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Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? - Family - Nairaland

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Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by lizzyA(f): 8:36am On May 18, 2009
My husband told me dat he will allow me 2 be in total charge of my salary if i can tell him wat i want 2 use money for apart frm sendind money 2 my folks or doing my monthly personal shopping,and i told him dat,i might want 2 buy a land and start building my own house and he said its only a woman dat has d plan 2 divorce in d future dat needs 2 build her own personal house since d husband has a house already,my question now is, 


is it proper 4 a woman to build her own house,if her husband have one already.

or wat can a woman do wit her salary dat makes sense apart frm buying clothes.PLS DONT MIND MY BAD TYPING AM JUST LEARNING,GOD BLESS.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by oluwafemi113(m): 9:06am On May 18, 2009
@ poster I don`t see any thing bad in a woman using her money to build a house, To my own point of view what ever you have we still be long to your children at last, so ma try to let your husband understand that as he`s making a good plan for the children you are also making a plan for them as well, is for the progress of the family, I see noting bad in that
save
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by davidt(m): 9:13am On May 18, 2009
I do not see anything wrong with it. I'm curious though. Why do you want to build a house? If you are looking for things to spend money on, why don't you invest your money most likely in shares.

1 Like

Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by unfaded(m): 9:28am On May 18, 2009
sure, you can but its important you get the support of your husband
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by oluwafemi113(m): 9:34am On May 18, 2009
davidt:

I do not see anything wrong with it. I'm curious though. Why do you want to build a house? If you are looking for things to spend money on, why don't you invest your money most likely in shares.

am not in support of that, to build a house we be the best
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by charminme(f): 9:41am On May 18, 2009
This is one of the reasons why some women dont tell their husbands things like this
LAND/HOUSE is the best investment, it increase and does not depreciate
My sister, the way ur husband sounds makes me think he does not want u to have one and he will not support u
If there is a way for u to do it at his back then try and tell him thereafter (if u want to)
I knw of a woman that was in ur shoe and later on the husband was mean to her, u wnt believe that the house she had was her only support now
There is nothing wrong in having ur house, not to live there but to invest in ur childrens future
Pls be SMART
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by lizzyA(f): 9:42am On May 18, 2009
i dont really like shares becos it depreciate atimes but lands do appreciate,if am not wrong.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by vivaladiva(f): 9:45am On May 18, 2009
welll in an undeveloped country like nigeria, yes houses n land appreciate, but certainly not in the uk,,,,as the credit cunch has shown
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by kayc33(m): 9:47am On May 18, 2009
sure woman!
y not?
if u'v got the doe, carry on
i dey your back grin
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by Nobody: 9:49am On May 18, 2009
charminme:

This is one of the reasons why some women dont tell their husbands things like this
LAND/HOUSE is the best investment, it increase and does not depreciate
My sister, the way ur husband sounds makes me think he does not want u to have one and he will not support u
If there is a way for u to do it at his back then try and tell him thereafter (if u want to)
I knw of a woman that was in ur shoe and later on the husband was mean to her, u wnt believe that the house she had was her only support now
There is nothing wrong in having ur house, not to live there but to invest in ur childrens future
Pls be SMART

Please abeg, don't spoil this womans marriage. You are advising her to do this behind him? When yawa gas, you wont be there to help her.
@Poster: Theres nothing wrong in building a house. But your house should be with your hubby and family. Tell him you just want to invest in real estate or something, and that you aren't planning on getting a divorce. I have issues with the whole 'controlling your salary' thing, but each marriage is unique I guess,
Good luck!
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by toshacer: 9:51am On May 18, 2009
Does your hubby have a house of his own b4 you got married? If not, then put your money and his money together and build a house for both of you. simple.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by lizzyA(f): 9:55am On May 18, 2009
i am not talking about uk,am talking about having something in nigeria,there is no place like home.My husband said whenever i have money wit me,there is always trouble in d house,dat a woman shouldnt have d same thing wit a man,dats competition,he said i might not respect him again,which is not true.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by essentialB(f): 9:58am On May 18, 2009
Lizzy, your idea is quite good but let your husband be involved in it. And to douse his fears the land and house documents should bear your names ie Mr and Mrs. The house will be very useful for both of you and your husband at old age. It will more or less be ur pension and u may not have to depend entirely on ur children for upkeep.


I dont so much subscribe to the idea of building houses for the benefit of children because it may cause very big disagreement and rancour between them in future. The best you can do for your children is give them the best of education. On that you can open children education account for each of your child. The money will be usefull to them in future. I have an uncle who has been able to save over two million on each of his children's education account. Such accounts yield interest too.

My elder sister opened account for her children in first bank and the bank says that no money can be withdrawn from the account till each of the child is 18 yrs. I know that by the way she is faithfull in saving the money each child will have not less that 5 million in that account at 18 yrs of age.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by lizzyA(f): 9:59am On May 18, 2009
yes,he has his own house,is not even one but he made me 2 have dis idea of starting something like dat too but he always said dat am too young 2 start thinking of a house.Dat all i need is too dedicate all to our relationship but his anger do scare me atimes.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by toshacer: 10:00am On May 18, 2009
lizzy A:

i am not talking about uk,am talking about having something in nigeria,there is no place like home.My husband said whenever i have money wit me,there is always trouble in d house,dat a woman shouldnt have d same thing wit a man,dats competition,he said i might not respect him again,which is not true.

I know u r talking abt Naija - beside I know women who gives money to the hubby to develop properties in Nigeria, this is marriage we are talking about, whatever you have is for him, whatever he has is for you, whatever you do, dont do it without his consent, you two have now become one.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by amebono13: 10:00am On May 18, 2009
lizzy A:

i am not talking about uk,am talking about having something in nigeria,there is no place like home.My husband said whenever i have money wit me,there is always trouble in d house,dat a woman shouldnt have d same thing wit a man,dats competition,he said i might not respect him again,which is not true.

does your husband live on this planet earth  


seriously its only a kid that will say a thingy like dis, no insult intended undecided

all this men and their insecurities
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by ebila(m): 10:05am On May 18, 2009
Madam,
I understand how u feel! But let me tell u something,if it is ok for a woman to work,then it is ok for her to build her house.Any woman who wants to leave her husband will do it anyway,regardless of whether she has her own house or not.U and ur hubby just need to have an understanding.For someone like me,if i get married and my wife works,it is going to be her business wot she does with her money,all i know is i am responsible for her,so she won't even have to use her money on herself,not on cloths or anything else,cos i'm goin to make provision for that,afterall,i'm her husband!So just try & explain to ur husband that u're not thinkin of leavin him,re-assure him that u're his forever and he'll understand.And one more thing,the house u build,will it not be u & ur husbands property?Didn't they say man & wife r one?
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by charminme(f): 10:08am On May 18, 2009
wavemasta:

Please abeg, don't spoil this womans marriage. You are advising her to do this behind him? When yawa gas, you wont be there to help her.
@Poster: Theres nothing wrong in building a house. But your house should be with your hubby and family. Tell him you just want to invest in real estate or something, and that you aren't planning on getting a divorce. I have issues with the whole 'controlling your salary' thing, but each marriage is unique I guess,
Good luck!

Bros! who says i want to spoil someones marriage
Some MEN are not worth calling husband, they dnt want the success of their wives
IF she has such husband then she go by my advice, but IF he is trully understanding then let him understand and pasuade him more
there is absolutely nothing like doing things together, but with some BEAST nahhhh
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by AmAlone: 10:22am On May 18, 2009
Madame, abeg do business!
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by Nobody: 11:03am On May 18, 2009
are u feeling insecure in ur marriage ?

if yes go ahead and do the damn thing!
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by oludashmi(f): 11:04am On May 18, 2009
There is ABSOLUTELY nothing bad in that, what matters most is that your husband should be aware as long as you remain a couple.No one knows tomorrow, pls build your house.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by LadyT(f): 11:04am On May 18, 2009
Isnt this the husband who beats the shit out of you?
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by lizzyA(f): 11:10am On May 18, 2009
That was before,no more beating atleast for d main time becos our shifts is diff so we dont see each other frequently,he has been on night shift while i have been on morning shift.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by Nobody: 11:12am On May 18, 2009
There’s nothing wrong with a woman building a house. What’s wrong is the way you made it sound ‘your own house’. You are married now and nothing you do is for you alone. It’s your family, and that includes your husband. Building a house is a very good investment. It’s also a good dream which you won’t regret in the future no matter what. But you have to do it with your husband. You guys have to work together at it.

I bet the only reason he objected is because you were making the plans without carrying him along. That’s wrong. He’s still the head of the home and your husband. And even if you pay for the house, he’s still in charge of it. So my advice to you? Build a house, but not without your husband’s consent and support.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by mafolayomi(f): 11:14am On May 18, 2009
I use to think that for a woman to build her own house is not good, but after sometime, i realised its not a bad idea atall. i know of a woman that bulit her own house and never slept there for a day, she lived in her husband house throughout her life time.
But after her death and dat of her husband the children are now in charge of the two houses.
Its not a bad idea atall, but it depends on the wife's aim regards such action
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by amebono13: 11:22am On May 18, 2009
oh the foolish guy is a wife beater

nonsense
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by oludashmi(f): 11:22am On May 18, 2009
LadyT:

Isnt this the husband who beats the shit out of you?

lizzy A:

That was before,no more beating atleast for d main time becos our shifts is diff so we dont see each other frequently,he has been on night shift while i have been on morning shift.

Frm what I just read, I will advise that you pls build the house.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by cescjay(m): 11:36am On May 18, 2009
i dont see anytin wrong in u buildin ur own house even when married.The only problem is the pride of ur husband.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by showbobo(m): 11:57am On May 18, 2009
Your Idiosyncratic husband is supposed to be proud of you for coming up with such idea. . . . Most ladies lavish money on material things rather than build a house. . . I learnt he even beats you like ASHO OFI. . . . . Wake Up from slumber and do what you have to do before its too late undecided
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by garfields(m): 12:00pm On May 18, 2009
Lizzy, your idea is quite good but let your husband be involved in it. And to douse his fears the land and house documents should bear your names ie Mr and Mrs. The house will be very useful for both of you and your husband at old age. It will more or less be ur pension and u may not have to depend entirely on ur children for upkeep.


I dont so much subscribe to the idea of building houses for the benefit of children because it may cause very big disagreement and rancour between them in future. The best you can do for your children is give them the best of education. On that you can open children education account for each of your child. The money will be usefull to them in future. I have an uncle who has been able to save over two million on each of his children's education account. Such accounts yield interest too.

My elder sister opened account for her children in first bank and the bank says that no money can be withdrawn from the account till each of the child is 18 yrs. I know that by the way she is faithfull in saving the money each child will have not less that 5 million in that account at 18 yrs of age.

You have said it all.

@Madam poster,to me there is nothing to heed from others that should go contrary to this wonderful and God sent piece of advice.If you truely love your husband you will do what pleases him.I believe as  hobbies you shouldn`t do anything that doesn`t seem right to either of you.Both of you own each other and shouldn`t do anything that looks suspicious and/or selfish. Like she rightly said let your husband be involved that means let your husband see good reasons.If not, think of other wonderful things to do for the family.Things like investing in/for your children.

This is my own point of view and you can read meaning to it depending your disposition concerning your motive. Ask yourself the question "the house i want to build is it for us"? It must be Mr & Mrs`s house as far as you are a couple.
Re: Is It Proper For A Woman To Build Her Own House? by SamMilla1(m): 12:08pm On May 18, 2009
There is nothing bad in a woman building a house.
But bear in mind that all these people giving you advices up there live in different societies with different cultures and different way of seeing things.

A lot of girls will tell you to go ahead and build your house whether your husband like it or not.
Do some research and you will be surprised to know that 99.9% of those girls are not married or are divorced.
Now that is a situation you dont want , trust me, No matter who you are.
In the UK, US, EU, you can easily build your house even with little approval from your husband.

In places like Nigeria, I wanna ask you where you want to build the house?
Your Fathers place or your Husbands place?

Ok, on neutral ground, cute.
If its gonna be a commercial building for renting, nice .
The little advice i have for you is to be very careful unless you have prepared yourself for a sudden divorce.
Which will be bad for you and your children if you already have any.
Women can always do whatever they want with men who understands them.
But You must as a matter of fact accept the fact that someone is The head of the family and that is why his SURNAME is being used instead of yours.
It is just the REALITY and like they said, power goes to the head sometimes.
Before you dig any foundation to build anything, even a henhouse, make sure your husband is in complete agreement

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