fem29:


Well said dear.

The thing is men really need to be more undstanding about house work after kids are born. Even a woman that is confident that she can take care of a house by herself can never imagine how much more work she will have once she has kids, especially toddlers. Cleaning a house that grown ups live in is a very different kettle of fish from cleaning a house with kids in it. They are just mess making machines. With grown ups, you prob sweep once a day or 2 days. With kids you sweep several times a day. My kids literally go from room to room messing everywhere up, food crumbs everywhere, paint on the tables, cut up paper all over the floor, toys toys toys, get into the kitchen and scatter garri everywhere, clothes taken out of drawers and strewn everywhere. It is overwhelming.

Men PLEaSE once you have kids, your life HAS to change as well. Don't be saying your wife changed after giving birth, tes she did dos she is under immense pressure if you do not help her out. Stop being so bloody lazy, you will not die if you some work around the house.

You can say that again toddlers are just something else I swear I was far more tired when I was home with my son than now I when I get back from work or should I say its a different type of tiredness.I used to feel emotionally and physically drained. Now its more a mental tiredness.

OP try and see if you can get help as most people have said esp with the fetching water part. That is one of the most frustrating jobs ever. If it means cutting down on other expenses, try to outsource that ASAP. And make your hubby pay for it if you cant afford it . Sometimes you need to do something radical to get results, its because he is still seeing water to bathe and clean clothes.The day he is going out for a meeting and realises that there is no water to take a bath, he will realise he has to help or PAY to get water in the house. Just be prepared that you might not also bathe or do anything with water but believe me he will begin to see the effort it takes to get the water.msheww.

And for those saying ALL housework and chores belongs to women, na wa for you o

I grew up seeing men being in charge of fetching water and one of my husbands less palatable memories of Nigeria was looking for water all over Ibadan

I remember before we had a borehole and we used to rely on Water Corporation, my dad used to do multiple trips with 50 litre kegs or jerry cans ( the more naija word ) in the car scouring round Lagos looking for water during water shortages. At a point he actually had to shell out money to BUY tanks of water.

gbl01:
Our great great great grand parents were not lazy, they clean, sweep the community, go to farm, work all day, creat time to go to the market and sell their farm produce, give brith to plenty children, wean them properly and even when they die, they still work as Ancestors, drinking blood of chickens, answering prayers and watching over the community.

What da Heck! This wife has no reason to complain. The husband is working his arse up, he's getting heavily tired though when he get home. The wife- a full time house wife complaining of doing her own work. I guess she wants to sleep all day while the husband come back and do household chores and probably cook for her. Pressing his phone is his relaxing mode.lolz


I think this is laziness redefined( my point of view). If wife can't cope with household chores, get househelp. Don't bother the man with your own work, he has his. If he choose to help, fine. Otherwise face your work o! Except if the wife is a full time housewife and the husband is a full time house husband.


This has no connection with love. It will even frustrate the husband and kill the love. You both need to sit and discuss this and ask him for his own opinion and reasons

fROM YOUR COMMENT,,YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT MARRIED AND HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WORKS IN THE REAL WORLD,,,,,,

pinkydaisy:


fROM YOUR COMMENT,,YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT MARRIED AND HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WORKS IN THE REAL WORLD,,,,,,

Enjoy the rest world ma'am.


If you took your time to read through the comment, u will figure out the whole essence. Not saying the man shouldn't help, he shouldn't be coerced into it. Moreover, the details were sketchy. I reiterate that except they both are full time house wife and house husband, then the whole episode doesn't make sense. A man pressing his Fone all day? Weird! You jumping into conclusions from an inconclusive comment, weird!

NB: you don't have to scream, only aggressive people do. (Writing in caps means you're shouting)

fem29:


Well said dear.

The thing is men really need to be more undstanding about house work after kids are born. Even a woman that is confident that she can take care of a house by herself can never imagine how much more work she will have once she has kids, especially toddlers. Cleaning a house that grown ups live in is a very different kettle of fish from cleaning a house with kids in it. They are just mess making machines. With grown ups, you prob sweep once a day or 2 days. With kids you sweep several times a day. My kids literally go from room to room messing everywhere up, food crumbs everywhere, paint on the tables, cut up paper all over the floor, toys toys toys, get into the kitchen and scatter garri everywhere, clothes taken out of drawers and strewn everywhere. It is overwhelming.

Men PLEaSE once you have kids, your life HAS to change as well. Don't be saying your wife changed after giving birth, tes she did dos she is under immense pressure if you do not help her out. Stop being so bloody lazy, you will not die if you some work around the house.

Tell me about it. Sometimes mine will so mess up the house you would think the mess was done by at least 10 kids. As you are tidying, they are scattering. Men have to do chores around the house or pay for help. I have never claimed to be a superwoman so I get help from hubby. If you are a woman and you do everything in the house, he will assume you are coping. If some things are left undone, he will probably have to help out. Some of these women do everything then complain that they are shattered. Most of the time the women make themselves work harder than normal and then start complaining.

VintageCocktail:
Naaaaaaa!!!! Naaaaaa!!! I had to quote you please. !
This is the mentality of most people born in Nigeria, we believe women must do the household chores without complaining even go extra miles to build a career/ business at the same time raising kids.
No wonder we don't have middle class in this hellhole,.

If this couple will be able to join hands and manage their homes without bringing in extra expenses like house help, complement each other, both can be productive at the same time and extra income will be realised if the lady wishes to work. I bet the op won't dare to applied for any work that will add more stress to her which will further limit their finances.

This is Vintage

Chillisauce:


Carry your cross o jare. When you were doing it free of charge to answer mrs, you didn't complain.
now é don shele.
You never see oba, stay Dia e hear?
Super woman.
anyway I no get advise for you but if I were in your shoes, N'a screw driver I for take puncture him yansh.
Mteeew.

Maybe your hubby sef dey on line dey fight feminism while him keep slave for house.

Muchecheche.

Now this was funny

fem29:


Well said dear.

The thing is men really need to be more undstanding about house work after kids are born. Even a woman that is confident that she can take care of a house by herself can never imagine how much more work she will have once she has kids, especially toddlers. Cleaning a house that grown ups live in is a very different kettle of fish from cleaning a house with kids in it. They are just mess making machines. With grown ups, you prob sweep once a day or 2 days. With kids you sweep several times a day. My kids literally go from room to room messing everywhere up, food crumbs everywhere, paint on the tables, cut up paper all over the floor, toys toys toys, get into the kitchen and scatter garri everywhere, clothes taken out of drawers and strewn everywhere. It is overwhelming.

Men PLEaSE once you have kids, your life HAS to change as well. Don't be saying your wife changed after giving birth, tes she did dos she is under immense pressure if you do not help her out. Stop being so bloody lazy, you will not die if you some work around the house.

They would become the tail

And their surname changes to that of their wives'

Now that is scary

mutter:
If your body aches from house chores with just one kid then obviously you are not in good condition. That is probably because you are not used to hard work or doing any form of sports.
I assume that you are still young so this should not be a problem for you. If you love your husband you would do these chores happily to please him and build your home, your kids would be happy and learn from you.
Women do so much more for their families and still keep a full time job. That is why mothers are indeed supreme and worthy of respect. This is the same here and everywhere in the world.
Getting a househelp is an option but is she not a human being too? She also knows what body pain is?
If you want your husband to help you then you need to know how to ask for help and mostly how to show appreciation for the help. When you want something specific plead with him to help you. -"Darling please can you help me fetch two buckets of water, my waist is paining me?" When he does it show appreciation and joy. Most men would help even if they do it reluctantly.
Those women that get help from their men know how they got their men to help them.
You haven`t learnt how to ask.
Also it is not for you to question your husband`s use of his phone. Would you rather have him going out and leaving you alone in the house. You ought to be happy that he is at home with you.
Just train your kid`s well and in a few years the work will reduce for you.

Mutter Mutter

Mutter, pls I know I have been looking for your trouble today, pls pardon me

Damiso... nostalgia, Water corporation all the way ni before dad got a bore hole too.

I agree to get help with water fetching but also talk to hubby in regards to being involved. Some men just don't like being forcefully summoned to doing stuff especially after a long day at work, you gonna have to tame them like a cat

We went to Disney store yesterday and saw this beautiful Cinderella dress ( beige one) , I checked the ptag and saw $120 , na head rub I began dey do, 'iwo naa sha ni baba won', oko mi, olowoori mi ale mi.

When a woman can't talk her husband effectively then something's wrong somewhere.

babygirlfl:


Tell me about it. Sometimes mine will so mess up the house you would think the mess was done by at least 10 kids. As you are tidying, they are scattering. Men have to do chores around the house or pay for help. I have never claimed to be a superwoman so I get help from hubby. If you are a woman and you do everything in the house, he will assume you are coping. If some things are left undone, he will probably have to help out. Some of these women do everything then complain that they are shattered. Most of the time the women make themselves work harder than normal and then start complaining.

Yessss ooo. People who don't have kids cannot understand. You are lucky you live abroad cos men who live abroad are more open to doing housework and child care. But in nigeria , if you are struggling with keeping up with the house they will say you are dirty or lazy, meanwhilst they cannot do a 10th of the workload. It is well .

damiso:


You can say that again toddlers are just something else I swear I was far more tired when I was home with my son than now I when I get back from work or should I say its a different type of tiredness.I used to feel emotionally and physically drained. Now its more a mental tiredness.

OP try and see if you can get help as most people have said esp with the fetching water part. That is one of the most frustrating jobs ever. If it means cutting down on other expenses, try to outsource that ASAP. And make your hubby pay for it if you cant afford it . Sometimes you need to do something radical to get results, its because he is still seeing water to bathe and clean clothes.The day he is going out for a meeting and realises that there is no water to take a bath, he will realise he has to help or PAY to get water in the house. Just be prepared that you might not also bathe or do anything with water but believe me he will begin to see the effort it takes to get the water.msheww.

And for those saying ALL housework and chores belongs to women, na wa for you o

I grew up seeing men being in charge of fetching water and one of my husbands less palatable memories of Nigeria was looking for water all over Ibadan

I remember before we had a borehole and we used to rely on Water Corporation, my dad used to do multiple trips with 50 litre kegs or jerry cans ( the more naija word ) in the car scouring round Lagos looking for water during water shortages. At a point he actually had to shell out money to BUY tanks of water.

Yes ooo you are soo right, it's mentally and emotionally tiring. I REALLY wish I could have gone back to work since but full time nursery for twins in London is ridiculously expensive. Thank God school starts in September. I love my girls but it has been a hellish 4 years

fem29:


Yes ooo you are soo right, it's mentally and emotionally tiring. I REALLY wish I could have gone back to work since but full time nursery for twins in London is ridiculously expensive. Thank God school starts in September. I love my girls but it has been a hellish 4 years

The lord is your strength. They are kuku worth the stress. Look at them.

Ewuro4:


The lord is your strength. They are kuku worth the stress. Look at them.

Thankss hun , may we all reap the fruits of our labour

fem29:


Thankss hun , may we all reap the fruits of our labour

Amen!!

H

Ewuro4:
Damiso... nostalgia, Water corporation all the way ni before dad got a bore hole too.

I agree to get help with water fetching but also talk to hubby in regards to being involved. Some men just don't like being forcefully summoned to doing stuff especially after a long day at work, you gonna have to tame them like a cat

We went to Disney store yesterday and saw this beautiful Cinderella dress ( beige one) , I checked the ptag and saw $120 , na head rub I began dey do, 'iwo naa sha ni baba won', oko mi, olowoori mi ale mi.

When a woman can't talk her husband effectively then something's wrong somewhere.

Sis I am not actually one of those people who think that a man that does not do chores in the house is a bad husband. I grew up in a home where I never really saw my dad doing chores cos he never really had to ,there were loads of people to do it.Come to think of it even my mum never really did chores chores as in sweeping,washing plates, etc.She did more of coordination. I was still joking with her when she was around recently that it's obvious she is not used to all this pick kids, cook dinner from scratch(meal prep wash fish etc) as she was already 'madam' at my age and stage of marriage .She just laughed and said am not serious.

That said I learnt from them trying to be kind and treat other nicely. Those days I am talking about I & my siblings were still relatively young and we had house helps and scores of relatives living with us. During this water shortages all these older ones would have to carry buckets and go to neighbouring streets to look for water.

Dad would come back and say 'omi melo ni e fe pon Pelu bucket gan stress Ati wahala yii ti poju'meaning how much water will you people actually be able to fetch with buckets plus all the energy expended oya get in the car lets go to Unilag. He had a number of prof friends and Unilag always had water supply. He just could not stand to see these young people go through so much stress just to get water. and this trips could be like 5 times and with him just getting back from work. In his beloved v booth

These were people he was feeding and sponsoring their education and in the case of the house helps even paying for their services.

Not to talk of ones wife or kids .. Haba

He looked for a solution as soon as possible as even that using the car was just enough for everyone to have their bath the next day.

I grew up knowing that a man looks for ways to make life easy for his family. I even got my 'laziness' from my parents anything to make life easy for me , I go for.

fem29:


Yes ooo you are soo right, it's mentally and emotionally tiring. I REALLY wish I could have gone back to work since but full time nursery for twins in London is ridiculously expensive. Thank God school starts in September. I love my girls but it has been a hellish 4 years

It is well dear

Funny enough some times you miss it when you eventually go back to work.My office overlooks a park and I had a pang of jealousy when I saw some mums playing with their lil ones in the parky today cos the weather was so nice. everything is a season.

I am a bit OCD and also cant stand to see disarray but these days I am learning what Yorubas call amojukuro before i could sweep and even mop sef 10 times a day.But now I pile up the mess and tidy it up like 1hr before bedtime I can't kee myself joor that's hubby's style when he is with them and I realise he is less stressed when he is with them I even found they prefer him staying with them sef cos he does not say 'tidy up' 'get down ' 'stop it' ' don't touch it' 100 times a day.

Damiso, Hehe lol @ momsie , mothers esp actually enjoy raising kids in Nigeria compared to this place, that's why they have more children. Lot of less privileged relative kids are great help to the household. Even if you're okay here and opt for a Live in nannies sef , they will sign out after 8 hrs and additional worked hrs is overtime. Is that really worth it? That's why I said OP should subtly ask him for help and she'll be surprised. Raising children & keeping a good home requires ALL hands on deck in almost every household nowadays.

Your Dad was soo right how many buckets of water will suffice a whole household. we suffered for water in Naija oh even the well we had wasn't deemed drinkable so we only used it for flushing , wet flowers , wash gutters and laundry. we couldnt even bathe with it. The borehole was dug 3 times sef and you know how expensive that stuff was, and you have to do a repayment for subsequent service till its achieved.

I won't call that laziness , You are not lazy, just too laid back

damiso:


It is well dear

Funny enough some times you miss it when you eventually go back to work.My office overlooks a park and I had a pang of jealousy when I saw some mums playing with their lil ones in the parky today cos the weather was so nice. everything is a season.

I am a bit OCD and also cant stand to see disarray but these days I am learning what Yorubas call amojukuro before i could sweep and even mop sef 10 times a day.But now I pile up the mess and tidy it up like 1hr before bedtime I can't kee myself joor that's hubby's style when he is with them and I realise he is less stressed when he is with them I even found they prefer him staying with them sef cos he does not say 'tidy up' 'get down ' 'stop it' ' don't touch it' 100 times a day.

You noticed that too?

When your kid starts to ask why you arent dressed for work on your off day then there's FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN

I stopped that looooong time ago. I tell other mothers to Chillax their muscles for Pilates or a quite walk.

Disarray is okay. dusty & dirty,(soiled) .. can't stand those.

Ewuro4:


You noticed that too?

When your kid starts to ask why you arent dressed for work on your off day then there's FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN

I stopped that looooong time ago. I tell other mothers to Chillax their muscles for Pilates or a quite walk.

Disarray is okay. dusty & dirty,(soiled) .. can't stand those.

You are right.. It's very difficult to have a Spick and span house wth young kids.. The more you try the more stressed one is.

Like you said one should strive for clean not tidy.

Onoda wan don come o!
Na NL sen una message?

Bia? SWEETIE-SWEETIE #1, make I hass you wan kweyshun?
When you dey PHOCK, your body dey SHAKE abi?
So na wetin dey WOUND you?
Abeg go sleep for KPANGOLO o!
AsssssSKELEWOO JOOOOOR!
Shioooooooooor!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cd2bwLcgGGg

damiso:
H

Sis I am not actually one of those people who think that a man that does not do chores in the house is a bad husband. I grew up in a home where I never really saw my dad doing chores cos he never really had to ,there were loads of people to do it.Come to think of it even my mum never really did chores chores as in sweeping,washing plates, etc.She did more of coordination. I was still joking with her when she was around recently that it's obvious she is not used to all this pick kids, cook dinner from scratch(meal prep wash fish etc) as she was already 'madam' at my age and stage of marriage .She just laughed and said am not serious.

That said I learnt from them trying to be kind and treat other nicely. Those days I am talking about I & my siblings were still relatively young and we had house helps and scores of relatives living with us. During this water shortages all these older ones would have to carry buckets and go to neighbouring streets to look for water.

Dad would come back and say 'omi melo ni e fe pon Pelu bucket gan stress Ati wahala yii ti poju'meaning how much water will you people actually be able to fetch with buckets plus all the energy expended oya get in the car lets go to Unilag. He had a number of prof friends and Unilag always had water supply. He just could not stand to see these young people go through so much stress just to get water. and this trips could be like 5 times and with him just getting back from work. In his beloved v booth

These were people he was feeding and sponsoring their education and in the case of the house helps even paying for their services.

Not to talk of ones wife or kids .. Haba

He looked for a solution as soon as possible as even that using the car was just enough for everyone to have their bath the next day.

I grew up knowing that a man looks for ways to make life easy for his family. I even got my 'laziness' from my parents anything to make life easy for me , I go for.

@bold:

A husband that doesn't help when required (depending how the home is run) is a bad husband.

(In some homes, hubby solely provides while wifey solely mans the home front so husband washing plates is helping. In some, there are really no 'duties' and both parties pitch in as required.)

I do not expect Buhari to do chores neither would Aisha do much too... Maybe cooking if Buhari is like hubby because they have thongs of people doing it.

A husband who cannot help around the home/ pay for some chores to be done is a bad one and doesn't love his wife except if she is a SMH or as explicitly said she can handle it.

bukatyne:


@bold:

A husband that doesn't help when required (depending how the home is run) is a bad husband.

(In some homes, hubby solely provides while wifey solely mans the home front so husband washing plates is helping. In some, there are really no 'duties' and both parties pitch in as required.)

I do not expect Buhari to do chores neither would Aisha do much too... Maybe cooking if Buhari is like hubby because they have thongs of people doing it.

A husband who cannot help around the home/ pay for some chores to be done is a bad one and doesn't love his wife except if she is a SMH or as explicitly said she can handle it.

I kinda agree that love will not bear to see the other person suffer however like you rightly added there are different case scenarios that could fall in between.

I don't even think a SAHM does not deserve help from her husband.She might not demand for it but depending on the home dynamics she might also need help.


I don't think doing chores is a determinant of how good or bad a person.I know women who HATE doing chores and some people dont do chores because they hate doing it not cos they are trying to be wicked . They actually don't mind living in filth .I watch some shows and I cant wrap my head round how dirty some people's houses are


I lived with someone who jumbled dirty and clean clothes together and a smell test was the determinant of how suitable an outfit was She felt i had serious issues with the way i sorted my clothes. She also could not understand why I would lay my bed as soon as I woke up, swept everyday etc.I also thought she was annoying cos her side of the room was disfiguring the tidiness of my own side

Now if she marries and her hubby worked long hours and she was a SAHM there is no guarantee that she would still do all the chores as at when neeed. that is not to say she might not love her husband she just can't be bothered. The saviour is if she is able to outsource it but what if she can't afford to?

There are different shades of grey with these chores issue and I think the OP needs to speak to hubby about how she feels.For all you know he could actually think she can cope as she had been forming super woman in the past.Some women sef their perfectionist over sabi might discourage their husbands from chiiping.Sebi you can do it ok kuku be doing it.

The fetching water angle is more an amenities issue that she must tackle ASAP as adding fetching water to already demanding chores is just killing.

damiso:


It is well dear

Funny enough some times you miss it when you eventually go back to work.My office overlooks a park and I had a pang of jealousy when I saw some mums playing with their lil ones in the parky today cos the weather was so nice. everything is a season.

I am a bit OCD and also cant stand to see disarray but these days I am learning what Yorubas call amojukuro before i could sweep and even mop sef 10 times a day.But now I pile up the mess and tidy it up like 1hr before bedtime I can't kee myself joor that's hubby's style when he is with them and I realise he is less stressed when he is with them I even found they prefer him staying with them sef cos he does not say 'tidy up' 'get down ' 'stop it' ' don't touch it' 100 times a day.

Lol abi oo that is the only way you stay sane, sometimes I just don't wear my glasses or contact lenses all day so I can't see very clearly, then when I am ready to tidy up, I wear my glasses and tackle the mess.

bukatyne:


Now this was funny

very

Chillisauce is something else

crystalgem:
I am married for two year nw with a baby girl, though marriages ave up and down but the one am going through ryt nw,that makes my body aches is the house chores, I do virtually al the work with no help, starting from sweeping the verandah, to the mopping the sitting room,kitchen, and the passage, to clearing the dishes,fetching water and serious u nid to see our well it's rily so deep,i fills the kitchen and toilet with water, wash the toilet, cook den take care of the baby while my husband sit al tru pressing his fone. Av discussed this with him several tyms but no change. I dnt no wot else to do as this is killing me. I alwaz wonder if he love me cos I dnt no ow u ll claim to love ur wife but stil watch her go through stress without you helping ha.....pls advice

You aren't doing nearly enough.

Why don't you grind pepper with your left hand, whilst pounding yam with your right hand - simultaneously?