This is my first draft...I want your reviews please....thank you.


My interest in Computers started during my High School years though my father wanted me to become a medical doctor.After i graduated, i realised that i did not want to become a medical doctor.The profession did not interest me.One Wednesday, i logged in to an online investement account i had, and i saw that the website has been hacked. I wasn't sad i had lost my money.Instead,it sparked my interest.I wanted to know how these hackers operate and then learn how to stop them.Computer Science was a career choice after this.

I have spent a lot of time looking for information on search-engines, the outline of the course - Computer Science and Information Technology.I am especially interested in gaining a deeper theoretical and practical knowledge in Computer Science and Information Technology.A completion of this Bachelor's degree at the University of blah will be an excellent springboard for my future career and will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realise my dreams.Furthermore, the courses this program combines match perfectly my acadmeic expectations.

Over the years,i have worked mostly in small companies where i was not just the admin but also technology whiz.while i was at JOTT limited as an admin,i offered exceptional attention to details, and was able to manage and organize the office effectively with a demostrated ability to prioritize and multitask.I also gained valuable experience working as a Computer studies teacher in Tiddler royal school.After working for some years in the school, i decided to write a program that will access a database that contain the names of the pupils.Though it was a small program,working on this project helped hone my programming skills on real-life problem.I also have a very good knowledge of Microsoft Office applications,programming in C++ and a host of others.

In addition to my computing skills, i have an aptitude for teaching and teamwork, a zest for challenges and maintain a mature, gracious and professional manner when communicating with people. I believe in my ability to bring a sense of purpose with me into any setting, my perchant for hard work is second to none.

I wish to earn a Bsc degree in Computer Science, i intend to follow this up with a Msc degree in Information Technology, and later, a career in Cyber Security.I am confident that my background and knowledge in the Information technology arena coupled with my technical skill in software languages will help achieve my goal of undertaking cutting-edge research in advanced computing at the University of blah.

I have all it takes to succeed, sharpen my knowledge to becoming a well-rounded and polished person both in education and life.I therefore would like to take with me, in addition to knowledge of Computer Science, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my teachers and fellow-students. I also look forward to experiencing the different foods, lifestyle and culture of the people of Blah.

In the meantime, thank you for any time and effort you take in reviewing my application.

Sincerely.

K

I'll say:
• Your introduction/starting is not captivating enough
• Remove the "blossomed", and replace with "started" or anyother appropriate words.
• You should pay a very good attention to your punctuation

Wish you luck!

Good first draft. Now read like you're the receiver..does it captivate you.. or stand out? If no, polish it!

miccoy:
I'll say:
• Your introduction/starting is not captivating enough
• Remove the "blossomed", and replace with "started" or anyother appropriate words.
• You should pay a very good attention to your punctuation

Wish you luck!

Thank you.
The Introduction part has been my major challenge...I dont want to write to much story but i also want to tell why i choose the program in the first place.

Ha Nlers, i've gotten less review for this cover than i expected o....though ive made some corrections on my own but ur own views and corrections will be appreciated particularly for relevance and coherence.

Op how's this as a starter? I couldn't help but stare at the monitor lost, i wasn't fazed with the fact that i just lost all my online income-what dazed me more was the efficiency of the hacker who brought down the website in matter of minutes. My father always wanted me to pursue a career in the medical field, but i've always nurtured the dream and vision of becoming a computer scientist and this hacking incident further affirmed and ignites my desire....... (den continue). You need to start with something very catchy else some brutal sadist won't even bother reading it. How you started is too common, you need something unusual.

UniqueGem:
Op how's this as a starter? I couldn't help but stare at the monitor lost, i wasn't fazed with the fact that i just lost all my online income-what dazed me more was the efficiency of the hacker who brought down the website in matter of minutes. My father always wanted me to pursue a career in the medical field, but i've always nurtured the dream and vision of becoming a computer scientist and this hacking incident further affirmed and ignites my desire....... (den continue). You need to start with something very catchy else some brutal sadist won't even bother reading it. How you started is too common, you need something unusual.

Thank you...

Also it is required that i include the name and address of at least one referee in the cover letter.
I have found that also a little challenging or should i just write:
"I will be happy to provide any further information or references upon your request"

emmanuel90:

Thank you...

Also it is required that i include the name and address of at least one referee in the cover letter.
I have found that also a little challenging or should i just write:
"I will be happy to provide any further information or references upon your request"

Challenging in what way? Is it that you don't have any refree or you don't know how to introduce your refree into the letter?

UniqueGem:
Challenging in what way? Is it that you don't have any refree or you don't know how to introduce your refree into the letter?

I have a referee but I dont how i'm going to include both the name and the address in the letter.

emmanuel90:

I have a referee but I dont how i'm going to include both the name and the address in the letter.

What about this::; Of my many referees is Mr ABC, he is the head pastor in my mission. His home address is XYZ and he can be contacted on +23408 or +23409. He is also available and will be willing to provide you more information if need be. (is there a word count guide? Like max number of words in the letter)

UniqueGem:
What about this::; Of my many referees is Mr ABC, he is the head pastor in my mission. His home address is XYZ and he can be contacted on +23408 or +23409. He is also available and will be willing to provide you more information if need be. (is there a word count guide? Like max number of words in the letter)

No they didnt specify...im applying to the University of lodz poland.

emmanuel90:

No they didnt specify...im applying to the University of lodz poland.

okay bro, you can either use or modify my suggestion. Best of luck.

UniqueGem:
okay bro, you can either use or modify my suggestion. Best of luck.

Thanks for your help.

emmanuel90:

No they didnt specify...im applying to the University of lodz poland.

Please is anybody currently studying at the university of Lodz in Poland?