the hum, this time coming from the living room. She found her husband watching TV with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?"

He replied, "Watching the game with my VIBRATOR son-in-law!
=============
"I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately tells her to UnCloth. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to handle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're making love to me, which is why I came here in the first place."===============ENJOY YOUR SELVES GUYS
SAM MILLA ,KING OF JOKES IS RETIRING FOR THE DAY.