I am a married woman of over ten years(10yrs) in marriage but recently i have been unhappy. It all happened that my hubby lost his job in 2010 and he was given some money from his employer(severance package) but he was not pay his gratuity which was suppose to be paid because he was ask to go on redundancy. He took his employer to the National industrial court and since then he finished all the money with him so all the responsibilities fell back on me because i am a working woman but a mother of three(3) with my first child in a reputable secondary school. He got a new job and also won the court case against his employer and he was paid his money but i noticed that his attitude changed imagine my hubby still expect me to go ahead with the responsibilities. As i am now if i am ask to go by my employer then i don't have any savings to fall back on. I am servicing a loan already but my problem now is that i need a candid and mature advice coupled with the fact that i have health challenges which i have been spending on and i can't even over stretched myself. Pls house i need a mature but not bashing because i have seen my husband as somebody that think i am a fool. He even mention it that he has to save his own income pls what can i do because i don't want my children to suffer at all because they are at the receiving end. I am indebted to a lot of people which i intend start paying with my salaries without removing anytin from except my transport but he has failed to get us foodstuff at home and i can't be looking at my kids in hunger. Pls help me house.

call his relatives and friends

tell them the problem

but before you call them,

sit down and talk to him

make sure you guys talk first

before asking friends and family

to intervain.


Put it in prayers..

prayers work!

Money sha

Perhaps you seek a religious guidiance, That's why we have the church or religious leaders, they should be able to talk to him and make him have a rethink except u both don't belong to any religious body, Then u might have to use the senior relatives approach.

My opinion though.

seat him down and ask him if you have offended him.

Are you sure you didn't abuse him when he was jobless? because you ladies get bad mouth.

hope you are not reminding him how you took care of his responsibility when he was jobless?

For a man to change suddenly, they must be a reason

My pastor spoke with us yesterday but today i have nothing to eat with my kids. They are right with me now. I defaulted my Loan repayment last month(may) so have been ban until the loan repayment is deducted this month. Help me house because i am dying in silence.

Dammy68:
My pastor spoke with us yesterday but today i have nothing to eat with my kids. They are right with me now. I defaulted my Loan repayment last month(may) so have been ban until the loan repayment is deducted this month. Help me house because i am dying in silence.

sorry to hear that.

but I think he is wrong for leaving you and his kids without food. some men sha,

but we need the full story because the man isn't like that before.
is there anything you have done wrong ? because this marriage is not a joke (10yrs) isn't a short journey

If this is the Entire Story, then the Man is Heartless,wicked and *****

Ma'am I don't even know what to say. Reporting him to his Relatives might only Aggravate the Situation......

Take the Matter to the Law Court

Something must have happened during the time he was without money and a job for this sudden change

agarawu23:
sorry to hear that.

but I think he is wrong for leaving you and his kids without food. some men sha,

but we need the full story because the man isn't like that before.
is there anything you have done wrong ? because this marriage is not a joke (10yrs) isn't a short journey

No matter what she has done wrong, it doesn't give the husband the right to starve his kids.

Madam, sorry for your plight.

what i would advise you do is to call one or two persons he respects to talk to him about this.

I know of someone that went through this same ish.

It wasn't easy for her at all cos the hubby felt like if she could feed the family for 4 years when he lost his job...then she can continue

Bisjosh:

No matter what she has done wrong, it doesn't give the husband the right to starve his kids.

yes! I said that too in my first line you quoted.

at least he should consider their baby even if the Lady offended him

Bisjosh:
Madam, sorry for your plight.

what i would advise you do is to call one or two persons he respects to talk to him about this.

I know of someone that went through this same ish.

It wasn't easy for her at all cos the hubby felt like if she could feed the family for 4 years when he lost his job...then she can continue

the story might not be the same here.
you women are found of reminding guys any little offer you render them. I am still insisting there is more to this issue the op isn't telling us.

but I am not in support of the man leaving them in hunger no matter what.

Don't call anyone, lash him with a lot of bitter words, remind him of his difficult times that you take over the family bills, let him know how disappointing he is for making the kids go hungry as if they are not his kids anymore, remind him so many thing to fill up some loop holes in his sense of reasoning....don't fight him please let him go out, I bet he will reason and adjust if not threatening with court if he still prove stubborn carry go court make then change hin operational system

Maybe your husband has incurred a lot of debt. Men do it and won't tell their wives. Watch a little while...if all is the same, report to whom he can't refuse to listen to.

Bisjosh:
Madam, sorry for your plight.

what i would advise you do is to call one or two persons he respects to talk to him about this.

I know of someone that went through this same ish.

It wasn't easy for her at all cos the hubby felt like if she could feed the family for 4 years when he lost his job...then she can continue

That type of man or so call husband/ wife is ungrateful person
why will one person in a relationship think he/she need to save why the other person pay the bill
selfish and self center

In the years he had, he took care of most of the expenses and was always there for his family

In the years he didnt have, you have constantly reminded him of how useless he is and how he is a liability on your lfe and pulling you down

You fed him for 2yrs, and forgot how he fed you for the previous 7yrs without any harsh words towards you

Shouting, nagging and all sort of demeaning behaviour, Now he is telling you to live up to your brag and continue doing it

Shebi you dont see his usefulness in your life just a while back

libertyfather:
Don't call anyone, lash him with a lot of bitter words, remind him of his difficult times that you take over the family bills, let him know how disappointing he is for making the kids go hungry as if they are not his kids anymore, remind him so many thing to fill up some loop holes in his sense of reasoning....don't fight him please let him go out, I bet he will reason and adjust if not threatening with court if he still prove stubborn carry go court make then change hin operational system

"lash him with a lot of bitter word"-- what will the bitter word do?
Break up the marriage-- have hate for each other
We all need to be very careful of our words to each other as husband and wife
You might say thing thing that you might want to take back-- but guess what you can't take it back

GoodFaith:


"lash him with a lot of bitter word"-- what will the bitter word do?
Break up the marriage-- have hate for each other
We all need to be very careful of our words to each other as husband and wife
You might say thing thing that you might want to take back-- but guess what you can't take it back

It was probably the lashing and words spoken when she had the money that got him into this behaviour in the first place.

Let her do more lashing

raumdeuter:
In the years he had, he took care of most of the expenses and was always there for his family

In the years he didnt have, you have constantly reminded him of how useless he is and how he is a liability on your lfe and pulling you down

You fed him for 2yrs, and forgot how he fed you for the previous 7yrs without any harsh words towards you

Shouting, nagging and all sort of demeaning behaviour, Now he is telling you to live up to your brag and continue doing it

Shebi you dont see his usefulness in your life just a while back

Other view point interesting

Marriage shaaaa....don't tell his friends and relatives anything ooo,else.




Write him a letter,explaining how u feel,if this don't work,call his father.

GoodFaith:


That type of man or so call husband/ wife is ungrateful person
why will one person in a relationship think he/she need to save why the other person pay the bill
selfish and self center

I totally agree

I wonder why some won't tackle a problem without thinking a gender has to be bashed.
OP, since your pastor waded into the affair; what was the conclusion on the matter?

@enoquin we both agreed to what the pastor said yet he has been adamant. I even sent a message to him around 3.00 p.m yesterday that there is no food at home again not even soup but he did not reply me so when i cld not hold seeing my kids in hunger i met with the Mallam in front of our building so he borrowed me 1,000 so i cooked for them and the remaining is what i use for them this morning so that they can take food to school. All i know is that it is well. I have learn but it's a pity that its in a hard way. Have been watching in movies but now it is reality. I am strong now atleast for my children. I know that by the time the bank deduct their own money for this month then i will be able to take care of myself and kids

Dammy68:
@enoquin we both agreed to what the pastor said yet he has been adamant. I even sent a message to him around 3.00 p.m yesterday that there is no food at home again not even soup but he did not reply me so when i cld not hold seeing my kids in hunger i met with the Mallam in front of our building so he borrowed me 1,000 so i cooked for them and the remaining is what i use for them this morning so that they can take food to school. All i know is that it is well. I have learn but it's a pity that its in a hard way. Have been watching in movies but now it is reality. I am strong now atleast for my children. I know that by the time the bank deduct their own money for this month then i will be able to take care of myself and kids

Goodness, that's terrible! Your reply has me so sad. No matter how tough the marriage might be or how much you might dislike and want to be free from your partner; the children should always be left out.
My heart aches for them. I pray God gives you the strength to be strong till the bank releases your money.

No disrespect meant, but your marriage actually needs to break up so you can verify how practical it is to have a family and yet end up spending only on your commute to work in a month. I thank God for your husband because the extent of your selfishness goes to show how much emotional trauma and agonizing human degradation he must have suffered while he was jobless and broke. Some of una no dey try at all!

Divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Send your kids to him. Let them be the one to say daddy we are hungry. Don't borrow anything again on his behalf. Some men are very heartless. I don't agree with the school of thought that says women should suffer with a man. that is how you will suffer and suffer when money comes he will leave you and run away. If there is no food give them water to drink until their father comes back they will not die.

@ cold flare1. It's quite unfortunate that you don't know me at all, i am not one of the married woman that portrayed your right up. You don't know how down i am psychologically, but it is well. Thanks so much

This story has many holes. Our elders say there is no smoke without fire. Madam, you know why he is acting like this. A man cannot hate his own children to the point of starving them unless he thinks he is justified. Go to him and solve it.

Is the story the complete version...??