BURGLAR


A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and
guns, but only finds a young couple in bed . He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we >kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

SLACKER



A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a
new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the
company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy
leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he
thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means
business.
SLACKER



The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money
do you make a week?"

Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies,

"I make $200 a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams,
"Here's a week's pay, now get out and don't come
back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO
looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to
tell me what that slacker did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers
mutters, "Pizza delivery guy."