This life is sweet, and all that is fun should be ravished without waiting for the right time. That right time speech sucks. This used to be my thoughts, I'm Joshua the guy who is about to tell you one chapter from his learn it the hard way life.


So I've been wanting to experience this club thing, to have lots of fine fine babes around me, all smiling and wanting to have fun with me. But the day I asked pupsy for approval way hint to the matter na the day I was reminded that though my parents are more adapted to the foreign system dem still be Nija oh.

Everybody in our family and even the gateman heard about it that day from the bitting and raucous voice of my father. “Useless boy! Nwa nmebi"


When I came outside even the gateman was shaking his head and muttering to himself, or more to me “chia this small boy done spoil,”

Even sister Nkechi and aunty bimbola. It was infuriating. What was bad in having fun, or going to such places? From the videos I was privileged to watch on my phone or TV when Pupsy and Mumsy no dey around, it was a place to dance with lots of sweet girls, meet celebrities like Cynthia Morgan, Phyno and even Badoo. That's if you're lucky... Abi this people no want ma enjoy my own life?

Since that day way I open my mouth talk to pale as man to man, or father to son. My house had become my own personal hell oh, I con turn most hunted. Wherever I go I must be timed, and the reason for leaving must be stated.

One day e verse me so tay I almost fight with the gateman if not for Aunty Bimbo and mummy, who took me in and gave me those mostly infuriating elderly advice.

Aunty Bimbo was intolerable for me that day oh as she lambasted me with all her “spoilt brat” “Your mate” and other pickup lines that ended up with the topic "you shouldn't have fun in your life" or so I thought at the time.

We are reading

Mummy, contrary to Aunty's method was totally calm and understanding... She told me things I didn't want to hear, like “My pride, my Joy, when an elder tells you not to do this, listen to them for they know why." "You're still too young to go there, plus I won't advice you to go to such places even when you become a grown up man" "you should focus on your education and seek fun in the birthday parties, marriage parties and the other parties you are allowed to attend. that's the real fun,"

For the sake she was calm and motherly as she always was, which is sweet if I may add, I pretended to listen and na wetin help me succeed in my next plan.

As oluwa may have it, when I went to school the next day I heard one of my friends talking about going to a night party , and that sounded like a club to me. I was excited even before asking him to carry me along.

When Felix saw me approaching. Yea Felix na em name, he was confused by the big smile on my face, I know say if I fit look myself for mirror I go resemble person way win lottery, but YES I did! Or at the time I thought so.

“Joshua,” he called while smiling back, the rest of my classmate that where in his chat group, who mostly were girls! Girls oh! Turned to look me up, “This one way you dey smile like person way win award, what's up?"

"Nothing bro,” we exchanged greetings with the hand thing, “This one you guys are all over him what's the news?" I turned to the girls. Some of them smiled, laughed, while some just eyed me, one even asked jokingly or mockingly, "E concern you?"

“Well if you put it that way, no"

“Abeg Felix come make we talk," I snatched my lottery ticket away from his companions to a distance we won't be heard easily. And quickly I told him what was on my mind.

“Felix I heard you say you were going to a night party,"

“Yap,"

“I fit follow you? House dey boring throughout this week and I just dey find where I go go way dey really lively,"

“You go fit cater for yourself?" He asked me.

“you mean money?"

you mean money?"

“Yup, and party attire,"

“The two no be problem bro, ah abi you think say I poor?"

"No.. Lol Nna Joshua you funny," we both made small laughs, “which time?"

“Around six na em I go begin go, but we fit from school go my house,"

“Joshua come and snap me, Joshua," I heard her before I saw. Miss beauty pageant of our school, Annabella. She was my first crush in school before I found out she was a forbidden fruit, having had a bf for herself already. But any time I dey around her I get enchanted by her character and pulchritude

I nodded my acceptance to Felix before Annabella dragged me along, and so my mind was ready. You can't imagine how happy and satisfied I felt inside once I had finished talking with Felix. The happiness even make me self I know know when I begin dey snap 10 to 12 picture of Misses selfie and I, so tey Even our fellow students come dey tag us selfie Queen and King. Lol


And when I checked the picture we snapped together, na only oluwa make I no ask her hand in marriage at that moment so we could be together. Plus say I still day 17 I never reach to marry.

Finally we parted ways, I headed home with my heart over joyed. Finally I would see a real club and join in all the jollification! Chai God bless Felix!

But I should have known.... Parents, in the matter of life, are always wiser. Chai!

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Chai...i myself is pitying u b4 u pity yourself

Sorry naira landers can't post it today. For busy preparing for exams against tomorrow. By God's grace would post tomorrow

Ehe, so as early as four am the next day I got awoken by the alarm I had set the previous day in other for me to execute my plans for the next day. Gosh even as I woke I could still fill the excitement flowing within me. Ah how e day sweet to do bad things

I, without wasting time bent down beside my bed and prayed for the day ahead even putting my clubbing activity inside the prayer self make baba God forgive me in advance, and give me better jollification. As soon as i was done I initiated the next phase of my plan which was to gain some extra muscle way i go use entice dem babes wella.

The exercise I engaged in involved press up(for intimidating chest plate and nice arms), seat up (for magic six packs) and jogging for fitness. Lol, i no say e day funny now, but that time nothing day funny about am oh, all I could see ahead was babes smiling and fluttering eyelashes for me in admiration and the guys acknowledging.

we will see

30 minutes later I was done with the emergency exercise, my strained muscles were all sore and l was sweating profusely. Truly Na that day way I realise say all this exercise way dem day do for TV no day as easy as dem day do am oh. I know how many times I almost thought of quiting, the only thing that kept me going na the imagination way my head been give me: all the fine fine babes way the extra packs go entice. Chai vanity...

After collapsing on the floor from the lost of energy and sore muscles, and later getting up to flex those sore muscles I quickly headed for a shower. as soon as I was done with shower it was time to put to action the most crucial part of my plan: getting the outfit needed for the night clubbing activity set.

By 5:30 later that morning I done do every every finish and was now sitting on my bed with my phone beside me while I waited for family activites to begin in the house, and for 7am to click, which was Mr Emeka's house, official work related departure hour. I was frustrated of our laws.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up to see one message from Nkechi whatsapp, she had woken up and decided to send me a “Good morning boy” chai see word "boy" I no blame her shall.. Um, sorry, Nkechi was ma whatsapp girl at the time, so was Tamara, and sweet niyola.

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I quickly texted her “ehe ma pickin" with a smirk emoticon just to get on her nerves. The thunder way person day call a knock on the door strike my heart with fear and I almost jump, but as a big boy way in few hours go dey swim in a river of sweet alluring and radient fermenine bodies I Gaz to calm down. ”who? Is it morning devotion?"

“Yes! Come to the sitting room now," the voice was that of Nkechi my big sister.


Shey una no how God dey use style give us sign say wetin we wan do no good and we go say na ordinary mistake, and continue? I believe the same thing happened to me, how did I ever forget that I never dress this early for school? This almost ruined my plan for me.

As soon as Mumsy and Pupsy saw me, they thought I must be an alien invading their home and their son had travelled to Jupiter. When I insisted it was me, omo you need to see the 120 Q&A I was obliged to answer just to calm down their suspicion.

But finally finally just like superman and those other hero's, I came out victorious.

Now it was time to face destiny, Phyno Iji oku. And fine babes here I come!

My brothers, that day as soon as I left the house na one annoying thing to another that came colliding with me. From the annoying driver way forget to buy fuel yesterday and only realised this after wasting 10minutes of my time, to the public transport way I enter as alternative: the oversized passengers way God just allow me Make I comday in the middle of, passengers way suppose enter truck instead, to the driver way no day gree do gra gra like other drivers, to the conductor, even the main road follow cast stone for my head with em yeye hold up . Chai God why! Why!

You know its funny how we blame God of our misfortune, and then we forget to thank him for our fortune. Or how we easily thank God for helping us do awful things, which he didn't, but we also forget to be grateful when he helps us achieve good things. May God forgive us.

By the time I finally reach school that day 8am done nark finish, and as I enter lecture hall na so all my course mate day look me with their new found humongous eyes. Abi dem turn to owl with em big iris? Chai see wetin late day cause.

As I located the head of Felix in the hall, sitting among the students in the front row, the rest of the day floated on with, ecstasy as my loyal companion. I was sure as hell that everything I suffered earlier that day was gonna be worth it! Perhaps I was short sighted.

The rest of the day drove past like a speeding bullet and I could hardly register much going on, aside the time Mr festus wale something asked me if I knew the steps involved in calculate infinite differential something, and although I sabi something with high gp of 3.7 I know quickly grasp wetin e bin day ask so you need to imagine how abashed I day wen my mates just day laugh me like craze people and Mr Festus begin day shake head left and right like robot way lose control. Chrim! Notin spoil shall, my evening go better pass their own. I'm sure of it!

Gosh it was around 3pm when I and Felix finally headed off, our lectures had officially ended an hour ago but as we day among our department popular we gaz to maintain our stats by hanging around with our class, and indulging in selfies, plus eateries. Common! It feels good, still feels good as I day police station now. no no no na lie! Oga officer na lie abeg

Well 375 views means I ain't reading alone...

So my silent readers lets play a game.

Can any of you guess what happened and where it happened that landed him in a police cell as bro Joshua mistakenly stated in his write up?

Around 4pm I and felix finally arrived his lodge, a 45minutes ride it was. Unlike what I was expecting he was living in just one room! I know I know, I was surprised too. I mean person go think say with the way he flirts around and kit up he must be living in something more imaginable, a self contain for starters. Not this.

“Come in, it seems there is light and that's good for me, at least I would finally iron my clothes for tonight activity," Felix pulled the door open half way and then pressed his light switch to confirm.

My readers I know no when my mouth went agape as I watched the back of this dude's head, so he is this unprepared, “Nawa for you Felix oh, so u for come go the place with rumpled clothes eh?"

He pulled the door open for me to enter, “Go where with rumpled clothes?"

I could see clearly from Felix face what his answer implied before I even asked for clarification, “the party na, you no for go?"

Inside Felix house was miraculously tidy which was contradictory to the thoughts of him I had allowed to settle in my mind. Although the place was cramped, being a multi purpose room and all.

“if na you, you go like that?" At that moment you need to have witness how grateful I was that NEPA brought light in Felix place or all my efforts through the day in other to go to a club would have been a waste. But right now, I wish there was no light in Felix place that day, till I had taken defeat and opt to leave, although God gave me another sign but guys I was so blind to see it.

immediately Felix brought out his iron from his wardrobe together with his outfit to begin the work of pressing, person come nock on the door oh. And at that time I was angry toward whoever the knocker was. But by the time Felix pulled the door open to reveal Cynthia, a reddish skin girl, who looked like she was crafted out from the quality beauty itself, I lost my conscious self having been projected to an imaginatory scene of her and I in a field of yellow and green grasses, with the sun reflecting so bright that it made her skin glow, like the goddess she was. She wore a silvery sexy gown, that showed her cleavage and ample amount of her thigh through the v cut. And she had on her a star shaped flower of white and green, and to crown it all up she was smiling at me from far calling me to come catch. Oh my God she had sexy dimples on her.

“Jesus!” na the sharp pain way resonate for my left cheek plus the wave way travel into my eardrum na em cause me to shout like this. While I was dreaming I never knew Felix had been making an introduction of who she is and who I'm to the both of us. Though I was embarrassed for being caught, and also angry for what Felix did, the smile, abi na grin, no na laugh.I dunno, what I know is she did one of that and fluttered her eyes flirtatiously, while her cheek grew red. Oh My God she had dimples also! All this caused my hormones to run like gas, and my heart to float. oh baba God thank you! I don find my own gf! Finally!

So, it turned out that my conclusion was misplaced for immediately my nerves calmed down and Cynthia had left, Felix told me who she was: his neighbour, and his own free of charge chef. Plus say she was an aspiring girlfriend. Which one be aspiring girlfriend again?

And to show me a proof, there on the small stool was a coated iron plate with cover, (although already opened) with stew and rice plus three meats that was brought by Cynthia for Felix. Chai and immediately the newly made Jocy ship sank.

Felix further infuriated me when he said he could give her to me when he was done with her. Can you imagine? Abi em think say I be second best kind of guy?

I for even slap am that day if not for the clubbing stuff, which made me remember the clothes. “felix iron the clothes na,"

“Guy I day hungry, make I chop finish. Come make we chaw oh," I no need wait make em tell me a second time, I grabbed the spoon he handed over and began my assault on the food.

When we were done eating and clearing the place, Felix began pressing the clothes. I was happy, and dreamy of how my first clubbing activity would be when the room got dark! I looked up to confirm the nightmare, NEPA had indeed taken the light. Omo C Yawa!!!

Another sign.

It was around 6pm that we finally left Felix house for the club activity. And by that time my phone battery was already at 15% this was due to the numbers of calls I had been receiving from my worried family. After lots of ignoring the call I ended up lying that I went to night vigil in Felix church. And he was the one that helped me form the lie but I knew my father Mr. Emeka would not buy it. If anything he would be trying every means right now to locate Felix house because he knew I don't usually attend the activities in our church talk more of going to someone else's, but na the lie way come up that time. The case just hopeless.

As NEPA took light felix gave up on going, I had to consistently persuade him before he finally rummaged his wardrobe for a new outfit. But clearly I could see he was mainly doing this for me now and not for him. All the signs I should have placed into consideration, but I did not because I was blinded by my goal.

We boarded a bus to Galax bar. Make una know say I no go write out the real name to avoid putting the club owner in unnecessary problems.

next

Are gradually making sense! Come and continue.

Felix was wearing a round hat, like that of Bruno mars, ash in color, a light brown shirt/polo, and an ash trouser which rhymed with the ash foot wear he had on. To me the guy look like Bruno self. Well me, you need not guess I was wearing the rich boys kind, those that rickross would wear: big hoodie that was dark ash in color, with a dark grey Jean, and my foot wear. Simple and I love it.


By the time we reached Galax bar it was almost impossible to suppress my glee, plus I was a bit frightened on what I was about to see once I entered the club. I and Felix crossed the road and headed for the entrance, there in front stood two body builders (men) Felix told me to walk and behave maturely back at his house, so then was the time to put to practice wetin I learn. I bone eh, day talk with felix as we walker they near the entrance. As I say ma pass through the open door one of the men just block our path oh, em come gesture with em hand make we bring out something, me I been think say na money oh, na when I see Felix bring out in I.d card na em I know say na my identification way the guy wan see.

I quickly brought out my student I.d card at least in that one I was sure they wouldn't be able to see my age. After Felix showed his, I did the same. The guy looked at the I.d and then at me, I knew what he was pondering with the frown that looked like a scar on his face ("You sure say this guy done reach to enter here" "Ma gree am?"

"Be fast Scorpio," the other body builder told my now inspector. The guy frowned further before handing me my I.d and stepped aside for me to enter. Hah! Praise God! I released the breath of anticipation that had gathered over time of waiting for the felloe to act reasonable.

Now babes, come to me! Your magnet and worshiper is here!!!!!

Inside the club was like what I have never seen in a normal party, to me it was glamorous, lots of colored lights, people and music. At this section of the club there were seats and some people were seating, gisting and laughing under the loud blast of music. Wow, I was overwhelmed with joy.

As I followed Felix further into the place my eyes never stopped roaming around, staring at the beautiful ladies, the nice hall, and what the people in each table were having, like bear, pepper soup, etcetera. Chai finally pupsy can't stop me from having a drink.

Each table I past some of the angels would stare up, at me either with full smile showing off their teeth, that's I'd they were already laughing, and some we just manage a small smile. Their were those who also winked at me.

Men my heart did not cease to flutter.

Finally we stopped walking, we were at the front role of this section of the club. Before use was an open space that seemed like a place use officially for dancing, this was because of the disco balls that decorated the area, and the few people that came out to dance there. Further upward was a platform that served as a stage of sort. By the right to where we stood. (Diagonally) was a door protected by another bouncer. This seemed to be leading to another section of the club.

It seemed like Felix had already booked us a front role seat because there was an empty table in front. I was about to take a sit when Felix told me not to. Although this got me confused I obliged.

He signalled I should follow him and I did, we both walked toward the other section of the club. At seeing Felix the bouncer turned the door open for him to enter and would have restricted me had Felix not tell him I was with him. It astounded me, till now I still day think say either Felix part ownership of the club or he was a regular customer. Either way I done happy scatter!

Men inside this section na big time things oh. The men way day here eh, including the ladies dem just be big rich niggas. From their attire alone eh. Some day wear animal fur, carry confirm staff and other stuff. As I enter na so I wan die from how the place take day beautiful. Very well decorated, of course colorful lights day, better american chair day, but each group get where they pin. E just day like when you say inside train, each line of chair say separate from another. But here they carry glass demarcate the thing, an men each side way I pass if you see chicks way dem guys just day, day frolic with as dem day do their bis.. Eh I been wan mad.

So I dress big I gat act like one. I con change my steps day walker like confirm done. Felix seemed to be popular in this side as some of the guys would nod at him, and the play thing girls would smile, or sometimes wave at him.

Chai Felix done day enjoy better thing since! Humph...

Finally felix stopped in front of a guy and a woman who were discussing. At seeing him the woman smiled heartily “Felix!" In a sing song tone she called.

We all exchanged hand shakes before we took a seat. The guy and the woman looked uncomfortable after the greetings. On the table before us was a kind of drink I have not seen before, the name of the drink was written on the other side, but the thing looked like honey.