There's this article that's been trending online. Its about a muslim sister that chose to stay single forver because she belives only in marrying the person she loves and can't bear being married to someone she doesn't feel any affection for.
On the other hand, another sister is advising her that she is supoosed to marry anyone that proposes to her as long as he is upright in deen. There ve been lots of contradictory reactions to this situation and pple have been backing up their stand with quotes from hadiths.
So brothers nd sisters in d house, which is the right stand?

I know that of African culture,not sure of the religious one

Am willing to learn.Allah shd give us more knowledge to understand the deen

There is evidence from Quran and hadith on this topic. I'm not by my library where I can easily access info at the moment but let me give a clue.

Staying single is not remedy. I know it can be frustrating ......a LOT

The hadith does says to marry for these qualities: beauty, wealth, background, religion. But it gives religion preference over others. There are things that do not change in Sharia like, for instance, muslima should not marry mushrik or men of people the Book. But what if a Muslim woman meets a 'loving' Christian man?. As far as I know, Sharia and unanimous concensus say that such union is invalid. She may persuade Christian man to be muslim though. This happened to my sister and it worked. That was bcus papa want the man to be muslim before anything. Now the guy don become 'Alfa'.

What if a Muslim lady meets muslim man but he's not loving, no affection btw them?. Answer to this is simple. Move on and keep searching. Don't relent. There is evidence for this too in Hadith where a couple married but the woman is not happy with the marriage. Prophet (saw) dissolved the marriage.

So the sister should keep trying. There is someone out there for her assigned to her by Allah. Only a matter of time before they meet.

Peace!

She should marry someone she loves who is a monotheist and good willed. There are people who will just say; "well, marry the one you love". But love alone can't sustain the realities of marriage. There are others who will advise; "just marry anyone that proposes as long as he is religious or 'upright' in the religion". But 'religious' men do not necessarily make good husband. In fact, they can be over-possessive and domineering. I tell this from experience.

Islam prohibits believers from marrying only polytheists(Quran 2:221). Aside polytheists believing men and women can marry any one whether Deist, Christian, Jew.

amiskurie:
I know that of African culture,not sure of the religious one

Hmm, srry but I don't get its relation to d african culture.

Kunlexic:
Am willing to learn.Allah shd give us more knowledge to understand the deen

Amin, u can also refer to d post by d bro empiree, he's got some interesting info there

usermane:
Peace!
.

Islam prohibits believers from marrying only polytheists(Quran 2:221). Aside polytheists believing men and women can marry any one whether Deist, Christian, Jew.

Wa alayk,
Hmm, u know I agree with d rest of ur post xcept this part. Its. Beliving maen that can marry from any religion from among those categorised as the peopkle of the book(christians and jews alone not including deist, theist nd all)
Beliveing women on d other hand can't marry outside d religion.

@empiree, tqs for ur contribution. Rfrom what I can deduce of ur post u swing to neither side. Or more to d love siseside.
But let's put it this way, what if she has say 1 proposals and all of the suitors are of similar level of religiousness, ultimately shell have to choose d one she think she loves among them rightv?
How will it even be possible for a muslim to love given d islamic sytstem of marriage without courtship or conversing.
I'm confused

enieme:
@empiree, tqs for ur contribution. Rfrom what I can deduce of ur post u swing to neither side. Or more to d love siseside.

You know, we first all need to establish Quranic text on this issue. I really dont want to quote anything at the moment. I will just go straight to the point. Quran makes is clear that Muslim women can not marry mushrik. It does however gives muslim men right to marry women from among the People of the Book. There are ahadith literature that narrow the scope of which people of the Book muslim man can marry. Scholars somewhat differ on this issue. Whether they differ or not, evidences glaring in the world today that many Jews and christian in today's world are not the same people of kitab of old. Not all but most. People of kitab are those followers of Musa and Isa(alaiy salaam). Are these ones following them now?. So muslim men will have to be careful as well.

Now to your question, we know Quran places restrictions on men and women relationship. Like courtship, boyfriend/girlfriend thing are not allowed. Now I understand some people want to justify "how am i going to know my future partner". See, it doesnt really make any difference. Take Western world itself as case study. Boyfriend and girlfriend may be together for a decade, The moment they plan marriage and live together, they dont last either. I have pondered over this many times. The only "benefit(s)" they derive from it is sexual pleasure. Thats just simple truth. Their courtship in most cases last longer than real marriage. My point is, it doesnt really make difference whether spouse know a lot about her partner or not. A very simple qualities about him/her are enough. There is no need to dig as Sheik Imran once said. He said 'dont dig too much trying to find out or know everything about your future partner. It's unhealthy sometimes doing that. Although and of course it's very important but it has to be done old fashion. But who does that in today's world....few.

But let's put it this way, what if she has say 1 proposals and all of the suitors are of similar level of religiousness, ultimately shell have to choose d one she think she loves among them rightv?
How will it even be possible for a muslim to love given d islamic sytstem of marriage without courtship or conversing. I'm confused

Part of this has been answered ^. And yes, ultimately she will have to choose. That's just it. That's common actually, isn't? When a lady gets confused....eventually she picks her choice. Her parents or guy parents may also influence that. Nothing wrong with that honestly.

enieme:

Wa alayk,
Hmm, u know I agree with d rest of ur post xcept this part. Its. Beliving maen that can marry from any religion from among those categorised as the peopkle of the book(christians and jews alone not including deist, theist nd all)
Beliveing women on d other hand can't marry outside d religion.

The Quran does forbid believers from marrying polytheists. Then, the Qur'an permit believing men to marry women from among people of the Book. So, can Muslim men marry women from among the people of the book who bow to Jesus? Contrary to widely held traditional view, this is not permissible in the light of Quran 2:221. Anyone who invoke another beside God is already a polytheist, not a valid person of the book. Any Muslim man who insists upon marrying a woman, say a Christian that invoke Jesus is marrying a polytheist. The logic here is easy to grasp. Think about it like this; supposing the doctor forbid you from eating canned food and enjoin you to eat fish. Will you eat canned fish like sardines? Obviously not, because it is still canned food even if it is fish.

That been said, the Quran does not forbid Muslim women as men from marrying from among the people of the book. With regards to marriage, only polytheists are off limit for Muslim women or men. A Christian, Jew or Deist who isn't a polytheist but believes and serves only the supreme God is not prohibited for Muslim men or women.

^ good one usermane. I like your analysis in first paragraph. But the second one, you off actually. There is no where in the Quran it permits muslima to marry people of the Book. Correct me if am wrong.

Simply apply same analysis given in your first paragraph, you would see why muslim women should not marry Christian or jew. Besides, Quran recognizes superiority of men over women (not in terms of taqwa) whether male is muslim or not. Therefore, logical deduction is a muslim woman marrying Christian or jew has no protection of her religion.

To be fair though. ..this is also true of some muslim men (weak) who marry Christian or Jewish woman. Not common though.

Empiree:


Now to your question, we know Quran places restrictions on men and women relationship. Like courtship, boyfriend/girlfriend thing are not allowed. Now I understand some people want to justify "how am i going to know my future partner". See, it doesnt really make any difference. Take Western world itself as case study. Boyfriend and girlfriend may be together for a decade, The moment they plan marriage and live together, they dont last either. I have pondered over this many times. The only "benefit(s)" they derive from it is sexual pleasure. Thats just simple truth. Their courtship in most cases last longer than real marriage. My point is, it doesnt really make difference whether spouse know a lot about her partner or not. A very simple qualities about him/her are enough. There is no need to dig as Sheik Imran once said. He said 'dont dig too much trying to find out or know everything about your future partner. It's unhealthy sometimes doing that. Although and of course it's very important but it has to be done old fashion. But who does that in today's world....few.

Please kindly present the Quranic verses that prohibit courtship or dating for marriage. For all i know, the Quran only prohibit taking secret lovers or fornication(Quran 5:5). Courtship is not necessarily a secret affair and neither must it involve fornication. You also seem not to understand what dating and courtship is all about. Dating is getting to know someone you are considering as a potential spouse while courtship is preparation for marriage. How are these prohibited in the Quran? Most Muslims who claim not to court or date actually court or date without realizing it. Unless your marriage was 100% arranged by your family without your consent, you actually courted, dated or did both.

Empiree:
^ good one usermane. I like your analysis in first paragraph. But the second one, you off actually. There is no where in the Quran it permits muslima to marry people of the Book. Correct me if am wrong.

Simply apply same analysis given in your first paragraph, you would see why muslim women should not marry Christian or jew. Besides, Quran recognizes superiority of men over women (not in terms of taqwa) whether male is muslim or not. Therefore, logical deduction is a muslim woman marrying Christian or jew has no protection of her religion.

There is no where the Qur'an prohibit Muslim women from marrying men of the people of the book either. If you had understood my post, you can see clearly that my conclusion that non polytheist men of the people of the book is permissible for Muslim women is in line with my analysis in the first paragraph. Islam is not limited to Muhammad and the Qur'an, the earlier you realize that, the better.

author=usermane post=38188898]

Please kindly present the Quranic verses that prohibit courtship or dating for marriage. For all i know, the Quran only prohibit taking secret lovers or fornication(Quran 5:5). Courtship is not necessarily a secret affair and neither must it involve fornication.

This ayah blocks all the avenues Surah 17. Al-Israa, Ayah 32
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?87831-ZINA-Road-To-Destruction

You also seem not to understand what dating and courtship is all about. Dating is getting to know someone you are considering as a potential spouse while courtship is preparation for marriage. How are these prohibited in the Quran?

In today's definition (world)?. Look around you where everything leads to. Wise up brother. I dont need to say much. Definition you gave is simply restricted to dictionary by 90%.

Most Muslims who claim not to court or date actually court or date without realizing it. Unless your marriage was 100% arranged by your family without your consent, you actually courted, dated or did both.

I agree that muslims involve too. No questions asked.

usermane:


There is no where the Qur'an prohibit Muslim women from marrying men of the people of the book either. If you had understood my post, you can see clearly that my conclusion that non polytheist men of the people of the book is permissible for Muslim women is in line with my analysis in the first paragraph. Islam is not limited to Muhammad and the Qur'an, the earlier you realize that, the better.

And you skipped my logical deduction, too.

usermane:


The Quran does forbid believers from marrying polytheists. Then, the Qur'an permit believing men to marry women from among people of the Book. So, can Muslim men marry women from among the people of the book who bow to Jesus? Contrary to widely held traditional view, this is not permissible in the light of Quran 2:221. Anyone who invoke another beside God is already a polytheist, not a valid person of the book. Any Muslim man who insists upon marrying a woman, say a Christian that invoke Jesus is marrying a polytheist. The logic here is easy to grasp. Think about it like this; supposing the doctor forbid you from eating canned food and enjoin you to eat fish. Will you eat canned fish like sardines? Obviously not, because it is still canned food even if it is fish.

That been said, the Quran does not forbid Muslim women as men from marrying from among the people of the book. With regards to marriage, only polytheists are off limit for Muslim women or men. A Christian, Jew or Deist who isn't a polytheist but believes and serves only the supreme God is not prohibited for Muslim men or women.

Hmm, srry o but if I may ask,what sect do u belong to or what madhab do uu follow ? Cos urs seem totally different from d view d general muslim population hold

Empiree:
You know, we first all need to establish Quranic text on this issue. I really dont want to quote anything at the moment. I will just go straight to the point. Quran makes is clear that Muslim women can not marry mushrik. It does however gives muslim men right to marry women from among the People of the Book. There are ahadith literature that narrow the scope of which people of the Book muslim man can marry. Scholars somewhat differ on this issue. Whether they differ or not, evidences glaring in the world today that many Jews and christian in today's world are not the same people of kitab of old. Not all but most. People of kitab are those followers of Musa and Isa(alaiy salaam). Are these ones following them now?. So muslim men will have to be careful as well.

Now to your question, we know Quran places restrictions on men and women relationship. Like courtship, boyfriend/girlfriend thing are not allowed. Now I understand some people want to justify "how am i going to know my future partner". See, it doesnt really make any difference. Take Western world itself as case study. Boyfriend and girlfriend may be together for a decade, The moment they plan marriage and live together, they dont last either. I have pondered over this many times. The only "benefit(s)" they derive from it is sexual pleasure. Thats just simple truth. Their courtship in most cases last longer than real marriage. My point is, it doesnt really make difference whether spouse know a lot about her partner or not. A very simple qualities about him/her are enough. There is no need to dig as Sheik Imran once said. He said 'dont dig too much trying to find out or know everything about your future partner. It's unhealthy sometimes doing that. Although and of course it's very important but it has to be done old fashion. But who does that in today's world....few.

Part of this has been answered ^. And yes, ultimately she will have to choose. That's just it. That's common actually, isn't? When a lady gets confused....eventually she picks her choice. Her parents or guy parents may also influence that. Nothing wrong with that honestly.

Hmm, how will dey find out any bad habit their future sopouses may have?. @ d last part u don't really cget what I meant by the choice made.

enieme:

Hmm, srry o but if I may ask,what sect do u belong to or what madhab do uu follow ? Cos urs seem totally different from d view d general muslim population hold

Salaam. I do not belong to any sect or madhab. The reason why i seem to hold heterodox views is because my interpretation of Islam is largely based on the text of the scriptures rather than traditions or teachings of clerics that most Muslims have accepted. When faced with a question regarding religious issue, I dig the Qur'an for answers and hold whatever i find in it. To me, the Qur'an isn't merely an overview of Islam as most Muslims regard it, it is a detailed outline of Islam whose meaning can only be understood from within it, not from outside.

enieme:

Hmm, how will dey find out any bad habit their future sopouses may have?. @ d last part u don't really cget what I meant by the choice made.

"finding out" your spouse's bad habit? . That's lifelong research. You can date for 10 yrs but what will happen will. The thing is, is not about marrying someone you don't know. There is always little investigation like you meet her ofcourse, you pay attention to family background and his or her friends. You don't need to dig too much before you figure out who she/he is. This approach can be a turn off for future partner. This still falls under conditions mentioned in the hadith.

Kindly rephrase the part you mentioned.

^^^^^^


korrect! Gbam!

Hmmm....... Interesting topic!!





But really can a Muslima live in a community in the midst of her families, friends and folks, getting old not marrying?? And feeling very ok?? very alright??







Verdict; very Rear!

@khattab02, don't quiet get your question right.

Anyways, let me add this for educational purposes. One thing I have noticed in western world is there is a zodiac's personalities and traits that love to investigate his or her partner a lot. This sign from what I gathered dont usually last relationship: marriage or courtship.

Before they give their heart, they investigate intuitively. I respect that personality. The reason they do that is fear of getting hurt. If you hurt them, prepare for long term emotional sucide because they sting so bad. And that sign is scorpio. Many people have problems with them in the west. And of course not all of them because there are other factors to consider. Like place of birth, time etc

But be sure that if you meet scorpio woman or man, he or she would investigate you. It's in their blood. They can be secretive and loving at the same time. That's why I said trying to find out about your partner too much is not healthy. It causes lots of tsunami in relationships. .lol

Alright Empiree..




What I was asking there is that, can we find a muslim woman who will say I will not marry and still feel very ok living in the society??

khattab02:
Alright Empiree..




What I was asking there is that, can we find a muslim woman who will say I will not marry and still feel very ok living in the society??

Could be but I haven't seen one. If they do exist, probably have excuses like "I'm tired of searching". "I'm tired of men". I'm tired of getting emotionally hurt". But overall the idea of single mom is not common in muslim society. Not even among muslims in the west. I always see them with their husbands

Empiree:
Could be but I haven't seen one. If they do exist, probably have excuses like "I'm tired of searching". "I'm tired of men". I'm tired of getting emotionally hurt". But overall the idea of single mom is not common in muslim society. Not even among muslims in the west. I always see them with their husbands

hmm....


Alright, thanks!

usermane:


Salaam. I do not belong to any sect or madhab. The reason why i seem to hold heterodox views is because my interpretation of Islam is largely based on the text of the scriptures rather than traditions or teachings of clerics that most Muslims have accepted. When faced with a question regarding religious issue, I dig the Qur'an for answers and hold whatever i find in it. To me, the Qur'an isn't merely an overview of Islam as most Muslims regard it, it is a detailed outline of Islam whose meaning can only be understood from within it, not from outside.

uve mentioned about ur personal interpretationbof the quran,which btw im not sure is allowed but i havent heard u mention about hadith

Empiree:
Could be but I haven't seen one. If they do exist, probably have excuses like "I'm tired of searching". "I'm tired of men". I'm tired of getting emotionally hurt". But overall the idea of single mom is not common in muslim society. Not even among muslims in the west. I always see them with their husbands

its possible and the reasons arent alwats as mentioned. Some may have other reasons related to their upbringing, experiences in life e.t.c.
its cos most people dat make decisions arent stereotyped as muslim feminists.

Empiree:
"finding out" your spouse's bad habit? . That's lifelong research. You can date for 10 yrs but what will happen will. The thing is, is not about marrying someone you don't know. There is always little investigation like you meet her ofcourse, you pay attention to family background and his or her friends. You don't need to dig too much before you figure out who she/he is. This approach can be a turn off for future partner. This still falls under conditions mentioned in the hadith.

Kindly rephrase the part you mentioned.

hmm, i think oneneeds to find out first.

enieme:

hmm, i think oneneeds to find out first.

Yes, sure. I dont think i disagree with that. What I disagree with is digging too much.

This is why i disagree with usermane approach. This is what happens (link below) if muslims are to adopt his philosophy. Read the link below see how terrible they live.

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a32948410/nothing_prepares_you_for_a_loser_baby_daddy.

They just have babies like birds. No women's honor whatsoever!

Both are important.

They are not mutually exclusive. The Prophet (pbuh) gave four possible criteria when looking for a spouse. Beauty, wealth, rank and/or piety. These are all permissible to be used as criteria, but he (sal) singled out piety (taqwa) as the single quality that would enable you to succeed (in both worlds). Taqwa cannot be judged by man though, so you should go by outward signs such as charity, hijab etc

Love and religion is not mutually exclusive. It is farl to maintain and fulfill the rights of your spouse, though it is not farl to "love" - Shariah does not govern the heart. You fall in love with what you love. If you love beauty, you'll love the beautiful. If you love wealth, you'll love the wealthy. If you love power, you'll love the powerful. If you love Allah, you'll love those who are conscious of Him. Taqwa is the only quality that is 100% in one's control. This is potentially eternal, so only this "love" is eternal.

I believe that this is the love that should compell you to marry. As to the other (lower) dimensions of love, it would have to be grown and be maintained in cycles after marriage. This is a great sign of God, if you think about it

[30:21] And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.