I am married with no kids yet. I am a professional, but my work does not pay much. Because of that, my family had to put up with the little that i come home with at the end of every month. It pains me that in the face of many domestic needs begging for attention, i only can do little. In order for us to cope, i resorted to the common man economic tool - scale of preference. I give priority to those the family consider capital projects and attend to the others after. This method however has not appealed to my dear wife. She acknowledged that we go for the big financial tasks, but at the same time argues that i have not been given her chunk of money for her needs. It's undoubtedly true that every wife needs monetary tips to attend to her private needs, i don't know exactly how to achieve that from my little salary without sealing off the so-called big projects. At the moment, she just finished Uni and awaiting NYSC. So, she hasn't started doing something yet even though we have a plan for that. Few months ago, she started agitating for change of our accommodation which i gave in to, because truly that was long overdue. I borrowed some money which we are still paying with interest. I am working on starting a small business for her (before the NYSC next March) and i am also planning to pay (half) of the school fees which her Uni mandated us to pay as part of her clearance for the service, but still we are at loggerheads because i wasn't able to leave out some big cash with her. Being at home, i attended to her basic needs (not all though) and promised her i would arrange to be paying some stated amount from my salary as soon as we are cleared off our debts and pressing needs, but at every slight provocation, she reminds me that i am not doing enough for her financial needs. The problem is, i don't see a way of meeting her expectation unless i give up those big ones (which directly affects her and increase the family's chance of doing better). People who have found themselves in this situation, please share how you handled it. It'd really help me resolve it without making a mistake. Thanks

Dear op,
Who we are talking about here is your wife and not a girlfriend for the love of mike! Now as a young lady that I am I understand that we ladies love to get some extras fine but she knew the stand of things before she married you and thank God u gat no kids yet...
Honestly bro if you sure u talking about your wife try this buy her one nice thing that is a little bit out of proportion of what you do before...wake her up in the middle of the night,give it to her...tell her how much you will love to keep getting her all those but quietly tell her and make her understand how negative giving the extras will affect you and her in general....bro if truly your wife loves you she will understand because the pride of any wise Woman is to know that her husband is happy and peace is reigning.


Also...
From what you have written you do not strike me like a lazy man or one without plans....no matter how bad it gets of course there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

So take it cool and easy....I ain't married but this what my little head Could come up with.
Bro u'd b fine

Ohboi.....dis ya grammar and proverb eeh...

How we wan take understand con help or advice you Most of ya statement na half half....you no gree complete am...well...na half half advice me go gve sef

Tell ya wife to.....and you 2 try to.....cos is not dat......OK??

GOD would help us

Amen


*dropsmic

Bro,
Make a list of ur expenditure, adding her tip to it. Make sure u work on d list based on scale of preference orelse u wud end up in debt.
Believe me giving her cash wud be better dan buying her a gift.

She hasn't worked yet so she won't know how hard it is out dere.

U CAN'T DO BEYOND WAT U CAN,so don't sweat it.

Whatever happened to communication?? Whatever happened to seeking friends or inlaws advice?? Must we always seek for advice online, from people you don't know or people you can't open up fully to?? What if most people conclude that the projects aren't important?? What do I know sef.
The Solution: Sit your wife down and talk to her.

Why r u speaking in proverbs?
What are the capital projects u are talking about?

Women like children will always want more .
Be the man of your house......u lead she follows.
Take some important decisions on your own without her inputs.

opeaceo:
Whatever happened to communication?? Whatever happened to seeking friends or inlaws advice?? Must we always seek for advice online, from people you don't know or people you can't open up fully to?? What if most people conclude that the projects aren't important?? What do I know sef.
The Solution: Sit your wife down and talk to her.

Shut up child.

I'd rather get advise anonymously online than involve a third party who will start judging my wife in his/her heart.
You're still a kid, you know nothing. Off!

FREEDOM4BIAFRA:


Shut up child.

I'd rather get advise anonymously online than involve a third party who will start judging my wife in his/her heart.
You're still a kid, you know nothing. Off!

I think it is too late to trade abusive words with you, I'll allow this slide, but please don't allow this happen next time. There are better ways to reply me than using abusive words, you should know better.

marshalcarter:
Ohboi.....dis ya grammar and proverb eeh...

How we wan take understand con help or advice you Most of ya statement na half half....you no gree complete am...well...na half half advice me go gve sef

Tell ya wife to.....and you 2 try to.....cos is not dat......OK??

GOD would help us

Amen


*dropsmic

Nairaland ehhh.

Lol

Wonderful counsels. Mskrisx, thanks for your great insights. You melted my conscience, providing a hope i so much cherished. Opeace, Freedom4Biafra was right. I and wifey made a vow never to let the third party in. That's what marriage course thought me during pre-wedding preparations. Not even my own relations nor in-laws will get a wind of how we are running the family. It was a firm decision we v made. As an adult, i v seen marriages went in to flames because the couples opened the door to third party. We 'd make our mistakes, settle them and grow in wisdom to handle issues better.

[quote author=Needadvice post=39533543]Wonderful counsels. Mskrisx, thanks for your great insights. You melted my conscience, providing a hope i so much cherished. Opeace, Freedom4Biafra was right. I and wifey made a vow never to let the third party in. That's what marriage course thought me during pre-wedding preparations. Not even my own relations nor in-laws will get a wind of how we are running the family. It was a firm decision we v made. As an adult, i v seen marriages went in to flames because the couples opened the door to third party. We 'd make our mistakes, settle them and grow in wisdom to handle issues better.



U welcome Bro by the way happy new month in advance greet wifey tell am say i dey loyal o.

This woman is going to give you high bp.
Mark my words.

I would have told you to leave her but unfortunately I have a thing against divorce.
If she cannot empathise with you now, goodness knows how she'll behave when things are rough for you.
she's the same one that will berate you if your big term projects go wrong.

My take: Try to ignore her and do what you think is best for you both. She'll appreciate it in the long run. If she leaves because her 'financial needs' are not being met then good riddance.

Needadvice:
Wonderful counsels. Mskrisx, thanks for your great insights. You melted my conscience, providing a hope i so much cherished. Opeace, Freedom4Biafra was right. I and wifey made a vow never to let the third party in. That's what marriage course thought me during pre-wedding preparations. Not even my own relations nor in-laws will get a wind of how we are running the family. It was a firm decision we v made. As an adult, i v seen marriages went in to flames because the couples opened the door to third party. We 'd make our mistakes, settle them and grow in wisdom to handle issues better.

Then you guys should talk, you talked about a "third party", I want to ask, have you or haven't you taken any advice from this thread? If yes, then it defeats your argument of "third party", if no, then you're cool.

Thanks Opeace for suggesting a heart to heart talk. That you are awake, advising me means a lot. But the third party i mean is having a known physical presence sit and judge on the matters of our home. That category i don't classify the NLs, because i am only anonymous seeking to filter knowledge from unknown people who (because they have no clue who i am) would counsel me without bias.

@Op; this is a tough one. Your really need to sit your wife down and let her know that she needs to learn to manage the finances you currently have. If care is not taking, you’re going to run into a lot of financial debt. Your wife is not even thinking of putting some saving techniques in place. (I may be wrong though and I hope I am).

Currently, she is complaining a lot about you not giving her enough money and on the other hand, she’s aware that you’re paying up some debts that you currently owe and yet she's not sympathetic to your plight.

From the look of things, I’ll advice you to encourage her to draw up a budget that would be appropriate for running the home. As long as she’s not starving and has a roof over her head and cloths to wear; then she should learn to manage the little money you give her. What will happen when you start having kids? Is this how she'll be demanding money any how without being content?

A man hopes to marry a woman who can manage his finances and not one who would want to put the family in debt as if she’s catching up with the ‘Jonese’ and incurring unnecessary expenditure. She’s not working yet and hence doesn’t understand the concept of saving for a ‘RAINY DAY’. She’s complaining about you not meeting her financial needs. What needs exactly if I may ask? (No offense; hope none taken).

For now, and in my view, as long as you provide a home for her, you provide an allowance for her to take care of the home-front and other maintenance money for herself, SHE SHOULD LEARN TO MANAGE UNTIL SHE GETS A JOB WHICH WILL THEN CATER FOR HER OTHER SO CALLED “FINANCIAL NEEDS”.

It’s at times like this that having a wife that works is helpful as she’ll have been able to carry the financial burden with you; owing to the fact that you are heavily involved in some projects that is taking a lot of your current finances.

To conclude, let her make a budget (as I have mentioned above) of your income and expenditure to avoid LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS SO AS NOT TO GET INTO UNNECESSARY FINANCIAL BURDEN/DEBT.

I rest my case

bronzegoddess:



Nairaland ehhh.
Lol

watapun to NL

tellwisdom:
Bro, you'd better ignore her rant and take it easy with yourself and financial capability before you crash beyond repair....You carry woman matter for head like dandruff

I concur!

Uncle please concentrate on what will help you both in the long run.please be successful times are hard any wrong decision will or may make you regret later

Ignore her

toksbisola:
@Op; this is a tough one. Your really need to sit your wife down and let her know that she needs to learn to manage the finances you currently have. If care is not taking, you’re going to run into a lot of financial debt. You wife is not even thinking of putting some saving techniques in place. (I may be wrong though and I hope I am).

Currently, she is complaining a lot about you not giving her enough money and on the other hand, she’s aware that you’re paying up some debts that you currently owe and yet she's not sympathetic to your plight.

From the look of things, I’ll advice you to encourage her to draw up a budget that would be appropriate for running the home. As long as she’s not starving and has a roof over her head and cloths to wear; then she should learn to manage the little money you give her. What will happen when you start having kids? Is this how she'll be demanding money any how without being content?

A man hopes to marry a woman who can manage his finances and not one who would want to put the family in debt as if she’s catching up with the ‘Jonese’ and incurring unnecessary expenditure. She’s not working yet and hence doesn’t understand the concept of saving for a ‘RAINY DAY’. She’s complaining about you not meeting her financial needs. What needs exactly if I may ask? (No offense; hope none taken).

For now, and in my view, as long as you provide a home for her, you provide an allowance for her to take care of the home-front and other maintenance money for herself, SHE SHOULD LEARN TO MANAGE UNTIL SHE GETS A JOB WHICH WILL THEN CATER FOR HER OTHER SO CALLED “FINANCIAL NEEDS”.

It’s at times like this that having a wife that works is helpful as she’ll have been able to carry the financial burden with you; owing to the fact that you are heavily involved in some projects that is taking a lot of your current finances.

To conclude, let her make a budget (as I have mentioned above) of your income and expenditure to avoid LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS SO AS NOT TO GET INTO UNNECESSARY FINANCIAL BURDEN/DEBT.

I rest my case

Thanks bro. And I though I was the only one thinking like u. The wife just has to be reasonable with the situation of things. Except when they got married, they were super rich and things now went bad, then, I could say, she had gotten used to d rich life style but they are trying to build things up and yet, she doesn't want to understand.

Same way a wife was reporting her hubby that he is financially capable of taking care of her blah blah blah! Dis said guy has govt work and earns abt 54k, in addition, he does side jobs to make extra 50+ and yet, d money is neva enough. She'll still complain, frustrate his sexual advances and still cry out that the guy isn't having sex with her.

Women and wahala!

Needadvice:
I am married with no kids yet. I am a professional, but my work does not pay much. Because of that, my family had to put up with the little that i come home with at the end of every month. It pains me that in the face of many domestic needs begging for attention, i only can do little. In order for us to cope, i resorted to the common man economic tool - scale of preference. I give priority to those the family consider capital projects and attend to the others after. This method however has not appealed to my dear wife. She acknowledged that we go for the big financial tasks, but at the same time argues that i have not been given her chunk of money for her needs. It's undoubtedly true that every wife needs monetary tips to attend to her private needs, i don't know exactly how to achieve that from my little salary without sealing off the so-called big projects. At the moment, she just finished Uni and awaiting NYSC. So, she hasn't started doing something yet even though we have a plan for that. Few months ago, she started agitating for change of our accommodation which i gave in to, because truly that was long overdue. I borrowed some money which we are still paying with interest. I am working on starting a small business for her (before the NYSC next March) and i am also planning to pay (half) of the school fees which her Uni mandated us to pay as part of her clearance for the service, but still we are at loggerheads because i wasn't able to leave out some big cash with her. Being at home, i attended to her basic needs (not all though) and promised her i would arrange to be paying some stated amount from my salary as soon as we are cleared off our debts and pressing needs, but at every slight provocation, she reminds me that i am not doing enough for her financial needs. The problem is, i don't see a way of meeting her expectation unless i give up those big ones (which directly affects her and increase the family's chance of doing better). People who have found themselves in this situation, please share how you handled it. It'd really help me resolve it without making a mistake. Thanks

Draw up a family budget based on your family income taking some of her needs into consideration, show her the budget n both of u shld agree on it n stick to it.

If she complains assure her things will get better by d time she starts working

If she disturbs u further after all these abt her needs then tell her to her face dt she is extremely selfish n stand ur ground

Btw borrowing for consumption is bad economics dnt let his lady make u a perpetual debtor, live within ur means

A woman can easily frustrate or kill a man ie if d man wants to satisfy all their wants which they call needs

Develop a goat ears

The challenge of marrying a student. Thats why it is always good to empower your wife as soon as you are married. This goes a long way to calm you down.

If she really loves u,she will understand the fact that u are really trying to make things right and not complain until u have enough and u are not able to take care of those her needs.a good wife who loves her husband wldnt add to her husband's stress,what happens if she looks for something small and be doing pending when she gets something big that just sit at home and complain about how u are not taking care of her..what kind if wife is she anyways?

Next time she complain,tell her if she can't understand that the money is not there now she shld kindly go back to her father's house before she kills u before ur time.

That's why I will marry cos of love so I will have the heart to help my husband no matter how little.doesn't she feel ur pain for her to start nagging about the things u are not doing for her?

Needadvice:
I am married with no kids yet. I am a professional, but my work does not pay much. Because of that, my family had to put up with the little that i come home with at the end of every month. It pains me that in the face of many domestic needs begging for attention, i only can do little. In order for us to cope, i resorted to the common man economic tool - scale of preference. I give priority to those the family consider capital projects and attend to the others after. This method however has not appealed to my dear wife. She acknowledged that we go for the big financial tasks, but at the same time argues that i have not been given her chunk of money for her needs. It's undoubtedly true that every wife needs monetary tips to attend to her private needs, i don't know exactly how to achieve that from my little salary without sealing off the so-called big projects. At the moment, she just finished Uni and awaiting NYSC. So, she hasn't started doing something yet even though we have a plan for that. Few months ago, she started agitating for change of our accommodation which i gave in to, because truly that was long overdue. I borrowed some money which we are still paying with interest. I am working on starting a small business for her (before the NYSC next March) and i am also planning to pay (half) of the school fees which her Uni mandated us to pay as part of her clearance for the service, but still we are at loggerheads because i wasn't able to leave out some big cash with her. Being at home, i attended to her basic needs (not all though) and promised her i would arrange to be paying some stated amount from my salary as soon as we are cleared off our debts and pressing needs, but at every slight provocation, she reminds me that i am not doing enough for her financial needs. The problem is, i don't see a way of meeting her expectation unless i give up those big ones (which directly affects her and increase the family's chance of doing better). People who have found themselves in this situation, please share how you handled it. It'd really help me resolve it without making a mistake. Thanks

I have never understood why a couple gets married when they don't have sufficient income to at least live comfortably in the early years. Could you both not have waited till she got a job? Why do you feel this obligation to meet her needs and wants? Is that what you promised before she agreed to marry you?

It sounds like you are going through a lot of emotional trauma because of this situation - you shouldn't make promises you can't keep, even if it had meant losing her. There is a lot of "girls like money" but there are also a lot of guys pandering to whims they can't afford. You want to open a business for her, you married her before NYSC, etc, etc. Did you also foot the wedding and pay for her degrees? Should the progression not be

Girl goes to school
Girl gets a job
Girl gets married

This putting the cart before the horse is causing a lot of poverty. Add children into the mix and a life of financial comfort becomes even more elusive. As a professional, you should be educated enough to have a budget. From that budget, you would have known what is practical and affordable. Tell yourself the truth and tell your girl too.

Marriage should not lead to financial strain, especially in the early days. If you want to get married and one income is not enough to sail the boat, stay at the dock till things improve. If either of you moves onto someone else, so be it. What is yours is yours, don't get desperate.

I just thank God you don't have kids yet because they would been an added financial burden. What you need to do now is lay out your cards and tell her you simply can't afford these expenses and you both need to tighten your belts. If you married a woman that loves you, that should not be hard to do. If you didn't. . . . . . . . that is another epistle. Best wishes!

Hopefully, someone else learns from your story. Prevention is better than cure.

Tell you what to do?

Well you already laid your bed oga, you either look for job #2 in order to satisfy wify's needs OR she gets herself an elementary school teaching job and contribute to your little family of TWO! Two heads are better than one.

What is your problem now? Marrying an undergraduate without any financial stability.

What's the rush?

Can you kindly explain what the 'big project' is all about cos that might be the issue. 2ndly is she a part of the 'big project'

Waiting for nysc is not an excuse. She should find something to do.
The way you describe her. Almost like a child.
Mtchew.
Someone getting married should know it comes with responsibility. Not waiting for one person to do it all.

You need more cash flow. You can't continue like this and hope things change. You borrow to invest and not to get a bigger accommodation or feeding.

You've got to be practical and disciplined. You should have sorted all these out as a man before getting married. Or you should have married to improve your conditions and not compound it.

Marriage should be a place of security,bliss and all positives you can think of and not patch patch.

If you don't sit your wife down and teach her financial management she would run both of you underground. Be the man and take the hard decisions for the greater good. Goodluck.

Needadvice:
Wonderful counsels. Mskrisx, thanks for your great insights. You melted my conscience, providing a hope i so much cherished. Opeace, Freedom4Biafra was right. I and wifey made a vow never to let the third party in. That's what marriage course thought me during pre-wedding preparations. Not even my own relations nor in-laws will get a wind of how we are running the family. It was a firm decision we v made. As an adult, i v seen marriages went in to flames because the couples opened the door to third party. We 'd make our mistakes, settle them and grow in wisdom to handle issues better.

Please work on your grammar. It is terrible.

tellwisdom:
Bro, you'd better ignore her rant and take it easy with yourself and financial capability before you crash beyond repair....You carry woman matter for head like dandruff

Op, take this advice.


And, when next your wife nags about money again, remind her, show her women who takes financial responsibility of their home.