Ending a relationship





There are very definite ways you should and
should not end relationships. Ending a
relationship is quite a skill and I've covered
much about this on other pages too.
You're likely to experience all kinds of endings
in a life-time: the ends of couple relationships,
the death of loved ones, moving home away
from an area, changing jobs, losing friendships
and so on.
The first endings you're most likely to have
encountered as a child are the deaths of a
grandparent or pet. However, you may also
have experienced a family breakup if your
parents separated. You might even have lost
touch with one of them.
Your previous experience of ending a relationship
- particularly a couple relationship - can become
the template those that follow. I so hope that
you won't need to go through that painful and
stressful process too often.
Unfortunately, endings are part of life... but I'm
here to help you manage 'good' endings so that
you can reduce the amount of stress and
distress caused to all involved.
So, stick with me for a while and let's get
through this together.
How not to end a relationship
- 9 warnings
I know it takes loads of courage to actually tell
your partner that you're ending the relationship.
However, before we come onto exactly how you
should be ending relationships, here's how not
to do it...
1. Don't deliver the bad news just before your
partner is due to go out, go to work, pick up
the children etc. Any bad news - whatever it is
- will cause a reaction and a great deal of
anxiety. You need to pick a time when you
partner has space to process the information. I
know there's never a 'good' time for something
as significant as telling them that you don't
love them any more. However, there is
definitely a bad time.
2. Don't end a relationship during a telephone
conversation. This is no better either. This
causes huge distress for your partner, and
without a doubt he or she will be angry. You
are going to find it hard not to 'lose it' and
slam the phone down (if your partner is even
still there). All this for sure will result in more
trouble on top of what you're already dealing
with.
3. Don't leave a voice-mail with either a hint or a
clear message about ending the relationship.
This creates no amount of anxiety for you
partner. Doing this denies him or her the
opportunity of talking about it there and then.
4. Don't let someone else do the dirty work of
ending a relationship. This is equally
disrespectful.
This really is a task only you can do. I can
understand that you might need some help with
it.
By all means run it by a trusted friend, but
remember - you need to do it yourself.
5. Don't deliver the message in a public place .
Ending a relationship in a public place should
only be an option if you are worried about
abuse.
6. Don't tell friends, family members or colleagues
you're ending a relationship before you tell your
partner that it's over. It's very likely to get back
to your partner before you have a chance to tell
him or her yourself.
7. Don't say you want to end the relationship
during a row - your partner may actually be
surprisingly pleased! You may come to regret it.
I've come across this scenario several times in
my 24 years of practice as a couple counsellor.
If you have an anger problem and are in the
habit of 'losing it', then I'd really like you to do
something about it. You could start by visiting
my page on Anger Management Tips .
8. Don't send a text message saying that 'it's over'
to someone you once thought the world of.
It's a very disrespectful and unkind way to end
a relationship.
I know that telling someone you want to end a
relationship is really hard to do face-to-face, but
it truly is the best way to preserve your and
what's left of your partner's self-esteem (if you
have taken care of how you delivered the bad
news).
9. Don't walk out the door having just hinted for
the first time that you're unhappy.
This is going to leave your partner upset,
stressed and confused. You're likely to get
anxious text messages. And it'd be all too
tempting to convey the message by text that
you want to split up and/or divorce.
So, what should you do?
Read on...



A few extra tips on ending
relationships
Allow your partner sufficient breathing space if
the ending has come as a shock.

Don't start waffling on about something else or
say lots of reassuring things you don't mean.

Don't offer to stay friends either.

Don't expect to start to negotiate division of
property or possessions in the first couple of
months

Stay courteous and considerate at all times
when ending a relationship. This will help you
to feel less guilty - at least about the actual
ending. Importantly too - it will help your
(ex)partner to recover just that little quicker.

Top tips for ending
relationships nicely


You could have a blazing row when you are
ending relationships, but why would you? What
is there to be gained?

You could mention all the things that you didn't
like about your partner. But what would that
achieve at the point of ending a relationship?

From my experience, I know what would happen
if your partner really doesn't want you to leave.
He or she will probably see every complaint as
an opportunity to offer to change, and make all
kinds of promises. It would make ending the
relationship even more awkward.

So to summarise these points - whether you are
ending a short or a long term relationship:

talk about your role in the relationship

say how it has affected you - how you've run
out of steam

avoid criticising your partner for what you
perceive to be wrong with him or her

avoid giving your partner reasons to promise to
change themselves

avoid giving him or her another chance if you
know you really want a separation.

I know from my clients that the following
reasons made it more difficult to move on after
ending relationships:

not having been told why

not understanding why (actually this isn't
necessarily your responsibility if you got the
previous point right)

not having been given sufficient opportunity to
talk it over

sudden endings

sudden inexplicable changes in behaviour

Very on point

Issokay

thank u so much just broke up and wanted to do something to help others

sengozie:
thank u so much
just broke up and wanted to do something to help others

Nice one can tell its from experience