[size=18pt]Pick wife for your son?[/size]
By GIDEON OPARINDE {08076616717 tomgidops@yahoo.com]
Sunday, April 26, 2009 http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/wiveslive/2009/apr/26/wiveslive-26-04-2009-001.htm

•Funmilayo

A few decades ago, it was customary for parents to marry for their children, especially mothers, who take delight in match-making their children with family friends. The practice was so rampant that any marriage contracted outside this norm was unacceptable to parents.

Most parents, at the time, believed they were more knowledgeable about life and marriage to pick the right wife or husband for their children. In fact, some children were even betrothed from birth or at infancy while the spouse, in this case the man waits for his ‘wife’ to mature.

The trend is no more rampant, although it is still prevalent in some cultures. But not a few families still cherish the idea, especially those in the upper stratum of the society. They may not agree that it is for material benefit as they see it as a way of strengthening family ties. As a mother, would you pick a wife for your son?

FUNMI ABISOYE
I think he should be old enough to decide what is right for himself. This as well applies to my daughter. The only way I could come in is to guide against choosing the wrong person. It is a joyful thing that our children get married and live happily with their familes. That is the joy of every parent.

MRS BANJO
Not in this present generation anymore. During our own days, no one did such to me, so why should I do it? He is mature enough to make his choice and decision, whatever the case may be. Life is more than just suggesting or bringing a wife for one’s son. If anything goes wrong with the marriage, who would bear the brunt? Definitely, I would be blamed for introducing a wife to him.

KARIMAT
To me, it is not a problem at all. It is something we can resolve amicably. Although it happens, parents at times may want to guide against some odds or try to prevent marital problems in future. I don’t kick against parents doing this. After all, it is just a suggestion not enforcement.

MRS AREMU
I cannot choose for my son because my parents did not choose a husband for me. I can only pray for him that God should guide him aright and bless their home with every good thing in life.

SHOLA BIODUN
I won’t stop my son from marrying whoever he chooses to marry let alone a wife for him. All I’m concerned about is his happiness because if I choose a wife for him and he ends up not loving the girl, they will have problems for the rest of their lives. In this dishonour, I would regret it more. But if he brings home a girl of his choice, all I care about is love. If the lady has everything he desires in a woman, not after marriage he will discover they are no longer compatible. This I won’t accept as a mother. There must be no other marriage; all I’m interested in is their happiness and the blessings.

MRS ADEDEJI
I can suggest for him if I find out there is a responsible girl/lady I know her background and has confidence in. But that does not mean he does not have his own choice or opinion to make.
For example, I might have a family friend, who has a responsible daughter. If she is a girl I like so much I may ask my son to give her a try. If he refuses, I wouldn’t have a choice than reason with him and pray for his success. More so, I will tell God to guide him to make the right choice and bless the home with happiness and everything that makes a successful home.

EDIDIONG UDOH
I don’t think there is anything bad for a mother to suggest a wife for her son so far she is not imposing her on him. In fact, it is a nice thing if every parent can do that because it shows clearly that such a parent does not want his/her child taking a wrong step.
But some parents go the extra mile to impose a spouse on their children, which I consider an abuse of their right of freedom of choice and expression. Some parents match-make, especially between two rich families.

MRS MOMOH
Yes, because I have been a good mother that wants something good for myself and the children. I will recommend a very good and caring lady for him. It is now left to him to accept her as his wife.

BRENDA
It takes serious time and carefulness. Every good mother wouldn’t want her child to go astray. Suggesting who to marry is not at all bad. It is like giving your child an idea of the type of person parents want their wards to marry. It is a picture of the person she wants her son to live with for the rest of his days. I don’t think parents could do it with a negative mind, except for those who are greedy and are after material wealth of another person’s family.

MRS BAMIJOKO
I don’t think it is polite for a grown-up child to be forced on another person for marriage. After all, he has his own taste and kind of person he would love to spend the rest of his life with. You might suggest a wife for him but the true love might not be there. What actually sustains relationship is genuine love and nothing more. Any mother who wants happiness for her child shouldn’t attempt it.

LAMIDE
It is not bad; at least it is not imposition. If my mother suggests the guy I should marry, I will try to know if he is my taste. If I like him, why reject her suggestion? After all she can’t do it out of a wicked heart. It all depends on offer and acceptance. I would accept the offer if he is the type of man I want and if he is not, I’ll tell her he is not.

i will only give my motherly advice to him and let him choose the one that melts his heart

Mothers should have little say in who he marries, except the son asks the mother to choose. At least this will make the guy own up and not throw around blames if anything goes wrong.

My mum is participating actively in the process, though the final decision rests with me.

for me my parents did not make a choice of wife for me.

i still dont advice or buy the idea in which parents choose for their sons.

its always better that the man makes his choice and blames no one when ot goes SOAR.

JJYOU

who chose or wll choose yout partner for you?

for me my parents did not make a choice of wife for me.

i still dont advice or buy the idea in which parents choose for their sons.

its always better that the man makes his choice and blames no one when it goes SOUR.

MAISUYA

Its better that your mum stays clear so that she does not have any blame form you, just in case u finally marries the onne she suggested.

JJYOU

who chose or wll choose yout partner for you?

if the child is over 18 when he decides to marry someone then i will have no say in the matter and will bless the union with whoever he chooses.
hopefully by then, i would have instill in him moral values and pride to make the right choices in life.
as a parent i will always stand by his choices, right or wrong, good or bad. I may not agree with them but thats the way life goes.

i cant do that.No way ! my nly obligations is to give him motherly advice and aceept whoever he choses,good or bad.

kanayo74:

for me my parents did not make a choice of wife for me.

i still dont advice or buy the idea in which parents choose for their sons.

its always better that the man makes his choice and blames no one when it goes SOUR.

MAISUYA

Its better that your mum stays clear so that she does not have any blame form you, just in case u finally marries the onne she suggested.

JJYOU

who chose or wll choose yout partner for you?

why were you complaining about the clever girl you have at home. maybe if you allowed mum to marry for you all this hunger and anger would have been prevented.  is your mum your enemy?

mummy didnt choose but i never married any girl my mum disapproved. i am her first son of only 2. all she did in  life was pleasing me and doing her best for me.  we lived miles apart i loved her too much to do what she didnt want.  she did suggest a girl some time in my earlier years all i said was i didnt like her and that was the end of it. 

i am satisfied and thankfull for the goodness of God which she is.  just to help you she never cook or wash clothes .  my mum knew that and liked her all the same.  infact she always prayed to be our daughter if there was reincarnation. hope that answers your question.

my mum married for my junior brother because he asked for a wife and he is glad he did. mummy was always our best freind so talking to her about anything was always easy.

it is sad  we reduce the value of a human being  to the ability to cook and wash clothes.