See me see trouble o.
I have these two secondary school mates; one is still single( let's call her Miss B) and the other is married( call her Mrs C)
We three live in the same town though Mrs C moved in like a year ago with her family.we make out to see ourslves.just yesterday evening Miss B called that she saw Mrs C's husband with a babe at a joint
" so ?" i replied
" he's cheating on her"
" how do you know, it could be a business meeting or something.the lady may even be a relative" i almost snapped, i hadn't served dinner.
"babes i know what i'm saying .this isn't the first time,i once saw them coming out of XYZ guest house and...
" hey hold on a second" i cut her short " how did you see them, have you been keeping tabs on another wonan's husband"
" see" her tone had changed." don't you understand, she thinks he's innocent meanwhile.."
" babes abeg abeg count me out .you didn't mention it,i didn't hear infact you didn't..." Na so the babe cut me short o and started vibrating. she said i wasn't a good friend otherwise i would have supported her in her quest of telling Mrs C.i dropped the line and after my night chores i sent an sms advicing her to drop it since it wasn't her home.her reply was worse than her outburst but could i be wrong.is it right to tell a person that their partners are unfaithful.

I think miss b is having an affair with miss c hubby and miss c hubby just called it quits with miss b




I dedicate my ftc to barcanista

hbpeze:
I think miss b is having an affair with miss c hubby and miss c hubby just called it quits with miss b




I dedicate my ftc to barcanista

eh! noooo! let it not be o .that wonan is the most comely person i have seen. God abeg o!

Chidoks:


eh! noooo! let it not be o .that wonan is the most comely person i have seen. God abeg o!

I have said my own.comely but cunny

You did the right thing
No mind that Amebo,...

@Chidoks
i am sorry to say that Mrs B is RIGHT in how she views the case, and WRONG in how she acted when she saw the husband coming out of hotels etc

she is RIGHT in wanting to tell her friends (aka Mrs C and you) what she saw and her suspicions... i mean, what are friends for, right?!
she is WRONG because she should have gone straight to the guy and ask him what the hell he was doing with that lady in a hotel while his wife is at home bla bla bla. the fact that she "could" be a business associate is irrelevant here, and that man should know that anything suspicious will be reported to his wife.

now here is a question for you: what do you expect your friends to do if they see your future hubby coming out of a hotel with a lady?

Dear Mr Brown, hmnn the issue to me is not right or wrong..i cannot afford to get entangled the any adultary issue.
okay most babes say they would end their marriages if their husbands cheat.what if i oblige miss b and tell mrs c , and mrs c eventually ends her marriage shebi they will always say that chidoks is instrumental in their break up abi.God forbid
Again Miss B can afford to run her mouth as she pleases, she has nothing to loose, no one to answer to but as for me, how will i explain to my husband when kasala bursts?
Finally dear me, i regard this kind of issue as an ugly gossip.no matter how close you are to anyone, their private lives especially their marriages are sacred and personal.imagine me telling what i did not see, she confronts her husband , he denies, to make her point she mentions miss b and i, her hubby will naturally report to my hubby and the ugliness of the situation will fully manifest abi? mbanu, i cannot be caught in that web mbok

MRBrownJ:
@Chidoks
i am sorry to say that Mrs B is RIGHT in how she views the case, and WRONG in how she acted when she saw the husband coming out of hotels etc

she is RIGHT in wanting to tell her friends (aka Mrs C and you) what she saw and her suspicions... i mean, what are friends for, right?!
she is WRONG because she should have gone straight to the guy and ask him what the hell he was doing with that lady in a hotel while is wife is at home bla bla bla. the fact that she "could" be a business associate is irrelevant here, and that man should know that anything suspicious will be reported to his wife.

now here is a question for you: what do you expect your friends to do if they see your future hubby coming out of a hotel with a lady?

Seriuosly if anyone catches my husband the need not tell me.if they are close enough, they can speak to him otherwise zip up their lips.

Chidoks:

Seriuosly if anyone catches my husband the need not tell me.if they are close enough, they can speak to him otherwise zip up their lips.

talk to your husband while NOT informing you?! what you are actually saying is that you'd rather live in denial, pretending all is well in your marriage.... fair enough, to each their own!

You acted right

Its non of your business

Chidoks:
Dear Mr Brown, hmnn the issue to me is not right or wrong..i cannot afford to get entangled the any adultary issue.

if your spouse cheats then you will unwillingly be entangle in it.

okay most babes say they would end their marriages if their husbands cheat.what if i oblige miss b and tell mrs c , and mrs c eventually ends her marriage shebi they will always say that chidoks is instrumental in their break up abi.God forbid

no, you should NOT tell her what to do, you should just let her know what time it is so she isnt taken for a fool.

Again Miss B can afford to run her mouth as she pleases, she has nothing to loose, no one to answer to but as for me, how will i explain to my husband when kasala bursts?

friends have to answer to one another, thats what "real" friends do... they tell you the truth about everything, whether its positive or not!

Finally dear me, i regard this kind of issue as an ugly gossip.no matter how close you are to anyone, their private lives especially their marriages are sacred and personal.imagine me telling what i did not see, she confronts her husband , he denies, to make her point she mentions miss b and i, her hubby will naturally report to my hubby and the ugliness of the situation will fully manifest abi? mbanu, i cannot be caught in that web mbok

as you havent seen anything, you cannot say anything BUT you should advise Mrs B properly so that she does what is RIGHT. Mrs C's private life is yours as well, dont get it twisted. finally, whether her husband lies about it or not is irrelevant, so long as you do what is RIGHT. if your husband is mad at you because you did what is RIGHT, then i suggest you re-evauate your position in this union (or his motives).

@Chidoks

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

@MRBrownJ

I am totally with you on this. I share your views on friendship. What are friends for? I can't imagine not telling a good friend what I saw if I saw something like this. It is like keeping the truth from him and this is just another way to lie. Besides, I value truth and honesty far too much to remain silent. I can only be friends with people who share my attitude towards truth and honesty so I am sure they would tell me the truth, no matter how bitter, too.

raumdeuter:
You acted right

Its non of your business

If you saw your friend's babe with some other man, would you keep it to yourself?

MRBrownJ keeping it very real as always!

If I see my friend's husband frolicking, I'm sure telling, with proof though. Whatever she decides to do afterwards is up to her.

It will hunt me for the rest of my life if I think my friend could be in danger (STDs and the rest) and I'm doing nothing about it.

I've very few friends and they are very close and important to me. Won't be losing any one of them due to the actions of their frolicking husbands, all because I don't want their marriages to break up.

Life over marriage, anytime anyday.

It is not your place to tell Mrs C what her husband is up to because you didn't see them yourself, but you are wrong for shutting Miss B down. The least you could have done was listen to her. If in the end you think her suspicions are unfounded, then you could dismiss.

True friends are not only there to chit chat about fashion and whatnot. They tell one another the truth and stick out for one another. That you would prefer to live in denial doesn't mean your friend prefers that too.

@Mindfulness @Phema

sadly, as we can see from this thread, many call themselves "friends" so long as they dont have to put themselves on the line and take a stand for that friendship. friends on paper but in fact these are NO friends! they desire the positive friendship only, and as soon as there is a sign of trouble, that friendship disappears (like enemies do)

am with mrbrownj on this

MRBrownJ:
@Mindfulness @Phema

sadly, as we can see from this thread, many call themselves "friends" so long as they dont have to put themselves on the line and take a stand for that friendship. friends on paper but in fact these are NO friends! they desire the positive friendship only, and as soon as there is a sign of trouble, that friendship disappears (like enemies do)

Fortunately, we all can choose who we call a friend.

o.p.,, u must tell (mrs c) the truth abt what her husband is doing. She is ur friend for christ's sake....... She deserves to know the truth.

you did well chidoks.its a dicey situation and there are certain things you dont wade into baring the level of your friendship.she will find out herself intime if he is cheating cause you cant even in all certainty proove what you think it is.if you go running your mouth.whatever the outcome, you would have damaged something big somewhere.

What a crock of bull

Tell your friend, tell your friend

TELL YOUR FRIEND WHAT?

That you saw her husband with 'a woman' somewhere... and so? Do you know who the woman is? Tomorrow you see him in the market with another woman again u will run and 'tell your friend'?

Only highly JOBLESS individuals and BUSIBODIES do such!


Maybe u should just follow the husband everywhere he goes just to make sure he isn't being unfaithful, afterall it's all part of being a good friend!

People should fvcking mind their damn business and face their front. Tell your friend, tell her as if she sent you on a fact finding mission and debrief her after collating facts. What bullocks.

She saw them coming out from a hotel and so what? How did she know she isn't a relative? And let's even assume they're fvck mates how is it exactly her business. Is she crushing on the friend's hubby? Is she wishing she was the alleged mistress?

OP, you did the right thing by distancing yourself from the drama. Let her go ahead and tell and watch the husband turn the table against her and give the wife a good consolation sex afterwards.

Even if they had misunderstanding after the revelation, they're still likely to reconcile with the self-assigned loud mouthed aproko becoming the joke and losing her cordiality with the family. I don't know why it's so hard for people to mind their business nowadays.

Mindfulness:


Fortunately, we all can choose who we call a friend.

well said... yes we can!

@5minsmadness @Ronald4lif

tell her friend what she saw... if there is no big deal about it then thats what the husband will confirm with his wife.
why should anyone care who the woman is or if it is his family member etc? the point is she saw him and since it is a "suspicious" place, she needs to make her friend aware of it. any husband who has nothing to reproach themselves will A) understand why the situation is suspicious to his partner's friends and B) explain the situation to his partner without a beef. only a foolish/cheating husband would think that the friends of his partner should have been quiet about it.

but here is a clue: if i happen to drive by and see my buddy coming out of hotel with a lady, then guess what?! the next time i see him, i am going to tell him" hey buddy, btw last time i saw you coming out of this hotel with a lady, what were you up to?! bad guy!!!" and there would be no big deal about it. if i see my friend's parents coming out of a hospital, then next time i see this friend, i will ask" hey, i saw your parents coming out of a hospital last time, i hope everything is ok with them?!" and there would be no big deal about it... now hypocrites here would want women to act differently because its there friends partner?!

one thing is certain, being a FRIEND is certainly not being quiet about issues that "may" be detrimental to that said friend.

troy20:
you did well chidoks.its a dicey situation and there are certain things you dont wade into baring the level of your friendship.she will find out herself intime if he is cheating cause you cant even in all certainty proove what you think it is.if you go running your mouth.whatever the outcome, you would have damaged something big somewhere.

you mean that the wifey possibly finds out when the husband will have infected her with whatever deadly disease he would have contracted from that possible mistress?! i guess thats when you will be a true friend and cry on her dead bed.... kai, friend indeed!

MRBrownJ:
@Mindfulness @Phema
sadly, as we can see from this thread, many call themselves "friends" so long as they dont have to put themselves on the line and take a stand for that friendship. friends on paper but in fact these are NO friends! they desire the positive friendship only, and as soon as there is a sign of trouble, that friendship disappears (like enemies do)

Unfortunately, that is the kind of friendship that is most common in this superficial world. Friendship of convenience. As long as we can still shine fake teeth together, we are best of friends. What happened to telling your friend the hard core truth even when it hurts?

It is this "mind your business" ish that got us where are are today. You see someone stealing another blind - mind your business. Boko haram kidnaps 200 girls - mind your business, afterall, they are not your children or sisters. You see a man raping a neighbour's 8 year old daughter - mind your business. Very soon, the world will go down under. And to think that many of them call themselves christians.

If I were to be in Mrs C's shoes and get to find out that my so called two best friends were in on something that could put my family at risk (with proof ofcourse) and didn't even bother giving me a heads up, that will be the end of that friendship. If you can't be real with me, you may as well not be called a 'friend'.

To each his own.

MRBrownJ:


if your spouse cheats then you will unwillingly be entangle in it.



no, you should NOT tell her what to do, you should just let her know what time it is so she isnt taken for a fool.



friends have to answer to one another, thats what "real" friends do... they tell you the truth about everything, whether its positive or not!



as you havent seen anything, you cannot say anything BUT you should advise Mrs B properly so that she does what is RIGHT. Mrs C's private life is yours as well, dont get it twisted. finally, whether her husband lies about it or not is irrelevant, so long as you do what is RIGHT. if your husband is mad at you because you did what is RIGHT, then i suggest you re-evauate your position in this union (or his motives).

Hei Oga easy o.i have a dignified position in my home.i'm married to someone that doesn't entertain gossips and i'm extremely okay with it.i mind my business.i don't interfere in people's marriages and don't expect anyone to in my marriage.
In my opinion if they are close enough they she could politely tell the man but telling her outrightly may not be the best.sha she has refused to pick my calls.she's an adult and matured enough to make her decisions just that i don't want to be part of it.
this is one of the reasons why i don't do friendships sef!

MRBrownJ:


well said... yes we can!

@5minsmadness @Ronald4lif

tell her friend what she saw... if there is no big deal about it then thats what the husband will confirm with his wife.
why should anyone care who the woman is or if it is his family member etc? the point is she saw him and since it is a "suspicious" place, she needs to make her friend aware of it. any husband who has nothing to reproach themselves will A) understand why the situation is suspicious to his partner's friends and B) explain the situation to his partner without a beef. only a foolish/cheating husband would think that the friends of his partner should have been quiet about it.

but here is a clue: if i happen to drive by and see my buddy coming out of hotel with a lady, then guess what?! the next time i see him, i am going to tell him" hey buddy, btw last time i saw you coming out of this hotel with a lady, what were you up to?! bad guy!!!" and there would be no big deal about it. if i see my friend's parents coming out of a hospital, then next time i see this friend, i will ask" hey, i saw your parents coming out of a hospital last time, i hope everything is ok with them?!" and there would be no big deal about it... now hypocrites here would want women to act differently because its there friends partner?!

one thing is certain, being a FRIEND is certainly not being quiet about issues that "may" be detrimental to that said friend.



you mean that the wifey possibly finds out when the husband will have infected her with whatever deadly disease he would have contracted from that possible mistress?! i guess thats when you will be a true friend and cry on her dead bed.... kai, friend indeed!

You just said if you see your buddy coming out of the hotel you would jokingly mention it right? why wouldn't you run to the wife.i honestly expected you to say you would tell the wife not your buddy.
Every woman has to device a means of knowing what their hubby is up to.i have my methods.i occassionally check his phone.i read his body language.i just know if he misbehaves.if she cannot do her homework, i will not do it for her.i don't do the best friend crap though.

Mindfulness:
@Chidoks

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

@MRBrownJ

I am totally with you on this. I share your views on friendship. What are friends for? I can't imagine not telling a good friend what I saw if I saw something like this. It is like keeping the truth from him and this is just another way to lie. Besides, I value truth and honesty far too much to remain silent. I can only be friends with people who share my attitude towards truth and honesty so I am sure they would tell me the truth, no matter how bitter, too.

I understand your position on truth and honesty.. i'm an honest person too.i'm a very strict person.u frown at immorality but see it from my point.this sort of issue is capable of tearing a home apart and i cannot get involved.i didn't do the seeing remember? i reserve the right not to hear what she saw too..i'm not sure of Mrs C's reaction thus i cannot lay such a sensitive accusation/ suggestion.what if it was a false alarm? even if the guy is cheating let her be the person to find out.
if you advice me to chip in something in that direction , it sounds better though i may not do so but telling her outrightly is huge to me.

the Ghanaian song abi.

Chidoks:


You just said if you see your buddy coming out of the hotel you would jokingly mention it right? why wouldn't you run to the wife.i honestly expected you to say you would tell the wife not your buddy.
Every woman has to device a means of knowing what their hubby is up to.i have my methods.i occassionally check his phone.i read his body language.i just know if he misbehaves.if she cannot do her homework, i will not do it for her.i don't do the best friend crap though.

again, i have a duty to my FRIENDS, and them only... the FRIENDSHIP is what is going to make me fully honest to them.

Phema:
MRBrownJ keeping it very real as always!

If I see my friend's husband frolicking, I'm sure telling, with proof though. Whatever she decides to do afterwards is up to her.

It will hunt me for the rest of my life if I think my friend could be in danger (STDs and the rest) and I'm doing nothing about it.

I've very few friends and they are very close and important to me. Won't be losing any one of them due to the actions of their frolicking husbands, all because I don't want their marriages to break up.

Life over marriage, anytime anyday.

It is not your place to tell MrsC what her husband is up to because you didn't see them yourself, but you are wrong for shutting Mrs B down. The least you could have done was listen to her. If in the end you think her suspicions are unfounded, then you could dismiss.

True friends are not only there to chit chat about fashion and whatnot. They tell one another the truth and stick out for one another. That you would prefer to live in denial doesn't mean your friend prefers that too.

Maybe i was wrong in cutting her short but i'm uncomfortable discussing others and she knows it. plus i was trying to fix dinner after a very busy day
maybe i should call my mum and ask her but this thing heavy for mouth abeg

She will find out eventually... When you sleep on the same bed with someone almost everyday, it's difficult to cover your tracks...

Hopefully he won't bring any STI home.

I personally hate to be the bearer of bad news so, if I were in your shoes, I'll probably say nothing DIRECTLY...

Chidoks:


I understand your position on truth and honesty.. i'm an honest person too.i'm a very strict person.u frown at immorality but see it from my point.this sort of issue is capable of tearing a home apart and i cannot get involved.i didn't do the seeing remember? i reserve the right not to hear what she saw too..i'm not sure of Mrs C's reaction thus i cannot lay such a sensitive accusation/ suggestion.what if it was a false alarm? even if the guy is cheating let her be the person to find out.
if you advice me to chip in something in that direction , it sounds better though i may not do so but telling her outrightly is huge to me.

Since you have not seen anything, why do you get involved at all? Let Ms B do what she considers right.

If you see your male friend's wife coming out of a hotel with another man, will you tell him?

Or mind your business?