Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now yet he keep persisting, good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level, I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

Gbege....




CONFUSED SEF

Surely you will frustrate yourself out of the marriage If you marry the wrong one out of desperation

You will almost certainly leave your man if your sole reason for marrying them borders along their financial strength. You need to love someone for whom they are not what they have

BTW: Are you working?

You don't have to say yes to him because the right man hasn't come along.

Never go into a relationship out of pity or desperation.

29? U still young na!

Hmmm

Take your time, don't rush... know him well. Then you can make your decision after that... if he asks you at your next date, still insist you can't date him

Since you don't love him, please stay clear.. Don't go into marriage out of pity... You have known him for over 2yrs, yet no feeling whatsoever. How sure are you it'll come after marriage?
Hopefully, he'll find someone that will love and appreciate him..



Btw, you call him poor yet still go to him for financial aid.. SMH for you. ..

jaybee3:
Surely you will frustrate yourself out of the marriage If you marry the wrong one out of desperation

You will almost certainly leave your man if your sole reason for marrying them borders along their financial strength. You need to love someone for whom they are not what they have

BTW: Are you working?

Yeah I'm working but the pay is token.

Don't term it desperation, have been fine all along it just his good nature and persistence that made me have a rethink, I don't belong to the class that rush into lifetime issues just cos every one else is in it.

MarvellousGod:
Since you don't love him, please stay clear.. Don't go into marriage out of pity... You have known him for over 2yrs, yet no feeling whatsoever. How sure are you it'll come after marriage?



Btw, you call him poor yet still go to him for financial aid.. SMH for you. ..

Thanks for the critics and advice, I don't go to him for financial help like you think, well I wish you know how it do happens.

irishCream:


Yeah I'm working but the pay is token.

Don't term it desperation, have been fine all along it just his good nature and persistence that made me have a rethink, I don't belong to the class that rush into lifetime issues just cos every one else is in it.

try and know him more.... if u tink u can consider him later on.....buh if u still av doubt abt him....pls wait for ur man.

Just take ur time.. The fact that he has been hanging on doesnt automatically make him the right one for you

Whatever decision you take, don't ever marry someone out of pity. Marry someone you have genuie feelings for.

irishCream:


Yeah I'm working but the pay is token.

Don't term it desperation, have been fine all along it just his good nature and persistence that made me have a rethink, I don't belong to the class that rush into lifetime issues just cos every one else is in it.

I only asked you about your employment situation so as to ascertain if your requirement for a money bag has something to do with your view of marriage has a gateway to financial security.

If he is good to you and his persistence which could be easily analysed as him having genuine love for you is not enough for you to see beyond the norm then you might not find a good man going forward.

Below are the key criteria you ought to consider when choosing a partner:

Potential: His he educated and good work ethic
Values: Is he morally upright?
Faith: Does your faith align
Listening skills: Does he allow you contribute or he is a pushover
Accommodating: Does he accommodate your flaws

All the above will help you sustain your home not money

MissSlimbody:
You don't have to say yes to him because the right man hasn't come along.

Never go into a relationship out of pity or desperation.

Like seriously, who is the right man?

I personally don't subscribe to the shitty idea that there exists one particular person that's meant for you...........

I also do not believe in the idea of a wrong person loving you right.

If he dresses like a gay, hangs out with gays and walks like a gay then he's definitely a gay.

If he loves you right then he's the right person. There is no two way about it.

The op thinks he's the wrong person because he isn't rich and handsome.

Is alright.


God is watching.

jaybee3:


I only asked you about your employment situation so as to ascertain if your requirement for a money bag has something to do with your view of marriage has a gateway to financial security.

If he is good to you and his persistence which could be easily analysed as him having genuine love for you is not enough for you to see beyond the norm then you might not find a good man going forward.

Below are the key criteria you ought to consider when choosing a partner:

Potential: His he educated and good work ethic
Values: Is he morally upright?
Faith: Does your faith align
Listening skills: Does he allow you contribute or he is a pushover
Accommodating: Does he accommodate your flaws

All the above will help you sustain your home not money

Thanks a bunch, quite insightful!!!

Tallesty1:
Like seriously, who is the right man?

I personally don't subscribe to the shitty idea that there exists one particular person that's meant for you...........

I also do not believe in the idea of a wrong person loving you right.

If he dresses like a gay, hangs out with gays and walks like a gay then he's definitely a gay.

If he loves you right then he's the right person. There is no two way about it.

The op thinks he's the wrong person because he isn't rich and handsome.

Is alright.


God is watching.

God is watching, in 3D I guess...lol

What's wrong if I desire someone presentable and financially stable?

So it's only you guys that are supposed to go for the beautiful and educated girls, why the double standard for men in marriage

Tallesty1:
Like seriously, who is the right man?

I personally don't subscribe to the shitty idea that there exists one particular person that's meant for you...........

I also do not believe in the idea of a wrong person loving you right.

If he dresses like a gay, hangs out with gays and walks like a gay then he's definitely a gay.

If he loves you right then he's the right person. There is no two way about it.

The op thinks he's the wrong person because he isn't rich and handsome.

Is alright.


God is watching.

I don't subscribe to the idea that there's just one person meant for your either.

How one feels also matters.
And our idea of "right" varies.

Take for example; A male friend has been breathing down my neck for years, and I have been rejecting him.

Why? He is arrogant and overbearing.
A heavy drinker, party and club excessively.

He's not what I want, so that makes him a wrong man for me.

irishCream:


Thanks a bunch, quite insightful!!!

You're welcome

PS: Please don't let the society pressure you. 29 is not too old except early marriage was one of your goals growing up. Make yourself attractive by being extremely successful in all your endeavors and see good quality men troop around you. Know and appreciate your worth so you get valued like a princess you ought to be.

Life is for the living so let the world be your oyster

jaybee3:


You're welcome

PS: Please don't let the society pressure you. 29 is not too old except early marriage was one of your goals growing up. Make yourself attractive by being extremely successful in all your endeavors and see good quality men troop around you. Know and appreciate your worth so you get valued like a princess you ought to be.

Life is for the living so let the world be your oyster

Thanks once again, best of them all I must admit, your woman is lucky!

MissSlimbody:
I don't subscribe to the idea that there's just one person meant for your either.

How one feels also matters.
And our idea of "right" varies.

Take for example; A male friend has been breathing down my neck for years, and I have been rejecting him.

Why? He is arrogant and overbearing.
A heavy drinker, party and club excessively.

He's not what I want, so that makes him a wrong man for me.

You have a good reason to reject but the op doesn't.

She's been rejecting him because he is poor and not presentable.

Is alright.

E never occur to am say some guys don't care about their look when they struggling to make money.

Make oluwa bless his hustles first and you will see how handsome he is......

irishCream:


God is watching, in 3D I guess...lol

What's wrong if I desire someone presentable and financially stable?

So it's only you guys that are supposed to go for the beautiful and educated girls, why the double standard for men in marriage

Chill madam.


If the saying that there is a woman behind every successful man is true then your chances of getting a handsome rich guy is very low.

Tallesty1:
You have a good reason to reject but the op doesn't.

She's been rejecting him because he is poor and not presentable.

Is alright.

E never occur to am say some guys don't care about their look when they struggling to make money.

Make oluwa bless his hustles first and you will see how handsome he is......

True @bolded.
Nobody ugly, na money do ojoro.

Since the Op has a problem with the guy being poor and "ugly", then he's not the "right" guy for her.

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

How deep is the shit? What type of shit is it? Is it atomic or AK47 shit... How does it smell? If it is nice smelling shit, it is a good shit and if not, call the services of shit removal, Yorubas call them "agbepo".

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Congratulations on your new age... What values did you add to yourself during this relationship hiatus?

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

To start with, what is your definition for a right man? What is it in those coming to qualify them as wrong?
I hope you were stingy enough not to let everyone that comes your way to be having a feel of your "sweet body"? Between, picture of the sweet body or .....

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now yet he keep persisting

Abraham Lincoln and Pa Buhari must be this brother's mentors.....

good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level,

This is maturity. Defining your relationship from onset. Kudos

I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

Yes, you told him, you didn't have that emotional/butterfly thingy feeling for him but what you didn't tell him is the reason why you weren't having it. You should have told him that you never dreamt of being in a relationship with a broke nigga. Your taste in guys is rich and handsome. You can't be proud of him because he is not looking good despite having a good heart. He has failed in all ramifications of your assessment. You only told the poor brother half truth. This is what is called being economical with the truth.

I must say your real problem lies in this paragraph. Your desired qualities in men are parochial and vanity. You are not looking out for something that can last you for a lifetime. Vain beauty and empty pocket... It may be why "providence" is not yet smiling on you. You lack the desired wisdom and skill to identify a good man outside his look and pocket. Before you misinterprete me, I am not saying you should be watching out for a poor person but if your motivation is money, it is the foundation of failure.

A broke guy today with passion, vision and ambition can never be broke forever. If you lack the Eagle's eyes, you can never see potentials in a gold mine. Diamond, Gold and every precious metal does not come shinning until they pass through fire.

My question is, if you call someone broke, why are you broke yourself? I thought some of you ladies are of the opinion that you are not marrying any guy for his money.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

In this, it is this guy that I have pity for. He doesn't know why you don't like him. If he suddenly becomes rich tomorrow, I am sure your love will come so strong for the poor dude... The guy likes you and he thinks he can't get someone better than you. It is why he is hopelessly waiting. When I was very much younger and of no experience, I waited endlessly and hopelessly for a girl like this till heavens borrowed me brain...

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

He knows you will soon become desperate as you approach that age women loathe with passion. He will remind you that your biological clock is ticking and it s good for you to take the option you have before becoming a prayer point in your church or mosque.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

You are asking the wrong question. Nobody can tell you who to say yes to but yourself. You never liked this guy and you still don't like him, it is not reasonable saying yes. Love is not emotion but decision. You have decided not to ever love him and there is no point beating a dead bush. Free him and let him find his wife elsewhere. Saying yes will only make his life miserable if situation does not change when you want it.

I plead with you, free the ugly and broke guy please.

I wish you well in your search for an houseband...

MissSlimbody:


True @bolded.
Nobody ugly, na money do ojoro.

Since the Op has a problem with the guy being poor and "ugly", then he's not the "right" guy for her.

She can make him her right person.




Nah packaging

Tallesty1:
She can make him her right person.




Nah packaging

Yeah, she can influence the guy's look.
One don't have to be super rich to look good.

Maybe, na him financial status be the real issue.

girl, you're not interested in this guy, stop taking his money, let him go. you're probably giving him false hope and he's too foolish to realize he should move on. it's not by force to date or love someone, he should realize that and u should too. don't think because you're now 29, you gotta settle with someone you're not into

how does he know when you need financial assistance unless you tell him. no need to keep string him along for what u can get out of him

MissSlimbody:


Yeah, she can influence the guy's look.
One don't have to be super rich to look good.

Maybe, na him financial status be the real issue.

She can motivate him to hustle more.


My ex did and I still respect her for it.


The girl is gotta put in some effort y'know, nothing good comes easy

Tallesty1:
She can motivate him to hustle more.


My ex did and I still respect her for it.


The girl is gotta put in some effort y'know, nothing good comes easy

True