Greatzeus:

You are a female and you are still talking like this,said she married someone worse than her father,like she was supposed to know he will turn to a wife beater,asked whether its a generational curse,that's insensitive and harsh coming from a supposed female.If you married and things are good between you guys,you think its because you are smart? or its by your power, you think those divorce stories and stories of couples stabbing each other,pouring acid on each other etc,you think they started like that? you think there wasnt a time when the man was like the sweetest thing that happened to the woman vice-versa.If you are not married then i pray that your case wont be worse!!! are you sure you didnt hurt that poor lady's feelings."Ain't no body gat time for this same ol' stories" who asked for your time.All these children who havent seen life,i pity you.

Velocitron:


Hope I'm not victim-blaming but, I think unfortunately, some women identify violent/controlling traits in their husbands-to-be but decide that he will change when we're married, all the while walking eyes wide open into an unhappy marriage. Unless alcohol/depression or something else is involved, I don't think anybody would suddenly become aggressive (to the point of beating up their loved ones) overnight.

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.
need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

spicyhoney:


It is just like saying your name is Adewale and you are from Owerri in Imo state. She has already lied or falsified her story, so probably not everything about her plight is true.

DDeliverer:
AUNTY, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOME TRUTHS...........I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THEM BUT IT IS THE TRUTH..

1. YOUR HUSBAND WILL BEAT YOU SOME MORE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
2. HE WILL KEEP TELLING HIS FRIENDS ABOUT EVERY 'SILLY' MISTAKE OF YOURS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
3.YOU WILL KEEP CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM AND THE GOOD WIFE AND THERE IS NOTHING NLDERS CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

DOES YOU HUBBY COME HOME AND START INSULTING YOU WITHOUT YOU PROMPTING HIM TO?
SOMEHOW YOU CLEVERLY OMITTED THE THINGS YOU DO THAT MAKES HIM ANGRY, TRYING TO PLAY THE VICTIM...WHY?


BEHAVE RIGHT! IF HE WANTS ANYTHING GIVE HIM...BE SUBMISSIVE! COOK GOOD FOOD! MAKE HIM HAPPY!
......AND I PROMISE YOU EXCEPT HE IS MAD, HE WILL SING YOUR PRAISE TO ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS.

guest12345:
What Ebira and Kabba got to do here is for you ppl not to conclude or judge every case online. She lied here with her name and where she come from: she must have been telling the hubby lairs. I am a Kogiet and I know what am saying. Oyiza vara ebira tini ooo,agwuvika reha anadawu suw ozoza.

Joavid:
Offtopic. Oyizaoyiza, how come your dad is kabba and your mum is idoma but your name is Oyiza?

Oyiza is an ebira name.

ireneidiva:

Dunno how they reason.

Richy4:
My sister, I called you that because we are family here in nairaland. You are the one wearing the shoes, and you alone knows where the pain is coming from.

There is always a good day where husband and wife feel really happy to be alive. Both of you are in a very good mood. Capitalise on that beautiful day. Cook the best meal both of you enjoy (because if I say food that he enjoy, that will be selfish )

After eating, tell him you want to talk to him. Tell him what you told us here in NL. The story of your family and everything. Please my dear sister, you are permitted to cry during the story. (Some of us guys can't stand to behold a crying person not to talk of a lady. Me for example. I don't go to funeral because of that ) Tell him that you love him so much and you can do any thing for him. but you are now scared of third party. And your biggest fear is losing him.

If he has heard your family story before, drum it into his ears again. Tell him that if there are any thing you are doing wrong, he should let you know instead of going out to say it.

You did not marry only a husband.you equally got married to your best friend. So Both of you should have a healthy communication.

But if you can't cope any more after trying your best and are convinced you have done enough dear sister, every happiness must not be equal to marriage. You know the exit door. You don't have to die young because you wanted a ring in the middle of your finger.

Standing5:

You sounded like one who can't confront issues for what they are.

Greatzeus:

You are a female and you are still talking like this,said she married someone worse than her father,like she was supposed to know he will turn to a wife beater,asked whether its a generational curse,that's insensitive and harsh coming from a supposed female.If you married and things are good between you guys,you think its because you are smart? or its by your power, you think those divorce stories and stories of couples stabbing each other,pouring acid on each other etc,you think they started like that? you think there wasnt a time when the man was like the sweetest thing that happened to the woman vice-versa.If you are not married then i pray that your case wont be worse!!! are you sure you didnt hurt that poor lady's feelings."Ain't no body gat time for this same ol' stories" who asked for your time.All these children who havent seen life,i pity you.

Joavid:

Pity yourself, cos you don't know anything.
Ask any woman who's been abused by her husband today and she'll tell you she saw the signs while they were courting.
The signs are always there.

guest12345:
What Ebira and Kabba got to do here is for you ppl not to conclude or judge every case online. She lied here with her name and where she come from: she must have been telling the hubby lairs. I am a Kogiet and I know what am saying. Oyiza vara ebira tini ooo,agwuvika reha anadawu suw ozoza.

Joavid:


Pity yourself, cos you don't know anything.
Ask any woman who's been abused by her husband today and she'll tell you she saw the signs while they were courting.

The signs are always there.

airex:
u can't know how they reason when their reasoning ability is higher than urs

oyizaoyiza:



Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

Response :-

@Bolded... You felt ridiculed because you absolutely want to feel ridiculed yourself...

Why?
Because the society has made an involvement of third party and family a normal thing.. It has been happening before u were born and it won't stop now on you...

So instead of you clinging on a negative emotion of what has been in existence for long, you should accept it, feel it, digest it and finally excrete it out and watch it disappear from ur heart...

Don't let people decide your lifetime emotions for you..

Let's do something right here right now..

Forget making the husband happy for a while and try making yourself happy, have u tried making urself happy? It's what you HAVE that you give... You can't give urself an inch of happiness, then how can u give that weary heart of ur man an happiness..

Positive and happy emotions = Forward
Negative and sad emotions = Backward

Which one do u want? choose



My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,



Response :-

Looks like it's ur husband that is feeding ur mouth.. If yes, that's a big problem..

No one is praying for anything bad to happen, what if the man wakes up one day and say GETOUT OF HERE!!,....

What will u do, where will u go? Back to wots left of ur father's house? Or to ur friends who are busy too?... Lalasticlala's house?.... Or maybe Ishilove's abode? Fvck NO...


No matter how rich a man is, "No man is ready to mingle with a liability"

If no, then u're still on a bit safer mode..

******
Get a job or an investment skill that brings in something, atleast be able to feed ur mouth and get a shelter...

******

I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.

I felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually ......


Response :-

Getting to this part, I'm inevidently made to believe there is more to the behavior of your husband than just beating you up...

There is signs of cheating, insecurity and the likes going on...

There is more to "I love him, but I DON'T trust him" than what is written up here in this write up of yours...

You privately and personally know what I'm referring to here...


*Note that i have been praying too*.

That's good habit to praying too.. But don't forget what a wise man as old as a Russians library once said

"You're the architect of your own destiny"


The vision you before you get married, pursue it.. Get it done.. Find the happiness from within.. U have complete hands and legs, even bodyparts..

Go out there get better things to do that keeps u in good emotional state...

Then that good emotion rubs off on everything. Ur marriage, job, hobbies ..etc..

U're an amazing woman with great potential, don't ever let it get buried in ur marital mud... Or else I'll spank you real hard!

Just kidding **smiles **

So if u don't want me to spank ur lazy bum, go out there, put ur goal to review, get an income and be that awesome woman her hubby is dieing to see..

#positiveEmotions
#VisionPursue
#FamilyStability


See yah around
Peace**

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.