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Some Dry Joke For You by biggerboyc(m): 11:17am On Nov 02, 2015 |
Husband buys 5 of the same color of pants for his wife. WIFE: Ah! Same color? People will think i don't change my panties. HUSBAND Which people? SON: Mom, grandma is so annoying, I wish she will just die. MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that will die not mine MOM: junior, pls bring water 4 me from the fridge Akpos: mom, to drink? MOM: no, to change to wine. Useless child" Man: Baby, i love you, would you marry me? Woman: (stands up and gave him a stinging slap on his face) I have waited more than 12yrs, i have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought books and listened to tapes, even went on my way to be nice to specie of marriageble age! I took up new hobbies, watching football and playstation. I went to House on the Rock, MFM, Christ Embassy, Living Faith, Redeemed and presently at Winners looking everywhere for you, I went from a size 16 to size 10, so that when you see me, you will love what you see. I left lagos to abuja, then i left to portharcourt, then i went all the way to kano. I joined hi-five, from hi-five to facebook, from facebook to twitter, I even had a blog on which i rented, hoping you will show up!! I uploaded only my best pictures on facebook, infact i took photo sessions to look my best!!! I attended all the weddings, whether the invitation was direct or indirect! The next place i was hoping to check was the moon, before you crawled out from the door directly to me!! So it was you all dis while?? The neighbor i say hello to every morning!! Were you trying my faith You almost rendered my prayer life useless!! What were u waiting for What sign were you looking for?? Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself? Now be a gentleman, get down on your kneels and put the ring on my finger!!! The guy replied, "APRIL FOOL" BIBLE QUIZ Q: who is judas? Akpos: a farmer and vegetarian. Q: why? Akpos: becos judas eats carrot. Q: where is judas from? Akpos: Nigeria. Q: which tribe? Akpos: igbo. Q: why? Akpos: becos he loves money. Q: what is Lazarus surname? Akpos: Comfort. Q: why? Akpos: becos wen Jesus came to his grave, He shouted "Lazarus Comfort". Q: who are the brothers of Lazarus that climb the tree to see Jesus? Akpos: Aki n Popo. Q: why? Akpos: because he is a short man. Q: complete this bible quote, "many are called but..." Akpos: many are called but few have the credit to call back. AKPOS THE SMART DRIVER..? Akpos, who survived in a tragic accident which rendered 50 people dead at Lagos-Ibadan Express Way was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation. Luckily for him, the police officer incharge is his friend Johnny. Here is the Interrogation: POLICE: Mr Akpos, how did you end up killing 50 people? AKPOS: I was driving at 150km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed, so I had to make a choice, either hit the two men or run into the wedding party.... POLICE: Hit the two men of course to reduce Casualties! AKPOS: Exactly, we think alike oooh! But after hitting one, the other man escaped into the wedding party. POLICE: So, what did you do? AKPOS: I went after him to balance the equation...But unfortunately, people lost their lives in the process. STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question? TEACHER: Yes! STUDENT: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge? TEACHER: I don't know. STUDENT: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question! TEACHER: Ok, ask. STUDENT: How to put a donkey inside the fridge? TEACHER: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. STUDENT: No sir, You just open the fridge take out the elephant and put it in. TEACHER: Ooh...ok!! STUDENT: Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be? TEACHER: The lion of course! Because it wud eat all the animals. STUDENT: No sir, it is the donkey becoz it's still inside the fridge. TEACHER: Are you kidding me? STUDENT: No sir, 1 last question. TEACHER: Ok! STUDENT: If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you? TEACHER: There's no way, I would need a boat to cross. STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion's birthday party.... TEACHER..i have my own question,if all the students come to school except one person, who is the person.. STUDENT.No idea sir.. TEACHER..its u because you are on two weeks suspension... GIRLFRIEND: Hello oooo dearie!!!! KWAME: Hi. GIRLFRIEND: What happened? KWAME: Nothing. GIRLFRIEND: No, say na, what happened? You look unhappy. KWAME: I will ask you something now and you have to tell me the truth. Will you? GIRLFRIEND: Okay, ask. KWAME: Who is Joseph? He likes all your profile pictures and even your status updates on facebook. Who the hell is he? GIRLFRIEND: Please don't say anything about him. KWAME: Is he your ex-boyfriend? Are you still in love with him? GIRLFRIEND: Why would I love him. You are my only love. KWAME: Then, is he your brother? GIRLFRIEND: No, no. Not like that. KWAME: Then who the hell is he for Christ's sake? GIRLFRIEND: Shall we talk about something else? KWAME: So you are hiding something from me? You have that much close relationship with him. He's so much important to you, right? GIRLFRIEND: If I disclose the secret you will definitely scold me. KWAME: I'm getting irritated now. Don't test my patience. GIRLFRIEND: Pleasssssseeee! KWAME: If you don't tell me, I will break up with you right now! GIRLFRIEND: Okay, I will tell you. But promise me that you won't scold me, okay? KWAME: Okay. GIRLFRIEND: Ermmmm, that is my fake profile, if no one likes my pictures, I like my pictures through that account and also post comments like beautiful, hot, sexy, nice one, etc. |
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