3 qualities I looked out for in a woman

1-the heart of a Minister :can she put on the priestly garment when the chips are down with me Can she wear her spiritual mantle and do battle against entities fighting against her family spiritually and physically?? Can she maintain the family altar when I am Absent??.

2-the heart of a wife-will she respect me?? Feed me?? Have sex with me?? Bear my children?? Take care of my home?? Etc

3-the heart of a mother - Self sacrificial love. Will she eat the last plate of food knowing fully well that her kids are hungry?? Is she the type that buy stuff like suya eat it all without sharing?? As a single working lady, after collecting her stipends for the month, will she buy gifts and share for the kids in her compound?? As a single lady can she withstand a sick fella vomiting, can she tidy up the faeces of a kid..


Ladies, watch out for same quality in your man.
1-heart of a Minister
2-heart of a father
3-heart of a Husband.


I will be back and better.
Wishing you all a blissful week ahead.

Nitefury:


Ah.. Ruby Ruby.. I wasn't with my glasses when i read that initially na. Not fair o.. I'm a 110% ready to lay down for my family. The extra 10% is for you specially. Date nights, Vacation to Obudu at the peak of every rainy season, be sending you the good old school love text messages, I'll bake for ya etc.. I'll be the direct opposite of the man in this story...

na waa oo...lollll

[quote author=bisifoundation post=38168359]I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives


Sincerely, I must congratulate you. Apart from being strong you are courageous and intelligent. If you ask me! I'd say u shd not complain, what us done is done.

God has positioned you for greatness I must tell you. Just focus on your children, earn your degree and your bliss is just starting.

As for your husband; lol, let him be when he awakes from his slumber you will no longer be his equal.

I wish you all the best.

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

Iffa hear!!!

I really take my hat off for you:

Honestly, I couldn't raise three children, work full time to support family of 5 and then putting myself thru rigors of graduate education.

So, in all intents and purposes, missus, you are my hero and the epitome of true strength and resilience of women.

Your husband is acting out to be honest. He clearly knows you are the most hardworking woman ever, but I suspect he feels emasculated by you or rather what you represent to the family. And he is using a form psychology; an infantile coping mechanism called projection.


It's a pity. Mistakes we make, things we don't realize matters when making important life decision---being driven, responsibility. He probably wasn't ready at all for marriage in that regards.

God help us all.

Ioannes:


How does posting this on Nairaland help your marriage weather the storm? instead of you to post your problems to God you are posting it here, were you told that God visits Nairaland ni?

She's trying to pass across a lesson to the younger folks that are yet to settle down so we can learn from her experience and Mistakes

If U really don't have anything up ur sleeve to contribute or say as regards this disturbing issue, why not just shift to anoda thread ?

And let better people talk


U are here ranting gibberish!

My mum suffered the same thing before she died 2010. I am handsome nd I have a pretty fiance having similar attitude to you she feels she is privileged to have me but deep within me I have been working on my inside to complement my outside cos I prayed for God to bless me with a wife like my mum and he gave me so I can't behave like my dad Godforbid! Take hrt sis I know how u feel cos its for better for worse

pisure of d handsome man or............... .....







......
....
......
......

......












idonblvit

Dt man needs to be super ashamed of himself, he's nt worthy nor fit to be called a man. @OP pls take hrt----------i hate men dt nag, lazy n always feel they r right n beta than everyoda person. Dts y b4 one commits to dt wrd marriage, one needsto realy look, look and look real deep @d person he or she wnts to settle dwn wt. Ds story is a huge lesson, feeding him 3 sq meal while dating? Lord hv mercy, dt was a enuf red alert for anyone.

MoltenMagma:

Sometimes, infact most times your fingers run faster than your brain.

If you don't understand what the op wants then read the post again and stop the crap.

yeey!!..mo gbe!!...oro!

I don't know why some men if not most men behave childishly and irresponsible when they are handsome, samething when a woman is pretty. They see their appearance as an asset to goof around with. This is a lesson for upcoming young women who chase handsomness. I receive alot of unsolicited friend request from young girls daily on facebook, needless to say, coz I am a very handsome negroe. That is their prefrence in real life too. Too bad.

AlPeter:


WOW this is wonderful, nicely written. This is a lesson to everyone else and even to me that beauty without character is nothing. Just

just what?

Just incase yhu don't know I am not a cunt,am not a gay and am happy I can't be pregnant =))

queenfav:
Kpele @op..Well I thank God I am already pretty,so I am not so big on landing a handsome man...Over the years,I have learnt to look skin deep into a man to know if he can be in my life.Who e fine face help?lol.The main focus is his attitude generally and compatibility.But sha, @op the feeding him thing before marriage is a bit too far o.That was a big red flag![size=18pt]A real man would not allow his girl feed him.[/size]He would take on menial jobs,meet friends sef to help.He would only ask his lady for help when his cards are all burned out.And even then he doesn't turn her into a paymaster.I drew a lot of lessons from the story sha.I can relate to the nagging part.That's a very big God forbid!That means we would be two women in the relationship na.Well, being prayerful cannot be overemphasized before getting married.Because we can't have a person all figured out,until you marry him/her.

Spot on.
So many girls are blinded to this while dating.
No mater how broke a man is, he should still have his pride. If he makes it a habit of depending on you for things like feeding, t.fare, recharge card, then unless you are a true feminist for goodness sake Run. He's not only unfortunate but he has no pride. And thats a big no no for any able bodied man.

story for the elder gods...

Aitee1:
Hmmmmmmmm...timely piece!

Experience they say is the best teacher, guess it time to reason someone's matter!

timely abi

Na here u won open my yansh

Thank God say I catch u

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

Wise words gyal. I followed U cutie, kffb

Marriage goes beyond he is tall and handsome,he is got swag,he took me a cinema house,he calls me every minutes.Some guys are onli good at being boyfriends and not @ being husbands.It is vice versa.Watch and Pray.

tpiander:
ok, what are we supposed to do or say now?

I don't understand what exactly the op wants.

since you have no clue as to what to do or say..you could've just jump and pass the thread..but no, your leprous hands went ahead, clicked reply to type this shi!t...? did u realise the op isn't seeking for ur solution or opinion but just trying to pass a message for people to learn from? hence the topic "lessons from my marriage". did u even read d post at all?

mehn I give up on ur case!!!!!! tufiakwa!!!

freecocoa:
I'm still marrying a handsome man though.

Seriously though, who marries a person simply because of looks? Looks can be the attracting factor but c'mon, he/she has to have something upstairs.

Mattex001:


She's trying to pass across a lesson to the younger folks that are yet to settle down so we can learn from her experience and Mistakes

If U really don't have anything up ur sleeve to advice or say as regards this topic for why not just shit to anoda thread ?

And let better people talk


U are here ranting gibberish!

and my post concerns you how Mr. gibberish? or are you the spare husband ni? because the way u take rush defend her, u sure say nothing dey?

How can I be feeding a man 3 times daily when my mother didn't feed my father? Any man who comfortably feeds from a woman is not a man and should be dumped. Madam, well done, na you be the real MVP. I watched a programme yesterday with a woman that married a man just like yours, her story didn't end well.

goldenruby:
Hmmmmm. Looks to me like there's really no rule that governs the marriage institution.
Well for me, A man's physical Beauty is absolutely irrelevant! Give me a 'gorilla-looking' man if he's got the most handsome heart and ready to lay down for his family, I'd be ready to compliment his looks

Kai Naija babes can lie.... Easier said than done.. Gorilla looking you say? U can lie ooo, if na guy wey dey presentable fine but for you to say Gorilla looking, ah even u sef know say u dey lie.

tpiander:
ok, what are we supposed to do or say now?

I don't understand what exactly the op wants.

[size=13pt]
Why the aggression


Are you in league with the lazy babylon who doesn't know what it means to be a man.
[/size]

Your husband nags about everything, you complain

When he has he provides, sooner he lost his job he became mentally slow without vision

You know he's from a poor background lust blindfolded you now it becoming obvious

Truth be told you never loved him but was attracted by his charm.

Don't just think you are an angel and it's his duty to work his life out just to please you but think of a way to make your rich family support him. Most guys are CEOs and directors of their in law business empire.

All I read was a hate filled post by a distrust woman who is pained in her marriage due to lack of finance. Why didn't you ask the forum how you could help your husband overcome his joblessness?

Like most modern feminist : divorce him his lazy asz doesn't deserve you

mi sister u better b tnkful to ur God because many women outdere were prayin to God for dem to v a man dt wil stay wt dem to b called mi husbnd dnt care abt money .glorify God for ur lyf n train ur kids

tido77:
I don't know why some men if not most men behave childishly and irresponsible when they are handsome, samething when a woman is pretty. They see their appearance as an asset to goof around with. This is a lesson for upcoming young women who chase handsomness. I receive alot of unsolicited friend request from young girls daily on facebook, needless to say, coz I am a very handsome negroe. That is their prefrence in real life too. Too bad.

lol @ handsome negroe, who tell you say na your face dey attract them? Idris Elba noni

Why tell us about you giving him your virginity? Of what relevance is that to your situation.

Your story is not complete until I hear from your husband. Until then..... It's no comment.

One sided story.

When a woman fronts all the bills....there is noise everywhere.

When a man fronts all the bills...there is less or no noise.

Men.....never allow a lady play your role as the head of the family. A man that cannot provide for is family is worse than an infidel. That's my watch word.

bisifoundation:
I lived a very religious life in campus, and was not in any relationship at all. After school , I met this young handsome guy in 2006. Sincerely, I felt I didn’t not merit him because he is very handsome, while I am on the average beauty wise. The only thing that attracted me to him was the look. He was an hustler and lived a low income life. Throughout our courtship of 18months, He never gave me a dime. I came from a financially buoyant famiy, I therefore saw no need in asking him for anything, rather I was feeding him with three square meal. We got wedded in the year 2007, and I gave him the flower of my womanhood (virginity) but I was not really excited for just no reason.

My husband is a caring man, but nags a lot. He nags about the way I handle bathing soap, the way you arrange plates in kitchen, virtually everything. I most often skip for fear each time he wants to talk because I believe he wants to complain again.

I got a job before he did, but one thing I discover is that my husband spends his money without thinking about tomorrow and always depend on my salary to survive the family. In 2008, I gave birth to a set of triplet, and had to quit work to nurse my angels. He was very supportive then. He provided for all our needs and life was good. In 2012, my husband lost his job, I had to take over the family expenses again. I was running a masters degree program, doing many businesses, and still raising kids. I travelled every week in a bid to keep the family running. Each time, I complain about the stress I was passing through, he tells me I am lazy, that many women do more to sustain their families.

This is 2015, my husband prefers to allow me or my dad to pay the children tuition fee than for him to hustle. I am 100% responsible for the family upkeep. Every biz you introduce to my husband is downgrading to him. I am currently on my PHd degree, I am nursing a set of triplet, and still work hard to survive my family.

It is now that I realize that I married my husband because of his handsomeness, and that he is mentally very shallow. My husband thinks like a child and has virtually no plan for his family.

My simple advice for intending wives is this, looks (handsomeness or beauty) alone is not enough to choose a husband, marry a man that has great vision for his life, not the one that you will keep on dragging up.

Secondly, I believe my husband puts all the family responsibility on me because I was the one feeding him when we were dating. Please, let your guy know from day one that you need to be adored and taken care of like a beautiful flower.

To married men and women there, did you make some mistakes when choosing? Pls share with intending husbands and wives to help them make informed decision.

This is so touching. Permission to share pls?

as you lay your bed. you marry the handsome man, now deaL with the handsome man. as far as he is concerned he is doing you a favor by marrying you so you have to pay for his time

I understand how u feel but I won't be surprise seeing another of this post next month. Some babes don't like advice, they like experience

queenfav:
Kpele @op..Well I thank God I am already pretty,so I am not so big on landing a handsome man...Over the years,I have learnt to look skin deep into a man to know if he can be in my life.Who e fine face help?lol.The main focus is his attitude generally and compatibility.But sha, @op the feeding him thing before marriage is a bit too far o.That was a big red flag!A real man would not allow his girl feed him.He would take on menial jobs,meet friends sef to help.He would only ask his lady for help when his cards are all burned out.And even then he doesn't turn her into a paymaster.I drew a lot of lessons from the story sha.I can relate to the nagging part.That's a very big God forbid!That means we would be two women in the relationship na.Well, being prayerful cannot be overemphasized before getting married.Because we can't have a person all figured out,until you marry him/her.

In as much as i concur with ur statement, the first part :-( because u are pretty means u can get a handsome guy easily) got me laffin cos it does not always work like that.