You remember the days of Charley Boy? Papa and Mama Nothing spoil? Oh well, this is the 21st century version. My baby and myself will be available to give undiluted advice on anything. The ones we can't solve, we'll open it to the elders.

It will also be highly confidential. Nothing to worry about. At least, most of us here, we don't know each other. So don't be scared to bring in your problems. We'll do our best to provide answers.

Now, don't be coming with you need money o. Cos, we no get any to give to anyone. But, if you have a genuine case, we can work out a fund raise for you. We are here to help each other.

i havent been on here for almost a month now. it feels good to be away though. not like i didnt miss a handful of people on here but overall i didnt miss NL for one minute. it is me your one and only must_a_far. some of y'all might not like it but wat can i do. i cannot help u in anyway form, manner, style or way.

Nice to have you back on here, honeydarling. Ready to give these people undiluted advices? I am sure, you are. Oh well, it surely will be fun. Looking forward to solving real problems here.

What type of questions do you think we might have, that we'll not be able to address, dear?

wat questions wont we be able to solve? let me see, we probably gonn solve all the jamb questions they bring our way. if not, i have back up u know. all i have to do is ask my mamalowo to send a yahoo instant message to the oracle of NL and voila the answer shall be made available.

oya make una ask. shoot on all cylindericals biko

Remember, most peeps are sleeping already. Ok, make I bring one question up.

Why do some ladies stay with guys that beat them?

Me I no understand how person go stay with another persin wey don turn am to punching bag. I sure say, wal-mart dey sell punching bag and the thing no go cost too mush. Abi, we all sha know say, na from China everything dey come these days, so a punching bag, go be like that kin 29.99. From my analogy, the man don reduce him girl to 29.99 be that o. Chei, for this world. I bin dey think say, women are priceless. Oh well, make you carry go,

because they are MUMU. u ask me why i think they are MUMU dont u. ok look at it this way, the only reason why they would stick to such is cos they no soji. do i hear someone say it is love. love ko hate ni. love my rats ass! love doesnt hurt u. neither does it make u miserable 24/7. these ladies dont know watthey want thats why they stay in such cos if u know wat u want u would have left him like a bad habit. shikena!

I do agree with you and the MuMu thing. Wetin I no come understand is this. Why people no take time to understand themselves before them jump into a r'ship. Before you say one thing, them go say, na love. Me, I come dey wonder, when is love and stupidity on the same level? I seriously believe love no dey hurt. If you dey for r'ship and you are hurting, it is time to comot be that. I no understand how pain and love can be used in the same sentence.

Oh well, I think we don kill this topic. To the ladies out there in an abusive r'ship, please, believe me, you can do better on your own. I know you have heard it before, he does not love you and you don't need him. You can survive alone. I have not found someone that died just because they are alone. There are a lot of things you can do to occupy your time, if you are one of those that need people around you. You need people that can build you up not people that bring you down.

Abi, honey, na lie I talk?

they no take time to understand because dem still be MUMU. they thing they can change the other person. when they never fit change themselves. this thing dem call love don suffer serious maltreatment and abuse to the extent that people blame their own DUMBSHITILINITY on love. that one is crime against humanity in my own encyclopedia.

simple english! A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WIFE. yes i said it and u people should not even try to correct me. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WIFE! if u know u want to live long enough to become a wife then abeg commot ur leg from that hulk hogan wannabe front or else.

is this the next oprah winfrey show?

Naija-diva, na, this aint no Oprah show.

watever made u think its it. must have really been kinikon

bhola why do guys hit ladies

mukina. it is liver failure that makes guys hit girls cos if the guy get good liver him for go hit man instead but he knows he would have a good can of whoooping opened up for him so he wont dare.

on a seriouser note though, guys that hit females whether provoked or not have lil respect for themselves. self control matters and if he cannot hold himself strong, thus allowing a female to control his being then i guess he shouldnt be called a man. in my lil red book, one thing is for you to claim u are a bigger boy another thing is to act like one. a guy who hits a girl sure aint acting like one in my red book. SHIKENA!

You do well, my baby. Muki, why do guys hit their ladies? It is a question that has been on a lot of people's mind. My take on this: The real reason why a guy hit a lady, has to be traced back to his up bringing and stuff. Most of the time, the root cause has to be determined to understand these guys. That said, there is no reason in this world that a guy should hit a lady. Like my honeydarling said, most people don't have self control. I mean, the moment you allow someone else to determine how you react to a situation, you have let the person win over you. Me, you, we, should be able to determine what our reactions to situations should be. Most times, all the person need to do, is step back and access the situation before responding.

Why do guys hit ladies? Because they are cowards and they need something to boost their egos. Most importantly, because they have very low self esteem.

As always, if you know anyone in an abusive r'ship, tell them, the ladies, to move out. Life is too short to be in constant pain and fear. Like one of my exes said, the best thing in life, is life itself. Enjoy it.

Muki, I hope we were able to answer your questions.

My peace of mind, did you read one of the comments on your blog?

Bhola,

I have a question for you - there are tons of non-nigerian women on Nairaland complaining about how Nigerian men are no good; they're saying we are cheaters, control freaks, not romantic and so on.

As a Nigerian guy, it pains me that we are depicted as such because I am nothing like that (and I know we are all not like that).

So, (1) What is your take on this issue and (2) What kind of advice do you have for Non-Nigerian women seeking a relationship with a Nigerian man ?

Thanks.

Bhoa and must _a_far
after you doctors have answerd gnatures question i'll ask anuther

must well you are acting 105 now abi?

GNature:

Bhola,
I have a question for you - there are tons of non-nigerian women on Nairaland complaining about how Nigerian men are no good; they're saying we are cheaters, control freaks, not romantic and so on.

As a Nigerian guy, it pains me that we are depicted as such because I am nothing like that (and I know we are all not like that).

So, (1) What is your take on this issue and (2) What kind of advice do you have for Non-Nigerian women seeking a relationship with a Nigerian man ?

Thanks.

GNature, your question is a very important one and as such, I don't want to rush into answering. I will however find time Thursday or Friday to give you a response. We'll definitely look into all aspects and give you our view on this very difficult but rather interesting topic.

Thanks.

, i miss u guys, good to know that, dont ave any questions, lol.

Thanks Bhola. Looking forward to your feedback.

aloib:

, i miss u guys, good to know that, don't ave any questions, lol.

We have missed you too, Biola. How you dey?

to answer this question, one would have to ask why they think nigerian men are no good. if its from past experiences or from something someone said. whichever is the case i don't think its enough reason to put them all in the same boat and sink it. i know men could be mean not just nigerian men, women could be mean too, not just nigerian women. so to say they are no good is to be unjust to the good ones among them. my advice to non-nigerian women who have dreams of dating a nigerian man is that they should treat each nigerian with a open mind. because i'll be right to say they would only be robbing themselves of something good if they treat that well meaning guy like a no good fellow without giving him a fair chance to prove himself.

as someone at the nigerian day parade said, with the words printed on him shirt that is,"ONCE YOU GO NIGERIAN YOU NEVER GO BACK."

GNature, hope i answered ur question.

bhola does not have access to the internet thats why she hasnt replied ur question yet. abeg no vex

@must_a_far

Thanks so much. I am waiting for Bhola's response before I comment (so I don't have to comment twice).

Hopefully her internet situation will improve before the weekend runs out.

GNature:

(1) What is your take on this issue and (2) What kind of advice do you have for Non-Nigerian women seeking a relationship with a Nigerian man?

Thanks.

Non-Nigerian women complaining about Nigerian men.
I did read some of the posts on the said thread. It was indeed filled with hatred and all kind of things about the Nigerian man. Now, what is my take on this issue? Honestly, I really don't think there is need to go "Nigerian-Men" bashing. All human beings have their faults and it is not only applicable to Nigerians or her men. I am sure, things can be written about the Asian guy, the Irish guy and so on.

One thing that sticks to mind is, how come these Non-Nigerian women are the only ones experiencing such? I am sure, some Nigerian ladies also notice that their men are either not romantic or that they cheat but we don't go on bashing spree to express our concern. I also think that like minds attract. Most people attract the same kind of people, because of the kind of person they are. Take for example, how come I don't attract the low life, cheating, irresponsible guys? Because, I have my goals and principles in life and irresponsibilty and stupidity ain't things that I appreciate in a man.

A man, does not just wake up one morning and decide that he is going to be a bad person and treat the lady in a bad way. Most of these Non-N women, already see the writings on the way, but they decide to ignore it, thinking and hoping it will go away. Most of the times, it does not and then, they go on all Nigerian Men bashing.

If a man does not treat you with respect, leave him. Nigerian and Non-Nigerian men alike.

What kind of advice do you have for Non-Nigerian women seeking a relationship with a Nigerian man?
First above all other things, be true to yourself. Find out who you are. Have goals and principles. Don't settle for anything lower than your expectations. Make sure you have high expectations.

Also remember, there is definitely going to be a culture difference. No matter how much you read about a culture, there is no way you are going to "get" it all. Learn to communicate. Don't assume the other party should know something. Tell them, talk always. Share ideas and opinions. Learn together.

GNature, I hope I was able to do a lil justice to your questions.

Thanks.

Thanks so much Bhola.

I will add more to this once I finish this sandwich    just a minute please


Bhola, what an excellent analysis ! One of the most important things you pointed out was the "knowing yourself well" issue. I couldn't agree with you more. Part of the problem is that, these ladies just settle for anything, perhaps out of the desperate need for a man. Self awareness is very very important when it comes to relationships as you have intelligently pointed out.

The difference in culture is as equally important. There was this non-nigerian lady married to a Nigerian man I read here on Nairaland, they live in D.C (or its suburbs) in the U.S., they have three kids together.

She says her husband is a good provider, but does not buy her flowers, he does not arrange spontaneous candle light dinners and so on. She said giving her flowers would make her feel wanted. She just put the man completely down as unromantic to her.

Like you said, the issue is cultural difference. Back in Nigeria, once we marry a woman (for the most part), we feel we have proved that we love her. But this lady still needs flowers to prove this. I don't see anything wrong with buying your wife flowers, but she needs to communicate this to her husband and realize that she is married to a man from a diiferent culture and act like a grown up.

Your advice to these women na true advice ooo ! I hope they can read this sha.

@bhola

I forgot to add - God bless you with wisdom ooo !

Chei, I am very impressed with your feedback. Kudos to you

GNature:

@Bhola

I forgot to add - God bless you with wisdom ooo !

Amen. Thanks GNature, and I hope the Non-Nigerian women and all women sef, will be able to use the advice.

about the issue of non nigerian women, buying flowers bla bla bla, one thn is wen u marry u ave to embrace the culture of the other and stuffs, why shuld she complain bout her husbands not giving her flowers. an example is my mum, wen she just arrived naija, she used to call my dad by his name, until one of my dads cousin was like u dont call ur husband his name, now the woman till today either calls my dad baba---- or daddy, so as per the issue of cultural differences, u need to both embrace the diffrent cultures , my dad also had to learn some certain stuffs like not putting salt in rice wen we cook, brushing our teeth after each meal,

i'm so used to it, i dont add salt to my rice wen i cook, now my husband has to live wid that, wether he likes it or not cos its already a part of me, so its left for both of them

I appreciate the good intention behind this topic. Thanks a million for posting it.

@bhola and must_a_far

why do guys doubledate on ladies they love?
and why do must of them feel so insecure that they go on and have anuther

why do guys doubledate on ladies they love?

double dating is not a one sided thing. but in response to your question, i'll stay on point and focus on guys. most humans are oliver twist, guys being front runners,"they always ask for more." most times its not about them being insecure, its more about wanting to have their plates full. they get greedy and load their plates up some much they cannot keep up and all. they tend to want to portray a persona which has player wriiten all over it. to some extent it gives a bad name to those guys who naturally just have a lot of females as friends because when they talk to someone they are interested in. he'll be quick to hear these words,"i don't like players, i don't date players and you look like one so i can't date u."
talking about double dating, two-timing, multi-tasking and wateverumacallit on females they love. my question is this, do they love them by the word of mouth or with their actions, thoughts, and everything u can think of. if its by his claiming to love her and then still asks for other ladies numbers and follow up on it (acting) then i guess their meaning of love should be re-classified. putting myself in the position of said guy, if i double date on someone i claim to love, simple english, IT MEANS I DONT LOVE HER. its more like i'm lying to her because that is what she wants to hear. and thus i'll do so till the next best thing comes by and i switch plates.

mukina, u talked about insecurity, to some extent the guy might have a good reason to be insucure. it might be due to the fact that the lady acts like she doesnt give a rats behind about him, whether intentionally or not, the guy sees this and uses it as an alibi to multitask or better still portray himself as a free agent whenever the chance arises all in the hope of catching a cheap fish.

short story long, its not always the guys fault when he multitasks, sometimes the ladies they are with also have a thing or two to do with situation. i hope i answered you, if theres more let me know, i guess i'll have to break it down a lil more than i already did.


"there are four groups of people in the world, those that make things happen, those that watch things happen, those that things happen to, and those that don't know what happened. which group do you belong?"

must_a_far
that was excellent

i belong to 2 groups i think but i'll seriously think about it and try to choose one