My nephew is presently with me to spend the mid-term brake. We were having breakfast this morning and I decided to engage him in a little conversation about his academics, peer pressure, grades and school generally. Minutes into our conversation the li'l man told me his dad has promised to take him to Disneyland (Orlando FL, USA) if he comes top of his class this session. . Is this necessary? Ain't we supposed to make our wards understand the fact that it is their sole responsibilty to excel in their academics? My wife is however against my stand on this. Pls I need your opinions.

.

it's also good to know that putting them in such challenge makes them work harder.
using what they need to lure them into their responsibilities until he grows up to know quite well that it's a responsibility

That is the carrot.
But there must also be a stick.
So if the come low in the results then loss of something like PlayStation.
Or beating till they can't sit down (old fashioned but still works!)

some children no send But its Gud doing that will make them have target thereby going Gud.

It is good. Such promises helped me a lot. I started up as a less serious student

daniel9202:
it's also good to know that putting them in such challenge makes them work harder.
using what they need to lure them into their responsibilities until he grows up to know quite well that it's a responsibility

Well said. But let's not also forget children are apt to live up to what we encourage, support and believe of them...... So that they don't start flunking their exams the day we stop making those promises

One thing I'm sure of,is that when you make golden promises and they don't meet up to expectation, they feel disappointed and miserable.

Alubosa:


Well said. But let's not also forget children are apt to live up to what we encourage, support and believe of them...... So that they don't start flunking their exams the day we stop making those promises

U will also make them understand that once they flunck their exams,there will be heavy punishment.

It works mehn.

I think it's okay.

We are all struggling to do well in school because we all have a reward we are looking forward to.

That great job. That awesome life(supposedly )

How is any of us different from the child?

I go with Pineapple, Worry359 and daniel9202.

I'm not much of a religious person but even in d bible, God made such promises like "if u do this, I will do that". Their's nothing absolutely wrong in promising a child reward for academic performance. D ground rules here should be;

1. Never make a promise u can't fulfil
2. The reward shouldn't be outrageous. For instance buying a gold-platted iPhone6s for ur child for bashing his/her WAEC results.

Alubosa:
My nephew is presently with me to spend the mid-term brake. We were having breakfast this morning and I decided to engage him in a little conversation about his academics, peer pressure, grades and school generally. Minutes into our conversation the li'l man told me his dad has promised to take him to Disneyland (Orlando FL, USA) if he comes top of his class this session. . Is this necessary? Ain't we supposed to make our wards understand the fact that it is their sole responsibilty to excel in their academics? My wife is however against my stand on this. Pls I need your opinions.

This is a strategy in psychology called "Motivation"

So potent is this strategy that it can turn a dunce into a world beater. I said this.

That father is a teacher from womb.

worry359:
That is the carrot.
But there must also be a stick.
So if the come low in the results then loss of something like PlayStation.
Or beating till they can't sit down (old fashioned but still works!)

Hahahahahahahahahaha

D thought of that alone would make u sit up. Chaiiii d kind beating wen my father bn give me ehn? My dad was an illiterate. E nor sabi read or write. All he understood was blue Biro on ur report card means "pass" and anything written with a red pen means "fail". Even if its not academic related/assessment as long as it's written with a red pen na die u dey!!!

Some motivational theorist once wrote, I don't remember his name, that rewards kill intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is the kind of motivation that comes from inside as opposed to extrinsic motivation that depends on rewards. Intrinsic motivation can be well observed in toddlers who just like doing things for the sake of doing them without any expectation of results. So I would recommend that parents do not reward young children with rewards because they are intrinsically motivated and rewards can shift the focus from the pleasure of doing something to the pleasure of receiving something hence destroying the pleasure that comes with and by the process. They also take the focus from the pleasure that can be experienced in the now because the process becomes the means to an end and the end can only be experienced in the future, which is not now.

However, as children grow, their motivational level seems to drop for one reason or another. I am not going to discuss these reasons here but we must accept that this is what happens. Rewards are one way of coping with the decrease in intrinsic motivation but I also think that it is not the best way to go on about it, for reasons I mentioned in the first paragraph (every process becomes a means to an end and we seldom experience pleasure in the now) so I pretty much share your view on the topic albeit I am not completely against rewards. Extrinsic motivation can be very effective so why not make use of it every now and then?

Be that as it may, your nephew's father made a cardinal mistake with the reward he promised to his son. I infer from your post that your nephew is pretty young. The time span between the work he is expected to do and the receiving of the reward is too long. A young boy does not have the perseverance to work for a reward that, from his perspective, will be given to him in the distant future. We are talking about a boy here whose motivation level appears to be quite low and for whom, considering his age, the reward is ages away. Consequently, the reward(s) he is promised must come with near-immediate effect in order for them to have the desired outcome.

The question that remains now is, how can we motivate children without rewards?
Children and likewise adults can be best motivated with approval. Everyone loves approval. It is, in fact, a basic human need so do not hesitate to express authentic approval whenever you have the chance to. Search for occasions in which you can praise your child, spouse, mother, boss, colleague, neighbor. THEY LOVE IT and they will feel motivated to get more of it. It is a win-win situation, you see.

It is also important to give kids and teenagers challenges and tasks that have the right difficulty level. If the task is too difficult, they will feel frustrated and therefore demotivated. If the task is too easy, they will feel bored and therefore demotivated. Respect that each child / human being develops differently. Some are fast at Math, others at reading and so on and so forth so give your child tasks / challenges that have the right difficulty level and see how he or she will enjoy facing these challenges. Coupled with the approval you show your child, your child will feel highly motivated and develop a positive self-image, confidence and, of course, motivation.

And do not forget to show approval for the process instead of merely focusing on the outcome. You want your kids to enjoy the learning process in the same way you want them to be proud of the results.

^^ I love this write-up.

Enjoy your Saturday everybody.

Mindfulness:
^^ I love this write-up.

Enjoy your Saturday everybody.

I'm wow'd. .I can't help but follow u sir/ma

cococandy:
I think it's okay.

We are all struggling to do well in school because we all have a reward we are looking forward to.

That great job. That awesome life(supposedly )

How is any of us different from the child?

School does not have to be a struggle. School can be a source of great pleasure and joy. Having said that, toddlers are very different from adults. They focus on the now and not on future outcomes. They don't think "Oh, I am going to struggle learning how to walk so I can do it later." They just do it. They try and try and try and do not feel frustrated by the huge number of times they fall down when trying. We mess up this natural, intrinsic motivation with rewards because we were taught to.

And then we grow up and do things, not because we enjoy doing them, but because we expect to enjoy the result in the future, which never comes because when it comes, it is now, it is always now. You can't live in the past, neither in the future and therefore you can never experience pleasure and joy in the future but only and exclusively in the now.

I find it quite funny and sad at the same time that a person will struggle to make a wish come true for years, like for example buying a fancy car or house, and when he or she gets it, he or she will enjoy it, at best for a little while, and then feel empty again. The thing will become ordinary to them, nothing special and so they will find something else, be it an object or a relationship they think will make them happy and give them joy in the future and, guess what, the struggle begins anew and the result is barely worth the struggle. So instead of enjoying the results, we must learn to enjoy the process, the now. If we don't, we won't be able to enjoy the results for long and always struggle when we actually want feeling of joy. Once we learn this, we will not kill the intrinsic motivation in children they were born with.

100dollarbills:


I'm wow'd. .I can't help but follow u sir/ma

The pleasure is all mine. Thank you very much.

I know what intrinsic motivation is and that most kids are born with it especially following the feeling of achievement that comes with doing good in some areas. So they tend to keep on doing the things they do they good and in and try to avoid those they don't do great in. Hence the need to chip in extrinsic motivation to nudge them forward. That part is for kids who don't do well academically.

I kind of thought it goes without saying that it should only be once in while. Does anyone really need to be told giving a reward for every time the kids does well academically is not only a bad idea but hardly sustainable anyway. It has happened that one time extrinsic motivation may be all we need to awaken the intrinsic motivation. Because when it drives them to do well to get that reward promised, they begin to see themselves as capable of doing even more and what they thought was very difficult they begin to see in an easy light.

Eventually our approval and pride in them is all they will need to continually do better and that itself is an extrinsic motivation because take it away, and they will slag if that's what's been pushing them to do well before.

So we can't do without either. And where the natural born motivation is not there, it can be awakened by external ones.

Mindfulness:


School does not have to be a struggle. School can be a source of great pleasure and joy. Having said that, toddlers are very different from adults. They focus on the now and not on future outcomes. They don't think "Oh, I am going to struggle learning how to walk so I can do it later." They just do it. They try and try and try and do not feel frustrated by the huge number of times they fall down when trying. We mess up this natural, intrinsic motivation with rewards because we were taught to.

And then we grow up and do things, not because we enjoy doing them, but because we expect to enjoy the result in the future, which never comes because when it comes, it is now, it is always now. You can't live in the past, neither in the future and therefore you can never experience pleasure and joy in the future but only and exclusively in the now.

I find it quite funny and sad at the same time that a person will struggle to make a wish come true for years, like for example buying a fancy car or house, and when he or she gets it, he or she will enjoy it, at best for a little while, and then feel empty again. The thing will become ordinary to them, nothing special and so they will find something else, be it an object or a relationship they think will make them happy and give them joy in the future and, guess what, the struggle begins anew and the result is barely worth the struggle. So instead of enjoying the results, we must learn to enjoy the process, the now. If we don't, we won't be able to enjoy the results for long and always struggle when we actually want feeling of joy. Once we learn this, we will not kill the intrinsic motivation in children they were born with.

Mindfulness:
^^ I love this write-up.

Enjoy your Saturday everybody.

Who would have thought?

You should love it... It's miles better than asking those unnecessary rounded questions which you're so fond of & comfortable doing.

cococandy:

I know what intrinsic motivation is and that most kids are born with it especially following the feeling of achievement that comes with doing good in some areas. So they tend to keep on doing the things they do they good and in and try to avoid those they don't do great in. Hence the need to chip in extrinsic motivation to nudge them forward. That part is for kids who don't do well academically.

I kind of thought it goes without saying that it should only be once in while. Does anyone really need to be told giving a reward for every time the kids does well academically is not only a bad idea but hardly sustainable anyway. It has happened that one time extrinsic motivation may be all we need to awaken the intrinsic motivation. Because when it drives them to do well to get that reward promised, they begin to see themselves as capable of doing even more and what they thought was very difficult they begin to see in an easy light.

Eventually our approval and pride in them is all they will need to continually do better and that itself is an extrinsic motivation because take it away, and they will slag if that's what's been pushing them to do well before.

So we can't do without either. And where the natural born motivation is not there, it can be awakened by external ones.

And how will Disneyland or any other reward help them become better?
Do these rewards lead to a better mathematical understanding or do these rewards help write better, more coherent essays, you name it?

crackhaus:

Who would have thought?

You should love it... It's miles better than asking those unnecessary rounded questions which you're so fond of & comfortable doing.

Thanks for the approval. Quite motivating, you know.

And more realist than idealist is that school is a struggle. This is coming from a 4.0 student so let's not see it as the Lamentations of a poor student.

So many things come in the way and the manner in which your professors expect you study may not conform with your other life activities.

I've experienced both the pleasurable and enjoyable parts of it and the frustrating parts.

If everyone was allowed to study at their own specific pace, take away some of the bureaucracies that drive you mad in school then maybe it will be all joy and pleasure and not a struggle.

#speaking from an adult perspective.

@mindfulness.

Mindfulness:


Thanks for the approval. Quite motivating, you know.

Don't push it

crackhaus:

Don't push it

Mindfulness:


And how will Disneyland or any other reward help them become better?
Do these rewards lead to a better mathematical understanding or do these rewards help write better, more coherent essays, you name it?

Depends on the child.
For this dad to promise him that, he must have been crazy about the place. For another child, it might have been another thing.

So with that reward in mind he will do more work and pay more attention to get more done than he ever did before. By the time the class term is done and he's through with his Disney holiday, he will come back to the next term only to be amazed at himself at how he has been able to discipline his mind to learn the things he thought he could not learn before. Like most extrinsic motivation techniques, the reward itself isn't going to improve your skills but the desire to have that reward is what will push you to work to improve your skills. And skills once learned cannot be unlearned except by brain damage:

The new realization that he can do many things if he puts his mind to it for many a child is usually the beginning of self challenge to do more. In some kids, further extrinsic motivation is not required from then on.

cococandy:
And more realist than idealist is that school is a struggle. This is coming from a 4.0 student so let's not see it as the Lamentations of a poor student.

So many things come in the way and the manner in which your professors expect you study may not conform with your other life activities.

I've experienced both the pleasurable and enjoyable parts of it and the frustrating parts.

If everyone was allowed to study at their own specific pace, take away some of the bureaucracies that drive you mad in school then maybe it will be all joy and pleasure and not a struggle.

#speaking from an adult perspective.

@mindfulness.

Exactly, you are speaking from an adult perspective here but the topic is about kids / teenagers.

Mindfulness:


Exactly, you are speaking from an adult perspective here but the topic is about kids / teenagers.

Read the above.

And have a great day

Mindfulness:

What's confusing you?

This's d kinda thread one should see on front page and not how Timaya gets drunk or how my warfi bros proposed in Warri Mall.

Lalasticlala
RoyalRoy

cococandy:

Read the above.

And have a great day

Let us agree to partly (dis-)agree.

Have a great day too.