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| Joke Library:D:D:D by cyprus000: 7:39pm On Jun 30, 2015 |
[size=13pt][b]There was an igbo,hausa and yoruba man Who were best of friends.. One day,as they were walking on the street. they saw a bag containing large sum of money. They thought on the best way to safe guard the money since taking it to the bank will attract attention and they will likely be sanctioned if they can't provide the source of their money and hiding it in nigerian can cause temptation and betrayal. So they hide the money in a forest,in another country. pending wen they will be ready to use it. eight months leta,they decide to go get the money and they resolved to take a flight this time to ease stress. So they boarded a plane. on their way to the place. the plane developed mechanical fault. the pilot instructed everybody to abadone plane. Everybody abadoned plane,remaining the igbo,hausa and yoruba man with one parachute remaining. The igbo man was the first to get to the parachute and he alighted, leaving the hausa and yoruba man behind. The hausa and yoruba man accepted fate and alighted. Within minutes,the hausa man intersected the igbo man in the air and bide him farewell,till they meet in the after life and he decended. The yoruba man also intersected him and also bide him farewell. The igbo thought to himself "hmm..so this men think they can play fast on me and run away with the money or reduce the amount and tell my story" Taaa!! That won't happen,he unbuckled his parachute and screamed. "Musa,tunda here I come.we must get there togeda. You can't cheat me"   a very successful naija woman parked her new lexus in front of her office ready to show it off to her collegues, as she got out, a trailer passed too close and completety tore off the door, the woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, called the police, and they arrived. before the officer could say anything the Woman was scereaming hysteriacally, my lexus!, my lexus!, will never be the same again no matter what the panel -beater did to it, the officer just looked at the woman in disgust and shook his head, i cant believe how materialistic you are, he said, you are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else. how can you say such a thing? asked the woman. dont you know that your left arm is missing. from your elbow down, it must have been torn off when the truck hit you..........., oh my God replied the Woman, "MY ROLEX" wrist watch oo!. Alws check your dictionary well......a man went to the hospital Good-Morning Doc,' he says. I want to be Castrated.' 'What on Earth for?' asks the Doctor in amazement. ... 'I...... It's something I'v been thinking about for a longtime & I want to have it done,' he replies. 'But have you thought it through properly?'asks the Doctor. 'It's a very serious operation and once it's done,there's no going back.It will change your Life forever!' 'I'm aware of that & you're not going to change my mind,so either you book me in to be Castrated or I'll simply go to another Doctor.' 'Well,Ok,'says the Doctor, 'But it's against my better Judgement!' So he had his operation and the next day, he is up & walking very slowly, legs apart down the Hospital Corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him, is another patient walking in exactly the same manner. 'Hi there?' he says, 'It looks as if you've just had the same operation as mine!' 'Well, 'said the patient, 'I finally decided after 37 years of Life that I'd like to be Circumcised.' He stared at him in horror and screamed,,,,,,,, 'SHIT,THAT'S THE WORD!',I made a mistake..........damnnn!!! Grl: my dear I don't like the way we are meeting hw selfs all over the junction let's go nd rent how own house nw Guy: but i have no money Grl: ok ok let's go nd be living with ur parents Guy: dat's impossible Grl: y Guy: becos my parents too are living with their parents. Wen I still dey small, Poverty hold us sote,the first day wey I see Mr biggs pack. Na the day wey rat for our house go hustle am come, from another person house. E reach level wey Mosquito they bite us they spit. bcs no nutrient for blood. The day wey our aunty make mistake visit us. mosquito kidnap her cun send us letter. "Dear cyprus,if you love ur aunty and want to see her alive. You have to pay a rasome of 5litres Of fresh blood,cos e dun tey wey we see better blood suck. this is our only chance of nice meal and we aint taking no chances" One day,I cun travel go one of our distant relative house wey rich. Has I dey play with the man pikin,na him the boy sneak enter kitchen go steal lollipop. Has him dey comot from kitchen,na him em mama catch am, cun report to em father. The father cun fume "junior! junior!! So you stole lollipop,despit all the lollipop your mama just gave you. Honey,give him 100 lollipop has his punishement" The boy cun they beg "mummy please beg daddy for me,I won't do it again. Mummy please help me" Shuu!!!..are you for real  Na him I reason for my mind,so this people they give extra of wetin person steal and the mumu pikin dey even cry self .I go show them say I be true ajekpako.I cun set trap the next day,has I see say the man they around. I sneak enter kitchen go steal groundnut cun enter parlour they chop am for em front. Has him see me,he cun ask "cyprus what are you eating,are you not the one who just finished eating and who gave you what you are eating?" Na him I pose say "sir I took it from the kitchen" The man flame "cyprus! cyprus!! After eating you still have the effront to steal from the kitchin. Honey,give cyprus 100 groundnut" The woman bounce enter kitchin cun give me my right  (boyz devour am)The next day na junior birthday,them cun dey fry meat for kitchen. I dey around they mark wen the woman go comot from kitchen,has she comot. Na him I stroll enter kitchen,luckily the man cun dey come toward kitchen. I carry one meat cun pretend lyk say I want chop am,make him see me. Him pass without seeing me,I cun wait make him pass again. has him finish waiting him dey do for bath room cun dey come back. I hear em foot steps,na him I carry long spoon hit pot of meat to get em attention. Has him see me,him cun scream "cyprus!!!! What are you doing?" I bon face say "I am sorry sire,I just want to taste the meat" Him call em wife. Honey,give cyprus 100 piece of meat has his punishement. The woman give me 60piece,cun say "cyprus I want to have mercy on you,so I am going to give you 60 piece" Boyz provok  ..na him I halla "no ma,please complete my punishement oo! Or do you want me to tell uncle that you refuse to punish me"Has the man want travel to dubia the next day. Em wife cun send me to tell am say em food dun ready. Has I enter him room,I cun see open brief case with dollars full inside. I look arund,I notice say him they bath room. I cun carry 100$ dollar put inside pocket Has him comot for bath room,I cun pass the message. Has I comot for him room,na him I hide for em door cun dey peep. I see am count the money over and over again,dey look around. Na him I bounce inside cun ask am "sir,are you looking for somting?" Him say yes. I put hand comot the 100$,show am "is this what you are looking for". I liked the color so I took it" The man fume again "cyprus! cyprus!!! Despit all my warning and punishement,you still stole again. I am goin to double your punishement this time(boyz dun dey prepare to give thanks giving for church. happyness dun full my belle) Him forget say na money we they talk about Has him say I am goin to give you 200 of what you stole..him cun hook. I am going to give you emmm! emmmm!!. Ok,don't do it again cyprus..go and be a good boy. Boyz cun provok shout "sire you must punish me ooo!"..this is cheating. You punished junior yestada and you refuse to punishh meee A man dat used 2 produce coffin, on his way 2 supply. his car get spoilt, so he has no option than 2 carry the coffin on his head 2 his destination on aproaching the place he met police men and they asked were he was goin with The coffin on his head? he knew what naija police can do in such situation if you don't play fast. he thought for somtime and said "oga i no like were dem berry me i da go reberry my self 4 another place" The police men looked at each other. You know the constant things na "gbaga(run)" My people, you will never believe what happened to me yesterday at Sahad Stores in Abuja. I still can't get over it. I went to the super market to pick something to eat and as I was walking down the isle, I noticed this man staring at me... I looked at him and kept walking to the front counter to pick bottled water and gala. As I picked them and turned to find the same man right in front of my face! I tried to give him some of my love so I smiled and said "Hi!" then I went on to get a can coke. Can you believe that same man followed me through the store? I was getting a little nervous and mad because he was following me without saying anything. But you know me, trying to be friendly... I just said "Hi!" He finaly responded and said, "I am sorry for staring but you look just like my youngest son... We just buried him two weeks ago". I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincerity to him. He said he was fine as he knows that his son is with the lord. Then he asked me to do him a favour. I said "sure, if I can." He said he was a bit sad that his son never said goodbye to him before passing on. He asked me to get in line behind him and as he left the store I should say "Goodbye dad" so that he could have a sense of closure. Though his request was weird, I however agreed to grant them. So as he collected his bags from the cashier and walked away, I said "Bye Dad" he turned and said"Bye my dear son". When the cashier calculated my bill, she said the total was N11,250! I shouted "what?... Can you please explain how a bottle of N70 water, N50 gala and N100 can coke will sum to such amount?". She said "your dad said you are paying for his bill too." "My dad? That man is not my father!" I yelled back in response... I quickly rushed out just in time to see the man moving towards the parking lot. "You know the rest na ...no body scam cyprus and get away [/b][/size] |
| Re: Joke Library:D:D:D by dunsman(f): 7:39pm On Jun 30, 2015 |
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| Re: Joke Library:D:D:D by frankdivine: 7:46pm On Jun 30, 2015 |
Lol Lalasticlala |
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