He wasn’t always like this. He was a complete gentleman. I couldn’t have asked for more even in my wildest imagination. Tunde was an emblem of manhood. He was a composite man, a true lover- master of skills, romance with superior intellect. Tunde handled life with some kind of incredible wisdom, always taking responsibility regardless of circumstances. He never limited influence to geography- a quality that actually attracted me to him. For me that’s a hallmark of moral excellence and superior character.

He would come to my aunt’s super market in those days to shop for a few household items and while paying his bills, he would glance at me with a suggestive smile. “How are you today” was the phrase that usually follows his smile. Clearly he was a successful bachelor. His looks were just as pulchritudinous as his demeanour. Tunde was a tall, dark and handsome young man in his late 20s. He’s got a dashing charisma and great physique adorable enough to trip almost any lady. Tunde was amazingly committed to his faith and served earnest in the media department in his local assembly. As a professional computer scientist, he was well vast and extremely dexterous in his career. At some point I blushed over him even though I felt shy to admit it.

Soon, we became friends just as expected and from there, things advanced. We got really serious. Tunde was what I had always wanted as a partner. I figured we would make a great couple together. I loved him and I was convinced he loved me too. Sooner than expected, Tunde proposed to me and asked me to be his wife. It was the best feeling ever. I couldn’t consider the thought to say no. I couldn’t even hide the excitement. I suddenly felt this unusual euphoria but I loved the feeling anyway. YES!!! I will marry you, I exclaimed loudly. I could remember the scenario clearly in my head. The expression on his face was next to none. He was as excited as I was as we both emotionally stared at each other. The moment I said yes to him, he quickly but gently gabbed my left hand and passionately placed a ring on my ring finger. Tunde has a unique sense of class and style and so was the ring with which he engaged me.

Tunde didn’t waste further time in seeing my family to declare his intentions. My parents loved him but I think my mum loved him more. He reminds me of your father when he first came to ask my hand in marriage, my mum would say. As for my dad, He was just a placid veteran who wants the best for his family and apparently, Tunde impressed him enough. I was given out in marriage to Tunde and it was indeed a solemnisation of holy matrimony.

The first few years of marriage were great, full of splendor and bliss. We are blessed with four girls- Shalom, Esther, Abigail and Miya. As a husband, Tunde was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me. He loved me with reckless abandonment. He made me enjoy the beauty of marriage. Tunde would say I love you a thousand times before the end of each day. That alone inspired my womanhood. He was an emblem of wisdom, strength and vigour. A man amazingly committed to his vows and responsibilities.


As a father, Tunde was a super parent. His knowledge in parenting and his relationship with our kids was a formidable experience. The girls took pride in their father as a hero and mentor. Tunde was so fond of our kids and would not hesitate to get them whatever was necessary. He invested so much in their total development. He would always call Miya his second wife being that she is the last child. He manages to discipline our kids with so much love yet never biased in rebuking them when necessary. He was obviously better at parenting than I was.

In August 2010, precisely 10 years of marriage, things got sour. Cute became ugly in an instant. Tunde became a completely different man. He lost every regard for the family. Not even the kids could relate to him anymore. My husband has become a terrorist in his own house. Every single moment became an almost dreadful experience with Tunde. He gets critical and judgemental at every given occasion. He became irritated by every little thing. At some point he despised his own children. Tunde lost interest in everything we shared and hold so dear including our kids. The girls couldn’t even recognize their daddy anymore. This was a fibre I never saw in him. Tunde has now become the kind of man I never wanted to marry. My angel has turned into a beast because of his desperation for a male child. His critical concern and worry was that I could not give him a male child even after 10 years of marriage. How could Tunde suddenly start to think like this? What could have happened to my lovely husband? Did he choose to throw his education and sound mind away because of popular assertions or is there another side to his concern?

Wait a minute; I thought the knowledge of genetic has made it clear that a man is responsible for the sex of his children. In genetics, there is something called chromosome- a structure in the cell nucleus that carries genetic information in form of gene (the unit of hereditary that is transferred from a parent to offspring). A woman has two X chromosome (XX) inherited from both parents and a man has a Y chromosome and an X chromosome (XY) inherited from both parents. A child’s sex is determined at the time of conception. A chromosome from the sperm cell of the man, either X or Y chromosome fuses with the X chromosome of the egg cell of the woman. This set the basis of sex determination in humans. So to be genetically female, a child needs to be XX while to be genetically male, a child needs to be XY. Since the woman already has X chromosome by default, she will require either a X chromosome from the man in which case the resulting offspring will be a female (XX) or a Y chromosome from the man in which case the resulting offspring will be a male child (XY). It is the Y chromosome produced by the man that is essential for the development of a male child and so with no Y chromosome, there is only the possibility of a female child. This is because of the presence of the sex determining region of the Y chromosome otherwise called the SRY gene.

If anyone is to be blamed therefore between Tunde and me, it should be Tunde. A woman in most cases is just at the receiving end producing whatever she is being given. You give her a house, she gives you a home. You give her love, she gives you peace, you give her attitude and she gives you trouble. You give her trouble she makes it double. You give her sperm she gives you a child. You give her a Y chromosome she gives you a male child. You marry another wife, she sends you to your early grave period!

Although science has vindicated me, my trouble continues however because society has insisted on convicting me even though I have no fault. Nobody is judging Tunde. Nobody is even considering the fact that the problem of not having a male child could have been his fault. Some family and folks have even advice he takes a second wife and that he has heeded. It is bad enough that my husband and I have no male children but more frustrating for me because I then have to compete with another woman as a mate. As long as African thinking is concerned, the problem just has to be the woman. Tradition has defined the man by default to be a perfect being and must not submit to any form of reasoning that suggests to him that he is not entirely superior. African men have become a dictator with little or no regard for their wives.

Why do African men really get married anyway? Is it because of love and companionship or because of societal obligation to do so at a particular stage? Is it because they need someone in form of a wife to satisfy their various needs or is it because of children particularly male children? That however will remain a symposium discussion. My husband abandoned his knowledge of science and sound doctrine even as a computer scientist and allowed African thoughts and philosophy to overwhelm his thinking faculty. The African society has to be silly, naive and ignorant to think that a woman must be subservient to a man in all ramifications. Come to think of it, are female children evil children? What’s even wrong with being a female? But then, this is my story………

http://www.edoborosasere.com/how-my-husband-and-his-african-traditions-ruined-my-life/