.

so does it mean my mother too was not experienced enough or was i naive too to have leaned on my mother for guidance

no insult intended,but isn't the answer u r seeking for clear enoff already?

listen mothers aside,your mother cannot live your life for you,she has lived her own life,now tell me ,is your mother living ur life with you now?is she the one suffering on your behalf?

my mother liking some other man and telling me to marry him,does not mean i have to obey her" especially when i dont have feelings for d man' not even a pastor can make me marry smone i dont have feelings for,nothing good comes easy and when things sometimes gets too easy,u have to retrace your footsteps,you r supposed to sit down and think,the whole world won't be in agreement wt wat u wanna do,there will be some person or persons that will oppose to it,thats when you know that there is a probability dat u r on d right track, the whole world can as well accept him,the most important thing is u accepting him,haven't u seen some girls dat insist they must marry another man and go against their mother's or family's wish?yes this same family might want her to be with someone else,but she will insist on marrying the one she loves.yes thats what i am talking about


Except u serve a different God from mine,but i know that my God,will never give someone a man he or she does not love,or have feelings for,he is a perfect God,and when he does his things,he does it right,the feelings might not come immeidately but smhow it grows,and when u meet your missing rib,you will know even wtout anybody telling u,dat u have met the right person

@ poster

Your faults;

You snatched your girlfriend's boyfriend which amounted to reaping where you did not sow.

You knew the guy was dumping his girlfriend for you, but you saw it as an opportunity

At your then age and grade you accepted a claimed revelation from an acclaimed born again.



Flimsy reasons;

Coming from a poor back ground does not make one bad, also some rich and responsible guys made it big from a poor back ground.

His not being prudent was partly your fault. You did not bond enough to influence him. Good couples influence themselves positively.

You entered the marriage with nothing to offer but poor influence from a broken home. It’s partly your fault because your future is in your hands and not dependent on your back ground alone.

The guy could not have changed suddenly from good to total lack of character, I guess you 'nagged' out the worst in him


Solutions
Leaving him will only compound your problems, believe me. Also allow your kids their right of growing in a peaceful home to avoid similar experience in their own marriages.

Resolve to make your marriage work and start to do 'all it takes' to make it work.

As an acclaimed Christian, you ought to know that nothing is beyond God; where is your faith?

Stop looking for solutions outside your home; the solution is within.

Start by showing him due love, respect and support. Marriage is not a bed of roses, remembers it is for better and for worse.

Take it to God in prayers and with hope that he will fix it. .

Finally, do something to help because you caused it.

Funseeka:

@ poster

@ poster

Your faults;

You snatched your girlfriend's boyfriend which amounted to reaping where you did not sow.

You knew the guy was dumping his girlfriend for you, but you saw it as an opportunity

[/quote]



well, it is your view. but i did not snatch friend's boyfriend. the girl involved was not my friend and had known her barely a month before meeting her boyfriend. if i had wanted to snatch a boy, then it would have been someone i was very attracted to and had loads to offer me. unfortunately i had absolutely no feelings for the guy involved and i started sholdering his problems right from when i met him. he brought nothing to the table, all has been from me since i met, hence my saying i made a great mistake. it was the vision thing that i believed coupled with the fact that a sister confirmed his vision and told me he would one day be great. i have waited for almost 20 years now and there is no sign of that, hence my knowing deep in me that i married for the wrong reasons.
sorry girl, like i said, i had indeed snatched him, then it would have been based on true love/genuine feelings and for the mere fact that i regret my marrying him means i never had such meaning i snatched him not. afterall true feelings dont dies off that easily.

Funseeka:
At your then age and grade you accepted a claimed revelation from an acclaimed born again.

well if professors could be brainwatched to be members of occultic sets, how much more me. fact remains the religion cycle i joined influenced me negatively and now that am grown and experienced, i have see my mistakes.



[quote author=Funseeka link=topic=249805.msg3630856#msg3630856 date=1237802893]Flimsy reasons;

Coming from a poor back ground does not make one bad, also some rich and responsible guys made it big from a poor back ground.

His not being prudent was partly your fault. You did not bond enough to influence him. Good couples influence themselves positively.

You entered the marriage with nothing to offer but poor influence from a broken home. It’s partly your fault because your future is in your hands and not dependent on your back ground alone.

The guy could not have changed suddenly from good to total lack of character, I guess you 'nagged' out the worst in him

if i was that bad an influence, then he ought not to have dumped his girlfriend for me and i ought not to have kept myself til marriage.

and mind you, i saw his family setting and the traits, but i thot he was someone i could influence positively.

poor homes sometimes are not suitable from pple that come from average or above average backgrounds becos the orientation towards life is different. this i have seen with my husband.

you can only influence someone that is influenzable i.e. you can take a horse to the river, but if it chooses not to drink water, there is nothing you can do. even he boasts no one can influence him. if you had also taken time to read my post, you would have noticed we are two opposites.

Funseeka:
Solutions
Leaving him will only compound your problems, believe me. Also allow your kids their right of growing in a peaceful home to avoid similar experience in their own marriages.

Resolve to make your marriage work and start to do 'all it takes' to make it work.

As an acclaimed Christian, you ought to know that nothing is beyond God; where is your faith?

Stop looking for solutions outside your home; the solution is within.

Start by showing him due love, respect and support. Marriage is not a bed of roses, remembers it is for better and for worse.

Take it to God in prayers and with hope that he will fix it. .

Finally, do something to help because you caused it.

thanks for your advise.

@superjet:From the very beginning of this thread, I have followed and read all the posts.I had also made very useful contributions here.Bottomline is that don't bother urself about some people who castigates,,,I sincerely can feel ur heart because I ve got a sister who made this same mistake and she eventually died in it.Funny enough she was into this religiuos stuff,,,pls don't get me wrong there is God and I ultimately believe in God in all ramifications.But one thing I keep saying there exist a very huge monumental marital fraud perverding the penticostal arena in Nigeria.You would see so called Bro or Sister taking advantage over seemingly gullible brother/sister.
You actually fell into this situation because ur thinking at the time is that being born again comes first b4 other things,,,the truth is that many pastors in Nigeria are not even born again talkless of their members.When you get a little bit close to them you would know better.My advise ti you again is to follow ur Head,,

REAL TRUTH:

@superjet:From the very beginning of this thread, I have followed and read all the posts.I had also made very useful contributions here.Bottomline is that don't bother urself about some people who castigates,,,I sincerely can feel ur heart because I ve got a sister who made this same mistake and she eventually died in it.Funny enough she was into this religiuos stuff,,,pls don't get me wrong there is God and I ultimately believe in God in all ramifications.But one thing I keep saying there exist a very huge monumental marital fraud perverding the penticostal arena in Nigeria.You would see so called Bro or Sister taking advantage over seemingly gullible brother/sister.
You actually fell into this situation because ur thinking at the time is that being born again comes first b4 other things,,,the truth is that many pastors in Nigeria are not even born again talkless of their members.When you get a little bit close to them you would know better.My advise ti you again is to follow ur Head,,

thanks love!

I am so sorry for what you have been through and I applaude you for your courage. My thing is, God gave all of us feelings, mind, and conscience to guide our lives. when you refuse to listen to your inner self starts the beginning of your problems. I am not sure why some of us christian thinks that God is more prevalent to some people than the other. God is good and close you, me and the rest of the nairaland ushers we all need to accepts this and in accord with bible principle.

I am happy that you are self sufficient. you just need to leave that relationship or you will be lamenting like this for a long time and that is if you live to do so (so to speak). Your so called husband is not living up to expectation between man and God and I highly doubt whether God will upset with any decision you are about to make. God see our heart and troubles so good luck!