Toyin is my childhood friend, she is two years younger than myself, we were so fond of each other while in primary and secondary school that people including our parents called us husband and wife, I didn't really see any big deal in our relationship other than mere friendship until I completed my National Diploma and was waiting for result for direct entry into the university, I "toasted" her and she agreed to befriend me, she was then at Adeyemi COE Ondo then, we pampered ourselves with love, we agreed there won't be sex until marriage, she was a virgin but I wasn't then, I went to the university while she completed a degree in education at ACE, Ondo, she secured a teaching job while I went back for Masters after my NYSC, I proposed marriage to her at this time but she wasn't seriously disposed to a relationship with me, I tried all I could, she kept talking about me getting a job first, later I realised she was in a relationship with a guy I knew, I asked her, she confirmed it, I felt bad but wished her well since I couldn't do anything, I didn't have any meaningful job apart from home coaching and graduate assistantship/fellowship that fetches so little at the end of each semester, she got married to her hubby, an engineer with our states housing corporation, I completed masters and got a lecturing job in the polytechnic, I got married too
Now fast forward five years later, she now teaches in a secondary school near my institution, she comes around at least thrice a week to my office and her topic is usually her husband, how he's no longer caring, how he dates girls, all manners of things, I have advised her to stop talking about her hubby with third parties and find ways of sorting out their differences to no avail, I tried to avoid her by excuses such as having lectures, workshops etc but she will always come around and wait for me even when I'm not around, she has extended such visits to my house now and my wife seems to be getting along well with her and her stories, I am tired and bored by her issues, please how do I get rid of her without really hurting her, my wife sees her as my childhood friend and a good family friend who should be assisted rather than avoid, she (Toyin) even asked me to talk to her hubby for her and I asked her why not their church pastor or some elders around, her hubby has also been friendly with us even though I sees him as too loud and outgoing for my liking, as a civil engineer, he has been of immense help to us in our building site which is close to their house, but I don't think I can dabble into his family matters, kindly help me on how to handle this issue, thanks.

The only way out is to tell her plain how you feel about the whole issue.
You're not a marriage counsellor. So she should go find one or go to her pastor.

and you discuss both of them with nairaland.

tpiadotcom:
and you discuss both of them with nairaland.

don't mind me jare, my wife said the same thing when I told her about seeking advise on nairaland yesternite, but since no one would know her here, I see nairaland as safe

Pray, because na temptation for fornication be dis oo

I sense regret in her marriage and i just hope she does not have any ulteriort motive in your home.

Don't worry kontinu, very soon u will come here and say nairalanders should help, u want to stop sleeping with her.

** for Christ sake are u a marriage counsellor or a pastor?

Bro this is simple...

Address this or it addresses you. She started with coming to your office, right? And now she visits your home, right? And your wife is being tagged along at this juncture, right?

The only reason your wife is still tagging along is because she is yet to see the threat before her. But alas, if you fail to act right and act now, it's going to hunt you in the long run.

I can obviously see the potential turn-out of this whole ish. If you know what is good for you, stop your wife from having further of such convos with her. As for you, tell her point-blank that she shouldn't bring issues like this to your knowledge henceforth.

The problem with us humans is that we sometimes try to pamper things too much by acting all soft and whatnot. I don't get it why you (a man) should be soft and emotional when it comes to an issue like this that is a potential threat or hazard to your marriage and/or family. Or, don't tell me you ain't wary of what I am saying. If you have not seen it yet then it means you are on a long thing.

Continue to welcome her at your own peril. I can see this won't end well if you continue like this.

Good morning.

Anijay1212:
I sense regret in her marriage and i just hope she does not have any ulteriort motive in your home.

Gbam! Better regret my brother.

You know the trick here? Whether her ulterior motive was pre-conceived or not, the fact remains that if the OP continues with such reception, an ulterior motive is meant to creep in along the line because his actions borders on...

Well, it seems the OP still thinks they are kids (like way back) and hence the too much attachment with her. Else, I wouldn't see the reason why she is finding it easy to plant herself in his life and family.

It's obvious she is living in regrets at this point in time. But should that be your business? Not at all my friend. Be wise!

conquerorsegun:
Pray, because na temptation for fornication be dis oo

Adultery you mean?

Marriage counselor.. Can I bring my marital issues too sir?

dmcdad:

Gbam! Better regret my brother.

You know the trick here? Whether her ulterior motive was pre-conceived or not, the fact remains that if the OP continues with such reception, an ulterior motive is meant to creep in along the line because his actions borders on...

Well, it seems the OP still thinks they are kids (like way back) and hence the too much attachment with her. Else, I wouldn't see the reason why she is finding it easy to plant herself in his life and family.

It's obvious she is living in regrets at this point in time. But should that be your business? Not at all my friend. Be wise!

You nailed it bro.It bothers me that people still abandon their childhood friends that genuinely loved them for total strangers for marriage only to regret later.

Op posters above me have said it all sometimes we have to be plain if u aren't firm in telling her hw u feel dis frienship/relationship might end in regret so I suggest you tell her to seek marriage counseling else where after all you have your own marriage to handle. Too much of closeness makes the heart grow fonder this is someone you once dated pls keep her at arm length .

Op...you better go COLD on her...

''THE CHOICES WE MAKE SEAL OUR FATE''

She made hers...Chose the Engineer Ahead of you...You are even Dim(hiding behind Childhood Friendship...) on this situation or I think your subconcious mind wants to taste her She kinda betrayed/disappointed you last 5years now she wants to make a U-turn back to you even when she knows you are married and all you do is feign ignorance as if you dont know what she wants .

Telling you her husbands sin is a away of telling herself ''My hUSBAND does anyhow with other women, It wont mean anything if we go physical after all its only Natural''

That woman is very Mischievous (yes..i know she has a lovely/innocent face)...becoming close to your wife negates a fellow female suspicion, gives her more/cooler playing field to wreck your shits..


Everybody including you knows how these things end.

IN Another News, OP swear for here say you no want eat that dish that got away.

She likes you and would want to do you some day. But, that day may never come and if it comes, it might land you in dungeon. Let lights guide you.

Brother, I doubt if your wife knows the details of the relationship you had with her..
You know in your heart that the friendship doesn't seem too cool..
Stop listening and don't say a word about her husband/marriage, you can just tell her that every marriage have their difficulties and she should try to talk to someone elderly maybe her parents or someone else close to her..