Aight. It is like this. I dated this young woman about 2 1/2 years ago, and she fell madly in love with me. We first met through her mom whom I used to work with on my previous job. Well, she is a very sweet, beautiful and positive person and honestly I really liked her. However, for some reason I could never really feel that spiritually connected to her. I am a very deep and serious person, and I always think that the person who I am to be with should pocess a similar spiritual depth. Like, this girl is very fun to be around and everything like that, but I cannot really build with her the way that I would like to.

So, I broke up with her but chose to remain friends. Well, since we split, she still to this day wants terribly to get back together with me. She calls me several times every day, and sends countless messages saying how much she loves me and wants to be my wife. She even dated another guy for a while but broke up with him saying that I am the only man she wants to be with. I do actually believe her, and I feel that she would make a good and loyal companion,  I am just confused. Her entire family (mom, sisters, brother, everyone) loves me as well and wants me to be with her. Her mom in particular wants to see us as a happy couple. The girl works, loves my music, and she is even a virgin (waiting for me, she says).

Now, I am wondering what to do. We have been talking alot lately, and I just feel like,  *Blah*. Like, part of me says that she can't be the one for me while the other part of me feels like I may be about to miss out on a major blessing. I know that good women are somewhat hard to come by in these times, and I sorta feel that I should be with her because God has blessed me with this chance to have this amazing fine woman in my life. I don't know though. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do??

One Love, Magz aka Lonely Doo-wopper

Everything you just said here, you should tell to your girl. If you honestly feel that she is not the one for you, and that you two are spiritually incompatible, then you must tell her. Yes, it may break her heart, but she will eventually understand. If it is not in your heart to be with this girl, then there is no use trying to create a relationship just because of her family. It will not work, and it will end badly. Save yourself the trouble and be straight up with her.

Also, I noticed that you are in Upstate NY, which part, might I ask?

Well, how uncompartible are you spiritually? is it that she doesn't believe in what you believe in or she's not really "very" spiritual as you would like?

Orimili:

Also, I noticed that you are in Upstate NY, which part, might I ask?

I live in The Roc

honeric01:

Well, how uncompartible are you spiritually? is it that she doesn't believe in what you believe in or she's not really "very" spiritual as you would like?

Man it is hard to explain, She believes in God and everything like that. She is just not as deep and as spiritual as I would like.

Maybe I just gotta leave her alone and move on, eh?

Magz:

I live in The Roc

Man it is hard to explain, She believes in God and everything like that. She is just not as deep and as spiritual as I would like.

Maybe I just gotta leave her alone and move on, eh?

Ah, Rochester. I'm in the the City, the Bronx, to be more accurate.

But yeah, if she isn't as spiritual as you are, there isn't much you can do about it. She may change, she may not. If I were you, I would leave her alone and get on with my life. If God meant for the both of you to be together, things will work out.

uhm

that's OK

@Poster,
If you are as Spiritual as you claim then I suggest you put it before God In Prayers.
If you are not,then I'll sincerely advise you to make up your mind on time. . .she might not wait for forever. . .

EVERYONE CAN NOT ATTAIN THE SAME LEVEL OF SPIRITUALITY AT THE SAME TIME.
IF SHE IS WILLING TO LEARN AND GROW WITH U, THEN THATS THE KEY.
SEE IN HER A POTENTIAL, NOT HER PRESENT POSITION.

that's it, there is no way you can get someone on the same level with you, we don't normally get the exact things we want in life,

izeek:

EVERYONE CAN NOT ATTAIN THE SAME LEVEL OF SPIRITUALITY AT THE SAME TIME.
IF SHE IS WILLING TO LEARN AND GROW WITH U, THEN THATS THE KEY.
SEE IN HER A POTENTIAL, NOT HER PRESENT POSITION.

Because Caps Lock is cruise control for cool­.­­.­. ­

But getting back to the topic, the girl has had nearly three years to grow, and based on the original poster's story, she hasn't matured much, if any, into his ideal spouse. I understand that having a wife is important, and that you should look for potential, but there is a huge difference between seeing potential and settling for less. Letting her go is a much better decision than settling for less than ideal, and will lead to less heartache. Besides, just by reading the post, it's clear that the poster is just not into her.

if we all get wat we want,
my wife wud be,
1, tall
2. sexy
3. intelligent,
4. fucking rich
5, sense of humour,
6. romantic.
7. sensitive
8. a virgin
9. respectful
10. good in bed.

the list still plenty, but men u cant have all.

izeek:

if we all get wat we want,
my wife wud be,
1, tall
2. sexy
3. intelligent,
4. fucking rich
5, sense of humour,
6. romantic.
7. sensitive
8. a virgin
9. respectful
10. good in bed.

the list still plenty, but men u cant have all.

That may be, but he never said that she didn't met his secular needs. This is a spiritual issue, and for a relationship to truly work, both parties must be spiritually compatible.

Also, looking at your list, two items seem to contradict each other. That could be what is preventing you from getting what you want.

okay point noted.
if he says he just isnt into her, then i do understand.
but judging her based on her spirituality level!
who wud kumuyi have married if he was as young as us presently?
my believe is get a wifewilling to go along with u, rather than one who believes she has arrived and need no other schooling.

that she is a virgin dont mean she dont know a trick or two.
what are books for!

spikedcylinder:

Its very difficult to get the complete package Magz or else, as you said, you will miss out on a major blessing.

Where she seems to be lacking for you is spirituality. Isn't there a way you can bring her around that? Teach her the things you want her to know if she's willing to learn? Take her along with you on whatever spiritual hooplah you do?

Also, you might want to know that you are not the complete package for her either. Try and find out ways in which you can try and be a better person for her and you might realise that you guys are more in sync than you thought.

Don't let this go. Goodluck o.

Good point, but one must wonder why Magz hasn't tried this before, as he has had a couple of years to do so.

Connection is very important IMO, not a disposable part of the 'package'. If you feel Blah about someone, there will be nothing there to take you through the tough times. Even if she would be a good companion, there are lots of those out there. There must be that basic connection to a person that makes you want to be with that person, even in light of their many flaws (and vice versa)

If you feel you 'should' be with her, I would be worried - is she truly what you want or is she simply a good 'package'?

You won't like everything about a person, but if you don't feel fairly convinced (not 100% cos that is impossible) then don't go with it. Given this has gone on for a couple of years, it doesn't sound like you have that drive.

she just said what i said in a diff way.

@poster.

judging from your story; it appears you love her. . .but simply too distracted to notice.

you have a problem, and it's called the myth of the perfect stranger syndrome

this problem keeps making you feel that there is a better person out there.

if she's been snubbing you. . . brother, i bet, you'll give her a hot chase!

my Advise: if you truly love her, go for her. . . and groom her spiritually.

No one is the complete package. even u sef, u are not
i dated someone who was spiritually higer than myself sometimes i wondered what he saw in me
i was just this plain crazy girl but with a good heart (i guess)
i tot cos of me he'd backslide or i'd always be trailing behind spirtitually
but funny enuf over time i found out he was not all that perfect as it seemed, i corrected him even when he felt he was so right and he had been doing that same act for a while thinking it was ok, in my own way and he grew to appreciate me
and we learnt so much from eachother
does she make spite of the religious thing and u think she'd never get around or she is just not up to you yet
give it time, if you love her, you'd see ure not so spiritually up there yourself

finally if its the case of a nagging thing on ur inside telling u not to go on for reasons u cant place ur finger on, then listen to ur conscience and let her go. if not give it a try again who knows

first off let me commend everyones English on this thread. including the poster. if nairaland was a dating site for successfull intellectual men this thread would be the perfect advert.

Secondly i dont undertsand what the poster really means by spiritually. is it that she goes to church but she doesnt take it seriously or you are the type thats alwys in church for one fellowship or the other? depending on the gap it can be managed. Also i think wen she gets maried she might become more spiritual. . stability, loving home, happy family. she will want the whole package. mostly whe n everythign is good and there are no distractions people tend to be more spiritual which shouldnt be the case but sadly it is.

good point about the contradictions there. virgin and good in bed! you must be dreaming!!
A few tricks yes but nothing compared to being good in bed do you know what it takes to be good in bed? parctice not books!

^{leaves to check all your profile piks!}

spike, depends on ones upbringing.

@ Spike

I don't think he's even talking about religion as such, I think he simply means she's not 'deep'. She doesn't meditate on things or see deeper implications of things or have such views of the world as he does. At least that's my interpretation.

@ poster
guy, u don't know what u want,
according to ur confessions, u still very much luv her. so why waste ur time unneccessarily, over a case that has settled itself.
go for her, date her, luv her & even marry her,

waterworks:

first off let me commend everyones English on this thread. including the poster.­.­.

I know, right? When I first read this thread, I realized that this is the most sensible, maturely written topic I've read on Nairaland in years. Everything is clearly written, and straight to the point with a no-nonsense approach. I wish more posters could follow this example.

Blah Blah Blah, you have a conflicted lustful mind. You want two different things. The stronger desire will win, but you will lose in the end.

oh well, your young, dumb and full of cum, have fun and enjoy life. When you become an old fart, and make love to your old haggard wife. You can reflect back of a youthful imagination to get you through one more passionate night.

good luck

i rarely (if ever) do this but
mntpaul, ur a big fool
seriously log off ur system of better still abstain from sensible conversations on this forum n i mean NL in particular

magz ur going to have to make the call urself, talk to her about ur feelings
communication they say is the key to every successful relationship
tell her all what u posted here, tell her exactly how u feel,
ask her if she understands what ur saying
make it clear ur willing to be a better person for her its important the situation is calm and relaxed enough for her to talk

as a side note, i have this sick feeling u think u owe it to society being her family n her to be with her
there's no society in a marriage its between the two individuals, never forget that

if my feeling is right, i think its best u moved on
dont they say u musnt always marry the one u love?
or is the heart so wired to love one and one alone in a lifetime?

he's ofline . . .