pickabeau1:


I agree..some women help out
I know of some ladies myself helping their man buy this are exceptions

Have you forgotten the motto of some married women

His money our money
My money my money?


Also your last statement
You can't blame women?

Why do women blame everyone else but themselves?..huh




I needed to ask
So you see women in naija have it easy
They use phones bought by men with data to post
Some are sponsored on trips to dubai and exotic places
Some are valued with high amounts of money to show they are high class before the husband can carry them

So where is the suffering that caused the femaleinnaija shítstorm

Forgive me If I don't know only women who take their men's money without contributing.

How can you blame the women for a culture that was introduced by the men? He's the one who wants to be "a real man", the one who thinks she's not a real woman, if she has an opinion, so needs to assert his powers by wanting to dominate/dominate her. The men want to win a price, therefore needs to prove himself to get that.

The suffering is that, because of this superiority mentality, men tend to treat women in condescending manner sometimes.

cococandy:

A woman can have it easy in Nigeria if she's fine with being valued according to her looks and how favorable the men find her.

That's not what life is all about.

if she like it.. why should it be anyone's problem to see it as suffering in naija
Meanwhile this is the same path towed by Kim Kardashain who used her attractiveness and booty to trade in for fame and riches
it is not a new thing

cococandy:

Explain pls. What are u saying that I'm not saying?
Some parents tolerate such, while some don't. My example was just to show you how far some even take it.
I'm not saying they are all poor.

The question was this:
These girls/women that tax thier boyfriends for sustenance... dont they have parents who should do this

freecocoa:
Forgive me If I don't know only women who take their men's money without contributing.
How can you blame the women for a culture that was introduced by the men? He's the one who wants to be "a real man", the one who thinks she's not a real woman, if she has an opinion, so needs to assert his powers by wanting to dominate/dominate her. The men want to win a price, therefore needs to prove himself to get that.
The suffering is that, because of this superiority mentality, men tend to treat women in condescending manner sometimes.

ok... no problem..u can only talk from your own experience

Now the culture was introduced by men?...ok

So are the women suffering.. why do they conveniently forget the loot they share when talking about suffering in naija

pickabeau1:

ok... no problem..u can only talk from your own experience

Now the culture was introduced by men?...ok

So are the women suffering.. why do they conveniently forget the loot they share when talking ab

pickabeau1 post=35412314:

if she like it.. why should it be anyone's problem to see it as suffering in naija
Meanwhile this is the same path towed by Kim Kardashain who used her attractiveness and booty to trade in for fame and riches
it is not a new thing
The question was this:
These girls/women that tax thier boyfriends for sustenance... dont they have parents who should do this
ok... no problem..u can only talk from your own experience
Now the culture was introduced by men?...ok
So are the women suffering.. why do they conveniently forget the loot they share when talking about suffering in naija

out suffering in naija

Yes ke, men introduced it, it's for their selfish reasons.

You don't get it, these women give you something in return, that cancels that part of it being a loot, it's trade by barter, in which women even end up sacrificing more.

freecocoa:
Yes ke, men introduced it, it's for their selfish reasons.

You don't get it, these women give you something in return, that cancels that part of it being a loot, it's trade by barter, in which women even end up sacrificing more.

so where is the suffering.... freecocoa ooo

pickabeau1:


so where is the suffering.... freecocoa ooo

Did you not read me saying women end up sacrificing more? Men expect this, thereby act up while at it.

freecocoa:
Did you not read me saying women end up sacrificing more? Men expect this, thereby act up while at it.

Now this is what i call shortcut to answer mindset

You agree there is an entitlement mentality shared by a large portion of nigerian women
You agree this helps to ensure men's ego are served
You agree the girls are well taken care of

So why do you think this good care, barter style is suffering

Thanks all for your various contributions, I really appreciate.

Just to clear some issues, I give my fiancé money due to the fact I have to give, not that she can't take care of herself cause she too is from a good home. And for my mom, I give her money cause I feel it's the right thing to do, though my money doesn't add one bit to hers cause she's very okay?

And for those saying I'm a student, well you are wrong cause i'm done with my studies, but my fiancé isn't.

I must say I have learnt a thing or two from everyone of you. Thanks
@ crackhaus pickabeau1 cococandy edwife Stillfire freecocoa naijababe bellong

This "money sharing" is the cause of so many master slave marriages today
The man thinks he bought her
. . . .and the woman thinks that she cant live without his money because she becomes accustomed to a certain standard which is higher than her own earnings.

Gifts fine, (which should be 2 sided IMO) but to expect a bf to pay for day to day expenses . . then NO!!!!. You are only just boxing yourself into a corner and if you jam an abuser, then it will result in tears.

pickabeau1:


Now this is what i call shortcut to answer mindset

You agree there is an entitlement mentality shared by a large portion of nigerian women
You agree this helps to ensure men's ego are served
You agree the girls are well taken care of

So why do you think this good care, barter style is suffering

The entitlement mentality is shared by both parties.

I don't remember saying the women are well taken care of, giving money and the amount given are two different things, there's also the case of how often he gives.

Don't change my words.

freecocoa:
The entitlement mentality is shared by both parties.

I don't remember saying the women are well taken care of, giving money and the amount given are two different things, there's also the case of how often he gives.

Don't change my words.

ok.. i hear

They are collecting the money yet they somehow end up being the sufferer..boohoo

duran2059:
Thanks all for your various contributions, I really appreciate.
Just to clear some issues, I give my fiancé money due to the fact I have to give, not that she can't take care of herself cause she too is from a good home. And for my mom, I give her money cause I feel it's the right thing to do, though my money doesn't add one bit to hers cause she's very okay?
And for those saying I'm a student, well you are wrong cause i'm done with my studies, but my fiancé isn't.
I must say I have learnt a thing or two from everyone of you. Thanks

Bro.. stop that money thing until u wife her if u decide to
Her questions are however indicative of an issue which will come back to haunt you

I remember how they would come to sell gold in my office back then and I would excuse myself when it has pased my power, my colleagues would ask why I could not afford it knowing I lived at home and my fiancé was 'abroad' .'Does he not give you allowance' was the question I used to get. 'Allowance' ke am I working for him ni? I never got the compulsory 'pocket money' send weekly recharge card , pay for hair buy mobile phone thing.



E be like say the women in my family like sufferhead We didn't/don't have 'head' for 'allowance' 'pocket money' giving boyfriends chai.Cos I know its the same for my sister. My parents sure did a number on us.

damiso:
I remember how they would come to sell gold in my office back then and I would excuse myself when it has pased my power, my colleagues would ask why I could not afford it knowing I lived at home and my fiancé was 'abroad' .'Does he not give you allowance' was the question I used to get. 'Allowance' ke am I working for him ni? I never got the compulsory 'pocket money' send weekly recharge card , pay for hair buy mobile phone thing.



E be like say the women in my family like sufferhead We didn't/don't have 'head' for 'allowance' 'pocket money' giving boyfriends chai.Cos I know its the same for my sister. My parents sure did a number on us.

Hehe Dami abeg I no fit laugh.

damiso:
I remember how they would come to sell gold in my office back then and I would excuse myself when it has pased my power, my colleagues would ask why I could not afford it knowing I lived at home and my fiancé was 'abroad' .'Does he not give you allowance' was the question I used to get. 'Allowance' ke am I working for him ni? I never got the compulsory 'pocket money' send weekly recharge card , pay for hair buy mobile phone thing.



E be like say the women in my family like sufferhead We didn't/don't have 'head' for 'allowance' 'pocket money' giving boyfriends chai.Cos I know its the same for my sister. My parents sure did a number on us.

e be like say I am carrying last too oo
make I go compile list for my man, biko

Ewuro4:


Hehe Dami abeg I no fit laugh.

Yes naa..free money In short I was the sufferhead in ny hostel back then. When people had moved to Samsung/Sony Erricsson phones, I was still using 3310.

In short let me go and tax hubby for all the pocket money he should have been giving me when we were courting

I am making my hair on Saturday he must pay for it

tearoses:
This "money sharing" is the cause of so many master slave marriages today
The man thinks he bought her
. . . .and the woman thinks that she cant live without his money because she becomes accustomed to a certain standard which is higher than her own earnings.

Gifts fine, (which should be 2 sided IMO) but to expect a bf to pay for day to day expenses . . then NO!!!!. You are only just boxing yourself into a corner and if you jam an abuser, then it will result in tears.

They will never listen.

Be established
Get a job
Stop Longthroating
Be content with what you have
Do something
Stop WAITING for prince effing charming coz you can be a breadwinner yourself.

If that's not empowering rather than crying blue murder after being boxed to blue black, I don't know what is.

coogaluta:


e be like say I am carrying last too oo
make I go compile list for my man, biko

OP don't mind me o you have gotten enough good advise.Let her know the functions of your mum and sister/ fiancee are different and so the emotions are different but not inferior or superior to the other.

Ewuro4:


They will never listen.

Be established
Get a job
Stop Longthroating
Be content with what you have
Do something
Stop WAITING for prince effing charming coz you can be a breadwinner yourself.

If that's not empowering rather than crying blue murder after being boxed to blue black, I don't know what is.

The bolded is no 1 reason..I know people give poverty as a reason but 80% of those who expect or feel entitled that a man must foot their bills are those who want to carry Chanel bag on an income or allowance from their parents that can only afford H&M.

damiso:


Yes naa..free money In short I was the sufferhead in ny hostel back then. When people had moved to Samsung/Sony Erricsson phones, I was still using 3310.

In short let me go and tax hubby for all the pocket money he should have been giving me when we were courting

I am making my hair on Saturday he must pay for it

Shikin change , Hehe I'm sure bros can take care of that afteral we don marry una , million braids on the house

On a serious note, Ta lo fefijo? Taking money/gifts from boys was a taboo until I briefly stayed in hostel and saw gbogbo big girls doing whatsup gee , thank goodness I have a generous dad who even though saw me through my lies but kuku gave me anyway in order to belong. Then my cousins often ju some ibinu shoes and crested polo shirts I rocked with my leggs & Levi jeans .. I tried but Na anarobuka level I dey. That's what we call jamanjaman

Ive flown the nest when GSM (10k MTN SIM card) came so I didn't get oppressed much else na to use cow horns

@OP; TICK TOCK TICK TOCK; A time bomb is ticking. The question(s) your fiancée is asking you would worry any man if asked. I’m sure you’ve heard the slogan “GIVE A WOMAN AN INCH AND SHE TAKES A MILE”.

No doubt, you love your fiancée very much; but the bulk doesn’t stop with her to decide for you, how the love you have for both her and your mum/sister as well as any other family member should be split. In fact, it’s not even a question that should be asked; let alone being asked to decide whom you love more.

That your mum and your sister love her very much is not enough for your fiancée; and she still had to come up with the stylish question of “SAY THE ONE YOU LOVE MOST”.; very uncalled for if you ask me.

You are still at the courting stage in your relationship; and when a situation such as this or any others arise, you don’t overlook it; instead, you tackle them head-on. It’s rather unfortunate that some women allow themselves to be paranoid of the fact that they start to envy the love their man have for his mum/dad as well as his brother(s)/sister(s).

Your fiancée has forgotten that she was not in the picture when you were growing up in your family circle; hence, you have built a strong bond with your family before her arrival. Hopefully, yours won’t be a case when she eventually becomes your wife, and then she starts telling you that she is not too comfortable seeing your family members in your home; then probably you would understand the seriousness of her initial question(s) which you didn’t look into/tackle properly prior to your marrying her.

I wouldn’t want to say that some women, (I may be right as well as wrong) would've their own family members free to come and go as they please in your marital home; but your own family members would be placed on WRITE ME A LETTER TO TELL ME YOU ARE COMING; and if/when the letter is received, YOU WOULD ONLY BE ALLOWED TO SPEND 1 DAY. Sounds funny right; but don't let it get to that stage.

Just to clarify, I hope that you are not neglecting showing your fiancée love (let her continue to observe the love you have for her as real); as sometimes if you are not given her your attention/love, she might be a little jealous; hence, this question she is asking you about who you love more. Then again, it might be that she is listening to negative talk from her friends which is beginning to cloud her judgement.

I have seen enough threads here on NL where the fiancée/wife’s attitude portrays the “YOU’LL CHOOSE BETWEEN ME AND YOUR FAMILY”. Handle this matter now at its initial stage before yours becomes part of the statistics of “HAD I KNOWN”.

One more thing, I also saw a part in your subsequent post where you give your fiancée same amount as you give your mum; PERMIT ME ASKING WHY?. She is a student; fair enough, but learn to spend wisely as she is not yet your wife. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you should be tight-fisted; but rather, USE WISDOM WHEN YOUR ARE SPENDING ON HER.

I rest my case

Neyoor:
what is she expecting before?

You have to love ur mum than ur fiance.


Just relocate far away from ur parent after ur marriage to curb future occurence.

That is true but if she is your wife,u have to love her than ur family

CaptainJune:
Nonsense. Some ladies are just intolerable. Loving her is not enough; now she wants you to love her above your family as if it would sit well with her if her son should shower greater love and affection on a total stranger than her, the mother, the one who has borne all the suffering of making her son the man he is.

I will tell her what she wants to hear, "Darling, I love you with all my heart and I love my family with all my heart. If that's not enough for you, there's nothing I can do, but you can either stay knowing I love you with all my heart or quit this relationship if you can't live with the knowledge that I love my family with all my heart."

There's no justification in lying to a lady just to marry her. That's undiluted deception stemming from a low self-esteem. Beware of such person that can easily lie to your face to make you feel good...worse than the bite of a venomous snake.

Hmm,ur post makes me to blive angels are now on nairaland.u ar

pretydiva:
Dat ur fiancee will cause trouble btw u,ur mom n sister in d future if u eventually get married 2 her. U Jst ve 2 b careful

Exactly,she might be asking according to what her parent told her,

liquidmetall:
People bringing marine spirits into their home in the name of she's my fiance



Ordinary fiance

asking this kind of question

When you finally marry her what you will hear is choose between me and God who u love most

boys take note.